The Lasagna Incident
July 20, 2008 – 10:32 pm
It’s incredible how much STUFF you need when you travel with a baby, I think, as we stand in line for security with our stuff piled around us.
Stroller? Check.
Car seat? Check.
Bag full of baby stuff? Check.
Pack ‘n’ play? Check.
We have so many essential baby items that Jay and I have had to squeeze all our things into one bag lest we be over the baggage limit of 2 per person.
We’re on our way to Kauai with my brother and sister in law. I’m nervous but excited about a week on the tropics with my 6 month old. We’ve traveled with him before, and so (we think) are basically experts.
It took some work, but I’ve orchestrated CJ’s sleep and feeding schedule precisely so that will eat when the plane takes off (sucking on a bottle keeps the pressure from building up in his tiny ears), and then fall asleep and hopefully sleep most of the flight.
We board the plane first because we can and we haven’t yet figured out that MORE time on the airplane with the baby is NOT A BONUS.
CJ snuggles into my arms and happily sucks his bottle. I stroke his downy head and elbow my sister-in-law, Melanie. “See,” I say, “like a charm!”
Melanie nods and reaches into her bag for the latest People magazine and we settle in. Behind us, Jay and his brother are discussing what we’ll do when we land.
The plane takes off and, just like magic, CJ finishes his bottle and falls asleep. He is lying face-up across my lap, his mouth open. A teeny-tiny line of drool makes its way from the corner of his mouth. From this angle, his eyelashes are impossibly long. Is there anything more intoxicating than a sleeping baby?
I breathe a contented sigh and lean back in my seat, turning my head to gaze out at the blue sky.
Might as well get comfortable. He should sleep for at least 2 hours.
There are a lot of rules in life. But the one that I’m intimately familiar with is this: a perfectly smooth road can only mean there’s bridge out just around the corner. Or a traffic jam. Or a land mine. Or a pack of no-good sorts waiting to ambush you. The specifics may vary, but the overall theme is always the same.
If things seem to be going just a little too well, be afraid, be very afraid.
Not twenty minutes have gone by and the flight staff is coming through the airplane with lunch. It’s lasagna, which I’m actually looking forward to because how can you mess up lasagna?
The flight attendant, a middle-aged women with bleached-out hair and a smoker’s voice, reaches across to hand Melanie her piping hot dish of foil-covered lasagna. She’s turned, talking to the other flight attendant, and somehow managed to lose her grip on the food.
As if in slow motion, I watch it fall through the air to land foil-side-down on CJ’s face.
AYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
He wakes up with a bellow of rage.
“OH MY GOODNESS!” I shout out, grabbing the lasagna off my baby’s face where it leaves an angry red rectangle-shaped mark.
The flight attendant jumps back in surprise. Then she grabs the lasagna out of my hand.
“He’s FINE,” she says brusquely, “it’s not that hot. I’m sure he’s just surprised.”
I look down at the red mark on my screaming baby’s face. This is more than “surprise.” But any reply is lost in my urgent attempts to calm him down.
Without as much as a SO SORRY I BURNED YOUR BABY, the flight attendants hurriedly push the food cart away from us down the aisle.
I desperately rock CJ back and forth, but he refuses to be comforted.
Being rudely awakened by a burning slap on the cheek is NOT something he’s ok with. And he’s making sure we all know it.
Jay is shaking with rage. While I was scrambling to recover from the lasagna incident, he saw the flight attendant rolling her eyes at me. This did not please my dear husband, who is an otherwise peaceable man. His brother tries to calm him down because karate chopping, strangling, or otherwise accosting the flight attendant, as Jay so desperately wants to do, is not going to get us anywhere that we want to go.
CJ screams for half an hour, and then finally settles into an ongoing state of general fussiness, which lasts for the duration of our flight. He’s missed his nap, he’s tired, and he’s VERY unhappy.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, we hear the chime of the bells signaling that it’s almost time to land.
As the flight attendant comes through the cabin one last time, she stops by my seat where I’m bouncing CJ on my knee. “HOLD ON TO THAT BABY!” She admonishes me before hurrying on her way.
Because I DIDN’T know to hold onto my baby.
This from the woman who did such a great job of HOLDING ONTO the lasagna.
I’m tempted to run up the aisle and give her a piece of my mind. But I don’t. I’ll just say something to the airline representatives in the airport, I think.
But when we get off the airplane, we are greeted by the hot humid fragrant air of KAUAI. Spending an hour lodging a complaint is the furthest thing from my mind.
***
I really did intend to lodge a complaint. To call or write a letter upon our return home. But I never did. I often think about that flight, though.
I’ll never understand why the flight attendant felt the need to treat us so poorly after something that was clearly her mistake. Why she didn’t apologize. Maybe she was worried about a lawsuit. Maybe she was just an unhappy woman. I guess I’ll never know.
***
Do you have your own travel horror story? Write it up and add your link here (go here for the button code). I’ll keep it open through Sunday (27th) at midnight, PST. Or tune in next Monday for a whole new topic!
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Ashley on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
That is SUCH a terrible story! I can’t believe the flight attendant could be so rude and not even apologize! How did she get her job and how does she keep it??? Poor little baby! Traveling with a baby is full of so many disasters, but that is one of the worst I’ve heard, lasagna landing right on your sleeping baby’s face!
Ashleys last blog post..Songs For A Summer Day!
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By Veronica on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
I think I might have been tempted to do nasty things to the flight attendant with the hot lasagna.
Maybe that is just me though.
Veronicas last blog post..Snippets.
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By Simply Shannon on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Wow! That really is a horror story! What a horrible woman. I can’t believe that she didn’t even apologize! How that’s just wrong.
I’m glad that CJ was ok and that it didn’t ruin your whole trip. You definitely should have complained to the airline, but I understand why you didn’t. I probably would have ended up doing the same thing in the end.
Simply Shannons last blog post..Simply horrific
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By amy on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
so nice to meet you at blogher! xo
amys last blog post..But she always had a carefree mind of her own/with a devilish look in
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By HRH on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
OMG. You were very controlled. Much more than I would have been. I have had the whole eye roll thing done to me by a flight attendent because obviously they are superior and in charge of the world.
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By Jen @ I should be cleaning on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
I don’t have a travel horror story worth a post — but when my now 3 year old was one — she cried and whined the whole way home from Gulf Shores, Alabam–13 long hours.(we live in St. louis). That wasn’t easy!
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By Honey Mommy on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Holy Cow! I think they would have had to hold ME down if that happened to my baby! I think I would have told the flight attendant that I needed to write down her full name so I could lodge a complaint. Maybe that would have helped her keep her eyes front and center and smack some humility onto her face!
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By Michelle on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
At least all of the stewardess that we had were extremely helpful! I don’t know if I could have handle a rude flight attendant on top of everything else!
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By Mommy Daisy on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
I just posted a childhood story about traveling.
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By Summer on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
OMG, poor thing! I can’t believe she didn’t apologize after that.
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By Lindsay on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Oh my Lord, I am raging mad reading that! If I had been that flight attendant I’d be falling over myself apologizing and giving out free round-trip air passes for life, even if I couldn’t follow through, because that is NOT acceptable. Even if it isn’t your fault, you still at least say your sorry in these types of situations. How your husband didn’t get up and karate chop that moron in the neck is beyond me. You definitely have more restraint than I do!
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By Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
That is just horrifying! What if the foil had broken?? Oh it gives me shivers. I simply cannot believe she was not killing herself to apologize and check on him. You should have blogged the airline’s name at least.
I so wanted to participate in this today with my story about the only time in my life I’ve travelled looking like white trash. But I’m swamped and I’m leaving my Sunday post up for today. Which is funny. Maybe funnier than my travel story anyway.
I can’t wait to see what next week’s prompt is though!
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By Coffeegrl on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
I cannot believe that any person would do that do a child. And then to scold you for not hanging on to your baby properly? Truly horrible.
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By Carol on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Aw darn — missed the deadline! Well, next time — and actually, my story would fit equally well under the heading “Most Embarrassing Travel Story.” I blush just thinking about it… and there been a handy parachute on the plane, I’d have surely used it!
Carol
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By Polka Dot Mommy on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
It is likely that I may have thrown the lasagna in her face or loudly declared… “now you can take care of the screaming baby for the remainder of the flight, I’m SURE the other passengers appreciate you not only waking him, but burning his face.” B@!%$.
You illustrate an enormous amount of control. Good for you! I would have probably been arrested on landing. :)
Cheers!
Jamie
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By Rachael on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Holy crap. Dude, the stewardess dumped hot food on your baby’s face. That is so messed up I can’t even believe it. I would have flipped my lid.
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By MammaLoves on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Okay imagine my surprise when I think you’re going to be talking about your trip home and CJ is just 6 mos old again.
Miss you already. You are the best roommate EVAH!
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By the planet of janet on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
and how again did you maintain your cool?? i would not have been able to control my husband, except for maybe that i would have beat him to accosting the flight attendant myself!
the planet of janets last blog post..Fun Monday: the what do you want to be when you grow up edition
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By Domestic Spaz on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
I think I would be in jail. Seriously. I can’t imagine how you controlled yourself!
I tried to think of a horrible travel story and I just really don’t have one. :( Except for the time we lost Goober at Epcot, but I already wrote about that. :)
Blast our good vacations!
Domestic Spazs last blog post..You can’t make this stuff up… Oh wait, I guess you can.
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By Kelly on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
HOLY CRAP! I am amazed at your self control and appalled at the flight attendant’s sheer idiocy. What a friggin beeotch!
Great Carnival! I couldn’t think of a travel story, but I’ll be watching for the next one.
Maybe you’ll participate in mine? Word of Mouth Monday. check it out!
Kellys last blog post..Word of Mouth Monday–The Carnival Starts HERE!
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By Roger on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
I would have taken the lasagna and put in on her face, then ask her how hot it was! That sux, and I hope that CJ doesn’t have any recurring lasagna nightmares.
Now I need to see if the code will work for my post.
Rogers last blog post..One Foot Identified, Five To Go
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By Jackie W transplanted Okie (Buried in Legos) on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Guess she missed the I’m so Sorry class in flight attendant school. You think that is why they call the older ones sky hags ?
Jackie W transplanted Okie (Buried in Legos)s last blog post..Travel Horror Stories …
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By Harmony on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Wow! That’s quite the story. I would feel so bad if I had done that to someone’s precious baby! It amazes me at how uncaring people can be sometimes. Glad he was okay!
Harmonys last blog post..Travel Horror Story
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By pgoodness on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Oh my goodness!!!! WTF was wrong with that woman? And none of the other attendants did anything?? Horrible, just horrible.
pgoodnesss last blog post..Open Letters
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By Stacy (mama-om) on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
That is a pretty bad story! Yikes. I would have totally started bawling, I just know it!
I put up a story about our very rainy Oregon Coast road trip with our one-year-old. New parents that we were, we totally overestimated our ability to have a vacation.
Thanks for the fun carnival thingy!
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By Erin on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
That is absolutely awful! I can’t even imagine! URGH! Makes me hostile just thinking about it!
Erins last blog post..My 101st Post!
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By Kerrie on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
That is awful. When I read this, my stomach actually turned over. I hope your poor baby was OK.
On a happier note: I love your blog!
Kerrie
Kerries last blog post..What’s In a Name?
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By Heidi on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Wow you have serious restraint. I’d have probably unleashed on that woman. What a complete imbecile and how rude. Have people completely lost their manners???
Heidis last blog post..can men and women be friends?
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By Dumblond on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply
Oh wow. I don’t care how bad a day that lady had. I would have gone ballistic. Are you kidding? Burning a baby with food. Oh yeah, gloves would have been off.
This was fantastic…this idea for a blogging prompt. I had great fun getting mine done. I can’t wait for next week. Thanks!
Dumblonds last blog post..You know you want be scared….AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
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By Write From Karen on Jul 22, 2008 | Reply
Wow. You held it together WAY better than I would have. I mean accidents happen, but to not have her apologize and THEN roll her eyes at you! AARGH! I’m with Dumblond, the gloves certainly would have been pulled off.
Thanks for starting this!! I LOVE participating in writing prompts and I had fun recounting this one. Looking forward to next week!
Write From Karens last blog post..Grounded
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By Reese on Jul 22, 2008 | Reply
I would have written a letter as soon as I got home. What a horrible person!
Reeses last blog post.."If the Eye Offends Thee…"
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By McMama on Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
I don’t get the “act like it’s no big deal/not my fault” tactic to avoid a lawsuit. That would have made me WANT to sue them, whereas a nice apology and appropriate mortified reaction would calm me right down. HMPH.
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By Natasha on Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
To sound totally repetitive, after everyone’s comments, that is shocking. I did not think you were going to say something so dramatic. Did you even say what airline it was? You should have.
My first reaction was to think, I would have done X and said Y…! but I think I might have been too shocked that a human being could exist on this planet and be so different from me.
My husband would have LOST IT. And probably would have sued the airline. And we’re not litigious people.
Natashas last blog post..Geek Squad doesn’t usually give you phone sex.
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By mandy on Jul 24, 2008 | Reply
I seriously would have just DIED. You have awesome restraint not to have complained! Wonderfully written post.
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By Kerrie on Jul 25, 2008 | Reply
Thanks so much for hosting the writing prompt — it’s a lot of fun!
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