We’re having a picnic on our front porch, CJ, Parker and I. It’s pouring rain again and so I’ve taken matters into my own hands. We will have a picnic this spring break no matter what!
The thing about hanging out with two five-year-old boys is that talk immediately turns to poop and pee. Especially when you’re eating.
“Did you know that on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls DRINKS PEE?” Parker says. The boys giggle. This is sooo funny.
“He eats poop too!” shouts CJ.
“No he doesn’t,” I say, ”That would make him sick. SUPER sick.”
“Oh but he does,” Parker informs me, “He takes elephant dung and squeezes the water out of it and DRINKS it.”
Maybe it’s the use of the scientific word ‘dung’ that convinces me or maybe it’s the look of absolute certainty on Parker’s face, but somehow I think he’s not making this up.
“Also sometimes he walks around naked.” Parker has seen a LOT of Man vs. Wild.
“NAKED!” CJ is a fan of this idea. He giggles and starts pulling off his shirt. “I’m going to be naked!”
“Me too!” Parker announces.
“NONONONONONONO!” I howl. ”No naked boys! SIT DOWN and pull your shirts down!”
“Also,” Parker continues, “sometimes you see his BUTT!”
CJ roars with laughter.
“Well,” I say, “It’s not that big of a deal. I mean… everyone has one. Everyone has a butt.”
I’m trying to remove the stigma of nakedness. While keeping everyone’s clothes ON of course. But, as usual, my tactic backfires.
“EVERYONE HAS A BUTT!” the boys are chanting.
Then Parker adds, “And everyone has a P*NIS!”
“Well,” I interrupt, “that’s not entirely…”
but he’s way ahead of me. ”AND EVERYONE HAS A V*GINA!!”
And all I can do is put my head in my hands as the boys dance around the front porch gleerfully shouting out the good news about our marvelous bodies and the funny parts we have.
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xo Jen
April 3, 2009 at 9:04 am
Nothing to add — just, enjoyed this post about your kids, probably esp. since I don’t have any boys.
Janes last blog post..“Yeah, but you can tell how much it’s gonna cost”
April 3, 2009 at 9:28 am
Oh, boys!
Orlando busted out with a major coup the other day…
“Can you image if the pancakes were made of poo and your pee-pee was the syrup!?”
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!
April 3, 2009 at 9:30 am
He speaks the absolute truth about Man vs. Wild. Such things are what makes up its total awesomeness. Bear butt included.
Jays last blog post..This Post > Juggling Cobras (barely)
April 3, 2009 at 10:17 am
so are you confirming that the elephant dung story is, in fact, true??
April 3, 2009 at 10:24 am
I can do better than allow you to rely merely on my word alone:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vlEavUH9ng
Now I don’t care how gross it is, that’s fucking hardcore.
Enjoy!
Jays last blog post..This Post > Juggling Cobras (barely)
April 3, 2009 at 10:27 am
“it’s pretty disgusting, but it could save your life”
ewwwwwwww! seriously EWWWWW!
April 3, 2009 at 9:46 am
LMAO.
Aren’t kids AWESOME? lol
Just Jiffs last blog post..Some Birthday Photos
April 3, 2009 at 9:48 am
LOL-too funny!
I work with teens and in one sex-ed class a boy was trying to embarrass me by shoving a diagram of “boy parts” in my face. I sorta tilted my head and shrugged.
“Ya, so….you’ve got one, what’s the big deal?”
He turned SO RED. LOLOL.
Scatteredmoms last blog post..Awards!
April 3, 2009 at 10:00 am
Yeah — raising 3 girls and a boy — we hear nothing but butts, pen*s and vag*na jokes…at the dinner table…every night. Good times.
April 3, 2009 at 10:13 am
Yeah…it doesn’t get better as they get older. In college some guys found some print outs of female anatomical drawings lying around the computer lab and decided to print all 15 pages of their research paper out on the back of them. Though in this case it got them extra credit points…
April 3, 2009 at 11:25 am
Thanks for giving me a little glimpse of the future!
Kerries last blog post..I’m Just Too Close to the Project
April 3, 2009 at 11:43 am
Ah, yeah. Those jokes were so rampant with my kids that I only allow it in the bathroom! Big mistake (sort of) they don’t say them around their friends so much anymore, but bath time is out of control. It’s like watching a recovering alcoholic binge drink on the first day of a relapse. Ha. glad I’m not alone!
April 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm
OMG! I wanna come live at your house. No need for the comedy channel…you live it every day!
Kathleens last blog post..Cycling Success
April 3, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Ewwww, that’s great though. I babysit a few times a week 2 boys, so with the one that I already have, I’m right there on the poop and pee talk…But they were gettin right down to the grit of it all..lol!!
Carri Furmans last blog post..Slumber Party
April 4, 2009 at 5:33 am
Yup it’s just like my house… I have a 5yr old boy too so I get the same-though I don’t let him watch the bear guy- why fuel a fire? Little point for the future… NEVER let them watch hotel paradizo [sp] I mean REALLY don’t… it is boy joke central….
April 4, 2009 at 7:59 am
On the bright side, it looks like you have raised well adjusted, creative and confident boys. Good job. But seriously, I am laughing so hard right now.
April 4, 2009 at 9:36 am
“man vs. wild” gives me the head shakes.
the planet of janets last blog post..Haiku Friday: the let us pass over edition
April 4, 2009 at 1:28 pm
What is it with boys and bodily fluid and parts??!!? My son is three and is currently into asking people if they eat poop. Where did he get this?? Not me I assure you. I think they are born with a lets-see-if-we-can-gross-mom-out gene! Lol! What a hilarious picnic you had and informative too!
Valeries last blog post..Catch Me If You Can