Bella is a GOOD dog. She is fluffy and a cutie-wootie and she has a big black nose and Zsa Zsa Gabor eyelashes. She knows how to sit and she rings a bell to go outside and she is endlessly patient with CJ.
BUT.
Bella has a dark side.
A dirty little secret.
Sometimes, in the darkness of night, Bella sneaks around the house and eats things.
Inappropriate things.
Things that are not food.
I’ve started a list. Because somehow that makes me feel in control of the situation.
(I find it soothing to sing the list to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas. Feel free to join me.)
In the last six months, Bella has EATEN:
4 brand new bras
3 tennis shoes
2 crocs
3 sandals
and a brand-new pair of flip-flops
1 remote control
2 DVDs
the July Real Simple
my rain coat
Buzz Lightyear’s face
and a whole bunch of tiny dinosaurs
lots of Legos
a spatula
2 leashes
an x-wing fighter
darth vader
and a whole bunch of newspapers
a plastic sword
also a nerf sword
a tiny car
Tinker Toys
and A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE
(Ok, not the last one. But everything else is for REAL!)
This is the hidden cost of dog ownership. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
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xo Jen
July 22, 2009 at 9:54 am
We don’t have a dog, but we do have a 3 year old and he can do some damage in the chew department. Not quite the same, but still. It’s kind of ridiculous to buy him new toys when all he’s going to do is chew the arm or tail or head off.
July 22, 2009 at 9:55 am
My dog just shreds poopie diapers. Yeah, that’s a lovely smell to wake up to.
July 22, 2009 at 10:14 am
Oy vay! Bella seems to have taken a page out of my dog’s book (take that as you will). The worst thing Miss Puppy has eaten (but by no means the only) has been my eyeglasses. I feel for you.
July 22, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Ooops…..NO BELLA NO!
July 22, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Were they underwire bras?
July 22, 2009 at 5:47 pm
wow. Bras? Really? My dog has chewed many things over his eight year tenure as the family pooch…but never a bra. Underwear, shoes, shirts, pants, toys, bugs. garbage, pencil erasers…
Just be thankful that nothing that she has ingested has hurt her…that is most unpleasant.
July 22, 2009 at 8:20 pm
I had a dog when I was a kid who got into my stepmother’s oil pastels (Cray-Pas). He only went after the red ones. Then his pee and poo was fuchsia.
My aunt also had a dog named Shadow, but we nicknamed Chewy. Chewy at the arm off the sofa and the tin foil and waxed paper packages. She cut her tongue and my aunt had to take her to the vet. Chewy got blood all over my aunt’s car. Then as my aunt got her out of the car, she took off while my aunt was still holding the leash, knocking my aunt’s head on the side mirror of a truck she parked next to, requiring stitches. The vet offered to put Chewy down, and my aunt was very, very tempted.
Bella seems to have a very healthy appetite.
July 23, 2009 at 7:29 am
Oh WOW, and I thought we had it bad at our house. Our dog “Tank” loves to destroy the kids toys. I’ve actually found this quite helpful though, as they’ve learned really quickly to pick up after themselves or Tank will eat your toys.
July 23, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Bella, you’re a Legend
You can teach us humans a thing or two.
I have to give it to your little poochie, she just goes for what she wants in life and nothing stops her; no ‘what if’s’ or fear or worrying about the consequences.
I bet when she flutters those Zsa Zsa Gabor eyelashes at you in her cute little way all thoughts of chewed lego and broken DVD’s fade into the background ;0)
July 23, 2009 at 8:56 pm
You’re so RIGHT! We could all benefit from a bit of Bella’s spirit, I think.
July 25, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Our yellow lab, Juno, also has a very dark side. Maybe it’s just a hungry side, but she recently housed a 6 foot leash in less than five minutes. I went to change a diaper, and when I returned the leash was GONE! She visits the vet at least once every other month!
July 26, 2009 at 12:02 pm
are you sure those aren’t my rat dogs masquerading with a lot more fur??
although they prefer my 15-year-old’s underwear to toys.
i don’t want to think about it.
July 27, 2009 at 9:44 pm
That’s some list! How many times have you had to take her to the vet?
July 27, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Wow, that is a lot of stuff. Does she have a tummy ache yet?
July 29, 2009 at 5:47 pm
I believe that disorder is called “dietary indiscretion”. I have two labs who have eaten all of those things, AND all the fringe off our rug, the foam seat for a newly-reupholstered chair, the upholstery fabric ripped off the aforementioned chair, an entire bottle of pills, small rocks, and sanitary napkins out of the bathroom garbage.
You’re not kidding about the hidden costs…The people at the emergency vet clinic know us on a first name basis.
August 1, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Our dog is obsessed with tissue paper like its cotton candy… She hops on the toilet and gently pulls them out of the box one by one, hiding them around the house one by one, and later eating them one by one!
August 7, 2009 at 1:41 am
LOL! My poodle started to chew on chairs and stuff when she was still a pup. But I am just too happy that she grew out of the behavior. But she hasn’t outgrown her liking for plants though. It scares me because she may ingest something poisonous. Good luck with Bella! She looks cute!
August 7, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Will you please send Bella over to my house? I’m convinced it will be a win-win for both of us. See we got this Golden Retriever puppy a couple of months ago (because clearly I am insane that I let my family talk me into this) and all he wants to do is eat things–kind of like Bella’s list but Cooper has actually taken to even eating our kitchen table.
So here is my plan, you send Bella over and we will let her eat Cooper then she got her chewing satisfaction for the day and I am dog-free again! Sounds like a plan…the only thing left to work out is who scoops Bella’s poo when she “passes” Cooper (he is 40 IBS)???
August 15, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I thought my kitties were bad, but Bella is something else!! She is so sweet, but what a stinker!!!
I know our pets are very expensive, but they are a part of our family and we love them so much. My cats start moaning when it’s time to put them in the kitty carrier and we haven’t even left the house! They know it’s time for their check-up. I moan afterwards when I see the vet bill!!!
I am fairly new in reading mommy blogs. Yours is really cute!! I also enjoy http://www.mommymeltingpot.com. She has some good stories too.
Good luck with precious “Bella”.
August 24, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Are you sure the dog isn’t part goat?
August 27, 2009 at 11:01 am
Oh…I hate to ask this…
do the things come out on their own? I see serious vet bills in your future!