A Public Service Announcement about Six
July 18, 2009 – 3:21 pm
I’ve had a six year old for over two months and already I’ve noticed that SIX IS NOT THE SAME AS FIVE. It’s also different from four, three, two and -you guessed it- one. So now you’re thinking, Thank you Captain Obvious, but before you get all sarcastic, let me explain. The other birthdays - before six- transitioned more slowly and seamlessly. When CJ turned five it wasn’t all that different from four only now he was five and gradually he grew older. Which was hard but at least I had time to adjust.
With six I honestly feel like aliens beamed up my precious CJ and beamed down a whole new boy. And while he looks familiar, I feel a need to keep my distance because something isn’t quite the same.
For those of you who haven’t yet entered this lovely era, I have compiled a list of observations about six. I sum them up with one word: RUN.
If I had any tea he’d definitely be dumping it in the harbor
“Mom, I’m gonna go ride my bike around the block.”
“Well, CJ, the thing is… I’m not really comfortable with you riding around the block all by yourself.”
“But Mo-om,” (with vehemence), “I’m SIX.”
Right.
In CJ’s mind, six is the new eighteen. He should be allowed to vote, drive, light fires, toodle around the city of Seattle completely unsupervised, and make all his own choices. Bedtime, schmedtime. Didn’t you hear that he’s six?
Any and all rules and regulations… even gentle attempts at guidance… from mom are strictly forbidden and highly offensive.
In the little world of our house, CJ is Paul Revere and I’m the British trying to enforce taxation without representation. The thing is, I have a problem with my six year old claiming his independence and seceding from the family union. This can only mean one thing: civil war. Bloody and bitter, the battle rages on.
He loves me, he loves me NOT.
CJ bumped his knee the other day and then charged at me with a very clear intent to kill. It’s not that he’s a bad kid with murderous tendencies it’s just that the knee bumping was MY FAULT! and now I deserve to DIE!
In case you didn’t know, I am THE WORLD’S MEANEST MOM! and THE BEAST! On a daily basis my little son with the green eyes that perfectly match mine tells me that he HATES me with fervent sincerity.
It’s all rather discouraging.
Until the moment where he decides he loves me after all and throws his arms around me with such unabashed adoration that it melts my heart into a little pool of goo.
Mercurial. That’s the word I’m looking for.
Tweezers and a jar full of honey
The good thing about six is that it comes with a whole lot of imagination and attention span. Combine these with that independent spirit and we have AT LAST OH HALLELUJAH AT LAST the holy grail of parenthood: independent play.
Yesterday CJ took a jar and filled it partway up with honey and then wandered around the yard with the jar and some tweezers looking for bees. For an HOUR. He constantly invents activities that he becomes completely immersed in, leaving time for me to do things like read my book and fold the laundry.
The downside to all this is that invention is the mother of necessity by which I mean CJ creates messes and usually they’re sticky. If that sentence doesn’t make sense it’s because you don’t have a six year old. Or maybe I just need coffee. Let’s move on.
CJ’s favorite plaything is my baking drawer which includes supplies like POWDERED SUGAR (a fan favorite), chocolate chips and granulated sugar, which although not as nice as powdered sugar, will do in a pinch. And by “pinch” I mean EAT IT BY THE CUP FULL. CJ likes to doctor up his yogurt with a handful of powdered sugar and a smattering of chocolate chips. He also likes to play “cooking” usually when I’m in the other room for long enough that he can create a massive mess. Did I mention Sticky? Sticky is a big part of six.
Coping mechanisms
Don’t worry, you can stop banging your head against the wall, because there are several proven strategies for dealing with your new six year old.
First is my favorite option which involves shrieking at your husband I AM WORN OUT AND DEAD TIRED TAKE THIS CHILD FROM MY SIGHT I NEED TO REST. This can work well if you yell with a banshee-like scream and give him crazy eyes. It usually guarantees you at least three hours of solitude where you can play Solitude or Tetris or (my favorite) the game where you make little hamburgers on an assembly line.
I guess that’s the only strategy I’ve come up with so far. But if I think of more I will definitely let you know.
Good luck. (You’re going to need it.)
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By Tracy on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
ha ha ha, yes 6 is not 5. We are 4 months in and we are just starting to get the hang of it. And I mean just starting. Good luck. =)
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By Jessica Breastfeeding Hannah on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
He sounds perfectly normal to me, just like my little man. We have a really interesting dynamic here since he has four sisters and no brothers. Ha.
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By Carrie on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
Nonononono. People have been assuring me that boys are easy to raise and that, yes, my son is a handful right now, but when he gets out of toddlerhood he will be easy to handle from then on out. Please tell me that this blog entry was just exaggeration, please? Please?
I’m going to have to purchase stock in a cheap white wine company to make it through the next 18 years of motherhood.
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By Sweet Em on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
What?! I’m knee deep in 2-year old-ness and this post is just discouraging. I thought that once 2/3 was over I was in the clear until 12/13…sigh.
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By Mad Woman on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
Ohhh goody! And here I was just holding on to the hope that FIVE would see a turn around in the attitude of *my* CJ. *sigh*
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By Brittany at Mommy Words on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
My 2 1/2 year old is threatening me with all the things she thinks se can do when she is 3. Sheliterally asks me ifshe can be a grown up when she is 3 andhave wine like mommy. I can’t imagine what she will want when she is 6. Uh Oh. Good Luck!
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By C @ Kid Things on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
I was really hoping that once we hit 5, it was smooth sailing. At least until we reach the teen years.
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By Stacy (mama-om) on Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
My oldest is two weeks from six… though I think we’ll already there!
And, oh! The Sticky! Throw a two-year-old into the mix, and we’ve got gooey, wet, and smooshy, too.
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By Erin on Jul 19, 2009 | Reply
I don’t get six! Mine turned 6 in February and it was tolerable until summer hit and all the other 6 year olds he know had NO supervision. They live over 3 blocks away and show up at all hours–one time they came to see if my son could play at 9:30 pm!
So they play at our house a lot. Now having 4-5 six year olds over—PLAY OUTSIDE!!
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By The Redhead Riter on Jul 19, 2009 | Reply
It is even better when they turn 16 :o)
?Hope you’re having a sunshine ? filled Sunday!?
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By Wilma Ham on Jul 19, 2009 | Reply
I always wanted boys, now I am glad I only had girls.
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By Saving In Akron on Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
I can so relate. My daughter is 5 and she seems to think that she will be able to do anything when she turns 6. Somehow in her mind it’s the magic age, and I can’t quite get her to see that it’s not going to be much different. However, since girls mature a little faster then boys, we are experiencing some of what you are, just a little earlier.
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By Dumblond on Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
What do they teach kids in school these days?…
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By Amber on Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
I totally know what you are speaking of. My sweet little 5 year old turned into a crazy, sometimes mean, sometimes horrible attitude 6 year old. I’m praying for Wednesday when he turns 7; maybe it will get better.
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By the planet of janet on Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
yeah, even years are the pits. just sayin’
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By tracey on Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
Ah. Each age has its own marvelous bonuses. Ten is fun, too. Let me tell you, nothing makes me happier than having a ten year old moan and groan and argue Every. Single. Detail. It is Joyful! Parenting ROCKS! yaaayyyy…..
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By Kari C on Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
Oh how I remember those days, sadly I think they are to prep you for tween/teen years.
One thing I didn’t allow was the yelling of “I Hate You”. I know it’s just frustration etc, but words are hurtful. So…..I gave my son an Angry Book. I told him he could “write” anything he wanted in there, even when he felt like he hated me, and I pinky swore I would never read it. It helped sooo much.
I did find it many years later, and read through it and just had to laugh and the expressions he drew and eventually wrote when he learned how to spell.
Good luck, take lots of deep breaths and know that you will survive!!
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By Keith on Jul 21, 2009 | Reply
Oh boy, I’m worried now. We still have two years to go, but I can already see some of those “six yr old” qualities you’ve outlined.
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By Dumblond on Jul 22, 2009 | Reply
Oh and thanks a whole lot for the link to the burger game. Like I need another game to suck away my precious hours…*sigh*
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bananas Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:23 am
oh I’m glad I got someone hooked. I just love that game but still I shake my head at the irony that I’m CHOOSING to spend my spare time flipping burgers. ;)
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By :Sandy on Jul 22, 2009 | Reply
I just had to respond to the “meanest mom” comment. I raised 4 daughters. One day one of them told me that I was the “meanest mom”. (I just wanted beds made and underpanties picked up). I told her that I belonged to the Mean Mom club and that I was the president. She believed me! I did have to admit (later) that it wasn’t true but from then on whenever some accused me of being mean, I just explained that I had to be to remain the president!
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By Sunshine on Jul 23, 2009 | Reply
I haven’t read anything in Google Reader for, hmm, a month??? More???
So nothing even looked worth commenting on since there are eighty bazillion unread items in there.
BUT…OMFG. This is so awesome. Love it. I have been the subject of such ire myself, one kid left to go thru age 6. lol
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By jaec on Jul 27, 2009 | Reply
But now I am six,
I am clever as clever,
So I think I’ll stay six now
Forever and ever.
A.A. Milne
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bananas Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
This poem is so perfect i can’t even believe it. Thank you for posting it! I’m going to print it out and frame it.
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jaec Reply:
July 29th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
This is from a poem by Milne, that goes approximately like this:
When I was one,
I was just begun.
When I was two,
I was barely new.
When I was three,
I was hardly me.
When I was four,
I was not much more.
When I was five,
I was just alive.
But now I am six,
I am clever as clever,
So I think I’ll stay six now,
Forever and ever.
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By Kim on Aug 6, 2009 | Reply
I have a 6-year-old too and most days are spent arguing. I have never argued with anyone about anything as many times as I have argued with my 6-year-old. He is pretty sure that he knows way more than I do about…everything. This all started right after he went to school. Damn those educational institutions! I also wrote a post about my experience with my 6-year-old here: http://kimberleemurray.blogspot.com/2009/05/keeping-it-real.html.
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By Burp Rag on Aug 7, 2009 | Reply
Jen as always, tears in my eyes. Chicken Little turns 6 next week and we are so there. I’m checking into boarding schools.
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By Melina on Aug 7, 2009 | Reply
Hi! I found your blog through Mona’s Kirida.com…I love it! Hilarious and absolutely bananas, you’re right.
My cousin has a six year old. I am currently living with them and wow….wow! My cousin said her world was changed when she read the book “Your six year old”. She’s having a lot better time with him now.
Thanks for the great posts!
Melina
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By Melina on Aug 7, 2009 | Reply
So, as it turns out….you know my cousin, and you know the six year old in question. It’s Parker! I’m sitting with them both right now. What a fantastic coincidence!
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bananas Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
What a crazy small world we live in.
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By Ashlie- Mommycosm on Aug 27, 2009 | Reply
Yep, six is definitely not 5. I am just exiting the wonderful land of 6 with my daughter. She’s told me that she hates me. That she wishes she had another mommy. And gives me lots of love. Wondering what 7 will have in store for us.
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