I’m not your punching bag
August 21, 2008 – 8:35 amI am standing at the checkout counter at Nordstrom Rack, happily paying for my purchases, when I feel small fists jabbing into my back.
OW! I turn around to see CJ winding up for another 1-2 punch.
“CJ! NO PUNCHING MOMMY!” I exclaim. The guy at the checkout counter smirks.
JAB JAB!! CJ hits me again. These punches HURT!
“CJ!!!” I howl, “Stop it!”
“But MOMMY,” CJ responds (very seriously), “I’m learning karate!”
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to “I’m not your punching bag”
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By themommykelly on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
They always have an answer and a justification for every action… kinda like husbands!
themommykellys last blog post..This Bird Has Flown!
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bananas Reply:
August 21st, 2008 at 6:07 pm
oh don’t even get me started on ALL the parallels between children and husbands. It’s scary.
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By midwestmommy on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
Oh, he’s a smart one!
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By Woodlandmama on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
I had a similar experience, only I actually let my daughter take Tae Kwon Do so I can only blame myself.
Woodlandmamas last blog post..Oh, That’s Just The Past Coming To Bite My Ass!
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By Loralee on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
BWAH HA HA HA!
I love those “Educational” moments. Heh.
Loralees last blog post..“Naked movie night”-One day I will publish something about my life that does not contain the word “Naked”. (For NOW, however…)
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By Scout's Honor on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
ugh. The words Mommy is not a punching bag…ever, never, ever come to mind.
I always nipped that stuff very quickly in the bud because I have friends with children old enough to know better than still hit, pinch, and yes, even spit on their mom.
I really am not a spanker, but when I see them disrespect and hurt their mother like that it makes me want to tan their hides. I settle for the stare down.
I worry about what’s going to happen when they get older. While some people think it’s cute, my kids knew when they were little, from toddlerdom on, that it was never, ever, never acceptable to hurt Mommy or Daddy.
Consequences would be severe and immediate.
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bananas Reply:
August 21st, 2008 at 6:07 pm
I think I need to have you come to my house to do some training. ;)
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By Spiffy Baby on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
I try to teach my son who is 2.8 years old throw some punches. He does it like a girl :-). He is very, very smart too. So I tell him: “Dont worry son, we’ll knock them with your brains”.
This is something my mom was telling me always: dont fight, be more intelligent then “them”. Sorry ma.. sometimes you gotta hit.
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By Diana on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
Yes, Jen! Consequences should be SEVERE and IMMEDIATE. Why aren’t you using that shock collar I gave you? Geesh. CJ is now doomed. For LIFE. He’s going to go around when he’s thirty practicing karate on everyone. Bosses, little old ladies, police officers. DOOMED. Bad, bad little mommy you are.
Dianas last blog post..An Open Letter To Teachers
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bananas Reply:
August 21st, 2008 at 6:06 pm
ok I lost the shock collar. Ok, ok, that’s not true the TRUTH IS I used it on Jay (you know, for a little, erm, “game”) and it got broken. Please forgive me (wink wink)
And you and I BOTH know that I’m doomed. Truly, I never pretended otherwise!
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Diana Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Oh hell! How did I NOT think of using it on the man? Can you mail that back to me? I want to give it a try. He’ll loooove it!
Dianas last blog post..An Open Letter To Teachers
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Scout's Honor Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 am
Okay, so it seems some people took my comment the wrong way.
No shock collars in this family. No corporal punishment. I was joking about tanning hides.:)
What does severe and immediate mean in our family? I would immediately kneel down to his level, make eye contact, hold his chin if necessary to make sure I had his FULL attention, and say “no” very firmly. Then we would leave wherever we were.
Immediately.
No matter the activities planned.
No matter if it was ice cream promised or I had an hour invested in a cart full of stuff from Target.
Once at a restaurant, I threw cash down and left before food was served. We left. Immediately.
Then most of the day was spent in his room at home. An apology was expected.
It took maybe 3-4 times and the message came in loud and clear.
Why? Maybe I am particularly sensitive to this issue since I once saw my 6 foot 16 year old brother slap my mother and bully her multiple times. My Dad wasn’t the most delicate with my mom either. Not abusive. Just not respectful.
Ever present in my mind was that my cute toddler, if growth charts, cousins, grandfathers, nephews, and husbands have anything to do with it, will hit between 6′4″ to 6′7″. He’s 5′3″ and 110 lbs now and he hasn’t even hit puberty at barely 12 years.
I guess it’s important to me, no matter how young or inconsequential the hit, that no violence toward women is every tolerated and I think that should start early. Mothers deserve respect.
I also held the same standard for pets. Hitting or harming them was tantamount to hitting me.
And, when siblings came along, we didn’t need to worry about jealousy becoming physical. Never happened.
So, yes, seeing my friends disrespected by their children is a sensitive topic to me. I am sure none of them or CJ will go the route of my brother, but it still worries me.
We have always had a rule in our family that originated with something my husband always says which is, “We don’t ever hit women, even with a flower.”
It works for us.
Consistency and a strong, simple message. I am sure my boy’s wives will thank me.
Now, that said, I would kill for some advice to get that very same 12 year old to stop teasing his sister with a simple message. Taking away Wii, TV, his DS, his IPOD, grounding for the summer AND losing his birthday didn’t work. Gah!
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
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Scout's Honor Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 1:14 am
er…my boys’ wives, not boy’s wives. I am hoping for just one each. :) Call me traditional.
Scout’s Honors last blog post..Comments Speak Volumes: Shock Collar ‘R Us
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bananas Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:54 am
I’m sure your boys’ wives will thank you too (and glad you clarified on that plural). I think you’re absolutely correct that violence of any sort should not be tolerated. little CJ will turn into a big hulking CJ and what will I do THEN?! thanks for commenting. all voices are welcome here!!
Amelia Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 1:58 am
That was totally unnecessary, not to mention rude and juvenile. And I’m not sure you understand what a ‘troll’ is on your Twitter - it is certainly not an identified and genuine blogger whose opinion may simply differ from your own, madam.
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Scout's Honor Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:31 am
Thanks Amelia. And Bananas, it’s nice to know all voices and opinions are welcome here.
I guess I am still trying to figure out how I was misread.
Believe me, I can be the world’s judgiest bitch ever, but I can honestly say there was not even a whisp of judgment when I wrote my originak commet. Not one iota.
It was the “ugh” wasn’t it. :) Grrr.
So I meant “ugghh” to commiserate that I have been there, my friend. And here is what we did about it. And why. I wrote with empathy and perhaps some unsolicited advice, but I think I need to work on my bloggy comments to know they can be read differently.
So just to clarify: No I don’t think you are a bad mother. Parenting is very personal and individualistic. I guess I get concerned too easily because of my own personal experience. And no, CJ will not grow up to be a psycho killer that eats puppies and Republicans.
But, as for you Diane, the dripping sarcasm is one thing, but the “troll” Twitter was totally out of line. I sat there mouth agape, bewildered and shocked.
People who blog anon or have shell profiles are trolls. People who fling insults and disparage are trolls.
Me? I am a long time reader of this blog simply with a different opinion. Go figure. Who was judging who?
And Bananas, thanks for the clarification on my blog. I feel much better. Nope, not quitting blogging here. Just sometimes hate the high school element of blogging. Can’t we all just get along? Sheesh!* Shrug.
:)
*Please note: For all intents and purposes, “sheesh” is in no way meant as a judgment or criticism. Really. No critical judment. Just an outward display of emotive power. Kinda like “ugh.”
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Diana Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Seriously, ya’ll. The comment? WAS. A. JOKE.
As for the troll comment, do you all *really* want to spend time debating the definition of “troll”? In my opinion, anyone making condescending comments is a troll and it doesn’t get much more condescending than going to a woman’s blog, reading a post clearly meant for a few little chuckles and leaving her unsolicited parenting advise telling her how wrongly she handled the situation.
Did you stop to think how you’d like people leaving such comments on your blog? Did you wonder if perhaps Jen left the discipline part that came afterwards out because it didn’t exactly fit the story she was telling and that perhaps, just perhaps she DID discipline him? I blog all the time funny, albeit not very well-behaved, things my children do and I leave out the discipline part because lets face it: who wants to read 500 words about how I put her in time out for four minutes and then I spoke with her about her actions and *then* we devised a plan together about how to handle her emotions next time? NO ONE. It’s not funny OR entertaining, and most of us blog to escape the mundane!
So, I guess, if you’re looking for blog posts outlining the practice of horrible parenting to give suggestions on, go to mine. Have a ball. I leave out all the practical stuff, all the time. (another joke, see? HA. HA.) ;-)
Oh and my name is Dian*a*, like the Princess. (Again with the kidding.)
Dianas last blog post..An Open Letter To Teachers
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Scout's Honor Reply:
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I guess some princesses are vain and want only mirrors surrounding them on their blog. Mirrors that only compliment them and reflect their own ideas, with minions of yes ladies in waiting.
Each to her own.
I personally like intelligent dialogue. YES! I absolutely would welcome dissenting opinions and often have them on my blog. I like respectful disagreements. Furthermore, yes, people have taken light-hearted posts of mine and, to my thinking, brought them to a higher level by seriously discussing the subject. Did it upset me? Of course not, quite the opposite. Quite the opposite. I guess while I like my humor and like to disparage my parenting skills with the best of them, I do a lot of Mommy blogging and enjoy learning parenting techniques from other blogs. I am always learning and benefiting from other parents’ perspectives. Who wants to read 500 words on discipline? Um, me, me. Pick me!
Even though I don’t think I made advice on Bananas blog, I still absolutely do give advice in comments and receive advice on my blog all the time. Heck, Moosh told me I should get a Brazilian on a post today. I guess you wouldn’t like that either? So condescending that Moosh thinks I’m hairy, eh?
This is silly. Most the blogs I read are riddled with comments from readers with stories on what worked for them. Two words: Shared learning.
And, as I said before, I never meant any judgment in my words. There was NO condescension. If you look closely, I never technically even gave any advice. Almost every line started with “I.” Not, you, Bananas should do this. Or, you Bananas, are parenting wrong. (And honestly nor did I think that) Nope.
*I* was relaying my life experiences with my son who hit.
*I* was trying to commiserate that *I* had been through the same thing and share what had worked for me.
*Not* what Bananas *should* do, but simply what had worked for *me*. Sorry if you take offense at me relaying a vignette of my old child-rearing story on Bananas’—not your—blog.
Now thinking Bananas welcomed you calling her readers trolls? Now that is utterly condescending, yes? How do explain *your* behavior?
And yes, let’s discuss what makes a troll. Someone who likes to call names. Hmmm…I don’t recall calling any Bananas names, but what wasn’t there a princess that called a name? Hmmm…Something about a pea…Wait, wait, it’s coming to me…
It seems as if you, your highness, seem quite confused if your comments/Twitter were a joke or a slur and like to prevaricate between the two as it seems convenient. Very sad indeed.
I suspect if you look close…really close in your mirrors, my princess…..lean in, my dear…my guess would be some nasty warts and some suspiciously trollish attributes my pop out in your own reflection.
As for your invitation to visit your blog, sorry, your highness, I try not to feed the trolls.
Scout’s Honors last blog post..Ugh! I Smell Like a Boy
bananas Reply:
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:01 am
I’m going to shut comments off on this one. For my own peace of mind. ha!
For the record, I should have stepped in sooner to clarify that Scout’s Honor is absolutely not a troll. She has been a reader and commenter on this blog for quite some time. Scout’s original comment was valid and I appreciate her point of view.
That said, I think that the comment in question was misunderstood by a couple of people. This happens online. It has happened to me before and I can say from experience that it’s really, really unpleasant to be misinterpreted like that.
Diane, I appreciate your impassioned sticking up for me. I blame myself for not stepping in sooner before this escalated. And next time I have a REAL troll, I’m totally calling you, ‘k? ;)
The funny thing is, I suspect if you met each other IRL you’d get along. You’re both genuine, good-hearted, passionate people.
Now I really have to insist that we all move on. If you have other thoughts or feelings you want to express to me, please send an email. I’d be happy to talk more without an audience.
(hugs)
~jen
By Still alone, not lonely on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
He sounds like a very smart boy to me to be able to come up with an excuse so fast.
Still alone, not lonelys last blog post..FlyLady
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By VDog on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
When my kid hits me, I just take it and like it. Cuz I’m a little bitch like that.
VDogs last blog post..Guy Smiley
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By Chelsea on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
My son has the same aggressive form of affection for me. On Wednesday we went to school to meet his teacher, and they got along famously. When he saw her later in the hallway, he ran up to her and tackled her. Literally. I had to explain to Mrs. G. that tackling was indeed a form of great affection.
Just wait until he licks her. That’s true love in his book.
Chelseas last blog post..In Praise of Minor League Baseball
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By Stonefox on Aug 22, 2008 | Reply
Don’t you love the thinking, the reasoning, the brilliance? I’ve got it goin’ on in my household too.
Stonefoxs last blog post..Home Runs and Strike Outs
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