Absolutely Bananas: Seattle mom blog

Never say never, Part II. The beginning of the end.

continued from this post…

I lug my bag out of the house, down the stairs, and to the curb where my girlfriends are waiting inside Meg’s minivan, which will be transporting us away from kids, husbands and chores for a whole weekend.

Meg presses a button and, as if by magic, the back door magically rises.

I peer inside. There’s so much space! I toss my bag inside, wave one last time at Jay and CJ, and climb in back. Meg throws the van into Drive and points us towards freedom.

The music plays, my seat reclines, and we are young again.

As it turns out, this trip is the beginning of the end.

The beginning of my amazed admiration for the thing best known as the minivan, and the end of my snobbery against this harbinger of practicality.

We make the 7+ hour round trip in absolute and utter comfort.

And when I return, I start looking at my little BMW in a whole new light. A less rose-colored and more skeptical light.

$100 for an oil change? Who has that kind of money?!

It’s so SMALL. So crowded.

I can’t even fit CJ’s bike in the trunk!

And Costco? Ikea? I have to PLAN these trips to make sure I can actually fit my purchases in the car.

Yeah sure it can zip around the city at delightful speeds, but the cup holders leave a LOT to be desired.

And you and I both know that it’s ALL about the cup holders.

I find myself watching for minivans as I drive around Seattle. I notice the people who drive them.

Hmm, she’s actually cute. Stylish. Not at all lame.

I started noticing models and makes and colors and body types. I even started reading about them online.

Here’s the thing. Taking a road trip in a minivan is akin to just having one Dorito, or spending a weekend at a friend’s house with HDTV, or getting your hair done at the really high-end salon, just this once.

When you get a taste of something good… you’re gonna want more.

Suddenly I find that I’m thinking about cars differently.

Why do I put some much emphasis on the outside?

Isn’t it the inside that actually matters? Because aside from walking out to your car in the parking lot, the number of times that you actually SEE the outside of your car is pretty limited. The inside, on the other hand, is something you get highly intimate with.

There’s a greater life lesson here, I just know it.

Outside, inside… oh never mind.

So anyway, this weekend I find myself at a Honda dealership saying the UNTHINKABLE,

“we want to look at the minivans.”

We look at minivans.

And, you know? The minivans speak to me. The cup holders… the heated seats… the GPS… the rear backup camera… the infinitely flexible seat arrangements opportunities… the cup holders (all 12 of them)…

It’s like the whole inside of that Honda Odyssey is just calling out my name.

Jennnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

How can I say no?

And so I buy one. (gulp)

Step away from the unsubscribe button. I’m bound and determined to prove that you CAN be cool and drive a minivan.

As a start, I’ve designed my very own series of bumper stickers. Check ‘em out.

And finally (Kimmilyn, this one is for you),

And that, my friends, is the story of how I became less cool but more responsible in one single day.

The end.
(but isn’t it really the beginning?!)

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If you’re in the mood to talk about blogging, come on over and read the latest post in my Advice for New Bloggers series on Seattle Mom Blogs, where we talk about Establishing a readership through networking.

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

Never say never, Part I. In which I ask, "If my car doesn’t define me, WHAT DOES?!"

“You should get a minivan,” my mother-in-law pronounces, “It’s the practical thing to do.”

Jay nods in agreement, but before he can speak I silence him with a fiery glare.

“We are NOT getting a minivan. No. Never. That’s final.” I hear my voice getting shrill but am helpless to stop it.

Jay exchanges glances with his mother. Glances that clearly say, she’s being unreasonable again.

“I’m NOT being unreasonable!” I protest, “I just hate minivans!”

One of my friends says that you should never say never, because the minute you say you’ll never do something, you’ve cosmically signed and sealed a deal that you definitely WILL do that thing.

To which I say, HOGWASH.

I am in control of my destiny. If I say never, than NEVER is what I mean. I don’t mean most definitely in the distant or maybe not-so-distant future.

But back to the minivan. You’re probably wondering what I have against minivans.

Here’s the thing. I don’t have anything against minivans, per se. I think they’re really great… for other people.

It’s just that, ever since I can remember, I’ve had a thing about cars.

Some women are really into shoes. Some women love jewelry. Some women are all about designer bags. Some women are addicted to scrapbooking. I like all of those things (well, except the scrapbooking), but I’m not obsessive about them. I couldn’t pick a pair of Jimmy Choos from a line-up, and I doubt if I could tell the difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconium.

I do know cars.

I love cars.

Several years ago I got promoted, moved out of a cubicle and into an office, reached my goal of making over six figures, and decided that I had finally ARRIVED.

I didn’t go out and buy a $3,000 pair of shoes or a Coach bag. I marched down and bought myself a BMW.

(It was used; I hadn’t arrived that much)

And it felt GOOD.

I love my little BMW. I love how much power I have right there at the tap of my toe. I love the heated leather seats and the windshield wipers that come on when they SENSE that it’s raining (because who wants to have to turn on windshield wipers, I mean SERIOUSLY). I love the sleek lines of the exterior, the shiny chrome on the front, and the purr of the engine.

And the thing that I don’t admit to very many people (well, to anyone, actually) is that I love that I drive a BMW. I love that it’s MY car in MY name that I OWN. I love that I beep-beep the little key fob and open the door and get into the coolest car in the parking lot. Well, sometimes. Definitely not the worst car.

I guess, on some level, if I’m really, really honest, I’ve let my car define me.

The problem is, a year ago when I quit my job, Jay and I sat down to figure out how we would live without my income. One of our conclusions was that we needed to be a one-car family. We sold our SUV and planned to sell the BMW as well, and replace it with something practical.

Nearly a year and a half went by and somehow we still have the BMW.

Maybe I just wasn’t all that motivated to sell.

But as time goes by even I have to accept the fact that our car is cramping our style. Literally. We can’t fit CJ’s new bike in it. We can hardly fit three people in the backseat. It’s expensive to fix when something goes wrong and… did I mention how small it is?

I start to get excited by the idea of getting a different car. I read reviews for the BMW X5, which we could get used for a reasonable price and which is obviously the perfect PRACTICAL family vehicle. I research Volvos and Volkswagens and Audis.

It’s possible to be practical AND cool, I think, you just have to be committed.

But in the back of my mind there’s a little voice that wonders, why is it so important to be cool?

What exactly have you learned from this journey in which you quit your job, turn 30, and start to actually grow up?

Isn’t it that happiness often comes from the least expected places?

That it’s SATISFYING to give up your preconceptions and society-induced ideals?

That living with less is actually more pleasant than having more?

It makes me uncomfortable, that voice, probably because it’s always right.

Fortunately I have the OTHER voice to keep things interesting. The one that says, I don’t care how practical it is, you can’t listen to your mother-in-law!

And anyhow, if your car doesn’t define you, WHAT DOES?

That is the question.

To be continued…

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

Grown-ups need rules too

We’ve gotten into this routine, Jay and I.

He gets home from work, walks into the house, pulls out his laptop, sets it up on the dining room table, and logs on.

“Hello!” I holler at him, “Are you on your computer ALREADY?” Then I heave a big sigh of irritation and stomp around the house slamming things to show my disapproval.

But the truth is that I too am sitting down at my laptop approximately four hundred times a night, incessantly checking email and comments and… stuff.

We’re gathered round the dinner table when I hear my email alert softly ding and it takes ALL MY WILL POWER to keep my butt glued to the chair for the duration of the meal. Is dinner over yet? Can I go check my email now?

You have to wonder just what exactly I think I’m going to find in my inbox. It’s like I know I’m about to win the lottery and I’m just waiting for the notification.

Only I haven’t won the lottery and the majority of my inbox is made up of sales pitches for penis enlargements and fake pleas from made-up princes in the Middle East. Yet still I feel the burning need to CHECK my email. NOW!

For two obsessive people who really like technology and have a tendency to get, you know, obsessed, laptops are the gateway drug.

Now Jay and I find ourselves more likely to communicate via instant messenger from adjoining rooms than to have a conversation IRL (that’s In Real Life, in case you didn’t know).

The things I love most about our little family… the easy banter as we’re cooking dinner, the bumping into each other as we pick up the house, the sharing mundane things about our day… the singing along to music, the BEING SILLY… the games and conversation…

All of these things seem to be collateral damage.

This is not a good thing.

Last night as we lie in bed, Jay tells me that he is stressed. Overwhelmed. Tired and weary.

I feel the same way. I’m so busy, but I never seem to get anything done.

And I realize something. When you’re a grown-up, it’s all too easy to fall into bad habits and behaviors that are unhealthy but easy. After all, there’s no one hounding you to go to bed, no one reminding your to pick up your room, no one forcing you to finish your peas before you have that slice of cake.

And, if you’re not careful, before you realize it you’ve turned out fat and lazy and completely not the person you want to be.

(Not to say that there’s anything WRONG with being fat and lazy. Except I’d rather not be, if you know what I mean.)

There’s no way around it. Grown-ups need rules too.

The hard thing is, we have to set the rules. And enforce them. And live by them.

But it’s worth it. It has to be.

Which is why I have enacted and am now enforcing a technology curfew. ABSOLUTELY no laptops between the hours of 5 and 9pm. Ever.

Well, except for times when I need to look up how to convert skim milk and cream into whole milk. (like tonight).

And while I’m googling, I might as well check my email. I mean, it’s right there.

You never know, I might have won the lottery.

(this is going to be harder than I thought)

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

In the lines on my face

Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and look long and hard at my reflection.

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was filled with youthful optimism.

I may not be perfect now, I thought, but I will be.

Some day.

Only the will be never comes and the now just gets more bleak and suddenly I don’t feel so optimistic.

I am getting older. I see that time is drawing irrefutable lines of evidence on my face, at the corners of my mouth and around my eyes.

I see pictures of myself at 20 and think how young I looked.

The flaws that bothered me then are laughable to me now, softened and forgiven by the passage of time.

And I know that ten more years will pass in the flutter of an eye and I will look back on today and think, Wow, I looked so young.

I find myself fascinated with old men and women. With their faces, the lines on their skin, the stoop of their backs.

I wonder what they looked like when they were young. I wonder how they see themselves. I wonder if they feel just as they did when they were 20, if they are surprised when they look in the mirror and see an old person.

I think that this is one of the markers of truly becoming an adult. When we come face-to-face with the inevitability of time and aging and our own mortality and accept it, and then continue on.

I like where I’m at… although this comes as a surprise to me. I’m hardly bothered by the softness of my belly, the lines around my eyes, the thinness of my lips. These things are not bad or good. They just are. They just are me.

Hello, 30.

You’re not so bad after all.

P.S. It seems I confused some of you into thinking it’s my birthday. Not to keep you from sending presents… send away!… but my birthday was months ago. I’m just meaning that I’m snuggling into this new decade rather nicely.

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

The Great Interview experiment

There’s this guy at Citizen of the Month who thinks that everyone is interesting and worthy of an interview (crazy, huh?). Lately I’ve been seeing these interviews cropping up and you know, they ARE interesting. So I decided to participate (and you should too!).

Andrea from Fretting the Small Stuff is my interviewer… and I have to thank her profusely for coming up with such excellent thoughtful questions!

I’ve been perusing your about page, reading your popular posts, and trying to get an idea about who Jenny Blackburn is. You have a great sense of humor, is there anything that is off limits as far as injecting humor is concerned?
I am hyper-cautious about what I post regarding family and friends and even acquaintances. Because I have an “open” blog, my policy is to EXPECT that the person I’m writing about will find and read it. I’m more cautious in what I write than I am about what I say in real life. It’s one thing to rib someone verbally, when they can see the twinkle in your eye and make some smart-aleck remark back at you. But things that go over ok in real life can cause offense when written and published for everyone to see. So I tend to stay away from writing anything less than flattering about the people in my life.

Occasionally I’ll write a post that walks the line and I’ll make Jay read it. A couple of times he told me no, don’t publish it, even though I thought it was ok. Later I went back and re-read it, and I was glad I didn’t publish it.

As much as I enjoy blogging and telling a good story, I believe that maintaining relationships and respecting people’s dignity is the most important thing. Unless it’s MY dignity. That went out the window AGES ago.

You founded Seattle Mom blogs. What was the impetus for creating this new website?
After going to BlogHer last year I was struck by how well I connected with other bloggers. Finally I had found a whole bunch of people JUST LIKE ME! Unfortunately many of them were spread around the country and not exactly next door for hanging out after dinner. So me and Kathryn and Eve (while standing in line for the ferris wheel) got to talking about HOW COOL it would be to get to know bloggers in our area. And how we could support each other. And have fun parties. And so we did it.

Do you see yourself reentering the workforce when C.J. enters school? If you plan to work, what would you like to do?
Someone else asked me this the other day and it was funny because I hadn’t even thought about it. Even though it’s coming up fast, it somehow still seems far away. Anything is possible.

I need to ask some cheesy questions too because I’m cheesy sometimes. If you could pick a theme song for your life, what would it be and why?
Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now, by Jefferson Starship. (you know, from the movie Mannequin. Talk about CHEESY!)
But seriously, I’m a big believer in the power of positive thinking. I believe that good things are just waiting to happen. AND I believe that I can do whatever I truly set my mind to. My life has been so rich and so full … I can’t WAIT to see what’s next!

Where is your favorite place to go on vacation and why?
Europe. Although I’ve seen relatively little of it, every time I go I am overwhelmed by the oldness of it. I love the European lifestyle – it always makes me come home committed to living my life more fully. Plus the shopping is to die for.

If you had to vote today in the presidential election, out of all of the candidates left in the primaries for whom would you vote?
Honestly I don’t know. Maybe I’ll write in Bossy. I think she’d be good.

You wrote that when you were a kid, you filled up notebooks with stories. I have to admit I did the same thing but my stories were pretty silly. What types of themes did you have?
Now I’m going to have to dig up my stories and re-read them! I was very into fantasy as a kid… I wrote about children traveling to magical lands and meeting magical people and doing magical things. My very first story was called THE BLACK EASTER EGG. And now I’m totally going to dig it up and publish it on my blog. You’ve inspired me!

I’m sort of stealing from Red Red Whine and going to ask a battery of questions. What is your favorite:
FAVORITES ARE SO HARD!!! HOW DO YOU PICK JUST ONE?!?! It’s mean to make me pick just one!
(a) restaurant; Daniel’s Broiler. We went there for my birthday and I had the BEST STEAK EVER.
(b) author; Impossible to choose. I really like Jan Burke for your basic thrilling can’t-put-the-book-down-till-it’s-finished type story.
(c) blog; http://www.iambossy.com/
(d) sandwich; egg salad with dill.
(e) color; green
(f) shoes; I’m torn between comfort and style. Oh, who am I kidding, I’ll go with comfort any day. My new size eleven tennis shoes! YEAH!
(g) animal; CJ (obviously)
(h) television show; Lost
(i) style of interior decoration (i.e. modern, classic, whatever I can afford - that’s me!); Hmmm, I don’t know what you’d call it. Probably classically modern? HA!
(j) form of exercise; Is blogging a form of exercise? Ok, ok, I’ll pick yoga.
(k) philosopher; CJ. Seriously… kids have such a great take on the world.

How did your friends and family react when they found out you started blogging?
You know, to be honest, most people kind of blew it off. Still it’s only a handful of my friends and family who read my blog. I think they aren’t sure what to make of it. Fortunately I DON’T CARE what anyone else thinks! When I’m wildly famous and popular and wealthy beyond their wildest dreams, THEY WILL RUE THE DAY they blew off my little “blopping” habit. (EVIL LAUGH) Ok I’m kidding. Really.

How did Jay propose (or how did you get engaged)?
It was Valentine’s Day, if you can believe it. And he got all weird and sweaty and nervous and I just knew. And that made me weird and sweaty and nervous. And so we sweated and nervously were weird together until he gave me THE RING and then we went to dinner and ate away our nervousness. It was the beginning of a long, weird and sweaty marriage. But not nervous… we got over the nervous.

What are the most valuable things, tangible or intangible, that you gained from starting Absolutely Bananas?
PERSPECTIVE. Seriously, writing gives me perspective on life that running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off just can’t offer.

If you could give any advice to newish bloggers, what would it be?
Blogging is awesome. It’s fun. It can be maddening. It can be inspiring. It’s also addictive. No matter why you’re blogging, be sure to keep it in its place. When it starts to take over your life (as it inevitably will), take a forced break for a few days or a week so you can get your balance back.

Finally, I’ve noticed a lot of mommy bloggers write about the birth of their first, second, fifteenth child. I hate to say that I didn’t got through all of your archives to find it. Have you shared on your blog and if not, would you ever?
Hmmm… I typically do my HORROR STORIES at Halloween. Kidding… sort of. No, I haven’t written up my birth story. But that doesn’t mean I WON’T! Be afraid… be VERY AFRAID…

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.