On Friday CJ turned six. This means that,
A) Our baby is a year older and,
B) Jay and I had to fight the bitter and bloody battle against TOY PACKAGING.
724 twist ties, 15 lbs of cardboard, 72 bits of sharp and jagged plastic, 861 staples, 13 paper cuts, and 52 curse words later… and we ALMOST had the toys opened.
It makes me wonder…
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT A CHILD BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY PLAY WITH A TOY ONCE IT’S BEEN PURCHASED?
Seriously who are these monsters that design toy packaging? Why do you need 16 metal twist-ties binding a tiny plastic car to three sheets of cardboard and does this all really need to be wrapped in wickedly thick plastic that turns into a nightmarish skin-piercing weapon when cut open?
What exactly are toy manufacturers afraid will happen to these toys that they need such protection and where do all the twist ties come from? I’m starting to think that twist ties grow on trees in China. Have you been there? Can you confirm?
Tonight after a particularly vicious battle with a SPY TOY SET I sit at the table munching on french fries with dark thoughts of revenge. Whoever you are… YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE… laughing with diabolical glee as you twist twist twist the toy into cardboard purgatory… I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL DESTROY YOU.
I will tie you up with tiny metal twist ties that bind into your skin and are impossible to remove EVEN WITH WIRE CUTTERS AND A FIERCE GRIP. I will encase you in layers of cardboard and thick plastic sheeting. I will STAPLE and TAPE you and did I mention the twist ties?
And then I will throw you in a land fill with the 4 million billion tons of cardboard and plastic and twist tie that you have oh-so-unnecessarily created.
And ON THIS GREAT DAY when I have my revenge the parents of the world will rejoice! We will link arms and skip and dance and sing songs of love and harmony. And the children will open toys that they can PLAY WITH without the help of wire cutters or scissors or a crow bar.
Free at last.
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xo Jen
June 16, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Heh. I feel the pain. We actually BROKE a knife opening a tiny camera made for a child last Christmas morning. Toy packaging is parent torture…
Mrs. Fs last blog post..The One That Got Away, Thank God!
June 16, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I loooooathe that packaging! And all the crap you have to toss! The cardboard you might be able to recycle but all that hard pokey plastic?! Ugh. Terrible.
June 17, 2009 at 7:02 am
Ugh so true – packaging is the devil! When I was a kid my dad undid all the packaging before wrapping anything for me so I could play with it immediately after unwrapping – which is an awesome strategy but it only works for the gifts YOU are giving. And it still involves the hassle on OUR end.
Jen E @ mommablogsalots last blog post..WW: Summer Days, Tricycle Delights
June 17, 2009 at 7:34 am
This is why I let the husband undo all the toys.
Crystals last blog post..Inappropriate Language
June 17, 2009 at 7:50 am
Ugh. I know! I did notice, though, that one of the Disney toys T Junior received had these ingenious plastic clips on the back of the box. I simply turned them 90 degrees (as directed) and the toy popped right out. No twist ties, no lethal plastic!
Kerries last blog post..Wa Dis?
June 17, 2009 at 9:47 am
I love this post! I’m actually a Packaging Engineer and thought it was one of the funniest things I’ve read all day. While I agree most toys are overpackaged (father of 2), the purpose is security & distribution which in my professional opinion is highly overrated. lol
June 17, 2009 at 10:31 am
security from what, exactly? Gale force winds? A tsunami of epic proportions? THE END OF THE WORLD?
Heh. Thanks for commenting and oh what a job you have! :)
June 19, 2009 at 7:03 am
Security from the nitwits that like to steal toys right out of the package in the store/warehouse/truck.
I agree that it has been taken to an extreme, but so is everything else in our world.
Adriennes last blog post..Remodeling
June 17, 2009 at 1:20 pm
OMG! I just battled some of those damn twist ties. For a WATER GUN.
AMEN to your post. That’s all I’ll say. Couldn’t say it any better than you did.
Just Jiffs last blog post..Weekend Photos.
June 17, 2009 at 2:10 pm
One of my daughter’s toys still has the plastic fasteners on it, because I haven’t attempted to wiggle scissors underneath to cut them off. They aren’t harmful, just annoying. And pointless, as you say.
Bonnies last blog post..Summer with a Jeep
June 17, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Oh my gosh, this post is SO true and I totally relate to this! I bought the Little People Racing Ramps garage and literally spent two hours trying to get the thing out of all its packaging and then get it all put together! For a simple little TOY!
Ashleys last blog post..This Is One of Those Weeks
June 18, 2009 at 10:36 am
I FREAKING HATE toy packaging!!! ahhhhhhh. And the places they stick those twist ties you sometimes need like little pencil fingers to actually get in there!! Grrrr.
I’m gunna help you twist tie up that person!!
June 18, 2009 at 12:19 pm
And how about the ones that require a SCREWDRIVER to unfasten? Crazy!
There’s some little evil man sitting in a factory somewhere laughing his ass off at us.
Trenches of Mommyhoods last blog post..Take Care of YOU
June 19, 2009 at 11:30 am
the worst is the cuts you get from the plastic. UGHHH. The warning should be for the damn packaging. New to your blog, luv it
justagirls last blog post..UHHHH, What the hell is in my bubble bath.
June 20, 2009 at 6:10 am
Boy, can I ever relate this this. I dread birthdays and holidays for this very reason. Oh, and one other thing that ticks me off about kids toys – why must they all have 15 thousand teeny tiny pieces????? My dog has a field day. Ever step on one in the dark in barefeet???
Saving In Akrons last blog post..CVS Deals 6/21 – 6/27
June 20, 2009 at 1:35 pm
What’s even funnier is that the packaging on the really good stuff like video game consoles, tvs and ipods are tape. A piece of plastic clear tape. Hello?! Maybe “those people” need to get their priorities straight.
June 20, 2009 at 3:05 pm
More companies need to start things like this program in the article below. And Amazon needs to try and expand it with their suppliers. Since Amazon doesn’t have to have their products on display in the store or deal with security of having people in the store handling the packages, they shouldn’t need all that crap.
Article about Amazon’s “frustration free” packaging initiative.
http://phx.corporate-ir.net/phoenix.zhtml?c=176060&p=irol-newsArticle&ID=1220930
June 21, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Really… what is up with the packaging? It is very nerve wracking. My kids get so upse with me because a lot of times I cannot open the packages because my hands are in such bad shape. Ugh.
June 22, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Right up there with office product packaging :-)
June 26, 2009 at 10:17 am
You’re right. Why? Why do the toys have to be attached to the boxes with such vehemence?
Tracy
June 26, 2009 at 3:12 pm
That’s why I use a chain saw
June 26, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Ya know, to some degree, I get it. I understand there is a need for secure packaging so as to detract shoplifters. That’s fine. But is there *really* a huge market for Fisher Price and Playskool cars and trucks? Are Little People hot black market comodities?! *sigh* At least you are not fighting with Barbie, whose hair is SEWN to the cardboard!!
June 27, 2009 at 4:57 am
I was just cursing the packaging on a Barbie last night! I find myself a ranging bitch by the end of my children’s birthdays because I’m sick to death of assembling toys!
June 29, 2009 at 12:56 am
I love the impossible to cut hard plastic. How many times has the scissors slipped and I have gashed my hand open? Not only is the packaging a huge pain, but a massive waste. Usually there is 2x more packaging material than material for the item purchased.
July 1, 2009 at 1:50 pm
OMG!!! This is so funny and true!!!
July 1, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Holy crap! I laughed so hard reading that post that my iced tea almost came right out of my nose. That is so right on the money! I’m wondering if the company that manufactures ‘band-aids’ is in a secret evil contract with the toy packaging folks? Create a need and they will come. Hmmmm.
M.
July 2, 2009 at 9:37 am
:) I’ve never considered using a crowbar…thanks for the tip!
This was a hoot!
July 4, 2009 at 10:04 pm
I thought this was one of the perks of having teenagers…not having to deal with dangerous toy packaging. But….that same packaging is used on everything from headphones to games to gaming accessories. It’s not limited to just kids’ items, either. I can’t buy any baked goods from any of our local grocery stores’ bakeries without risking flinging them to all corners of the room when I finally get the plastic packaging pried open.
October 16, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I do not work in retail, although I did, for less than a year, before I couldn’t take it anymore.
I have, however, walked through stores and found things like empty latte cups left on shelves, but more to the point, opened blister packs, some of them obviously requiring more ingenuity than NASA to open, EMPTY!!! The packaging is sometimes put right back on the shelf or hook. The product is GONE!!!
I have seen people walking around eating something in the store, M&M’s, candy bars, snack mix…the packaging, empty, is discarded in the trash in the restroom or just dropped randomly, somewhere.
Packaging is a pain, but why make it easier for shoplifters, more expensive for retailers and marketers, and indirectly more expensive for those of us who actually pay for things?
These thieves make things harder for everyone who follows the rules just like people who cut in lines make the line longer behind them, or the way that drivers use merge lanes as passing lanes, leaving everyone in the proper lanes waiting because some well-meaning driver holds up the line of traffic behind them to let them in.
Think about WHY we are being inconvenienced in this way, or any other way. Inconvenience is a symptom. Be upset with the cause…treat the cause.
Thank you for continuing to read if you made it this far. See through to the real problems. Take care of you and yours.
December 19, 2009 at 8:08 pm
There was a case involving a toddler and seattle mom where the packaging on an ipod that cut open her daughter’s forearm.
Esentially, the case went to trial and was promptly dismissed. case in point, don’t blame your inadequacies of opening and destroying hazardous packages before your kids get their grubby little hands on them!