Absolutely Bananas: Seattle mom blog

He calls it like he sees it

I’m making CJ a hearty breakfast of eggs and sausage.  

He takes one look and shouts, “Is this ALL we’re having? EGGS and PIG?”

Yes dear.  Just eggs and pig, bless his curly-tailed pointy-eared snorting soul.

Snap

This Valentine’s Day, CJ discovered the joy that is conversation hearts.  And by “joy” I mean endless hours of desperate hilarity.

He hands me a little yellow heart.  ”What does it say, mom?”

“Marry me.”

He throws his head back and howls with laughter.   “Marry me!  Bwah ha ha ha!”

He hands me another one, “What does that one say?”

“You go girl.” I snap for emphasis.

“Ooh hoo boy that’s a good one.”

and on and on and on we go.

Nothing is not funny.  Fax me!  Let’s kiss! Be mine! Cutie Pie!  Top Chef! 

What?  Top Chef?  When did THAT become a valentine’s phrase?

Finally I can take no more.  It’s not that I don’t like our little game, it’s that I hate it.

“CJ, go downstairs and do something else,” I order.

He obediently heads downstairs and then, I hear from below,

“You go girl!” SNAP.

Yes, he even snapped.

That’s my boy.

A day of miracles

On Thursday, the world watches in amazement as an Airbus A320 takes a slight detour on its NYC to Seattle route to land on the Hudson River.  There’s less than a 1% chance that a flock of birds would intersect with an airplane such that it would lose both engines; and yet on this rather unusual Thursday, that’s just what happens.  Thanks to the quick thinking of the plane’s co-pilot and flight attendents, every single one of the passengers survives to see another day.

Meanwhile…

At a small hospital just outside Seattle another passenger is making his descent.  Fortunately this trip is unobstructed and engines are full throttle (since birds are most definitely NOT allowed in the hospital) and after a mere 18 hours of labor he finds himself dumped unceremoniously onto the heaving chest of his mother, blinking at the bright lights of this strange new world.

A day of miracles.

Welcome to the world, little nephew.  We’re so glad you’re here!

And on the 14th day…

On the magical day when the baby was to be born the nice people waited anxiously for news.  When would he come out?  Would it be 2008 or 2009? Would he have hair? Eyebrows? Chubby cheeks? And how CUTE and TINY would his toes and fingers be?

The people waited and waited and WAITED.

And the NEXT day…

they waited

until the day after THAT when…

they kept on a-waiting 

then the very next day 

they waited SOME MORE

and then waited 

and

waited

and

waited

and

waited

BUT THEN!

the road between the girl’s house and her mother’s house flooded ! and the girl’s mother screamed BLOODY MURDER! WHAT WILL I DO IF THAT BABY IS BORN? until her husband called in an old favor with the National Guard

and they cleared the road that very minute

and still the people waited

the little baby was snug in his momma’s belly

and he didn’t want to come out.

Until the THIRTEENTH day after his due date, when it was the birthday of his VERY NICE AUNTIE.  ”Maybe he will come out for my birthday!” she said with hopeful anticipation.  She even wished it when she blew out her candles.

And then she waited

(sort of impatiently, truth be told)

but NO SIGN OF BABY!

Till the 14th day when…

THE PEOPLE KEPT ON WAITING!

And the girl and her family and the girl’s mom and the baby’s aunt and even the cute and fuzzy dog pulled their hair out and danced in anxious circles and chanted age-old birthing incantations.  

EAT SPICY FOOD! WALK AROUND THE CITY! HERE DRINK THIS CASTER OIL! they shouted at the very pregnant girl.  And she did all the things they told her.  Because even though the girl was VERY patient all along, she stopped being patient on the fourteenth day.

But the little baby said smugly to himself, “I’ll show those people who’s the boss,” and he hunkered in to make them wait some more. 

If you drop a spider off a high building are you killing it or just setting it free?

Spiders seem to be taking over, spreading their webs across every surface and corner of our yard.  Every time I turn around I’m flailing to escape their thin, sticky threads.

So it isn’t a surprise when CJ announces, “Mommy, mommy I found a spider in the house!”

I should tell you that I’m not afraid of spiders.  They’re little and we’re big and WHAT is there to be afraid of, logically?  At the same time I wouldn’t say that I’m exactly a fan.

Efficiency is my primary objective as I pull off a piece of paper towel and advance on the unsuspecting spider.

Make a web in my house, will you? 

CJ’s eyes widen as he watches me. He sees my diabolical plan written out in the whites of my eyes. ”Mommy?  You’re going to SQUISH the spider and throw it in the garbage?”

“Well, ok.  Yeah,” he continues, “We can THROW it in the GARBAGE.”

I pause.

This is not the message that I’ve worked so carefully to communicate. 

In fact, just a few days ago I distinctly remember shouting something about DON’T SQUISH THAT BUG BECAUSE IT HAS FEELINGS AND MAYBE EVEN A FAMILY!

And here I am, wreaking deadly violence on this small unsuspecting critter.

I need to take a different approach.

I sigh. “No, I’m not going to squish it or throw it away,” I tell CJ. 

Carefully I hold the paper towel underneath the spider so that his legs catch on it.  I carry it outside and fling the arachnid interloper across the railing and off our deck.  He’s airborne for a moment, before plummeting to the earth below.

I wonder if that spider will die from falling so far, I find myself wondering.  Can’t it use it’s thread, spiderman-style, to catch a nearby plant and soften its landing?  Or will it smash into the hard concrete and die an instant death?

What do you think?

(deep thoughts here at the Bananas house)

***
If you’re looking for the Weekly Writing prompt, I’ve decided to take this week off from that.  Because I couldn’t think of anything and I didn’t feel like it and it’s the last week before school starts and because I can.  But never fear, the next one will be a goody… a THEME for the entire month of September.  Cheerio!