My dust bunnies have names and personalities
June 30, 2008 – 5:30 pmI make a lot of jokes about my sad attempts at housecleaning and inevitably one of my girlfriends will look at me with that shifty uncomfortable look and go, “Oh come on Jen, you’re not that bad!”
But the truth is… I am that bad.
My friends either KNOW IT and are embarrassed on my behalf, or else they DON’T know it (which means they really don’t know me at all).
My house vacillates between two stages.
Stage 1: We have a regular paid PROFESSIONAL house cleaner.
Stage 2: Our house desperately needs a regular paid PROFESSIONAL house cleaner.
There is no in-between.
I can count on ONE HAND the number of times I have washed my kitchen floor. And I’m not even exaggerating.
I can count on NO HANDS the number of times I’ve washed all my windows. As for moving the furniture so that you can vacuum behind it… do people really do that?
You’re cringing, aren’t you?
Heck, I’m cringing.
The thing is, I LOVE a clean house. I adore coming home to a sparkling, shining, everything-in-its-place, good smelling house. It BOTHERS me when things are messy, when floors are sticky, when crumbs pile up under the dining room table and the windows have smudges.
But I just hate cleaning.
HATE it.
I hate cleaning almost as much as I like doing other things that are NOT cleaning. Like playing on the computer or gazing out the window or reading a magazine or walking around the lake or calling a friend or painting my nails or spending a WHOLE day at the zoo with CJ. I’d rather do my taxes, pay my bills and EXERCISE than clean.
Every once in a while I’ll read one of those homemaker Clif notes, you know like TEN EASY WAYS TO GO FROM DINGY TO DAZZLING or KEEP YOUR HOUSE CLEAN IN 5 SECONDS A DAY! And I”ll get all inspired. In that moment I can totally picture myself as the consummate homemaker, complete with cookies in the oven and a fresh bouquet of flowers on the table. “Hello, honey, how was YOUR day?” I’ll say while looking pert in my freshly pressed apron and heels.
Only once the cookies are halfway made I start to get tired and less than inspired and sit down to take a breather and now I’m reading Real Simple and motivated by the gardening section and decide that I really need to go outside and water my plants and then I’m chatting with the neighbor and we decide to take the kids to the park and WHAT DO YOU KNOW it’s time for dinner. Dinner? Dinner! There’s no groceries in the fridge and no food in the oven… oven… OVEN! the cookies! They’ve burnt! Oh the acrid smoke!
I’m sort of at a loss because even though I feel like I SHOULD have a whole lot of time on my hands in which I can be productive and get this house licked into shape, the reality is that I can barely, just barely, stay on top of the laundry and basic sanitation.
Most of the time I’m ok with this personal failing of mine, but other times it really bothers me.
Like today when CJ pulled a dusty mop from the closet and asked me, “Mommy, what’s THIS?”
“It’s a mop, CJ,” I tell him, “You use it to clean the floor.”
He looks at me like I’m speaking in Martian… which I basically am.
“Mommy!” he says excitedly, “I want to use the moff!”
And so I let him. He squirts and swishes and dabs and the floor starts to look a little less dingy.
He’s soon bored with the kitchen so, what the heck, I decide to finish what he started. And as the floor gets more and more shiny, I feel a weight lift off my chest that I hadn’t even realized was there.
“Mommy!” CJ is tugging at my shirt, “Now I want to wash the floor in my room!”
I give my eager cleaner a squirt bottle filled with vinegar and water and a couple of rags, and he proceeds to spend THIRTY minutes on hands and knees scrubbing the wood floor in his bedroom as it has never before been scrubbed. Every few minutes I peek in at him, and see him toiling away.
The room reeks of vinegar and the floors are starting to sparkle.
Watching him makes me tired, so I sit on the couch with a magazine.
Clearly I need help. My five-year old son is a more diligent cleaner than I am.
This is where you come in. I know for an absolute fact that some of you… MOST of you… are better housekeepers than I am. Top-notch housekeepers. Housekeepers to end all housekeepers, even. Or, at least, you don’t have seventeen pet dust bunnies who’ve lived in the house so long they have their own NAMES.
I need you help! I need your advice! I need your tips and tricks! And hey, we can all learn from each other.
So… are you up for it? I’m thinking a carnival where everyone shares their housecleaning advice. The stuff you learned the hard way, or that was passed down from your mother, or that you just instinctively know.
Next Wednesday. Mark your calendars.
I need you!
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Auds at Barking Mad on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
I’m game!
Oh and if CJ is available 2x’s a week for baseboards and floors, then I’m quite willing to make it worth his time! $$$$$$$ *lol*
Oh and we are also on a first name basis with our dust bunnies. However, whenever we speak of “relocating” *wink wink* them, they threaten a coup d’etat. So um yeah, we down with the dust bunnies. I’ve even heard a few of them talk about putting out a CD of their own…Dust Bunnies Live from Under Your Bed!
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By Hillary on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Not a mother or anything but don’t worry…you aren’t alone. It’s taken me about two weeks to clean my room. And it’s not even really clean. I’m rather hopeless.
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By Phat Mama on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Yay! I’m not alone!!!
I just discovered Flylady- thanks to the multitude of bloggers who keep name dropping…haven’t really started it yet, but it’s got me inspired. I spent all morning yesterday cleaning my downstairs, and boy does it feel nice to walk into a clean room!
I am so in on this idea!
Phat Mamas last blog post..I need some help
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By mamikaze on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Ha! It’s not just me. I am the same way. I hate housework. I need to generate some revenue so I can hire a housekeeper.
mamikazes last blog post..Brutally Honest Monday: In the Closet
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By World's Greatest Mommy on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Actually, housecleaning, (minus laundry. hate laundry. laundry is evil) is one of my things I do best…so I’ll be there and square, ’cause honestly who likes housecleaning?
(me)
World’s Greatest Mommys last blog post..Avoiding Burnout
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By Lynette on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Sorry.You must be my long lost twin. I hate cleaning SO MUCH. As we speak, I have piles of laundry that need folding. I managed to clean my bathroom, but somehow lost interest in the rest of the house::sigh:: It’s a sad sad thing.
Lynettes last blog post..I guess it’s an educational crapshoot
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By Flea on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh girl. The most help I can give has been given - flylady.net. Made just for people like us.
Fleas last blog post..Exterior Update
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By Shamelessly Sassy on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I have no tips. I might be the WORST house cleaner ever. EVER.
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By Ashley on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I love this post because I can SO relate! I’m not too bad about cleaning up the little things, like crumbs and spills and going through and getting rid of clutter. But I really HATE the deep-cleaning stuff, like scrubbing tubs and toilets, cleaning the top of the oven and in all the grates and everything, and washing floors. And hey, I’ve never washed my windows either or moved furniture to vacuum behind it.
The only tip I can think of is to buy a Roomba! Have you heard of those? The little electronic vacuums that you just turn on and they vacuum for you? I love mine and it does help to keep the floors clean! I don’t even have to sweep my kitchen floor much because the Roomba does that too!
Ashleys last blog post..STUNNING Cape Flattery!
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By Carla on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I will be of no help to you. I clean when I know people are coming over. Kind of a White Tornado thing.
Carlas last blog post..Outline
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By KD @ A Bit Squirrelly on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I have a cleaning chart. Seriously. I have posted it before, but I will galdly repost it for you!
KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post.."NO YOU SHARE DAT WAT-R GUN"
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By jenn on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Man, I wish I had some tips and tricks for you, but your post was like reading my autobiography. After years of freaking out and cleaning only when someone was coming over, I buckled and got a housekeeper. BLISS. Here’s the catch… I can only afford her every other week. So, you’d think no big deal keeping things clean for the alernate week, right? Wrong! Apparently, I’m capably of letting my house disintegrate into filth in one week’s time. So proud.
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By Elaine on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I have to say FlyLady too… Its helping me. Sorta. Its inspiring me at least! You get a lot of emails and I think you have to take some time to read them and get your head into it. At least that’s what I have been telling myself… maybe next week I’ll REALLY start. But just maybe.
Elaines last blog post..Back to the real world
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By Domestic Spaz on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
OMGosh I can’t wait. You’re describing ME. I’ve tried FlyLady and it was a disaster so now the house is just a mess.
Why are we waiting until NEXT Wednesday? :)
Domestic Spazs last blog post..The Spaz on Buddhism - The Basics in a Nutshell
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By Jill on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I am also part of the non-cleaners group. If my house is going to be cleaned, it sure as heck isn’t going to be by me. The one benefit of living overseas is less expensive household help.
I’m going to cry when I have to snap back into reality and clean myself…
Jills last blog post..A River Runs Through It…
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By Joanna on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Oh I can’t wait!
I clean, I really do, but I am SO burnt out on cleaning. I clean up something only to find after I leave the room and the girls are in that spot that I cleaned making a mess! So, I just get frustrated!!
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By Monique on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I would absolutely love to help, except I’ll be needing the tips! {desperately} I abhor cleaning so much. Caesar calls the vacuum cleaner the “clean up” and he quite often tells me it’s time to use it. :|
Moniques last blog post..Blah, Blah, Blabbering
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By Polka Dot Mommy on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Dust Bunnies? Aye Karumba! You probably missed my post (http://looksgoodinpolkadots.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/who-are-your-bed-fellows/)about dust mites… scares the Sh*t out of me!
Polka Dot Mommys last blog post..Take Me Out To The Ball Game…
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By Barbara on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
My house was terrible before I found flylady… however that being said, I don’t have the kind of time to have the kind of full blown routines really work. I figure something is better than nothing though, so I’ve made up routines that work for me. I have the bathrooms down to a science that takes about 15 seconds a day, and no more than 5 minutes per bathroom on the weekend. So I’ll share that next Wednesday. I’m still looking for something more full proof for my kitchen.
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By Jackie W transplanted Okie (Buried in Legos) on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
We all do housecleaning on Fridays.
Five of us. Dh, me & 3 boys. Our grandson even cleans when he is here.
Jackie W transplanted Okie (Buried in Legos)s last blog post..Balto 1995 / Movie Madness
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By Honey Mommy on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Does anyone actually LOVE cleaning? I can think of so many better things to be doing with my time. Somehow I manage to keep my house mostly clean, and I don’t use flylady or anything.
If my boys don’t cause my brain to short a fuse, I’ll try to think of some tips for next week.
Honey Mommys last blog post..Here’s Your Sign!
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By Dawn on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Sigh, I guess it’s hard to complain about cleaning while I’m sitting here blogging. I finally can see the kitchen table though, since it is always covered in whatever Martha-like crafts I’m working on, and the kids aren’t shoving everything aside to eat. And once I empty the hampers and wash everything, every room’s hamper is miraculously full again. If only the money in our bank account accumulated that fast…
Dawns last blog post..The 4th is coming! The 4th is coming!
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By Olymom on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I have hated cleaning for WAY longer than any of the rest of you here. Since I love to research things, I’ve read books, had charts, and been a Flylady fiend. All good things! But there actually ARE people out there who like to clean (I have one daughter like that. Wish she still lived here!) and maybe those people just don’t spend time doing the things you and I love - books, magazines, daydreams, computers and activities that WE choose. I’d LOVE to hire a housekeeper, but then I’d have to clean the house before she came!
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By Inzaburbs on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I think I have tried it all. I had a Roomba (until the battery died) and it was great - except you have to clear up ahead of it or else it will swallow a piece of lego or something and sit there sadly moaning Beee-op Beee-op.
In the end I hired cleaners, but only for the downstairs, because if they cleaned upstairs I would need to put away scattered toys ahead of them, and I am not brave enough to do that. So once a week I spend an hour tidying up downstairs to avoid the *shame* of my cleaners thinking badly of me. Then they come and clean and for a couple of hours, it looks great. Keeps things under control.
Another trick I have is to schedule at least one playdate a week (preferably accompanied by a parent) so that I am forced into cleaning upstairs. That keeps upstairs sort of acceptable.
Also, for junk - drawers, cupboards, boxes or boxes hidden in cupboards and drawers. I get compliments on my tidy kitchen (”mine always has bills strewn across it”) until a nosy toddler opens a random cupboard and a months worth of papers comes cascading out.
Inzaburbss last blog post..Normal Service Should Resume Shortly
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By Jen on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Ok, I think I could have written this entire post because each and every detail is ME!!! I will so be there next Wednesday, although I’m not sure I have any advice because the state of my house sounds a lot like yours. I can’t wait to see what the experts have to say!
Jens last blog post..Intermission Take 2
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By Wendy on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
This reminded me of when my kid touched a hot iron because she’d never seen one before and didn’t KNOW they get hot. I’m so proud.
I may not have tips for you…..
Wendys last blog post..Monty Python’s Mountain Climber Scene
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By Jill on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
I put my kids to work too. It’s a win-win. I have NEVER moved furniture to vacuum, but I pay someone too. I’d be lost without her!
Jills last blog post..Happy Birthday, Scary Mommy
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By Jen J on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
So when I was growing up…my mother was a compulsive cleaner what’s funny about that is that our house was always cluttered and it drove me crazy to have crap laying around! I’ve always been “A place for everything and everything in it’s place kid of gal” so, ever since I’ve been on my own and then had kids I’ve made it a point to pick up everything and put it away every day/evening at the end of the day. I know it sounds simple, but it’s amazing how much stuff can pile up (especially when you have kids) if you don’t keep on top of it. So, if you pick it all up and put it away daily…..it never feels to overwhelming. Additionally I REQUIRE my kids to help pick up…I mean I can’t imagine that I was put on this earth to be their “stuff” picker-upper (yeah I know..it’s not a word). Then just put together a schedule of one room to really “clean” a day (Monday=bathroom, Tuesday=Kitchen…you get the idea) you’d be amazed and what you can get done in even 30 minutes! Everything will be sparkling before you know it. It’s like you’re tricking yourself in to cleaning by just doing a little at a time! =)
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By Jakki on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
LOL…love the photoshope you did for the blog. I’m a maniac when it comes to cleaning…but I can get easily distracted like you described…all it takes is one minor distraction and about 10 that night I will think…’dang….what WAS I doing with this mop???
Jakkis last blog post..Twiddling thumbs things….
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By Erin on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
I totally, TOTALLY understand. The world is just so much more interesting than cleaning my house is. You are very much not alone.
Erins last blog post..Of Melodies and Baby Teeth
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By natalie on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
when we first moved to turkey we had a cleaning lady. after a bit we decided our kids needed to learn how to do some of those jobs themselves. i tried to make a game out of the whole cleaning process. their favorite was trying to see who could clean the kitchen tiles the best. they would each get a washcloth and scrub their allotted tile squares and then i would judge their work and hand out prizes. it was a sad sad day when they realized that i was just getting them to clean the floor.
natalies last blog post..Food Review 3
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By Jessica on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
Sorry, not a tip or trick to be found here. I hire 13 year old twins to clean for me. They do a much better job than I do. We call them the “cleaning twins.” Because they are.
Jessicas last blog post..If it’s not one mess, it’s another…
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By Soliloquy on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
I’m so sorry. I have absolutely NOTHING to contribute.
I write checks. That’s all I got.
But I’ll be back on Wednesday. Maybe I’ll find some inspiration to tackle what the professionals don’t do.
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By Robin on Jul 3, 2008 | Reply
I DESPISE cleaning. I loathe it. I have 5 tornados in my house and they wreak havoc on anything I attempt to clean. I’m only half assed about it as it is, so this really doesn’t work well for me.
Last week it took me 5 hours to clean my kitchen. 5 hours. We just moved into this place in April. It’s brand new. Never lived in before us. So this was only our dirt and clutter. Disgusting.
When I finished, I was so proud I even posted a picture on my blog. I didn’t have any children home and it’s all I did. (Okay, I lied, my laptop is visible on the kitchen counter in the picture, so I cleaned in between email checks)
I’ve kept it clean for 6 days now. The only way I can do it is to continuously keep on top of it. Rinsing dishes immediately. Keeping the dishwasher empty. Actually cleaning up after dinner instead of sitting down. Leaving NOTHING in the sink at night. Wiping all counters and tables. And I have done this every night for the last week without fail.
This is the longest my kitchen has ever stayed clean since having children. I found that by spending 20 minutes a night on it, it does the trick. I’ve heard this theory but scoffed at it. It sounded too hard. But it’s really NOT!
The trick is getting it clean in the first place. Trying to spot clean a messy house is useless. But it’s how I usually clean.
Now I need to do the rest of the house. We won’t talk about what my bedroom looks like. Or my living room. Or my bathroom. Or my laundry room. But damnit, My kitchen is clean!
Robins last blog post..Bananas’ 1st and 2nd Laws of Nature
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By Robin on Jul 3, 2008 | Reply
What the heck? I accidentally posted your website instead of mine in my comment. D’oh.
Robins last blog post..Pre Holiday Post
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By Mrs. F on Jul 3, 2008 | Reply
Nope, I know nothing more than you, but I have heard that the Flylady can whip you into shape (oops, was I supposed to save that little tidbit for next Wednesday???)
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By Jo Beaufoix on Jul 4, 2008 | Reply
I am you. That’s all I have to say. ;)
Jo Beaufoixs last blog post..And then Miss E said…
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