If you are vin diesel, CLICK HERE
June 20, 2008 – 6:00 amFor today, I thought we could play a little game where we laugh and marvel at the WEIRD STUFF PEOPLE SEARCH FOR that leads them to my blog (the vin diesel edition):
“if you are vin diesel”Click Here!
eco friendly way to kill spiders
Um… smash them?
help i have fly at my house
Hello… FLY SWATTER…
how do you make an egg laugh
Tell it a yoke?
funny things your husband says
How about, “I help with house work.” HA HA HA HA HA HA! Good one, honey!
i love gas-x!
ME TOO!!
And finally, the CLASSIC,
if you are vin diesel, yell veri loud
©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.
Share
20 Comments »
Make Me Laugh Monday
May 5, 2008 – 7:00 am
Google Analytics is one of my all-time favorite inventions. Right up there with blow-dryers and freezer waffles. Whenever I feel sort of blah I just log on to play a little game I like to call ‘what weird searches are leading people to my blog’?
I’m rarely disappointed.
First of all, it’s clear that I’m becoming the leading source of random banana information (or misinformation, actually) on the world wide web. And the stuff people want to know about bananas? It doesn’t give me much hope for the future of our species, to be honest.
And let me assure you, every single one of these search queries is totally real and NOT MADE UP. I copied them straight out of Google Analytics, misspellings and all.
10 things you want to know about banana
Fortunately, we have the google searches to answer this one…
are bananas hairy
No.
are bananas fattening
Like, how many bananas are we talking about eating here?
are bananas bad for your teeth
really? You’re worried about THAT? Get a life, seriously.
are brown spots on bananas contagious?
Yeah, I think so. I knew this lady who caught them and she turned spotted all over. Be afraid… be very afraid.
is it ok to rub banana on facial skin every day?
But WHY would you want to?
can you feed your tropical fish bananas
Ok, seriously, WHY?!
do bananas make you poop?
Let me give you the quickie primer on how the body works. You eat something; then you poop. Pretty simple, actually.
bananas make boobs big?
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
how do they put stickers on bananas
Let’s see, how do I say this… they stick ‘em onto the banana. Next?
how do you know when bananas have gone bad
they shave stripes into their eyebrows, get a tattoo, and start carrying a gun.
bad things about being a banana
well, there’s the brown spots. And the being eaten. And the truth is, bananas get blamed for a whole lot of weird stuff. Take the following queries, for example.
banana causes double chins
no, eating too much causes double chins. I’m just saying…
do bananas cause gas
is there anything that DOESN’T cause gas? Or is that just my own personal problem?
banana beauty tips
Well, supposedly you rub them on your FACIAL SKIN. And they make your boobs big. But be careful of the brown spots… I hear they’re contagious.
good bananas gone bad
I’m thinking this is the next major Pixar film. Am I right?
things to make with old bananas
Honestly I can think of way more things NOT to make with old bananas.
Then there are the other non-banana but still really weird searches. I try to envision the people who type this stuff in and I just CAN’T. Take, for example…
what is that heavy feeling near my heart
mmm… gas?
you dont even know about jelly
aww! That’s just MEAN!
“giving him a piggyback ride”
“Sure you were”
hairy all over
I think you’re actually looking for my brother-in-law’s blog…
“nerves causes gas”
Everything. I’m telling you… everything causes gas!
have another banana
thanks, I think i will
best butt award
aw! That’s just sweet!
big butt award
Ok, Not Funny.
big butt blog
Hey! Stop it already!
big butt lover blog
Well, I guess if you’ve got it you’ve gotta learn to love it, right?
is your butt big or are you just fat
Does it matter, really?
bump on actually eyeball what is it
well my actually doctor tells me it’s a penguicula
chicken poopy butt
CJ? Is that you?
cute names for penis
I dunno… maybe ‘happy’ or ‘cuddles’? This one scares me just a little.
gas-x where does the gas go
The age-old question.
how can you shrink your head size
drugs?
how do I get my five year old son to stop telling me no and running from me
lady, if I knew the answer to this I’d be a very rich woman.
how long dose a duck stay with its mom
not that long. Duck parenting isn’t all its quacked up to be.
how to tickle torture your husband
Jay and I will get right to work researching this one.
I dont know what the heck to do in a time like this it is very boring and i dont know what the answer is
Hmmm… I don’t know… maybe GO TO BED?!?!?!
i found a fly in my soup should i throw the soup away
Let me think… YES. YES. YES YES YES YES YES!
i love my donkey graphics
don’t we all?
is it ok to apply vinegar directly on lips?
um, why? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
ped egg cheese eat
no. nonononono. no you DIDN’T.
poopy but
CJ?
put friends face onto a squirrel photoshop
now this sounds like a GREAT idea.
See, wasn’t that fun?! (sorry Jay)
Here’s the deal if you want to join in.
Write about something funny. It can be an anecdote, a joke, a picture, or a link to something funny… whatever. This is a NO PRESSURE scenario. If it makes you chuckle, it’s good enough. I don’t mean to create a stressful IS IT FUNNY ENOUGH type situation, if you know what I’m sayin’. Anyone can participate.
So you write the post. Then come and link it here so that we can all enjoy the funniness.
If you participate, here’s the code to get the fabulous donkey graphic shown above;
And I should think it goes without saying but JUST IN CASE… any links that don’t go to a Make Me Laugh post on your blog will be deleted, promptly.
And one more thing… several of us read these entries with a child sitting in our lap. Please use an exclamation point at the beginning of your link title if it’s not suitable for young eyes. Happy Monday!
If you’re reading this post in an email, you’ll have to click here to see my video and the other Make Me Laugh Monday entries.
***
Don’t forget to subscribe to email updates or the RSS feed!
©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.
Share
29 Comments »
Bananas gone bad and other nonsensical topics
January 28, 2008 – 8:02 amNever mind that I had 101 topics at the tip of my tongue last time I was in the car. Or that I lay in bed awake last night thinking of THE ABSOLUTELY BEST AND MOST PERFECT POST EVER.
Ideas vanish like snowflakes in the warm glow of my computer screen and I am left with a big fat nothing.
This is why I love Google Analytics. After several minutes of desperately tapping my fingers on the keys and hoping that something will come, I start to find other ways to entertain myself. And what better than to explore the wild and wondrous ways that internet surfers happen onto this blog.
Giggle with me, won’t you…
I “heart” lard
Dude, who doesn’t?
how does gas-x work?
I’ll try to put this in plain language that we all can understand. See, first you have gas… and then you don’t. Pretty slick, really.
i want my head on someone else’s body
hmm. Sounds like a personal problem.
hot to photoshop your face
first you’ll want to learn hot to spell.
i don’t care i don’t even like jelly
I think this would be a great name for a band. Or a blog. It is sort of a weird search term though, don’t you think?
i trashed my living room with mud
CJ? is that you?
i will brush my teeth in just a few min. ok mom?
ok, sweetie.
i want to be a tollbooth attendant
a person’s gotta have dreams. Dream on, little one, dream on.
can i send an ambulance to someone’s house anonymously?
I sooo want to hear the story behind this one.
robot facial massager
hmph. Sounds sort of terrifying, actually.
air mattress blogs
interesting. I’ve never considered this an air mattress blog… but then it is awfully full of hot air and on the puffy bouncy side. This could be a whole new genre for me!
do ants like milk?
seriously? you’re googling this? GO TO BED!
Something I’ve learned since starting this blog is that a lot of people with some REALLY weird questions regarding bananas… questions that manifest in their google searches. Take these, for instance.
bananas for cleaning teeth
ewww!!! I don’t even want to know how your breath smells!
bananas gone bad that have red inside
throw them away. RIGHT NOW.
i wonder what gases turn bananas bad
From this day forward I’m going to start all my google searches with “i wonder.”
jealous bananas
ferocious bananas
I’m guessing this and “jealous bananas” fall into the BANANAS GONE BAD category that we saw just a bit earlier…
Then there’s your typical Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus marital type issues. I mean, who DOESN’T look for the answers to these questions on google?
my child is always falling off the couch while my wife is home
have you considered a nanny cam? or a new wife? or a japanese-style cushion-on-the-floor couch? or having your child wear a helmet?
stressed because husband never helps with housework
welcome to the club, ma’am, welcome to the club.
“ice cold feet” + “husband”
“kick him”
best wife award html code
aww, honey, you shouldn’t have!
And finally there’s the question of the ages. The one that EVERYBODY wants to know.
ARE BANANAS FATTENING???
You tell me.
***
Don’t forget that this Friday (Feb 1st) is Hot Mamas Know time! I want your tips. I need your tips. Bring me your tips!!
***
Don’t forget to subscribe to email updates or the RSS feed!
©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.
Share
20 Comments »
Is eating six bananas fattening?
August 28, 2007 – 6:19 pmTop 5 wacky searches that led people to THIS blog:
5. seattle ok one goldfish? (Yes, as the Seattle authority I will tell you that you CAN have one goldfish here. Glad to help.)
4. does anyone wear pantyhose anymore? (NO!)
3. help me clean my messy house (No, YOU help ME clean MY messy house!… My blog, my rules.)
2. nude dog walking (you’re sick, you know that? really, really sick.)
1. I feel baby kicks but I test negative (Umm… it’s called GAS.)
Seriously, WHO googles these things?? Introduce yourselves… we really want to meet you.
***
Did you enjoy this post? Why not subscribe to email updates or the RSS feed. 
Share
24 Comments »
Funny stuffs for you!
June 26, 2007 – 7:00 amTime for round two of what just might be my all-time favorite activity.
That’s right folks, what are the wacky and weird people of the world searching on that leads them to my blog? Let’s have a look, shall we?
parents peeing outside
oh dear. there’s no help for you here. you MIGHT consider investing in a fence (to keep the parents OUT)
whats it like to live in seattle blog
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I LOVE that I represent the great question of “what it’s like to live in Seattle” via my blog… I’m guessing this poor sap is NOT going to move here…
totally for sure i just got a manicure
totally for sure I need one too
man wrapped in saran wrap in woman’s porta potty
ummm, okaaaaay?
i love banana jobs
you should be a monkey. I don’t know what the pay is like, but surely it’s the job for you.
mucus banana
seriously? again? who ARE these people and WHAT are they hoping to find?
subscribe funny stuffs in my email
my friend! you want subscribe funny stuffs you click this link here friend now. funny stuffs for you!
orange lump on head
it’s called hair. (and I agree, it does look weird)
what are the toys that the goldfish can have?
ok, pay close attention. you may want to grab a pen and paper to jot down notes. Here are the toys a goldfish can have. 1) water, 2) bubbles 3) tiny submarine. I LOVE that I can help.
if you eat 10 bananas kill you?
really? seriously? are you worried about this? try it. And yes, the resulting gas just might kill you.
pictures of stupid moms doing stupid things
HELLO *ding ding ding* we have a winner!
booger head
CJ? is that you?
pictures of stupid women doing stupid things
Ok, enough already. Yes, I’m stupid! Yes I do stupid things! There’s no need to rub it in!
***
Want more Google analytics fun? Check out Hoping bananas and other stupid things.
***
Did you enjoy this post? Why not subscribe to email updates or the RSS feed.
Share
23 Comments »
