Absolutely Bananas: Seattle stay-at-home mom blog

Blogger brown is the new black

A few weeks back Jay and I did a massive overhaul of our bedroom closets. 17 bags to the Good Will later, I feel mostly certain that my closet contains NOTHING that shouldn’t be there. So, when I saw that PBN was hosting a contest in which you’re supposed to post pictures of horrifying wardrobe items, I thought Oh ho ho… that doesn’t apply to ME!

But then I remembered…

it

The t-shirt…

Hidden away in my drawer…

And I knew I had to come clean.

Back when I was at BlogHer, sponsors gave out t-shirts galore. Most of them, in my never-to-be-humble opinion, were hideously ugly. I either refused them on the spot or gave them away to my unsuspecting roommates.

But there was this one…

I was walking down the hallway between sessions, hurrying to try and ensure a place at the table (those were the only spots with plug-ins), when I had a strange encounter.

Jessica (you know, of Oh the Joys fame) was walking towards me. RIGHT towards me. Is this some of weird game of chicken? I wondered as she bore down on me… A blogger hazing of sorts?

And then, at the last possible second, she veered left just enough to keep from running into me, and thrust a bundle into my hands. “Keep it or pass it on.” she whispered, in a husky secret-agent kind of voice, and then she was gone.

I looked down. My hands held a brown rolled-up t-shirt. Nooooo!!! My mind howled in despair, I’ve been duped into accepting a t-shirt! All my efforts are for naught! The only question was on which poor soul I would deposit this undesirable item.

But then a sort of funny thing happened.

I brought the t-shirt back to the hotel with me, unrolled it and gave it a good look. And, sort of like the three-legged, flea-bitten dog that follows you home, I realized that I’d grown rather fond of it.

It’s a t-shirt, which of course goes on the “cons” column. But it’s brown, and it says “blogger”. Ok, ok, so Blogger is the name of Google’s blogging product, and it has a big fat orange Google Blogger logo lest you be confused. So that’s again in the “cons”. But still… there’s a sad pathetic little part of me that LIKES having a t-shirt that says ‘blogger’ on it.

So I brought it home.

And started wearing it, proudly. (But just around the house.)

One night after the shirt had made several appearances, I noticed Jay looking at me funny.

“WHAT?!” I demanded.

“Um, you’re not going to wear that shirt, like in public, are you?” he asked.

Funny thing about me, I actually wasn’t planning on wearing it in public. But the fact that he asked got my hackles up. “WHY?” I demanded, “Don’t you LIKE it?”

“Well, it’s ok for around the house… but it’s a little dorky.” he admitted, “I mean it’d be like if I wore a shirt that said ‘Designer.’”

“WELL I LIKE IT!” I announced huffily, and marched out of the room.

I still wear it. I still like it. It passed the very rigorous closet-clearing inspection a few weeks back. It made an appearance at the Oregon Coast this past weekend, and I’m wearing it this very minute as I type.

But now I turn to you, dearest of readers, closest of friends, scariest of Internet stalkers and plagiarists, and I ask with the deepest sincerest wanting to know,

Is it dorky?

Should I purge it from my wardrobe?

Now, before you answer, you might be interested to see some photos of OTHER PEOPLE who wear the very same t-shirt. Because I think I just might have started a trend…

(Yes, that’s Angelina)

Even party girls Britney and Paris are wearing them.

Madonna? Well she certainly knows fashion…

Even the Queen Mum! They say those Brits are fashion forward…

Is that… Can it be?… Bigfoot! He’s real! And he’s wearing a blogger tee! Will wonders never cease…Yep, I think I’m gonna have to keep it.

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Thanks to Shannon at Believer in Balance for awarding this post a Perfect Post award!

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And the winner is…

Thanks to everyone who entered the Haiku Mama contest, and especially for those of you who submitted haiku. I deeply enjoyed all of them.

A few of my favorites were…

A mama once said
I have no fear: I have kids
Sleep is for the weak.
- Mrs. Mustard

Dust bunnies scatter
I am so tired of cleaning!
Make Swiffer onesies.
- Moodswingingmommy

Writing a Haiku
While nursing at the keyboard
Multi-tasking Mom
- Diva Mom Vicki

If it weren’t for the
new GPS, we would be
arguing right now
- WhyMommy’s husband

Now before I announce the winners, let me describe to you my HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC, PATENT PENDING process for random selection of winners.

1. Names are written on pieces of paper and dropped into last year’s easter basket…

2. Spiderman draws two pieces of paper

3. And, voila! We have the winners!

Congratulations to…

Jean from Working Momma 24/7

Miss Huckleberry from The Berry Patch

Ladies… send me your mailing address and I’ll get your book in the mail!

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A giveaway for two lucky Haiku Mamas

Having fun family-style

Back in the days before CJ (BCJ), Jay and I had a lifestyle that was pretty good by most accounts. We had blooming careers, a nice little house, time to work out and entertain and travel, a bit of extra money and lots of great friends.

So one day we said to each other, HEY, wouldn’t it be great to give all this up for red screaming creature that saps our sleep, strength and sanity? Wouldn’t it be great NOT to have any money, trash our house, lose our friends, and maybe our minds? And hey Jen, you’d sure look great with a spare tire and some extra MEAT on that caboose.

Riiiight.

For the record that is NOT the conversation we had. It went more like this,

“Oh, wouldn’t it be great to have a baby?”
“I can just imagine us all sitting round the table laughing and talking…”
“Wouldn’t it be fun if we had kids here with us right now?”

The simple fact of the matter is, we had CJ because of the potential for family fun. For another person to contribute to the love and laughter in our household. For someone to hang out with, to give us a different perspective, to help us see holidays and zoos and playgrounds and even our families in a fresh new light.

Spending time together as a family… doing fun things… this is what it’s all about. This is why we went down this road.

Because everything else IS awfully hard. The finances ARE tight. The house IS trashed. And my stomach… well let’s just say that “flat” is a distant memory.

And so we make a point to have the good times. To create the fun. To do the bonding.

Here are just a few of the ways that we keep our family flourishing.

• Family outings. The zoo, playground, wading pool, Target, and yes occasionally even Krispy Kreme.
• DANCE PARTY MARATHON. Turn on loud music like Will Smith or the Spice Girls or anything with a THUMPING beat and get down tonight.
• Eat dinner together. This is when CJ says the best, most hilarious things. I LOVE eating dinner together. Except when I don’t… when it doesn’t go well and we spend the whole time yelling things like SIT DOWN CJ! or DON’T YOU DARE THROW THAT SPOONFUL OF RICE! OK, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOUNG MAN!

This post is brought to you in conjunction with Parent Bloggers Network & EA’s Wii-Boogie, a family gaming experience. Shake it. Sing it. Create it.

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BlogHer 07 recap: What I learned

BlogHer 2007. Chicago. Navy Pier. Hoards of smart and savvy women all gathered in one place. What’s not to love? Well, a few things. But that’s another story.

For now, let me summarize WHAT I LEARNED at BlogHer. I don’t necessarily condone all of these methods, but I did think that they were interesting and useful enough to share.

How to drive traffic to your blog:

• Check out PRWeb.com - for a minimal fee ($40/post), you can post press releases about your blog. These go out to many, many people including journalists. Good way to get media attention.

• Submit posts to sites that resyndicate, eg. Stumbleupon, Reddit, Digg, and Sk*rt. (this is true. the few times that one of my posts has been picked up by stumbleupon or sk*rt, I’ve seen a significant spike in traffic)

How to “brand” yourself:

• Pick a focus for your blog. The narrower, the better. If no one else is writing about it, you’ll get all the traffic. Which is WHY I’m proud to announce my new blogging theme: BANANA MUCUS. (judging from all the google searches on this topic, it should be wildly popular)

• There are a lot of mommy bloggers out there. What makes you unique and worth reading? My hot body, OBVIOUSLY.

• Come up with a one-line tag line for your blog that states what you’re about. This will help you know whether you’re focused. Done. Absolutely Bananas: Where the baboon abuses gallantly. It’s perfect, right?!

If you hope some day to be published:

• Be careful what you post, since blogging is a form of publishing. Often something you’ve blogged can’t be published because the publisher will want original content. Oh darn. Does that mean my great works will never be published in a SERIOUS magazine? My dreams are dashed against the rocks of despair… seriously.

• Typically you can’t turn your blog into a book… because of the original content thing. BUT there are instances of women who have successfully landed book deals based on their blogs. And just when I thought I was the next Cold Sassy Tree…

To make money off your blog:

• KNOW YOUR VALUE. Don’t sell yourself short by taking a pittance because it’s all you can get. Better to hold out and demand what you deserve. I’m happy to announce that I am now offering $1,000,000 ad space on my blog. Right there, just below my picture… where it says “Mother. Coffee Drinker… blah blah” — that could be your ad! Hurry! Sign up today!

• Consider publishing a “rate card” on your blog that tells advertisers what you charge for them to advertise on your site. See above.

• Another idea is to draft a form letter that you send to all queries for “free advertising” that says what you charge to review a product or to advertise it on your site. Don’t review products for free! Dear Mr. Bater, although I am thrilled at the prospect of advertising your excellent enema product with absolutely no kick-back, I must inform you that due to new operating procedures here at Absolutely Bananas (where the baboon abuses gallantly) we must now require AT LEAST a free give-away in return for advertisements. Thank you and good day.

• The appearance of your blog is important for attracting advertisers. Don’t use a standard template; better if your blog’s design is customized. Also worthwhile to buy your own domain (e.g. absolutelybananas.com instead of absolutelybananas.blogspot.com) because it makes you look more established.

If you want to be a paid blogger:

• B5 Media- Says they look for writers who have an interesting, unique voice. This is more important than experience blogging.

• Babble- If there is a blog that’s hiring, comment on it! Some of Babble’s paid bloggers were hired because they consistently left interesting, unique comments.
• Some companies are new to the “blogosphere” so they look for someone with expertise. If you can prove that you are that expert, this can work to your advantage.

Good bloggers do:

• Have a comment policy, and post it on your blog. What comments (if any) will you delete? Why will you delete comments? Will you tell people when a comment has been deleted?Having a comment policy that’s up-front will help you when/if your comments get controversial. NEWSFLASH: Absolutely Bananas (where the baboon abuses gallantly) now has a comment policy! As of today, any comments that I dislike will be deleted, promptly… and said deletion may be accompanied by wild laughter and shouts of “take that, sucker!”or “how do you like me NOW?” Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  
• When uploading images, name the files using dashes (-) to separate words. This will allow them to be found via search engines. For example: picture-of-jennys-head-photoshopped-on-paris-hiltons-jailbird-body.jpg
  
• No one likes a “spam commenter.” If you’re just commenting to get traffic, it’s obvious. Comments should be authentic, thoughtful, and relevant. Hey there girl! Love the blog! Check mine out at http://www.absolutelybananas.com/. Riiiiight.

A word of caution:
There were a few very scary stories shared about women who were stalked, threatened, and otherwise mistreated by people who found them via their blogs. Be careful! Use common sense! I wrote a post about this a while back: Blogging about your kids: Balancing safety with the need to keep it real. And one more note on this; I keep seeing people posting that they are going on vacation. Please consider NOT doing this… you can write about your vacation when you return. Every time I see someone doing this, I cringe, because it reads like an open invitation to burglars!

And if that just wasn’t enough, here are some of my favorite posts about BlogHer.

Elizabeth Edwards, two ways:
Meeting Elizabeth Edwards by Jen Lemen
When Elizabeth Edwards is Speaking at BlogHer, I’m a Conservative by Daring Young Mom

Useful:
BlogHer 07: The Notes courtesy of Don’t Try This at Home (notes in .doc format)

Motivational:
Lookin’ Out For Mah Peeps: That’s You by Mom-101

Low-down dirty gossip:
BlogHer 07: Exclusive Details of the Swagtroversy Revealed! With Pictures! from Suburban Turmoil

Best recaps by people who didn’t go:
No, I’m NOT jealous by Here In Idaho
BlogHer SmogHer, Who Needs it? by The Queen of Shake-shake

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Related Posts
-BlogHer is my Red Bull
-I want to go home. Why can’t I just go home?
-There’s no place like home

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