In defense of Facebook

I’ve learned that there are two kinds of people in the world- people who use Facebook and people who don’t. 

Oh alright, I suppose there’s probably also the people who don’t have computers but let’s just focus on the other two groups for now, shall we?

The thing I’ve noticed about people who don’t use Facebook is that not only do they NOT use Facebook, but they’re all high-and-mighty about it.  I think they have a secret club with secret meetings where they get together and practice their anti-Facebook mantras, things like “I can’t imagine putting myself out there so everyone from my past can FIND me.  All those people from like (shudder) high school?  Ugh!”

or, “Did you know they keep your profile information up forEVER and you CAN’T EVER GET IT DOWN?”

or, “What a colossal waste of time.  Seriously.”

or, “If I wanted to reconnect with someone I would CALL them.  Honestly.”

To which I inevitably respond, “YOU CAN’T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT!” and also, “How do you call them if you don’t have their phone number?  Doh.”

(I’m the kind of people who USE Facebook, turns out)

And also, IT IS NOT A WASTE OF TIME!

For example, thanks to Facebook, you can now do things like set up a celebrity page for your dog and then get people to add themselves as FANS of your dog. And then you can send updates to your dog’s fans about what your dog is doing in a blow-by-blow reality TV sort of way. Eating ninja turtle! Ringing bell! Just got a haircut! Need to poop!

Another great thing about Facebook is that you can give a minute-by-minute account of everything you’re doing and broadcast these updates to all your friends, relatives, neighbors, ex-boyfriends and of course the ex-boyfriends of your ex-friends of ex-relatives.  Eating toast! Sipping coffee!  Oops spilled on my shirt! Need to poop!

Surely you’re beginning to see the appeal?

I was walking Bella the other day and we ran into this nice (but sort of crazy) lady who has a spaniel and while the dogs are sniffing each other she says to me, “Muffy’s on Facebook!  Does Bella have a Facebook page? Muffy and Bella should connect!” and I knew we’d entered a whole new era.  So I went home and set up a Facebook page for Bella.  YES I DID. 

This is what I do instead of blogging (since some of you have asked)

So I say to all you Facebook skeptics,

don’t be a hater!

if you can’t beat it (and, trust me, you CAN’T), join it!

and while you’re joining it, be sure to become a fan of Bella.

(she needs more fans)

and I need some serious help.

***
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