40 things worse than turning 40

Next week Jay turns the big four-oh. He’s dreading it, but I keep telling him THERE ARE WORSE THINGS!

Like, for example…

1. Being eaten by wolves

2. Getting your leg caught in a meat grinder

3. Poking your eye out

4. Running over a baby bunny or duckling

5. Finding a finger in your soup

6. Irritable Bowel Syndrome

7. Losing the winning lottery ticket

8. Mullets

9. Being chewed up by hamsters, rats or cats

10. Bed bugs

11. Falling down the stairs

12. Stepping on a rusty nail

13. Kevin Costner with webbed feet

14. Lice and scurvy. And all that other stuff they used to get on boats.

15. Drinking lumpy milk

16. Taking the red pill.

17. Getting eaten by a shark.

18. Teenage girls

19. Filet-of-Fish sandwiches

20. The stuff Mike Rowe does

21. Having gas on an airplane

22. The Real Housewives of Orange County

23. Comb-overs

24. Trying to figure out how to sync your iPhone to a new computer without losing all your music

25. Taking your baby to get his shots

26. A root canal

27. Anything by Paris Hilton

28. A runny nose when you don’t have a kleenex

29. Catching your hair on fire

30. Windows XP

31. Paying taxes

32. Accidentally brushing your teeth with hemorrhoid cream

33. the 80′s… back in style

34. Having the pilot of your airplane pass out from bad fish and all the other peopleĀ  pass out too and you have to fly the airplane but you don’t know how

35. Mean aliens that come to Earth to exterminate human life

36. Throwing up in your mouth

37. Dropping a baby

38. Stepping on dog poop. In the middle of the night. With bare feet.

39. Lower back pain.

40. Falling down and you CAN’T GET UP!

See? Don’t you feel better now?

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14 Comments

  1. 41. NOT turning 40. Surely?

  2. This is a great way of looking at it! Too funny. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

  3. bahahahahahahahahaha.

  4. Awesome list! Maybe I should save it for when my husband turns 40 in 3 years.

  5. I agree with all of those but I would add one more pretty high up on the list.
    “Hanging out with the cast of Jersey Shore.”
    Have you seen those train wrecks?! ugh, I weep for humanity.

  6. LOL!! I needed a good laugh this morning. You crack me up Jenny. Hope you are doing good, at least you are not turning 40!

  7. RE #33: I heard a nasty rumor stirrup pants were back. Just when I was breathing a sigh of relief about skinny jeans finally going away again …

  8. Having run over a baby bunny — in fact, TWO of them — when I was in my 20s, and now facing 40 in a few months, I can say that 40 seems more painful, but the bunnies were more shocking-short-term-trauma. Thankfully, I’ve never been eaten by wolves, which I am sure would be worse that this birthday.

  9. careful, those last two options are actually things that happen soon after you turn 40!

  10. Jay is lucky he has you to remind him of these things.

  11. just tell him the shock wears off after a few years, then you start worrying about turning 50.

  12. tooooooo funnnnnyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

    ask him, “Haven’t you heard? Forty is the new thirty! No worries!”

    He is lucky to have such a funny girl!

  13. Filet of Fish sandwiches! No kidding. Got a good laugh, thanks.