Absolutely Bananas: Seattle mom blog

Twilight series signs new actress!

I finally got around to reading Twilight

I know, I know, what took me so long?! 

Well what took me so long is that the book had 568,000 holds at the library (I am not exaggerating!) and therefore I had to wait and wait and wait to check it out.  

Now, after an all-night vampire-teenage-girl-forbidden-love marathon, I realized something about this mega-hit.

THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS THE SAME NAME AS MY DOG!

I know, can you believe it?

And another thing.

Did you hear that the actress who played Bella in the first movie dropped out and they’ve picked someone NEW to play the leading lady in the second movie?

True story.

I give you… Twilight.  

Starring the real Bella.

You heard it here first.

My hairstylist has an evil master plan

… to make me look like Rachel.

You know, Rachel.

Rachel with the poofy hair and strong chin and killer wardrobe who everyone loved to love- Rachel who dated Ross- until she didn’t- and then DID again- and then definitely didn’t- and whoops! there they go again-RACHEL.

Rachel with the haircut that millions and kabillions of women just HAD to have.

The thing is, I have this GUIDELINE when it comes to my hair wherein I try to avoid looking like TV characters from 15 years ago.  Generally speaking.

So I go in to the latest in a long line of hairstylists, plop myself own, sip some fragrant tea and say something like, “just a trim… I’m growing it long.  And freshen up the layers.  Nothing too dramatic.”

I’m thinking something like THIS:

or even THIS:

(it’s not that I’m opposed to Jennifer Aniston, per se…)

But my dear hairstylist, dear sweet misguided hairstylist, she’s thinking THIS:

Don’t believe me?

Witness:

Don’t you see it?

Ok, how about NOW…

HELLO 1990 pop culture… it’s nice to meet you.  Oh, and… I’ll be there for youuuuu…

(sing along, won’t you?)

I’m your mother

Dear CJ,

It appears that there are some things in need of clarification in this whole mother-child situation.  Such as roles and responsibilities; specifically mine.

Please read carefully. There will be a quiz.

Love, YOUR MOTHER

***
Other “I’m your mother, not…” posts:

Powered by… Mister Linky’s Magical Widgets.

It’s getting hot in here… the pre-BlogHer blah blah blah post

Since EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG is writing a pre-BlogHer post about clothes and shoes and OH THE WEIGHT WE DIDN’T LOSE, I’ve decided to join in.

After all, what’s a bandwagon without all the people jumping on it?

So it’s true, I’m going to BlogHer.  And I’m excited except I’m clearly in denial because I leave in just a few moments and I have done NOTHING in preparation.

Nada.

Well, except I DID get a new outfit.

Nothing fancy.  Just a little sumpin’ sumpin’…

Tell me what you think (and BE HONEST)…

You may have noticed, I’ve been working out.

But seriously, I’m really excited because I have super-DUPER-cool roommate who I met at BlogHer last year.

If you don’t already know her (YOU SHOULD!), say hello to Amie from Mamma Loves.

She and I are two of a kind.

If you don’t get to go to BlogHer this year, I’m truly sorry. 

The ONE THING you need to know is that I looked like THIS:

Don’t believe anything you hear to the contrary. (VICIOUS LIES!)  People are saying I had a muffin top? You respond with a  LALALALALALALA.  Hear talk of dowdy clothes? that’s your cue to shout, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!  People claim I was boring as a paper napkin, and almost as soggy?  Your line is ARE YOU TALKING? CAUSE ALL I HEAR IS BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Got it?

Good.

Now for those of you who ARE going…

Ignore everything above and prepare yourself for MUFFIN TOP ACTION. 

Yeah baby!

(But what good is a women if she doesn’t have a little something to squeeeeeeze??? Seriously.)

***
One more thing. 

CJ looked over my shoulder when I was doing the Photoshopping for this post and said “Mommy, you look BEEAUTIFUL!”

I shift uncomfortably in my chair and say, “Uh, thanks.”

Then he wrinkles his forehead and adds, “But it doesn’t really look like you.”

ya think?

He studies the picture and continues, “You don’t have a purse like that.”

Because THE PURSE is what gives it away.

Oh how I love that boy!

Hives, ninjas and dog bites, OH MY

I had a longer (and wittier) post all planned out in my head but it’ll have to wait.

See, I didn’t expect my knee to come solidly into contact with the large and powerful teeth of a snarling dog while I was peacefully ordering my tamale at the Farmer’s Market this morning.  (He was aiming his teeth at another dog and my knee sort of got in the way.)

Now before you get really worried, I should tell you that my knee survived this brutal attack relatively unharmed, although there is a big blue bruise.  My jeans (thank you! Jeans!) kept the incisors from piercing through my flesh.

So that was exciting.

I also didn’t expect to spend the evening covered HEAD TO TOE in hives.  Big scratchy puffy red inflamed angry HIVES.

You just don’t plan these things.

So for now my more interesting post will have to wait while I scratch and itch and nurse my injured knee.

I’d now like to give a quick shout-out to

1) Blue jeans. Thanks for the dog-bite-protection.  You rock!

2) Benadryl. WHERE would I be without you?! (A bloody shredded mess of scratching, that’s where)

Here’s to a FRESH START tomorrow (without all the drunken kung-fu warriors, dog attacks and hives, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!)