A memo to the sick devil who designs toy packaging
June 16, 2009 – 8:35 pmOn Friday CJ turned six. This means that,
A) Our baby is a year older and,
B) Jay and I had to fight the bitter and bloody battle against TOY PACKAGING.
724 twist ties, 15 lbs of cardboard, 72 bits of sharp and jagged plastic, 861 staples, 13 paper cuts, and 52 curse words later… and we ALMOST had the toys opened.
It makes me wonder…
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT A CHILD BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY PLAY WITH A TOY ONCE IT’S BEEN PURCHASED?
Seriously who are these monsters that design toy packaging? Why do you need 16 metal twist-ties binding a tiny plastic car to three sheets of cardboard and does this all really need to be wrapped in wickedly thick plastic that turns into a nightmarish skin-piercing weapon when cut open?
What exactly are toy manufacturers afraid will happen to these toys that they need such protection and where do all the twist ties come from? I’m starting to think that twist ties grow on trees in China. Have you been there? Can you confirm?
Tonight after a particularly vicious battle with a SPY TOY SET I sit at the table munching on french fries with dark thoughts of revenge. Whoever you are… YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE… laughing with diabolical glee as you twist twist twist the toy into cardboard purgatory… I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL DESTROY YOU.
I will tie you up with tiny metal twist ties that bind into your skin and are impossible to remove EVEN WITH WIRE CUTTERS AND A FIERCE GRIP. I will encase you in layers of cardboard and thick plastic sheeting. I will STAPLE and TAPE you and did I mention the twist ties?
And then I will throw you in a land fill with the 4 million billion tons of cardboard and plastic and twist tie that you have oh-so-unnecessarily created.
And ON THIS GREAT DAY when I have my revenge the parents of the world will rejoice! We will link arms and skip and dance and sing songs of love and harmony. And the children will open toys that they can PLAY WITH without the help of wire cutters or scissors or a crow bar.
Free at last.
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By Mrs. F on Jun 16, 2009 | Reply
Heh. I feel the pain. We actually BROKE a knife opening a tiny camera made for a child last Christmas morning. Toy packaging is parent torture…
Mrs. Fs last blog post..The One That Got Away, Thank God!
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By Dumblond on Jun 16, 2009 | Reply
I loooooathe that packaging! And all the crap you have to toss! The cardboard you might be able to recycle but all that hard pokey plastic?! Ugh. Terrible.
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By Jen E @ mommablogsalot on Jun 17, 2009 | Reply
Ugh so true - packaging is the devil! When I was a kid my dad undid all the packaging before wrapping anything for me so I could play with it immediately after unwrapping - which is an awesome strategy but it only works for the gifts YOU are giving. And it still involves the hassle on OUR end.
Jen E @ mommablogsalots last blog post..WW: Summer Days, Tricycle Delights
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By Crystal on Jun 17, 2009 | Reply
This is why I let the husband undo all the toys.
Crystals last blog post..Inappropriate Language
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By Kerrie on Jun 17, 2009 | Reply
Ugh. I know! I did notice, though, that one of the Disney toys T Junior received had these ingenious plastic clips on the back of the box. I simply turned them 90 degrees (as directed) and the toy popped right out. No twist ties, no lethal plastic!
Kerries last blog post..Wa Dis?
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By Keith on Jun 17, 2009 | Reply
I love this post! I’m actually a Packaging Engineer and thought it was one of the funniest things I’ve read all day. While I agree most toys are overpackaged (father of 2), the purpose is security & distribution which in my professional opinion is highly overrated. lol
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bananas Reply:
June 17th, 2009 at 10:31 am
security from what, exactly? Gale force winds? A tsunami of epic proportions? THE END OF THE WORLD?
Heh. Thanks for commenting and oh what a job you have! :)
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Adrienne Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Security from the nitwits that like to steal toys right out of the package in the store/warehouse/truck.
I agree that it has been taken to an extreme, but so is everything else in our world.
Adriennes last blog post..Remodeling
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By Just Jiff on Jun 17, 2009 | Reply
OMG! I just battled some of those damn twist ties. For a WATER GUN.
AMEN to your post. That’s all I’ll say. Couldn’t say it any better than you did.
Just Jiffs last blog post..Weekend Photos.
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By Bonnie on Jun 17, 2009 | Reply
One of my daughter’s toys still has the plastic fasteners on it, because I haven’t attempted to wiggle scissors underneath to cut them off. They aren’t harmful, just annoying. And pointless, as you say.
Bonnies last blog post..Summer with a Jeep
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By Ashley on Jun 17, 2009 | Reply
Oh my gosh, this post is SO true and I totally relate to this! I bought the Little People Racing Ramps garage and literally spent two hours trying to get the thing out of all its packaging and then get it all put together! For a simple little TOY!
Ashleys last blog post..This Is One of Those Weeks
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By The Informal Matriarch on Jun 18, 2009 | Reply
I FREAKING HATE toy packaging!!! ahhhhhhh. And the places they stick those twist ties you sometimes need like little pencil fingers to actually get in there!! Grrrr.
I’m gunna help you twist tie up that person!!
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By Trenches of Mommyhood on Jun 18, 2009 | Reply
And how about the ones that require a SCREWDRIVER to unfasten? Crazy!
There’s some little evil man sitting in a factory somewhere laughing his ass off at us.
Trenches of Mommyhoods last blog post..Take Care of YOU
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By justagirl on Jun 19, 2009 | Reply
the worst is the cuts you get from the plastic. UGHHH. The warning should be for the damn packaging. New to your blog, luv it
justagirls last blog post..UHHHH, What the hell is in my bubble bath.
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By Saving In Akron on Jun 20, 2009 | Reply
Boy, can I ever relate this this. I dread birthdays and holidays for this very reason. Oh, and one other thing that ticks me off about kids toys - why must they all have 15 thousand teeny tiny pieces????? My dog has a field day. Ever step on one in the dark in barefeet???
Saving In Akrons last blog post..CVS Deals 6/21 - 6/27
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By Heidi on Jun 20, 2009 | Reply
What’s even funnier is that the packaging on the really good stuff like video game consoles, tvs and ipods are tape. A piece of plastic clear tape. Hello?! Maybe “those people” need to get their priorities straight.
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By Becky on Jun 20, 2009 | Reply
More companies need to start things like this program in the article below. And Amazon needs to try and expand it with their suppliers. Since Amazon doesn’t have to have their products on display in the store or deal with security of having people in the store handling the packages, they shouldn’t need all that crap.
Article about Amazon’s “frustration free” packaging initiative.
http://phx.corporate-ir.net/phoenix.zhtml?c=176060&p=irol-newsArticle&ID=1220930
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By Storm on Jun 21, 2009 | Reply
Really… what is up with the packaging? It is very nerve wracking. My kids get so upse with me because a lot of times I cannot open the packages because my hands are in such bad shape. Ugh.
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By Kathleen@ForgingAhead on Jun 22, 2009 | Reply
Right up there with office product packaging :-)
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By The crazy suburban mom on Jun 26, 2009 | Reply
You’re right. Why? Why do the toys have to be attached to the boxes with such vehemence?
Tracy
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By creative-type dad on Jun 26, 2009 | Reply
That’s why I use a chain saw
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By wendy on Jun 26, 2009 | Reply
Ya know, to some degree, I get it. I understand there is a need for secure packaging so as to detract shoplifters. That’s fine. But is there *really* a huge market for Fisher Price and Playskool cars and trucks? Are Little People hot black market comodities?! *sigh* At least you are not fighting with Barbie, whose hair is SEWN to the cardboard!!
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By Scary Mommy on Jun 27, 2009 | Reply
I was just cursing the packaging on a Barbie last night! I find myself a ranging bitch by the end of my children’s birthdays because I’m sick to death of assembling toys!
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By Seattle Business Attorney on Jun 29, 2009 | Reply
I love the impossible to cut hard plastic. How many times has the scissors slipped and I have gashed my hand open? Not only is the packaging a huge pain, but a massive waste. Usually there is 2x more packaging material than material for the item purchased.
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By jodi on Jul 1, 2009 | Reply
OMG!!! This is so funny and true!!!
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By Mahmee on Jul 1, 2009 | Reply
Holy crap! I laughed so hard reading that post that my iced tea almost came right out of my nose. That is so right on the money! I’m wondering if the company that manufactures ‘band-aids’ is in a secret evil contract with the toy packaging folks? Create a need and they will come. Hmmmm.
M.
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By Candid on Jul 2, 2009 | Reply
:) I’ve never considered using a crowbar…thanks for the tip!
This was a hoot!
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By Devilish Southern Belle on Jul 4, 2009 | Reply
I thought this was one of the perks of having teenagers…not having to deal with dangerous toy packaging. But….that same packaging is used on everything from headphones to games to gaming accessories. It’s not limited to just kids’ items, either. I can’t buy any baked goods from any of our local grocery stores’ bakeries without risking flinging them to all corners of the room when I finally get the plastic packaging pried open.
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By Drew on Oct 16, 2009 | Reply
I do not work in retail, although I did, for less than a year, before I couldn’t take it anymore.
I have, however, walked through stores and found things like empty latte cups left on shelves, but more to the point, opened blister packs, some of them obviously requiring more ingenuity than NASA to open, EMPTY!!! The packaging is sometimes put right back on the shelf or hook. The product is GONE!!!
I have seen people walking around eating something in the store, M&M’s, candy bars, snack mix…the packaging, empty, is discarded in the trash in the restroom or just dropped randomly, somewhere.
Packaging is a pain, but why make it easier for shoplifters, more expensive for retailers and marketers, and indirectly more expensive for those of us who actually pay for things?
These thieves make things harder for everyone who follows the rules just like people who cut in lines make the line longer behind them, or the way that drivers use merge lanes as passing lanes, leaving everyone in the proper lanes waiting because some well-meaning driver holds up the line of traffic behind them to let them in.
Think about WHY we are being inconvenienced in this way, or any other way. Inconvenience is a symptom. Be upset with the cause…treat the cause.
Thank you for continuing to read if you made it this far. See through to the real problems. Take care of you and yours.
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By seattle lawyers on Dec 19, 2009 | Reply
There was a case involving a toddler and seattle mom where the packaging on an ipod that cut open her daughter’s forearm.
Esentially, the case went to trial and was promptly dismissed. case in point, don’t blame your inadequacies of opening and destroying hazardous packages before your kids get their grubby little hands on them!
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