Hypochondri-WHAT? And CAN YOU DIE from that?
July 7, 2008 – 9:46 pmI have this bump on my shoulder that I can only assume is a spider bite.
The bump showed up a week ago. I’m walking around the zoo with CJ when I start feeling this burning itch on my left shoulder. I scratch and scratch and think what’s going on??!! Please tell me the hives aren’t back!
When I get home, I rip off my shirt and take a look. There, on my shoulder, is a swollen red bump.
A BIG bump.
Scary big.
This is no mosquito bite.
When Jay gets home from work I rip off my shirt to show him THE BUMP.
“JAY! LOOK AT THIS BUMP!” I say.
Being a typical man, he’s distracted by the OTHER big bumps. I bonk him on the side of the head to refocus his attention.
When he sees THE BUMP his eyes widen. “Whoa,” he says, clearly impressed.
Which, in my mind, quickly translates to “THAT BUMP IS THE MARK OF DEATH.” I start to hyperventilate and visions of MY ENTIRE LIFE flash before my eyes.
If Jay (who never worries about ANYTHING) says “whoa,” then this bite is SERIOUS.
That night I lie in bed, unable to fall asleep. I reach up and feel the bump. It’s puffy and hot. I feel dizzy, tired, achy. Are these the precursors to violent death by spider bite?
Will I swell up? Leak fluids? Turn purple? Lose limbs? Lose my SANITY?
It was probably a Black Widow that bit me, I think. Or maybe a Brown Recluse… I hear those are deadly.
They’re not exactly COMMON in the Seattle area, but still…
The next morning I wake up slightly groggy but surprisingly alive.
Yes! I’ve survived another day!
My sister stops by and I whip off my shirt to show her THE BUMP.
“Whoa,” she says.
Uh oh…
“Did you see the thing on TV last week about the KILLER SPIDER? If it bites you, you’re dead in days.”
My eyes widen and my mouth falls open. I feel a flutter in my heart. Long and painful death drawing night? Maybe.
I feign bravado. “I doubt it,” I say, “It’s probably nothing.”
“I don’t know, Jen,” she says, “Maybe you should go to the doctor.”
As soon as she leaves I leap for my computer. I’ll go to the doctor, alright… DR. GOOGLE! Because everything you need to know (and everything you don’t) is there for FREE on the internet.
According to Dr. Google my bite could be caused by many things including a Black Widow spider or a Hobo spider or a tarantula (EWW) or a venomous snake. I don’t remember any venomous snakes crawling up my shoulder but it’s possible because I have been awfully busy.
My whole shoulder is aching now like after you get a tetanus shot and I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my arm.
At least it’s just the LEFT arm, I think. It’d be awful to lose the right one.
I find a handy SYMPTOM CHECKER and type in my symptoms. Bump on arm… Check. Painful hurting… Check. Dizziness? Well, sort of. Better check that. Sleeplessness? Check. Delusions? Mmhmm. Headache? Check. Nausea? Totally.
Before I know it I’m diagnosed with either a spider-bite-allergic-reaction or something called HYPOCHONDRIA.
Which, from what I can tell, is pretty deadly.
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By World's Greatest Mommy on Jul 7, 2008 | Reply
Hopefully it’s hypochondria. It’s a chronic condition, but it can be managed with chocolate and plenty of rest.
—From a fellow survivor
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By Rachael on Jul 7, 2008 | Reply
I hope it’s nothing bad. But, the last comment is correct. Chocolate treats hypochondria like magic.
Rachaels last blog post..So You Think You Can Blog?
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By Rabbi's Wife on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Easy fix to keep you from worrying. wipe the area with rubbing alcohol, once the skin is dry, take a sharpie and mark around the edges of the red (maybe Jay can do this for you, as I think it would be difficult to do on your own shoulder). Every 12 hours check to see if the redness has increased or decreased. Increase=bad. if it goes more than 3mm outside the line go to the doc. not because it’s poisonous, but because you’re allergic and he can give you a shot to ease the symptoms, and check for other problems.
Hypochondria symptoms also subside in the presence of *sensible* people, but what fun are they?
Rabbi’s Wifes last blog post..Birthday Update
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By charmingdriver on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Oh no! Another victim of cyber-chondria!11!!
And if you want to see what a bite from a hobo spider looks like, I’m glad to provide a pic (UGH, just be warned) http://charmingbitch.typepad.com/charmingbitch/2007/10/oh-hi.html
charmingdrivers last blog post..Summer Lovin Had Me a Blast
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By natalie on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
i am so disappointed you didn’t take a picture and post it so that all of us can help diagnose you! i mean seriously…we are WAY better than dr. google! and just as cheap!
natalies last blog post..Music…
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By Simply Shannon on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
So, I guess we know what happened if you don’t update your blog again soon?
I agree- we definitely need a photo so that we can all pretend that we’re doctors and try to diagnose you!
I hope that they don’t have to cut off your arm…and that you survive.
Happy Healing!
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By Auds at Barking Mad on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Wow, my favourite game, Armchair Physician! Ms. Jen, a photo would have been most helpful, of course.
If the chocolate doesn’t help, then try washing it down with a good bottle of wine. At least that way you won’t care if your arm falls off.
P.S. spider bites are the WORST! I ALMOST think I’d rather be stung by a bee, and that’s saying a lot because I’m allergic to the little buggers!
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By pgoodness on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
“I don’t remember any venomous snakes crawling up my shoulder but it’s possible because I have been awfully busy.”
This had me cracking up!! Hope your bite gets better - and the hypochondria eases up a bit! :)
pgoodnesss last blog post..birth day!! and other stuff
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By Aiden on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
You can pray and ask Jesus to help you to overcome Hypochondria. God bless you.
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By Chelsea on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
That Sharpie idea is pretty clever. I’ve read so many articles about little bites turning into staph infections that I would be concerned, too.
Chelseas last blog post..Decluttering
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By All Adither on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Could it have possibly just been a very large mosquito?
(I’m a hypochondriac too)
All Adithers last blog post..The AARP is high (as in stoned)
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By Jakki on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
I dont do insects well…and I dont do insect bites at all. My heart goes out to you in you pain…I agree with the chocolate remedy. Take two every hour until symptoms go away.
Jakkis last blog post..Parking Lot Wars
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By Joanna on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Lol…That is hilarious! Although every little mole I get I consider it to be skin cancer and keep looking at it wondering and hoping that I am wrong! And with bites, I always assume it’s a spider bite and go run and take Benadryl because you never know when you might be allergic to something!
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By Mamasphere on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
It definitely sounds like a spider bite.
I was bitten by a brown recluse in Guatemala, and it was nasty. I ended up on three meds to control the poison.
I wouldn’t worry about it if it doesn’t get any bigger. But if the skin starts to atrophy and turn black, then a call to a real live doctor might be in order.
Mamaspheres last blog post..The Process Of Elimination- Fish Poop, Too
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By judy haley (coffeejitters) on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
did you know that hypochondria is super contagious and you can even get it through the internet?
I get infected with hypochondria every once in a while. drama drama drama
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By Heidi on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Oh boy have I been there. I used to be a huge hypochondriac. But I have learned that worrying just makes it all worse and does not help in the slightest. Now if I am going to die at least I enjoyed my last couple of days being happy and not upset over a possible deadly bite. So if you are going to die, keep blogging so we can be there with you in the end. lol
Heidis last blog post..Natasha Bedingfield - Soul Mate
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By Angie @ Many Little Blessings on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Oh man! Bwahahahaha! You are hilarious, as always. But, seriously, I hope it’s nothing.
Angie @ Many Little Blessingss last blog post..In an attempt to be more accountable to myself
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By Eve on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Hey, I warned you about those Hobo’s when I was at your house last. They are quite common in the Northwest now and highly poisonous. Check out this link and it will freak you out even more! http://hobospider.org/ I’m telling you they are BAD NEWS! AND there’s really nothing you can do about them. Ugh I’m itching just reading this.
Eves last blog post..Meanwhile, back at the Ranch
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By Jen on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Sounds like the spider bite I had on my leg once. I still have a pretty impressive scar from the giant pus filled hole that eventually formed on my leg. Thinking back I’m kind of wondering why no one ever thought to take me to the doctor.
Anyway, I precribe lots of chocolate cake and foot rubs. And wine. Wine helps everything.
Jens last blog post..The Story of Joseph - Part of the Problem
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By slackermommy on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Dr. Google gets me in trouble. I always end up diagnosing myself with some illness that I will surely die from. Hypochondriacs should not go to to Dr. Google. My hypochondria is exacerbated by the fact that I’m a nurse. I don’t get headaches, they are brain aneurysms. Diarrhea is cancer and any new mark on my skin is skin cancer. You don’t want my opinion on your bump. I’d have you set up with hospice!
slackermommys last blog post..Who’s on your Top 5?
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By AGSOCCERMOM on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
A black widow leaves 2 distinct holes where it bit you. I have actually been biten by a brown recluse, the area swelled up like a welt all the way around the bite which was on my forearm it was extremly painful, they gave me shots but I don’t remember what they were (20 years ago) also the center tissue festered up like a pimple, dried out and left an visable crater like scar. Best to get it looked at.
AGSOCCERMOMs last blog post..IS IT TUESDAY ALREADY?
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By Ashley on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
(Shudder!!!) I can’t stand reading about all these spiders and people being bitten by spiders. I am SOOO deathly afraid of spiders! I would be freaking out just like you are too!
Ashleys last blog post..Ruby Beach!
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By Storm on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
I sure you are feeling better. To be safe, seeing a doctor is not a bad thing. Take two chocolate candy bars and call me in the morning. :)
Storms last blog post..Family Minute #31
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By Mrs. Schmitty on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Can your hubby or sister tell us the autopsy results in case it’s deadly?
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..What Will Their Future Hold?
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By Flea on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
I vote for the Hobo spider! The Hobo spider! Will you die soon? Can you will me something? :)
Fleas last blog post..When His Dog Dug Under the Fence …
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bananas Reply:
July 8th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Ok you are entirely too excited about my impending demise! And anyhow, I have NOTHING worth willing. Honest. :)
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By Worker Mommy on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Last time I checked Dr. Google I was convinced I had West Nile.
good luck w/the bump.
Worker Mommys last blog post..Some things are better left Unworn
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By Wendy on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
Geez, these comments have ME freaked out.
I always try Benadryl to see if take the itch/swelling down in case it’s an allergic reaction to something.
Still, we need a photo!
Wendys last blog post..of birds and berries
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By Sara on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
You may want to check out this post at another website I read frequently: http://belknapkids.blogspot.com/2008/07/worst-case-scenario-mama.html
I think you two may have something in common here :)
Saras last blog post..Independence Day
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By Polka Dot Mommy on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
No wonder you suffer from hypochondria… With friends like these, who needs Dr. Google?
I had spider bites on BOTH hips about 10 years ago. We lived in this tiny house that was infested with big nasties. I have no clue what kind of spider got me; I had hot, swollen, red flesh about the size of the palm of my hand on both hips. I think it was the same little bug… crawled into bed with me. Good times. I didn’t go to the Doctor. I also started sleeping on the couch. I’m still alive. :)
Good Luck!
Polka Dot Mommys last blog post..Little Bits
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By Mrs. F on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
I hope you are still alive, looks like you wrote this yesterday…
Mrs. Fs last blog post..Ask Me Anything
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By NinjaMama on Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
It may actually be a HOBO spider bite. That is like a Brown Recluse, only not nearly as terrible. I got bit by a Hobo Spider one summer I was lifeguarding. It was very swollen and by the third day or so had a black dot in the center (similar to recluse). Despite my daily immersion into highly chlorinated waters, it was a bad bite and left a scar (which is apparently gone now, since I can’t find it). So, hope for that, and way to keep things light-hearted.
NinjaMamas last blog post..Haven’t We Met Before?
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By Monique on Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
I just saw the sweetest idea for hypocondriacs; http://www.oopdoohug.com/
I am thinking of getting a few for myself. :D
P.S. I totally love the “reply to this comment” thing!
Moniques last blog post..I Wanna Be Sedated
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bananas Reply:
July 10th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
thanks! it’s a plugin. I am digging all the plugins!
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By Erin on Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
I bet it was a snake bite. I bet one of the snakes escaped from its cage at the zoo, slithered up a tree, and then hung by its tail from a branch waiting for your unsuspecting shoulder to walk by.
That happens to me *all the time*.
Hope you feel better soon!
Erins last blog post..My Blog is Having an Identity Crisis
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By Maureen on Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
Oh no…. NEVER go to WebMD. You will find you have symptoms for every frickin’ disease there. At least I do.
OMG. Does that mean I have caught the dreaded Hypochondria too???? Say it ain’t so!
(and LURRRVE the “Laugh it up fuzzball” quote as I am a SW geek too.)
Maureens last blog post..Oh Gad. I Really Didn’t SAY That, Did I?
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By jennyonthespot on Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
Dr. Google - heh…. heeheehee…
jennyonthespots last blog post..Bikey Bikerson
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By davidatnight on Aug 1, 2008 | Reply
Thanks for the funny break from my sleepless fit of spider bite worrying, hypochondria-mate.
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