Absolutely Bananas: Seattle mom blog

Presidential duties 101: a really confusing primer

“Who did you vote for today, CJ?” Jay asks.

“Baracko Bama.”  CJ says proudly.  Then he adds, ”Baracko Bama WON.”  

Turns out Mrs. H’s kindergarten class is a blue state.  Too bad they don’t have any electoral votes.

After dinner Jay is eagerly checking the polls.  CJ can’t help but get caught up in the excitement.  ”Is Baracko Bama WINNING?” he asks.

“So far.”

Later on we’re sitting on the couch when CJ asks, “Mommy, if Baracko Bama wins, does that mean he will tell us what to do and then we have to do it?”

“Well CJ,” I say, “not really.”

“So what does he DO?” he asks.

“Uh… well… he takes care of people who need help… and fights bad countries who want to attack America… and gives money to schools so they can teach kids.”

Describing what the President does in words that a 5-year old can understand is hard. Especially for me, the world’s worst explainer.

“He does all that stuff?” CJ is impressed.

“Mm hmm.”  I’m not sure what inspires my next statement… maybe just a desire for accuracy. “He also takes our money.”

CJ’s eyes shoot open.  ”You mean he SNEAKS in and takes it?  Obama is going to SNEAK IN and TAKE OUR MONEY?”  

I giggle.  I can’t help it.  ”No no no, we GIVE it to him.  We give him some of our money so he can pay for all that stuff that he does.”

“He comes to our house?”  CJ sits up straight and looks toward the door. Any minute Baracko Bama should be arriving to collect our money.

“No… we mail it to him.”

“Oh.”  CJ thinks about this for a minute.  ”But how do we know where he lives?”

“Well we just send it to a place called the IRS.”

“Is that where he lives?  Does Baracko Bama live in the IRS?”

“Uh… well, not exactly.”

This is why I don’t home school.

Donkey’s milk

It’s funny to think that just days ago I was all worried about CJ’s school.  

Based on the conversation we had this morning, it’s clear that he’s learning a myriad of useful things.

CJ: Mom?  Did cheese used to be an animal?

Me: No, CJ.  Cheese comes from milk.

CJ: Hmm.  Is milk an animal?

Me: No, you know where milk comes from…

CJ: Oh, right.  From cows.  (he pauses) and DONKEYS.

Me: Umm, donkeys?  Really?  Well, I guess they probably do make milk.

(long pause)

Me: But we don’t usually drink milk from donkeys.

CJ: Right.  People in AMERICA do, though.

Me: Well, we live in America.  Remember?

CJ: Oh.  Right.

Make Me Laugh Monday

at the dinner table…

Me: So I emailed a lawyer about getting our estate planning done. How much do you think it’s gonna cost?

Jay: $5,000?

Me: Uh, no. $1,000. But I thought that was a lot!

Jay: I don’t know… I guess I hear “lawyer” and I think expensive.

CJ: What’s a lawyer?

Jay: Oh no… I am not going to try and explain that.

CJ: What’s a lawyer, daddy?

Jay: Never mind.

CJ: WHAT’S A LAWYER?

Me: I’ll explain it to you, CJ.

(Jay rolls his eyes)

Me: You know how there are laws? Like you have to wear your seat belt in the car, and kids aren’t allowed to drive, and you can’t smash into people?

(CJ nods vigorously)

Me: Right. So, if someone breaks a law, then there’s a lawyer who says that the person should go to jail. And there’s this other lawyer who says the person shouldn’t go to jail, who defends them. And so the two lawyers FIGHT. And whoever wins, well, they get to say what happens.

CJ: they fight? (his eyes are wide with amazement)

Me: Yep. Well, sort of.

CJ: And that’s a LIAR?

Me: no, that’s a lawyer.

Here’s the deal if you want to join in.
Write about something funny. It can be an anecdote, a joke, a picture, or a link to something funny… whatever. This is a NO PRESSURE scenario. If it makes you chuckle, it’s good enough. I don’t mean to create a stressful IS IT FUNNY ENOUGH type situation, if you know what I’m sayin’. Anyone can participate.

So you write the post. Then come and link it here so that we can all enjoy the funniness.

If you participate, here’s the code to get the fabulous donkey graphic shown above;

<a href="http://www.absolutelybananas.com/search/label/make%20me%20laugh%20monday" target="blank"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2095/2252146942_6d9c832da6.jpg" border="0" /></a>

And I should think it goes without saying but JUST IN CASE… any links that don’t go to a Make Me Laugh post on your blog will be deleted, promptly.

And one more thing… several of us read these entries with a child sitting in our lap. Please use an exclamation point at the beginning of your link title if it’s not suitable for young eyes. Happy Monday!

If you’re reading this post in an email, you’ll have to click here to see the other Make Me Laugh Monday entries.

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

What’s round and hard and hairy all over?

Over dinner…

CJ: (leans over and whispers to me) Mommy, call daddy a coconut.

Me: Jay, you’re a coconut.

CJ: Ha! (crosses his arms in smug satisfaction) How do you feel, daddy?

Jay: Mmm… I feel… sort of round and hard and… hairy.

(I raise an eyebrow at him across the table)

CJ: You mean you feel SAD?

Jay: NO… I feel like a coconut.

CJ: You ARE a coconut.

Jay: Right.

***
Yes it’s true, I got my H back. For which I’m eternally thankful, because this post just wouldn’t have been the same if I had to write *ard and *airy, now would it? Gotta love that H!

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©2008 Absolutely Bananas. All Rights Reserved.

The things I never even knew I was bad at

Last evening we were sitting ’round the dinner table with a selection of our favorite children’s music playing in the background.

A Ralph’s World song comes on where Ralph sings each child’s name really really REALLY fast.

Like this:

Fiona fiona fionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionAH!

“Wow,” I say, “That guy can sing FAST.”

Jay shrugs, “It’s easy.” And just like that, he’s singing FIONAfionafionafionafiona… with gusto. Pretty darn impressive.

“You try it,” he tells me.

If HE can do it, I certainly can.

I straighten in my seat, set down my fork, throw back my shoulders, and take a deep breath of air. Opening my mouth I belt out,

Fiona Fiona Feeona Feeeeeona Feeeeeeooooonnnna Feeeeeeee OHHHHHH NNNNNA…

Here’s the weird thing. The more times I said Fiona, the SLOWER I went. It was like my mouth was working in reverse.

“Fiona is kind of a hard name,” Jay says, trying to make me feel slightly better about my miserable failure.

Ok, maybe Fiona is a hard name, so I’ll try something easier.

Jenny Jenny Jenny Jennnnnny Jennnnyyyyy JEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNYYY…

It happens AGAIN. My tongue turns into mud in my mouth, moving slower and slower until it freezes against the roof of my mouth in complete paralysis.

With each attempt, Jay laughs harder.

“You are REALLY bad at this.” he tells me.

Gee thanks, honey.

“Try my name.” he says, and I do.

And I fail.

“Try CJ.” And I do (I don’t always learn so quickly as you might expect)

And I fail.

Shocker.

At last I am ready to admit that this, in fact, is something that I am bad at.

Twenty minutes ago I didn’t even know it was A THING, and now it not only is A THING, but it’s A THING THAT I CAN’T DO.

How big of a bummer is THAT?

At least it’s not like a major life skill or anything.

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