Not to be all man-bashing or anything, but it’s time for some serious man bashing.
June 30, 2008 – 12:57 amThe weather here in Seattle has gone from cold and gloomy to hot hot HOT.
Which means there’s a whole lot of pasty skinned folk running around like chickens with our heads cut off.
It’s so HOT!
What do we do in this heat?
How can we COOL OFF?!
When it’s cool, we moan and complain about the UNSEASONABLY COLD WEATHER. But the minute it acts like summer we make like snowmen and head for the AC. Because even a teeny-tiny drop of sweat is surely a sign of impending doom.
AGGGHHH!!! I’m sweating! DO SOMETHING!!!
We’re a fickle lot.
So I’m reading the forecast and I see that HOT WEATHER is expected for the weekend.
“Jay!” I say, “When you’re at Target why don’t you pick up a kiddie pool.”
Which seems like a fairly simple and straightforward task, even for a man. Right?
WRONG.
Not to be all man-bashing or anything, but it’s time for some serious man bashing.
How is it that you can send a man to the store to get something and EVERY TIME he comes back with something that is NOT THE THING HE’S SUPPOSED TO HAVE GOTTEN?! And not only will he not buy the thing that you sent him to get in the first place, but he’ll replace that thing with something that you definitely certainly ABSOLUTELY do not want and would never buy!
So off Jay drives to “get a kiddie pool.”
Except somewhere between our house and the Target checkout counter he ends up with a Color Stream squirt gun (which, by the way, is NOT a kiddie pool).
Because, well, it’s a gun that shoots COLORS. And CJ wanted it.
“CJ wants a lot of things,” I moan, “It doesn’t mean they’re a good idea! And how are we supposed to COOL OFF without a kiddie pool?!”
But my argument is too little too late and even I know a losing battle when I see one. So I go back to cleaning up.
The next thing I know there is brightly colored dye dripped across my kitchen. CJ is covered with the stuff, as is half of our back deck.
“AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!”
Something about this dye-dripping gun making a mess of my freshly cleaned kitchen triggers RAGE and EXTREME ANGER. I can feel the heat rising to my face and my fists are clenched and shaking. I yank the gun from CJ’s hand and toss it in the sink.
“I am going to throw this gun in the street and run over it with the car!” I shout.
CJ looks at me as only your child can look at you when you’ve crossed the line into downright mean and nasty.
I immediately feel bad. I don’t want to be this mom… the one who yells and storms about and is downright unreasonable.
“JAY!!” I bellow, “YOU NEED TO SUPERVISE THIS TOY!!!”
Jay comes upstairs and looks from the red splotches on the floor to the red splotches on my face. He says in his most soothing tone, “Don’t worry, the dye is WASHABLE.”
Only it isn’t really unless by “Washable” they mean DOESN’T COME OFF WITH WATER.
“Hmm, it doesn’t really come off,” Jay mutters as he scrubs at the stains.
Imagine that.
I am tempted to get the Color Stream Squirt gun from the sink and bash my dearest husband right across the head with it.
Instead, I drive to Target and buy myself a kiddie pool.
Related Posts
Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Llama Momma on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh no!!
I’m not a man basher or anything, but I can SO RELATE TO THIS!!!
I love it when they buy, get out, enable messy toys and then retreat while I’m left to clean up the mess….ugh!!
Skip the baby pool and go buy yourself a frappacino, sister!!
Llama Mommas last blog post..Door County
[Reply to this comment]
By Phat Mama on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh dear! I think that a little “Man Bashing” was definitely in order!
I too had a rough time with my other half yesterday. For some reason he thought that it would be a great idea to take our 3 year old to see his favorite band play at an outdoor concert…until 11pm. It was fine for him, he wandered off to talk with friends while I sat in the rain with our daughter and tried to keep her entertained.
As we were leaving she was running away from me and just being plain naughty and I said “You need to take her before I kill her”. In retrospect it wasn’t the best choice of words, but obviously I would never actually harm my child. At any rate, she looked at me with big puppy dog eyes and said “Don’t kill me Mama!” in her sweetest little voice. I totally get you when you say you don’t want to be “THAT” Mom! It was definitely not my finest moment.
Darn men!
Phat Mamas last blog post..I need some help
[Reply to this comment]
By Jakki on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh yeah…there would be some serious bashing going on. LOL. How does one get kiddie pool confused with SQUIRT GUN..and not even JUST a squirt gun but fun filled colored water squirt gun….LOL.
[Reply to this comment]
By Queen of Shake Shake on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Don’t you hate how loosely toy companies use the word “washable”. Grrrr!
Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..Things I May Do Instead of Going to BlogHer
[Reply to this comment]
By Honey Mommy on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Now that is why I NEVER send my husband to the store for anything that I REALLY want!
Maybe you should have sent him with a picture of a kiddie pool to help jog his memory!
Honey Mommys last blog post..Say what?
[Reply to this comment]
By Auds at Barking Mad on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
What the toy companies DON’T tell you is that “washable” really means, “Not in this century.”
Um yeah, Meg got the Color Stream toy from h*ll and took it to college orientation this weekend. As did about fifty million other incoming college freshmen.
Imagine sitting across the lunch table from my newly blue, green and orange streaked daughter who tries to calm me down and tell me, “but mom, it’s WASHABLE!”
And that’s why she’s sitting across from me at the breakfast table with a blue, green and orange streaked face bemoaning the fact that maybe it takes more than one washing to get the color off.
Gee, ya think?
[Reply to this comment]
By Lindsay on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
It is so true! My mom and I were talking about it yesterday. My dad went to Sam’s to buy two thing, TWO THINGS, and oh, he comes back with things that were all great and everything, but none of them were the two SPECIFIC things that my mom sent him there to buy.
Laughable at times, yes. Frustrating as well, always.
Lindsays last blog post..Future Fireman on Our Hands
[Reply to this comment]
By Domestic Spaz on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
I feel your pain. Last weekend our three kids went to spend the night with their three cousins and when they came home SOMEHOW we had TWO of these stupid guns!
They turned their bathroom orange and green and then I confiscated the guns and they WON’T get them back. I don’t care if I AM mean.
Domestic Spazs last blog post..I’d like to thank the academy…
[Reply to this comment]
By Elaine on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
LOOL. Wow, that color stream water gun sounds like a bad idea! I hope it didnt make too much of a mess!
Elaines last blog post..The little things
[Reply to this comment]
By Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Wasn’t really washable?!? Any toy maker should know better than that.
And you have a freshly cleaned kitchen? Wow. I’m jealous. Well, except for those red stains.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..At Sea
[Reply to this comment]
By Mamasphere on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Around these parts, washable means you can wash it as much as you want and the color will never fade. Like koolade.
My husband has a similar problem. I sent him to get a pool, and he came back with a GIANT pool that takes up half of our patio, an air compressor, a sump pump and two solar water heating pool panels.
And if I send him to get icecream, he comes back with $50 worth of icecream treats.
Sending that boy for anything is downright dangerous to our budget!
Mamaspheres last blog post..New Digs
[Reply to this comment]
By World's Greatest Mommy on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh man, I was thinking about buying these for my kids. Why did I think washable really meant washable? Where’s the truth in advertising, people?
I’m soooo glad I read this. I will be forgoing the guns that shoot permanent dye…we’ll just stick with our kiddie pool, too.
World’s Greatest Mommys last blog post..Avoiding Burnout
[Reply to this comment]
By Ashley on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
This is such a funny post! I’m still laughing about it! You have such a great sense of humor and a great way of writing. I know, this weather is TOO hot for Seattle! We’re dying in it!
Ashleys last blog post..Baby In A Backpack
[Reply to this comment]
By amy on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
I had to LOL over this… Besides just totally LOVING this weather (hot or not), the image of pasty-skinned chickens with their heads cut off so perfectly describes Seattlites in summer!
As for man-bashing, our hugest arguments are over grocery-list translations. Somehow BLUEBERRY BAGELS–DON’T BUY ANYTHING BUT is perfectly understood by my husband as onion bagels. Odd.
Love your blog!
amys last blog post..payback is a b@%*&ch…
[Reply to this comment]
By KD @ A Bit Squirrelly on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
We are not too sure about this sudden NW heatwave either. It’s one thing to warm up gradually but quite another to go from sweaters to shorts in the same weekend.
Oh and I hear you about the sending them to the store thing. I would have been ticked. I sometimes don’t like it when C is home for the weekend…
KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post..Public Broadcasting, WALL-E, Thunder and Lightning, Mudbugs, SO RANDOM! (Monday Madness)
[Reply to this comment]
By Shauna on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
ha ha ha! I’m only laughing because it didn’t happen to me.
And you know I NEVER man-bash. *snort*
Shaunas last blog post..The Sexual Harassment Lawsuit
[Reply to this comment]
By Mr. Child Safety on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
just be glad your not in painfully humid TN
Mr. Child Safetys last blog post..Caregiver Consent and Contact Form
[Reply to this comment]
By Midwest Mommy on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Oh my gosh! I think I would have lost it!!!
Midwest Mommys last blog post..Different
[Reply to this comment]
By Worker Mommy on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Ok you understand that it wasn’t just CJ but J who very much wanted that squirt gun.
And yeah, I was haning (kiddie) poolside this weekend myself
[Reply to this comment]
By jennifer on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
My dad does the EXACT same thing to my mother. She hates it!!! My mom is afraid of snakes and she sent him and my nephew to the store for dinosaurs and came back with fake snakes and water guns. Mom doesn’t like snakes and surely doesn’t like guns!! All dad could say is “they are boy things. he is a boy”
they were also making hamburgers and she put dill pickle chips on the list…. he didn’t buy hamburgers he bought chips that were in dil pickle flavor
they are men…. What can we do?
[Reply to this comment]
By Joanna on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
I stumbled across your blog and have really enjoyed reading it.
I must say to this post…Hilarious and I know what you mean!
[Reply to this comment]
By Jill on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Oh I see you’ve married my husband’s twin…
Jills last blog post..A River Runs Through It…
[Reply to this comment]
By AGSOCCERMOM on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
ROFLMAO! SAME HERE EXCEPT IT’S WAL MART!
AGSOCCERMOMs last blog post..SHINY THINGS
[Reply to this comment]
By Sugar on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Okay… so on the last baby, I sent hubby over to the mall for a night shirt as I had forgotten to pack one. He was my fourth. How could I forget that? Well, I did. So I sent him with specific instructions on what NOT to get, figuring he’d have a universe of night shirts to choose from and I just wanted to make sure that whatever he got me, it wouldn’t be flannel fabric and that it would not have some teenie little repeating flower pattern. With those two no-noes, I figured, how can this intelligent man who flies complicated machinery across the sky f** up? Well… he did. He brought me (yep, you guessed it) a flannel night shirt with little teeny tiny flowers in an obnoxious pattern that still to this day makes me dizzy with the memory alone. I don’t have the shirt anymore. I think I burned it… simply by staring at it with all of my hate and loathing.
It’s a good thing they know how to change the oil.
[Reply to this comment]
By Dawn on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Hee Hee! That’s why I can’t send mine to the store, he’s worse than me! And everything is always “on sale”. I’m like babe, that is NOT a sale price. Just because it says “sale” does not mean it is.
Dawns last blog post..The 4th is coming! The 4th is coming!
[Reply to this comment]
By Amber on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
Men, you got to love them!
That toy would have never been taken out of the package at our house…or maybe we could have sent it to grandmas.
Ambers last blog post..Fun at the Beach
[Reply to this comment]
By MommyTime on Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
Ok, I’ll add to the bash-fest: this toy was obviously designed by a man who NEVER has to clean his own kitchen floor and whose wife is too nice to make him clean up his own messes.
Sorry, men. I do love you. And I’m not generally all basher-y. But this toy has to be the WORST idea on the planet.
MommyTimes last blog post..Blogroll: You Want Some Fries with That?
[Reply to this comment]
By Mrs. F on Jul 3, 2008 | Reply
Effing MEN! What the heck? I hope you have since ran the gun over…not the man though, even though I am sure that is tempting!
:)
Mrs. Fs last blog post..In The Depths of Mindless Drivel
[Reply to this comment]