Daddy vs. CJ
July 30, 2008 – 9:30 amThis is not going well.
Jay and CJ are having a battle of the wills. Jay has thrown his hat in the “FOR bedtime” ring, while CJ is solidly AGAINST.
Even from my seat in the kitchen, I can tell that the battle is getting heated.
Finally, Jay stomps in and announces, “HE WANTS YOU.”
Wearily I sigh and make my way to the bedroom where CJ is curled into a ball on his bed.
At first I mistake his heaving chest for sadness. But it only takes a minute for me to see that my little boy is very, very angry.
“Mommy,” he says, “I don’t LIKE it when daddy is mean at me.”
“I know CJ,” I say, “But daddy doesn’t like it when you don’t listen.”
“Hmmph.” CJ thinks for a moment and then mutters, “Well I will not let daddy do ANYTHING. Like I will not let him EAT or DRINK. That way he won’t be healthy.”
His brow is furrowed and his mouth is clenched tight.
Anger is really an ugly emotion, I think. Especially when it’s etching its unyielding marks across the innocent face of my child.
I try to soothe him. “CJ, daddy loves you. I don’t like to hear you say these mean things.”
“Hmmph.”
I try changing the subject. “Close your eyes sweetie,” I say, “tomorrow we’re having a picnic at the park with Max.”
“GOOD,” says CJ, “That makes me happy because DADDY won’t be there.”
Riiiight.
He lies there, thoughtful. I’m hopeful that he’s calming down… that the red hot flames of anger are dying down into sleepy cozy contentment.
But then he sits up and announces, “When daddy takes me to Target to buy me a toy, I will NOT EVEN let him talk to me or help me decide which toy to get.”
I chuckle. I can’t help myself.
“AND,” he adds with conviction, “I will RUN AWAY and I will learn to drive his car and he will NEVER be able to find me. And the POLICE won’t be able to find me either. Hmmph.”
“You know, CJ,” I say, “you shouldn’t say these things about your daddy. You should be thankful that you have a daddy who loves you and plays with you. Some kids don’t even have a daddy.”
His eyes pop open and he fixes me with a startled stare. “Some kids don’t have a daddy?”
“Mm hmm”
“HOW?”
“Oh, different ways,” I am purposefully vague on the myriad of reasons why children find themselves sans-father.
“You mean, like they say mean things and then their daddy leaves?”
And just like that, CJ says the thing that I never in a million years would want him to even think.
“No CJ!” I say, “Daddy will never leave… no matter what you do. It’s just that some kids don’t have daddies. Not because of something they did… they just don’t. Having a daddy is a privilege.”
CJ looks thoughtful for a moment, then he reaches out and grabs my arm.
“Mommy,” he says, “Can you tell daddy that I want him to come lay with me?”
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By Diana on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
They are so literal. Agh. We went through the divorce fear when my oldest was in Kindergarten. She realized that some kids’ Dads and Moms lived separately and against all logic was terrified one of us would leave one of those times and not come back. *sigh*
Dianas last blog post..The One That Could Get Me Fired
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By Harmony on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Touching post! Sometimes their little minds do run off in a direction you don’t realize, luckily he expressed his thoughts to you and you were able to clarify! He is lucky to have a daddy and my boys are lucky to have a daddy! Thanks for sharing and showing that talking does help and how lucky we are to have a family, no matter what form it takes!
Harmonys last blog post..My Husband, The Toy Maker
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By Polka Dot Mommy on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Kids. Dads. Do we even stand a chance?
That’s a sweet post. Thanks for sharing!
Cheers!
Jamie
Polka Dot Mommys last blog post..Things NOT to Do After Conscious Sedation
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By Erin on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh my goodness. Poor angry boy. I’m glad he got sweetened up. :)
Erins last blog post..Failing to Conform
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By katia on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Great post! … we have a lot of two-mommy families in our neighbourhood, so that’s always an interesting conversation to have with inquisitive kids.
katias last blog post..wordless wednesday — double fisted cake shove
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By Stephanie on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
And just like that–with your final line–I got all teary eyed. So sweet.
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By Stephanie on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
And just like that–with your final line–I got all teary eyed. So sweet.
Stephanies last blog post..Between Housecleanings
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By judy haley (coffeejitters) on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
heartbreaking and sweet.
judy haley (coffeejitters)s last blog post..Lattes and Lipstick and Recipes and Love
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By followthatdog on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
We’re going through daddy battles at our house too. Often with a similar end. I just think they inherited my husband’s stubborn streak and they need a moment apart to reset.
That last line made me a little teary.
followthatdogs last blog post..Dinner and a show
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By Domestic Spaz on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Kids are amazing. I’ve seen mine go through that same anger… it seems bigger than their little bodies and it breaks my heart.
But I guess we all have to learn to deal with anger. Sounds like he’s going to do alright with it.
Domestic Spazs last blog post..Don’t ever talk about religion or what?
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By Simply Shannon on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh my gosh. That just broke my heart. How sweet is CJ? Ok, so maybe not so much when he’s ticked off- but when it comes right down to it that boy of yours has a heart of pure gold.
You’re one lucky lady.
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By Rachael on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
What a great post. Kids are just… amazing.
Rachaels last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Bathtime Joy
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By Laurin on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
That same scenario happened at my house the other night. Complete with Hmmph! and the emphatic words!
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By Michelle on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Good for you MOM! CJ is very lucky to have a patient mommy to help him work through his emotions and allow him to realize the love for his dad. Good for DAD for realizing when he needed a break! Beautiful family!
Michelles last blog post..Dear House,
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By AGSOCCERMOM on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Thanks for sharing..very sweeet ending
AGSOCCERMOMs last blog post..Have you ever had to make food Stretch?
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By Mandy on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Aw, I love this sweet post. Sounds so similar to some bedtime conversations around here. ;-) The great dad/kid conundrum.
Mandys last blog post..Luck be a lady…with raging PMS
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By Ashley on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Wow, that was so incredibly well played, mama! If I could’ve picked the “right” answers, those would’ve so been it! Straight out of a hallmark movie (or could’ve been, I mean). Sweetness
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By Hillary on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
What a sweet little boy you have! Daddies can be mean sometimes, but they have to, same as mommies. You’re lucky CJ understands the concept of “privilege.” We’re trying to teach our 4-year-old daughter about it now. It’s tough for kids to grasp.
Hillarys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday–Mommy’s Little Helper
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By Roger on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Very sweet, that CJ is wise beyond years. :) I like his rationalization.
Rogers last blog post..Can You Say Hubris?
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By the planet of janet on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
ouch. kids do know how to strike deep.
you handled it well.
the planet of janets last blog post..What to do during an earthquake
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By Lynette on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Awww…so sweet.
Lynettes last blog post..Proof!
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By Stacy (mama-om) on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
Sweet story… those battles of the wills! They break my heart.
My favorite all-time article that I recommend to everyone about will power is http://www.gordonneufeld.com/course_counterwill.php
I am glad that CJ and Jay worked it out… and that you were there to listen to him!
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By Dumblond on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
That sounds like a recent drama at our house…except it was my 6 year old daughter and I was the mean one.
Kids. If they were easy, everyone would want one!
Dumblonds last blog post..HOLY CRAP! My geek alarm just went off!
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By The Diaper Diaries on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
This is my favorite post of your ever. Seriously.
The Diaper Diariess last blog post..Works For Me Wednesday- Fake That Tan
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By rachel on Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
So sweet. What a doll.
They can do the most amazing turn arounds.
rachels last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Monkey Style
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By Ashley on Jul 31, 2008 | Reply
Awww such a cute story! He sounds like such an adorable little boy!
Ashleys last blog post..Pool Time!
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By Jakki on Jul 31, 2008 | Reply
Just pure sweetness…
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By jennifer on Jul 31, 2008 | Reply
Sounds like the fighting might be cured for a couple more years!! That was a cute post.
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By LifeAsIKnowIt on Jul 31, 2008 | Reply
Amazing how their little minds work, huh?
LifeAsIKnowIts last blog post..What They Don’t Tell You About Crackbook
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By Mrs. Schmitty on Jul 31, 2008 | Reply
AWWWWW….sweet boy!
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By Candid on Aug 1, 2008 | Reply
That was beautiful.
I seriously need to hug my kids right now.
Candids last blog post..Omar Goes Home
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By Amber on Aug 1, 2008 | Reply
Aww, that is such a sweet post! Glad he’s not angry anymore.
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By Kaza on Aug 2, 2008 | Reply
This is SO life at my house right now. What a great post.
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