Absolutely Bananas: Seattle stay-at-home mom blog

Make Me Laugh Monday

Google Analytics is one of my all-time favorite inventions. Right up there with blow-dryers and freezer waffles. Whenever I feel sort of blah I just log on to play a little game I like to call ‘what weird searches are leading people to my blog’?

I’m rarely disappointed.

First of all, it’s clear that I’m becoming the leading source of random banana information (or misinformation, actually) on the world wide web. And the stuff people want to know about bananas? It doesn’t give me much hope for the future of our species, to be honest.

And let me assure you, every single one of these search queries is totally real and NOT MADE UP. I copied them straight out of Google Analytics, misspellings and all.

10 things you want to know about banana
Fortunately, we have the google searches to answer this one…

are bananas hairy
No.

are bananas fattening
Like, how many bananas are we talking about eating here?

are bananas bad for your teeth
really? You’re worried about THAT? Get a life, seriously.

are brown spots on bananas contagious?
Yeah, I think so. I knew this lady who caught them and she turned spotted all over. Be afraid… be very afraid.

is it ok to rub banana on facial skin every day?
But WHY would you want to?

can you feed your tropical fish bananas
Ok, seriously, WHY?!

do bananas make you poop?
Let me give you the quickie primer on how the body works. You eat something; then you poop. Pretty simple, actually.

bananas make boobs big?
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

how do they put stickers on bananas
Let’s see, how do I say this… they stick ‘em onto the banana. Next?

how do you know when bananas have gone bad
they shave stripes into their eyebrows, get a tattoo, and start carrying a gun.

bad things about being a banana
well, there’s the brown spots. And the being eaten. And the truth is, bananas get blamed for a whole lot of weird stuff. Take the following queries, for example.

banana causes double chins
no, eating too much causes double chins. I’m just saying…

do bananas cause gas
is there anything that DOESN’T cause gas? Or is that just my own personal problem?

banana beauty tips
Well, supposedly you rub them on your FACIAL SKIN. And they make your boobs big. But be careful of the brown spots… I hear they’re contagious.

good bananas gone bad
I’m thinking this is the next major Pixar film. Am I right?

things to make with old bananas
Honestly I can think of way more things NOT to make with old bananas.

Then there are the other non-banana but still really weird searches. I try to envision the people who type this stuff in and I just CAN’T. Take, for example…

what is that heavy feeling near my heart
mmm… gas?

you dont even know about jelly
aww! That’s just MEAN!

“giving him a piggyback ride”
“Sure you were”

hairy all over
I think you’re actually looking for my brother-in-law’s blog…

“nerves causes gas”
Everything. I’m telling you… everything causes gas!

have another banana
thanks, I think i will

best butt award
aw! That’s just sweet!

big butt award
Ok, Not Funny.

big butt blog
Hey! Stop it already!

big butt lover blog
Well, I guess if you’ve got it you’ve gotta learn to love it, right?

is your butt big or are you just fat
Does it matter, really?

bump on actually eyeball what is it
well my actually doctor tells me it’s a penguicula

chicken poopy butt
CJ? Is that you?

cute names for penis
I dunno… maybe ‘happy’ or ‘cuddles’? This one scares me just a little.

gas-x where does the gas go
The age-old question.

how can you shrink your head size
drugs?

how do I get my five year old son to stop telling me no and running from me
lady, if I knew the answer to this I’d be a very rich woman.

how long dose a duck stay with its mom
not that long. Duck parenting isn’t all its quacked up to be.

how to tickle torture your husband
Jay and I will get right to work researching this one.

I dont know what the heck to do in a time like this it is very boring and i dont know what the answer is
Hmmm… I don’t know… maybe GO TO BED?!?!?!

i found a fly in my soup should i throw the soup away
Let me think… YES. YES. YES YES YES YES YES!

i love my donkey graphics
don’t we all?

is it ok to apply vinegar directly on lips?
um, why? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

ped egg cheese eat
no. nonononono. no you DIDN’T.

poopy but
CJ?

put friends face onto a squirrel photoshop
now this sounds like a GREAT idea.

See, wasn’t that fun?! (sorry Jay)

Here’s the deal if you want to join in.
Write about something funny. It can be an anecdote, a joke, a picture, or a link to something funny… whatever. This is a NO PRESSURE scenario. If it makes you chuckle, it’s good enough. I don’t mean to create a stressful IS IT FUNNY ENOUGH type situation, if you know what I’m sayin’. Anyone can participate.

So you write the post. Then come and link it here so that we can all enjoy the funniness.

If you participate, here’s the code to get the fabulous donkey graphic shown above;

<a href="http://www.absolutelybananas.com/search/label/make%20me%20laugh%20monday" target="blank"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2095/2252146942_6d9c832da6.jpg" border="0" /></a>

And I should think it goes without saying but JUST IN CASE… any links that don’t go to a Make Me Laugh post on your blog will be deleted, promptly.

And one more thing… several of us read these entries with a child sitting in our lap. Please use an exclamation point at the beginning of your link title if it’s not suitable for young eyes. Happy Monday!

If you’re reading this post in an email, you’ll have to click here to see my video and the other Make Me Laugh Monday entries.

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