In which I take a stand against blogger marketing spam

EVERY SINGLE DAY and usually more than once I get the most ANNOYING emails.  They go something like this:

To: Absolutely Bananas

From: Milly Marketer

Subject: New product to share with your readers!

Dear bananas,

We love Absolutely Bananas and just had to tell you about this great new product that we think you and your readers would be interested in.  It’s called the Pickle Cutter and it’s an innovative way to cut your pickles- either dicing, slicing, or even PEELING.  Exciting, right? You could probably use it for bananas too.  LOL.

Anyhow, here is a link that you can use when you post about our product: http://worldsbestpicklecutter.com. Also I have included this jazzy graphic that you can use in your post.

Please let me know when you post about the Pickle Cutter!

Sincerely,

Milly Marketer

Sure the product varies… sometimes a movie, or a book, or a website, or a pair of underwear… but the basic concept never changes.  I as a blogger have NOTHING better to do than post about boring products. And you, as readers, have NOTHING better to do than read infomercials posing as blog posts.

GIVE US JUST A VERY SMALL BREAK HERE!

I am sick of these emails.  I never asked for them and they aren’t relevant to me and they are basically SPAM! I am offended on my behalf AND on your behalf.

Which is why I’ve drafted this excellent reply.  Feel free to steal it and make it your own.  Together we can FIGHT blogger marketing spam.

To: Milly Marketer

From: Absolutely Bananas

Re: New blog to share with your friends and family!

Dear Milly,

I am a huge fan of the Pickle Cutter.  Which is why I am emailing you about this great new blog that I’m sure you will want to share with your friends, neighbors, coworkers and family members. Absolutely Bananas is this super-duper awesome blog that’s funny and witty and really, really great.  It’s about parenting, which may not be at all relevant to you or anyone you know but come on, who really cares about relevance?  

Here’s a link you can use when you forward my blog to everyone you know: www.absolutelybananas.com.

And here’s a picture you can include in the email.  Isn’t it cute?  

I’m also thinking an Absolutely Bananas logo emblazoned across the Pickle Cutter box might be a great tie-in.  (Paid for by you, of course)

Please let me know when you’ve finished providing me with this free and time-consuming marketing for my blog.

Sincerely,

Bananas

P.S. Did you really think I was that stupid?  

***
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