Next week Jay turns the big four-oh. He’s dreading it, but I keep telling him THERE ARE WORSE THINGS!
Like, for example…
1. Being eaten by wolves
2. Getting your leg caught in a meat grinder
3. Poking your eye out
4. Running over a baby bunny or duckling
5. Finding a finger in your soup
6. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
7. Losing the winning lottery ticket
8. Mullets
9. Being chewed up by hamsters, rats or cats
10. Bed bugs
11. Falling down the stairs
12. Stepping on a rusty nail
13. Kevin Costner with webbed feet
14. Lice and scurvy. And all that other stuff they used to get on boats.
15. Drinking lumpy milk
16. Taking the red pill.
17. Getting eaten by a shark.
18. Teenage girls
19. Filet-of-Fish sandwiches
20. The stuff Mike Rowe does
21. Having gas on an airplane
22. The Real Housewives of Orange County
23. Comb-overs
24. Trying to figure out how to sync your iPhone to a new computer without losing all your music
25. Taking your baby to get his shots
26. A root canal
27. Anything by Paris Hilton
28. A runny nose when you don’t have a kleenex
29. Catching your hair on fire
30. Windows XP
31. Paying taxes
32. Accidentally brushing your teeth with hemorrhoid cream
33. the 80′s… back in style
34. Having the pilot of your airplane pass out from bad fish and all the other people pass out too and you have to fly the airplane but you don’t know how
35. Mean aliens that come to Earth to exterminate human life
36. Throwing up in your mouth
37. Dropping a baby
38. Stepping on dog poop. In the middle of the night. With bare feet.
39. Lower back pain.
40. Falling down and you CAN’T GET UP!
See? Don’t you feel better now?
January 22, 2010 at 6:24 am
41. NOT turning 40. Surely?
January 22, 2010 at 6:43 am
This is a great way of looking at it! Too funny. Thanks for the laugh this morning.
January 22, 2010 at 6:50 am
bahahahahahahahahaha.
January 22, 2010 at 7:31 am
Awesome list! Maybe I should save it for when my husband turns 40 in 3 years.
January 22, 2010 at 8:56 am
I agree with all of those but I would add one more pretty high up on the list.
“Hanging out with the cast of Jersey Shore.”
Have you seen those train wrecks?! ugh, I weep for humanity.
January 22, 2010 at 10:49 am
LOL!! I needed a good laugh this morning. You crack me up Jenny. Hope you are doing good, at least you are not turning 40!
January 22, 2010 at 2:18 pm
RE #33: I heard a nasty rumor stirrup pants were back. Just when I was breathing a sigh of relief about skinny jeans finally going away again …
January 23, 2010 at 8:17 pm
Having run over a baby bunny — in fact, TWO of them — when I was in my 20s, and now facing 40 in a few months, I can say that 40 seems more painful, but the bunnies were more shocking-short-term-trauma. Thankfully, I’ve never been eaten by wolves, which I am sure would be worse that this birthday.
January 23, 2010 at 9:36 pm
How about turning 41?
January 24, 2010 at 4:59 pm
careful, those last two options are actually things that happen soon after you turn 40!
January 26, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Jay is lucky he has you to remind him of these things.
January 27, 2010 at 11:14 am
just tell him the shock wears off after a few years, then you start worrying about turning 50.
January 30, 2010 at 10:40 am
tooooooo funnnnnyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!
ask him, “Haven’t you heard? Forty is the new thirty! No worries!”
He is lucky to have such a funny girl!
April 29, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Filet of Fish sandwiches! No kidding. Got a good laugh, thanks.