Absolutely Bananas: Seattle mom blog

Makeover Monday: Conspiracy Theory

1. Buy tickets to Chicago for BlogHer. CHECK

2. Buy tickets to Chicago for BlogHer with flights on the correct days. (…OOPS!)
3. Change tickets to Chicago for BlogHer to be on the correct days. CHECK
4. Check blog metrics. CHECK
5. Somehow scare off half my subscribers. CHECK
6. Figure out WHY I scared off half my subscribers (still working on it.)

7. Come up with theories as to what I might have done to scare off half my subscribers. (… see below)

   Theory 1: people don’t like bloggers who kill squirrels. Even if it was on accident.

   Theory 2: people don’t like bloggers who BLOG ABOUT killing squirrels. Especially in a birthday party post.

   Theory 3: people don’t like bloggers who bash Oriental Trading Company.

   Theory 4: people don’t like bloggers who’d even CONSIDER shopping at Oriental Trading Company.

   Theory 5: people don’t like posts that go on and on and on… and then when you think they might be done, they just keep going

   Theory 6: people found out that I’m NOT in fact Wonder Woman, Angelina Jolie, or the President, but in fact I just photoshopped my head onto those assorted bodies.

   Any guesses? theories? I’d welcome your thoughts on the topic… And finally…

8. Makeover Monday post. CHECK (slid it in at the last minute, didn’t I?!)

Coming to terms with reality… it’s not easy!

For other Makeover Monday posts, see Am I going mad or Am I just a mommy?

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Hoping bananas and other stupid things

I like to play a little game when I’m bored… it involves looking at the Google search terms that led people to my blog, and trying to imagine WHAT these people were possibly looking for when they typed in such bizarre phrases. Sometimes I feel the urge to be “helpful” and make up answers to their questions-posed-as-search-queries so that NEXT TIME they’ll be more successful in their search. Play along with me, won’t you?

stupid bananas
Here we have someone who clearly is dealing with banana angst. Is he looking for other banana haters in the WWW in order to start a club, or an anti-banana revolution, or even an evil plot to scourge the world of this vile fruit? Well, whatever the cause, banana haters will not find a home here! Keep lookin’, my friend, keep lookin’.

halle berry’s bare feet
Here we have a fetish of a different sort.

stupid brushing teeth
hmm… this one stumps me a bit, I have to admit. Sure you may not LIKE brushing your teeth, but what could you be possibly looking for when you type a query like this into Google? A support group? Reasons NOT to brush your teeth? And anyway, do I use “stupid” that often in my posts? (just looked back through) yes, it appears that I do.

women who did weird things to uncover something
Not very specific, are we. Ok, here I’ll try and be helpful in case this confused soul ever returns…
Once I did “downward facing dog” and it uncovered my belly. That’s a weird thing, right?

husband peeing outside
Poor lady, you have troubles. I’m just hoping he doesn’t pee outside in public places.

the bad things about bananas
ANOTHER banana hater. You guys really should start a club.

bananas mucus
Again, I’m a bit stumped by this one. Seriously. Is there a joke here that I’m not getting? Otherwise I’m going to have to put this under the category of “the bad things about bananas”

weird things removed from the human body
Ummm, does A BABY count?

things to say to make a boy drool over you
Ok, HERE I can be helpful. Just try these:
“I’m cooking steak.”
“halle berry’s bare feet”

weirdest things and pictures of humans
This one is interesting, and in my mind proves one of two things:
1) there ARE aliens out there, and they’re searching the internet to look at pictures of “humans”, or
2) the chimps at that one hidden research facility have started sneaking onto the scientist’s computer in the dead of night and doing a little “research” of their own…

my hands are bananas words
You know, I’m gonna have to go with #2 above. Chimps on Google would explain queries like this one much better than anything I can come up with.

are bananas ok for dogs
Yes. (I think)

blog “my husband” bold bikini
As much as I’m sure EVERYONE would love to see shots of my husband in a bold bikini, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to abstain. Because you know if I were to do something like that, he might reciprocate by posting pictures of ME in a swimming suit. And THAT is a scary, scary thought.

why bananas mold
Um, well not to be rude but, DUH… because they’ve gone bad.

hoping bananas
aren’t we all?

“how to stand up straight”
Oh good, another one that I can help with. Place feet firmly on floor, straighten legs, point top of head towards ceiling.

things you dont know about bananas
1) they have mucus, apparently
2) they have a hate group
3) they mold
4) they’re ok for dogs. Or are they?

here’s hoping bananas…

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