QwikBuns Anonymous
May 7, 2008 – 7:00 amMy sister-in-law and I are wandering through the Palm Springs Saturday market, browsing through row after row of tables covered with wrinkled dates and avocados, juicy tomatoes, glittering jewelry, fake designer bags, colorful sarongs, and a whole passel of this-will-really-TRULY-change-your-life products.
I’m sipping my coffee, munching on a donut, and contemplating the joys of outdoor shopping sans children when I see her.
She’s young and bronzed and beautiful, with long flowing golden hair… the kind of hair that every woman would die for. The kind of hair that keeps me buying product after product, each time thinking that this one will make my hair look like that.
“Carol,” I nudge my sister-in-law, “look!”
Her back is to us, and as we watch, she reaches up and pulls her glistening hair into a cloth rectangle, gives a couple of expert twists, and voila! creates an impeccable bun of gleaming gold.
She turns around, catches my eye, and smiles.
My mouth is gaping, I’m sure of it, and in an anxious attempt to regain my composure I look up at the sign hanging over her booth.
QwikBuns
A mother with two daughters have wandered up, and the blond goddess asks the girls if they’d like to have their hair done. They nod in wide-eyed awe.
She gestures toward a rack filled with colorful cloth rectangles.
“Pick a color,” she tells the girls.
Carol and I watch in amazement as she deftly twists and pulls and magically turns the girls’ hair into perfect buns. This one a little messy (but stylishly so), this one smooth as silk.
“Wow,” Carol says, “that’s cool.”
A little crowd has formed, mostly older women with short-cropped curls, and a couple of young girls with their mothers.
And then there are Carol and I, standing slightly off to the side, two middle-aged women holding coffee cups and wearing star-struck expressions.
“Also,” says the blond, “wearing your hair in a bun with one of these makes it curl.” She demonstrates by pulling her hair out and tossing her head ever so slightly so that the rippling waves of spun gold fall over her shoulders.
oooooh!
ahhhhh!
“You should get one of those!” I say to Carol, pushing her towards the stand.
“I’ll buy SEVEN.” she announces, and she does. (but really, can you have too many QwikBuns? I’m thinking no). She even gives one of them to me.
We get back to the house and proudly show our purchases to our husbands, who are decidedly underwhelmed.
We pull out the QwikBuns and I sit down, ready to have my hair TRANSFORMED into a graceful bun or elegant twist.
But a funny thing happens. I insert my hair into the QwikBun just like I was shown. Then I pull it out and twist and then turn, turn, turn…
But half my hair has fallen out of the thing, and the other half is hanging in a limp half-bun.
This is NOT such a cute look.
“Here, I’ll try,” says Carol. She deftly maneuvers the QwikBun into my hair and then steps back to admire her work. “There! It doesn’t look half bad.”
I walk over to the mirror to see for myself. Ok, so it doesn’t look half bad. But it doesn’t look half GOOD either.
I pull out the QwikBun and toss it on the counter.
this is dumb.
Well, I may not be able to pull off the bun look, I think, but at least I can get the curls. And so I have Carol redo the bun, seeing as how I’ve proven incapable of such a feat.
I leave in the half-bad bun for several hours, excitedly checking my watch every few minutes. Is it time to take it out yet? Ooh, I can’t WAIT for the curls!
Finally I decide that enough time has passed. I pull out the bun with eager fingers, and race to the mirror to gaze upon my lusciousness.
My hair is sort of kinked here and there, with decidedly straight sections in between.
WHERE are my glowing curls?!
WHAT ABOUT the new, beautiful me?!
HARUMPH.
You know that thing they say about things that are too good to be true?
I guess it EVEN applies to QwikBuns.
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Midwest Mommy on May 7, 2008 | Reply
that sucks. I am also a sucker for those kind of things. Exercise infomercials always seem to get me!
By Maureen on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Har! Oh, how the “professionals” can make it look so, so easy!
The one that gets me now is that towel that picks up gallons (okay, maybe not) of cola from your carpet with two quick wipes.
Yeah. Suuuuure it does….
My condolences for your absence of curls, BTW.
By Jen on May 7, 2008 | Reply
I wonder how mcuh that woman got paid to stand there and make that QwikBun look easy and glamerous. I’ve got to say, I’m rocking your QwikBun ‘do every day with just a rubber band. Of course, “rubber band” is not nearly as fun to say as “QwikBun”.
By the planet of janet on May 7, 2008 | Reply
i’m so laughing…
By Mrs. Schmitty on May 7, 2008 | Reply
It’s like when you get your hair cut too…it looks great in the salon, but when you try to style it the next day…UGH!
I get sucked into those kinds of things too.
By carrie on May 7, 2008 | Reply
QwikBun. For a second, I thought I would get little buns, quickly, from the name of that product!
You’re still adorable, QwikBun in your hair or not!
By Christine @ Serenity How? on May 7, 2008 | Reply
That sounds just like the hair thingy I bought at the drugstore a while back. I couldn’t get it to work for me either. In fact, I’d say you did a much better job than I did LOL!
I ended up giving it away to a friend. I hope she’s still speaking to me…:)
By Vintage Dutch Girl on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Awww, that totally sucks…Hopefully they weren’t too pricey
By MamaGeek on May 7, 2008 | Reply
*raises hand*
I’m a sucker too. And we the same hair - except mine is two bits frumpy.
By Trenches of Mommyhood on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Everytime I see the word QwikBuns, I think of dinner rolls.
Or of a toddler running away from a diaper change.
By Jo Beaufoix on May 7, 2008 | Reply
But how good was that saleswoman. I’d go back tomorrow and see if she can do it any better. I bet she has special quick bun serum on it or something.
By Annie on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Have nothing to do with Qwikbuns - unless they’re loaded with sugar and hot out of the oven!
And girl, you are NOT middle aged - if you are does that make me geriatric?
By pixie on May 7, 2008 | Reply
Wow. That first half of the story really had me going… I was ready to buy a QwikBun! I am SUCH a sucker too!
By All Adither on May 8, 2008 | Reply
First of all, you are NOT middle aged. Second of all, your hair is beautiful. I would LOVE to have straight, smooth, sleek hair like yours.
By Benjing-Benjing on May 8, 2008 | Reply
I am not interested in QwikBuns but your story telling roped me in.
So this Qwikbuns episode is like when you see awesome looking burgers on tv and when you get to the restaurant, the burgers are soggy…
chris at watdawat.com
By THopgood on May 8, 2008 | Reply
I’m sure I’d be able to take a 2 week family vacation to the Greek Islands on the amount of money I’ve spent on quick fix hair accessories in the past 5 years. And yet I never give up.
By Jen on May 8, 2008 | Reply
I didn’t even think the Quikbuns girl on the package looked that good. It seemed kind of old fashioned or formal. Who wears their hair like that anyway. Just stick with a ponytail or clip if you want to wear your hair up.
By themommykelly on May 8, 2008 | Reply
gotta love the marketing experts.
By Betsy Bird on May 8, 2008 | Reply
This brings back such memories … about five years ago I bought my very own QwikBuns at the very same Palm Springs street market you’re talking about. The only time my hair did the QwikBun thing right was when the woman at the street fair put it in. On my second try, even with five girlfriends helping, we couldn’t manage it, and it was downhill from there. QwikBuns sends those saleswomen to some sort of intensive, year-long training program.
By Carla on May 8, 2008 | Reply
So you know the not so cute hair picture? Um..yeah..totally wear my hair like that Every.Day.
By Storm on May 9, 2008 | Reply
I am so inept in fixing my hair.
It’s nice to know I am not the only one. 
By Cecily R on May 9, 2008 | Reply
I have suckered into things like that WAY too many times. They never work when I get home either!!
That said, you should thank the girl with the head of spun gold for giving you FABULOUSLY funny blog fodder!!
By missburrows on May 12, 2008 | Reply
you want curls? try braiding your hair and leaving it over night. (extra points if you can actually sleep with braided hair)