Never say never, Part I. In which I ask, "If my car doesn’t define me, WHAT DOES?!"
May 20, 2008 – 4:41 pm“You should get a minivan,” my mother-in-law pronounces, “It’s the practical thing to do.”
Jay nods in agreement, but before he can speak I silence him with a fiery glare.
“We are NOT getting a minivan. No. Never. That’s final.” I hear my voice getting shrill but am helpless to stop it.
Jay exchanges glances with his mother. Glances that clearly say, she’s being unreasonable again.
“I’m NOT being unreasonable!” I protest, “I just hate minivans!”
One of my friends says that you should never say never, because the minute you say you’ll never do something, you’ve cosmically signed and sealed a deal that you definitely WILL do that thing.
To which I say, HOGWASH.
I am in control of my destiny. If I say never, than NEVER is what I mean. I don’t mean most definitely in the distant or maybe not-so-distant future.
But back to the minivan. You’re probably wondering what I have against minivans.
Here’s the thing. I don’t have anything against minivans, per se. I think they’re really great… for other people.
It’s just that, ever since I can remember, I’ve had a thing about cars.
Some women are really into shoes. Some women love jewelry. Some women are all about designer bags. Some women are addicted to scrapbooking. I like all of those things (well, except the scrapbooking), but I’m not obsessive about them. I couldn’t pick a pair of Jimmy Choos from a line-up, and I doubt if I could tell the difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconium.
I do know cars.
I love cars.
Several years ago I got promoted, moved out of a cubicle and into an office, reached my goal of making over six figures, and decided that I had finally ARRIVED.
I didn’t go out and buy a $3,000 pair of shoes or a Coach bag. I marched down and bought myself a BMW.
(It was used; I hadn’t arrived that much)
And it felt GOOD.
I love my little BMW. I love how much power I have right there at the tap of my toe. I love the heated leather seats and the windshield wipers that come on when they SENSE that it’s raining (because who wants to have to turn on windshield wipers, I mean SERIOUSLY). I love the sleek lines of the exterior, the shiny chrome on the front, and the purr of the engine.
And the thing that I don’t admit to very many people (well, to anyone, actually) is that I love that I drive a BMW. I love that it’s MY car in MY name that I OWN. I love that I beep-beep the little key fob and open the door and get into the coolest car in the parking lot. Well, sometimes. Definitely not the worst car.
I guess, on some level, if I’m really, really honest, I’ve let my car define me.
The problem is, a year ago when I quit my job, Jay and I sat down to figure out how we would live without my income. One of our conclusions was that we needed to be a one-car family. We sold our SUV and planned to sell the BMW as well, and replace it with something practical.
Nearly a year and a half went by and somehow we still have the BMW.
Maybe I just wasn’t all that motivated to sell.
But as time goes by even I have to accept the fact that our car is cramping our style. Literally. We can’t fit CJ’s new bike in it. We can hardly fit three people in the backseat. It’s expensive to fix when something goes wrong and… did I mention how small it is?
I start to get excited by the idea of getting a different car. I read reviews for the BMW X5, which we could get used for a reasonable price and which is obviously the perfect PRACTICAL family vehicle. I research Volvos and Volkswagens and Audis.
It’s possible to be practical AND cool, I think, you just have to be committed.
But in the back of my mind there’s a little voice that wonders, why is it so important to be cool?
What exactly have you learned from this journey in which you quit your job, turn 30, and start to actually grow up?
Isn’t it that happiness often comes from the least expected places?
That it’s SATISFYING to give up your preconceptions and society-induced ideals?
That living with less is actually more pleasant than having more?
It makes me uncomfortable, that voice, probably because it’s always right.
Fortunately I have the OTHER voice to keep things interesting. The one that says, I don’t care how practical it is, you can’t listen to your mother-in-law!
And anyhow, if your car doesn’t define you, WHAT DOES?
That is the question.
To be continued…
***
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By Erika Jurney on May 20, 2008 | Reply
If it helps, there’s really only a period of a few years or so when minivans are more convenient than other cars. We got ours when we had our second kid. Now our last kid is 3.5 and we don’t need it anymore. Our next car will be some sort of SUV, but we’re waiting until there’s one that’s both large enough AND is a hybrid.
But yeah, our BMW convertible is pre-kids, paid off, completely impractical, and indispensable ;)
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By Rachel on May 20, 2008 | Reply
I have always vehemently declared that I will never drive a minivan. I have had a large SUV (expedition) and I am now driving a Chrysler Aspen and I am in love with it. It’s fabulous, roomy, smooth driving and we can fit everything in it without driving a gas guzzler.
Good luck, can’t wait to hear the end :-)
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By Kimmylyn on May 20, 2008 | Reply
I will never drive a mini van..I recently traded my BMW X5 because I needed more room due to the “more” kids. So I bought a SUV that looks like a SUV but has all the convenience of a mini van.. (GMC Acadia- seats 8). I love my SUV.
BAH to the mini van there are lot of other options..
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By Jessica on May 20, 2008 | Reply
I truly hope my car does not define me because if it does it says ” Spent way too much on a gas guzzling SUV dumb a**”
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By Smiling Mom on May 20, 2008 | Reply
Ya. I have a mini van. And I swore, swore, swore I’d NEVER own one… now I do.
Even my husband’s bike fits in the van. It’s quite convenient.
But I’m dreaming of a Prius. Some day…
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By Carla on May 20, 2008 | Reply
Get a red one.
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By MommyTime on May 20, 2008 | Reply
I love this post. I feel the same way about a minivan. I’ve had a hard time articulating exactly what I feel about it, so I appreciate your words to help express it. We have a Subaru Forester, which satisfies my desire for something more “cool” feeling, while still being practical enough to fit kid bikes, the dog, etc. At least it has the SUV thing going on, while still getting good gas mileage and being lower to the ground…
Looking forward to reading the rest (which I guess might included what you actually just got?).
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By debawriter on May 20, 2008 | Reply
So, did the universe win???
Did you get that minivan?
Driver of a Chevy Suburban and constantly about to crash it,
Deb
sandiegomomma.com
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By looksgoodinpolkadots on May 20, 2008 | Reply
Oui, the mini-van debate. I feel your pain. I remember back when I bought my first brand new car. Recently married, we new that a baby was in the near future (we’d already met with the white lab coats and started fertility treatments). Grandma piped in with, “I’d sure love to see you get a MINI-VAN”. I about wet myself. I was not about to drive a mini-van. Nuh-uh, never. Now, 5 kids later, I’m thinking those 2008 Dodge Caravans have made some nice changes and are looking mighty attractive these days. (I haven’t caved yet… mostly because of hubby). We have a Prius… paid off, great on gas. And a giant pain in the arse four door truck. Bleh. I have always felt that our cars do define us… I went through a phase of driving a Ford Escort Wagon circa 1993, not pretty, but it ran. I drove it longer than I needed to. At first it killed me every time I climbed in… over time I realized, IT’S JUST A CAR. It takes us from point A to point B… I am a snob… I need to not be a snob any longer. So I am better now, not completely de-snobbed, but working on it!
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By the planet of janet on May 20, 2008 | Reply
we have a minivan… but just for the record, it is my husband’s car!!!
yes, he has used it to schlep dirt bikes, ski equipment, tool boxes …
very macho.
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By Freak Magnet on May 20, 2008 | Reply
I still remember crying as we left my red little car in the lot when we traded it in for our minivan all those years ago. I am a believer that YES, our cars define us somehow. Maybe not completely, but yes, when you are driving around in it, it says something about you! That being said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a minivan either. God forbid, they are indeed practical, but I know the feeling you have….
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By Stacy (mama-om) on May 20, 2008 | Reply
We have a Subaru, like every other person in our neighborhood.
Our car says “Practical Seattleite” UNTIL you realize we have two kids and can’t fit anything in the car, and then it says “Just as irrational as Jenny… MUST. NOT. HAVE. A. MINIVAN. EVER.” (notice I didn’t say never…)
With bated breath for Part II!
-Stacy
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By Chelsea on May 20, 2008 | Reply
Been there, said that. Now a proud owner of a Honda Odyssey, although next year I’m upgrading to a Toyota Sienna XLE. The minivan literally saved my daughter’s life when we were hit by another minivan that had crossed the median on the highway. Size matters.
Also, in less than a few years you will likely need extra room for carpool or playdates or soccer practices. You could go the SUV route, but with gas at stinking $3.66 a gallon, the minivan just makes more sense.
I was going to say get a red one, too, but someone stole my line!
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By ReesePie on May 20, 2008 | Reply
I too, hate minivans. I am however, in love with the Subaru Tribeca.
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By countrymouse on May 20, 2008 | Reply
I’m sorry. No. I can’t let you do this. DO NOT GIVE UP THE COOL FACTOR. Omigod–I’ve been there and done that and it’s just a hop, skip and jump to I-give-up in so many other areas of life (Do I really need an expensive hair cut? Do I really need chic clothes–I’m just at home with the kids all day? Do I really need–blah, blah, blah–you get the picture.)
Hold out for cool. There has to be a way to accomodate room for the family and the family accoutrement with cool : )
I’m just sayin’.
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By My Life My Life My Life on May 21, 2008 | Reply
I love how you say ‘and somehow we still have the BMW’. LOL. I’m headed into the minivan area myself.My teenage boys seem to grow 10 inches every day, they are both heavy into sports and on any given practice day or tournament weekend, I’m packing around someone elses kid…kids that grow about 10 inches a day too.
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By Rachel on May 21, 2008 | Reply
Pthhhh, minivans! I drive a mid-size SUV and thank my lucky stars. It gets great gas mileage, I have plenty of room to haul stuff and we are expecting baby number two. I have two friends who have minivans and often comment at how much easier it is for me to put my son into my SUV than for them to do the strap-and-scream with their kids. Seriously, keep the BMW and get a trunk bike rack.
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By carrie on May 21, 2008 | Reply
I have to admit, I am a lover of fine cars too — although you wouldn’t know it from my GMC Envoy XL (which had a shelf for groceries and plenty of room for kids and gear).
It’s like I’m a legend in my own mind . . .
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By Anonymous on May 21, 2008 | Reply
My kids are 8 and 10 now. I ditched the van a year ago and got a Pacifica. I can seat 6 if I need to, or fold the back row of seats and tote lots of stuff. Yay, stuff!
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By pixie on May 21, 2008 | Reply
Well, I drive a minivan, and I hope it doesn’t define me. It just gets me from here to there with kids in tow.
I think my clothes define me. Or my Starbucks coffee mug. Or one of my other obsessions.
And about the minivan: don’t knock it till you try it. I had an Explorer for 4 years and bought a minivan — I’ll never go back to SUVs!
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By Maureen on May 21, 2008 | Reply
In 2001, our family went to a dealership to look for a used car I would use… I remember announcing loudly as we stepped into the showroom… “Anything but a van”.
Guess what we stepped out with a few short hours later?
Yup. A Caravan.
My family will never let me forget it. But I love it and probably will buy another once I drive this one into the ground…
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By Scary Mommy on May 21, 2008 | Reply
I too, hate minivans with a passion. But it’s a necessary evil with 3 kids. I dream of driving a cool car again!
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By Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck on May 21, 2008 | Reply
I currently drive a Honda Pilot and I love it (seats 8!). But we rented a Chrysler Town & Country for a road trip and now I COVET that car. However, here is the caveat: I am about to have kid #3, so a minivan actually would make life easier. But until we had to consider 3 carseats in one vehicle, I would NEVER have wanted or needed a minivan. I say, get what you like, not what someone else thinks you should have!!!
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By Rachel on May 21, 2008 | Reply
Hi, it’s the dork again :-) I have something for you.
Come grace my blog with your presence and you’ll see :-) It’s all pretty, promise.
*ahem* Still waiting on our MB button!
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By ExpatKat on May 21, 2008 | Reply
Three years ago I landed in America straight into the drivers seat of a minivan! Uncool I may be, but boy is this vehicle useful. I have carted all manner of things and people around in it. I am tiny, so have to drive it with my legs apart like a trucker. This reminds me that I may look like a dawk, but I feel powerful. I may look like a soccermom, but underneath my hood beats the heart of a Bugatti driver!
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By Stephanie on May 23, 2008 | Reply
I agree with your friend on the never bit…
I love my minivan– but don’t rush it. You don’t really “need” one until you have more than two kids. I mean, I NEED one. I didn’t need one three years ago (but I got one).
I don’t even think they are all that “practical” either. NOt with gas prices being what they are. Sheesh.
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