Absolutely Bananas: Seattle mom blog

If you are vin diesel, CLICK HERE

For today, I thought we could play a little game where we laugh and marvel at the WEIRD STUFF PEOPLE SEARCH FOR that leads them to my blog (the vin diesel edition):

“if you are vin diesel”
Click Here!

“pin in my mouth”
Pin head.

eco friendly way to kill spiders
Um… smash them?

help i have fly at my house
Hello… FLY SWATTER…

how do you make an egg laugh
Tell it a yoke?

funny things your husband says
How about, “I help with house work.” HA HA HA HA HA HA! Good one, honey!

i love gas-x!
ME TOO!!

And finally, the CLASSIC,
if you are vin diesel, yell veri loud

©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

The mystery of the red long johns

You know how sometimes something happens that makes you rub your hands together and laugh with wicked glee?

I had my moment just the other evening.

I was working my way through a massive pile of laundry, when I came to an odd red bundle at the bottom. I pulled it out to have a closer look.

It was red long johns. The full-body kind with the flap in the back…

WHOSE could they be?

The long johns sat there for days as I stewed. WHO could they belong to? I’d never seen them before, and I couldn’t imagine anyone I knew who would wear them.

Finally, one evening, I mention the mystery to Jay.

“They’re mine,” he announces (rather proudly).

I promptly fall out of my chair.

“Yours?!” I stutter and gasp and choke.

He smiles smugly. “They were ON SALE.” he tells me, “I got them for going fishing on the river. They’re really warm. Plus you don’t have to take them off to use the bathroom!”

Yes, I saw that.

“Honey?” I ask, after a couple minutes of stunned silence.

“Yeah?”

“You know that I’m going to have to blog this, right?”

(that’s just the kind of wife I am)

If you’re looking for SUBSTANTIVE blogging, check out my latest entry in the Advice for New Bloggers series, where we’re talking about Blogging Safely. And, if you’re in the Seattle area (or, I don’t know, have your own private airplane), sign up for our Great Wolf Lodge family vacation giveaway (or you can just read about the sordid details of the Banana family’s mini-break in Grand Mound, Washington).

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

Tastes great, less filling

Ever feel like your blog needs a little pizazz… some advertising juice… some slogan magic? I know I DO!

Now there’s hope for the hopelessly uncreative… a new way to add sizzle to your blog… it’s The AUTOMATIC Random Slogan Generator tool (which I discovered thanks to The Bloggess). You and I BOTH know, if it’s automatic, it’s got to be good.

And yes it’s true that a large part of my Friday night was spent clicking the SLOGANIZE button and giggling madly. But then I had a thought. THIS COULD BE SO MUCH MORE FUN! I thought. Each of these gems could be THOROUGHLY ENHANCED with the use of STIMULATING visuals (no, not THAT kind).

I scampered to the basement, hopped on the computer, and wasted several MORE hours to come out with…

ta da!

The Absolutely Bananas Super Bowl ads. (A week late and a dollar short.)

I’ve seen the future and it’s Absolutely Bananas shaped!

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

My gold tooth and how to make the copyright symbol

Yesterday I sat in the dentist’s chair for an hour with my mouth gaping open and came out with a BIG GOLD TOOTH!

This is bling.

I told CJ about my new tooth and his mouth fell open in disbelief. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” he gasped.

I am NOT kidding.

Now I’m in league with Mike Tyson and that one metal-mouthed James Bond villain and some scary rapper guy…

Don’t mess with ME!!!

(ok, ok so I AM kidding… sort of. See, I did get a gold crown put on, but it’s on one of my wisdom teeth. You know… waaaay in the back where no one can see it.)

But still it makes me feel… you know… tough.

Don’t make me get up in your GRILL, yo.

Probably a major contributor to my new-found TOUGHNESS is the large number of supportive comments I got on yesterday’s post. You guys are the BEST!

Which reminds me… many of you asked WHAT CAN I DO?! This an excellent question and I plan to post about this very topic at Seattle Mom Blogs in the near future. In the meantime check out this post by my pal Chilihead at Blogging Basics 101, which covers scraping and what you can do about it.

And finally, for your edification and enjoyment,

How to create the copyright symbol (©)!
1) open up Microsoft word processing program, like Word.
2) type in (c)
3) see how it converts to the copyright symbol?! Cool!
4) cut and paste the symbol into your html editor/blogging software/whatever.

Easy, peasy.

Now go forth and be copyrighted.

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

Bigfoot sighting

I’ve had this problem lately where my knees and feet ache and throb and generally cause me much grief. This has not been very conducive to the Great Exercise Plan of 2008.

Although I am now 30 (and therefore much more susceptible to the ailments of aging), I’d like to believe I have at least another ten years of getting around without a cane. So, It must be the shoes! I declared, and decided to go shoe shopping.

There’s a shoe store near our house that sells itself as the ULTIMATE SHOE FITTING AUTHORITY. If you’re not happy, you take the shoes back. Even if you wore them in the mud, lost the laces, or stepped in dog doo. Well, I’m guessing on that last one. But they do guarantee your forever happiness with the shoes, no matter what.

So I traipsed inside and announced to the bright-eyed young salesman that I need new shoes!

Half an hour later I left $120 lighter, a box of new shoes heaver, and slightly traumatized.

Cause here’s the thing. With all his fancy shoe-fitting whatchamacallits, this insolent youth sized my feet a WHOLE SIZE LARGER!

(which does explain the foot and knee aches)

“It’s common for people’s feet to grow a foot size,” he tells me, “it’s no big deal.”

NO BIG DEAL?!

NO BIG DEAL?!?!

NO BIG DEAL?!?!?!?!

Excuse me, young sir, but one size larger is a big deal.

Oh, maybe it’s ok if you’re a sprightly size 7 or a normal size 8. But when you already were wearing a SIZE TEN? Going up a shoe size means I wear (choke gasp snort) an eleven.

My feet are HUGE!

This is not good news.

Although…

On second thought, I wouldn’t mind a little bit of this…

And some of that…

I NEED AN ENTIRE NEW WARDROBE OF SHOES!!!!!

This cloud definitely has a silver lining.

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.