Face off: Jenny vs. the GPS
May 30, 2008 – 6:43 am“I don’t want a GPS,” I inform Jay (rather smugly), “I think they’re unnecessary.”
Jay shakes his head in disbelief. “You don’t want a GPS. YOU. Seriously?”
He has a point… I do have a terrible sense for direction and a propensity for getting lost at the worst possible moment.
“I know it sounds weird,” I explain, “but I just think that if I had a GPS telling me where to go all the time, I’d never know where I was or how to get anywhere.”
“And that’s different from now because…?“ his tone is sarcastic.
I pretend not to hear him. (sometimes you just have to do that in a marriage)
I really don’t want a GPS. I don’t want a DVD player either. We don’t need a DVD player in our car. It’s good for kids to have to think… to look out the window… to get bored.
We don’t need heated leather seats or satellite radio or a 6-disc CD player or 12 cup holders either. Yet somehow we get them, along with the DVD player AND the GPS.
What can I say… I’m a sucker.
Also, it’s hard to say no to features when they’re right there all shiny and new. You start feeling the need to collect them like broken seashells.
“My minivan has so many features,” I find myself boasting, listing them off one by one as if the person to whom I’m talking actually cares about the backup camera or doors that open all by themselves.
So now I have a car with many features including a GPS, which I SAID I didn’t want but now I’m finding is actually a really cool thing. First of all it shows my location on a map (which is not really all that helpful to those of us who are direction-impaired, but is definitely pretty and colorful).
Secondly, there’s this feature where the GPS lady comes on and tells you EVERY SINGLE MOVE before you need to make it in order to get you to your destination.
This GPS lady, she has a soothing, pleasing tone and she always knows where to go. She’s thoughtful and concise, and she never says confusing stuff like “West” or “North.”
Still, after following her directions for a while, I find that the rebel inside me starts to rise up.
(I don’t like to be told what to do)
“Turn left in one quarter mile,” says GPS lady.
I grip the steering wheel just a bit tighter. I don’t think I will, I mutter to myself. And what are you going to do about THAT?!
“Turn left here,” says GPS lady.
Ha ha ha ha! I’m NOT turning left! Now what are ya gonna do with me? Huh? huh?
“In one mile, U-turn,” says GPS lady.
Oh no… I don’t think so!
“In one quarter mile, make a U-turn.”
“I’M NOT U-TURNING!”
“Take the next right, and then right again,” She’s trying a new tactic. But I WILL NOT BE FOOLED. A u-turn using fancy direction speak is still a u-turn.
“YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” I howl in gleeful delight.
“Mommy?” CJ peers up at me from the backseat, “Mommy, why are you yelling?”
“Oh never mind, CJ,” I say, “Just put on your wireless headphones and watch your DVD.”
Back to my showdown with the GPS lady.
Oh that’s right, I’m still not turning around. I’m in charge here!
Did she just say, “Turn this car around RIGHT NOW, young lady!”?
No, I must have imagined it.
At last she concedes victory over to me (AHA!) and comes up with a whole new route based on my last-minute deviation. Truth be told, she is surprisingly unruffled by my failure to obey.
I have to admit I admire her.
She’s spunky, the GPS lady.
This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Domestic Spaz on May 30, 2008 | Reply
This is hilarious! We’ve had a GPS since The Man learned it was possible to have some lady barking orders at us in the car. Though I’ve been thankful for it before, I also find the rebel in me rising up. “I don’t WANT to go that way! You don’t know what you’re talking about, lady!” I have been known to yell at her. :)
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By freeformkatia on May 30, 2008 | Reply
I need a GPS… I get lost going to the zoo all the time. And we go a lot. Did you give your GPS Lady a name yet? My in-laws call theirs Anna. heh.
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By Donna on May 30, 2008 | Reply
You crack me up, although I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing.
Quick one, the GPS lady is, isn’t she!
I bet if I got one of those in these woods she’d be lost. My road isn’t even on MapQuest - so affirmed the FedEx guy.
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By My Life My Life My Life on May 30, 2008 | Reply
Hiliarious…. i dont have GPS in my car but a friend does and it drives me crazy when I know a quicker way and he refuses to go my way but HER way….
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By Midwest Mommy on May 30, 2008 | Reply
Ok, I have to share my frustration with my pimpin’ mini van right now! I have a toyota which I believe equally as cool as a honda :-)
Well my cool automatic sliding door this week just broke. You could hear the motor working but the door didn’t open. I was lost without my door. I would always feel so cool when I pushed the button and my daughter could just get in. Well after some research I found out that sliding doors only last about 3-4 years before a cable breaks. Ok, I can handle that so I price how much it is to replace this cable. I am told anywhere between 2000-3000, are you Frickin kidding me. And then it will only last another 3-4 years. So we turned off my pimpin feature and now I have to actually slide the door! Can you imagine!
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By themommykelly on May 30, 2008 | Reply
That is so funny! My husband has done that any number of times with his GPS and it cracks me up every time. We always imagine outloud what our GPS man would really be saying to us…
I didn’t want the dvd when we purchased our minivan either, but it has turned out to be a lifesaver on long trips!
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By Kim on May 30, 2008 | Reply
I so know what you mean!
Imagine this. The person in the back seat repeating all the directions the lady on the GPS is giving you like you can’t hear them or understand them for yourself. GRRR. Road rage in the making! : )
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By World's Greatest Mommy on May 30, 2008 | Reply
I need one. And if I tried to defy her, there’s a good chance that I could get us so lost that even she would not be able to find the way home.
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By Angie on May 30, 2008 | Reply
We got a GPS earlier this year (a Garmin), and we just love it. We always seem to get lost, so it has been great for us. We used it when we went on a short vacation to St. Louis, and it helped us find our way around the whole city, even when we had to make crazy turns because of construction, etc.
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By Natural Momma on May 30, 2008 | Reply
I”m such a sucker for gadgets. Yet, my car is seriously plain LOL. My cell has GPS though.
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By the planet of janet on May 30, 2008 | Reply
i admit i am a gadget-aholic. but i still dont have a gps OR a dvd player in the car.
i think i suck.
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By Brooke on May 30, 2008 | Reply
We had a GPS once in a car that we rented in Germany. It had been programmed to avoid ALL highways or freeways - something that we didn’t realize until we’d driven halfway across Germany, through the side streets of Luxemburg, and ended up in eastern France.
I’ve never quite been able to trust that deviously sweet GPS lady again. I’ll probably need therapy.
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By Rachel on May 30, 2008 | Reply
Jenny, you are too funny.
I laughed out loud at this.
I opted for not getting the DVD in this car and I got the kids portables instead and I love them!!
I do however, regret not having the GPS option installed, but I sense I would probably have rebelled similarly. :-)
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By Deb - Mom of 3 Girls on May 30, 2008 | Reply
LOL! I have GPS on my Blackberry and have had similar conversations (although in my head usually) with the ever-so-friendly GPS lady. :)
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By Smiling Mom on May 30, 2008 | Reply
This is fantastic! I think there are some mothering lessons to be learned here. :-) I’m not saying that I EVER get ruffled…. I’m just sayin’…
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By Ali on May 30, 2008 | Reply
gps.
especially on road trips.
when you want to find the nearest target.
AMAZING. for serious.
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By Kimmylyn on May 30, 2008 | Reply
I laughed out LOUD with this post.. seriously.. this should have been your Make Me Laugh post because this was hysterical.
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By Carrie on May 30, 2008 | Reply
I sometimes deliberately take a different route somewhere than the GPS wants me to take. Just to spite it. :)
Our main problem is actually that my husband doesnt always know his left and his right, and so he ends up with the GPS and me yelling at him for going the wrong way.
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By Amy on May 30, 2008 | Reply
GPS lady will screw you when you least expect it. Trust me. Last night hubs and I made a couple of very interesting backtracking, U-turning figure 8s, as commanded by our GPS lady, before finally arriving at our destination.
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By carrie on May 30, 2008 | Reply
Technology continues to baffle me.
I remember the first time our OnStar came on accidentally (that’s what happens when you hit the red button) and I was like, “Who is that woman and how does she know my name?”
In my defense, this was when OnStar was brand-new.
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By Heather (A Mama's Blog) on May 30, 2008 | Reply
Very funny. I don’t have a GPS but have a terrible sense of direction. Instead of rebeling, I’d probably be buying GPS lady flowers and candy, for helping me not get lost anymore! :-)
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By MommyTime on May 31, 2008 | Reply
Bwahahahah! This is excellent. Isn’t it eerie how computer ladies not only know how to get you where you’re going but CAN ADJUST to your human decisions? I find that a little creepy. Also? She’s not the boss of you. Don’t you worry about that. :)
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By Soliloquy on Jun 1, 2008 | Reply
My GPS lady has a name. Aunt Fanny.
Actually, that’s my car’s name. She’s rather…. ahem, shall we say…. wide? So she’s Aunt Fanny from the movie Robots.
Anyway, Aunt Fanny tells me where to go. A rebel, I’m not - but I’ll confess that I might consider myself… smarter than she is from time to time…. but admittedly - she’s usually right…. and yes, remarkably patient with me when I try to outsmart her…..
As for the mini-van thing…. you know how to redeem yourself for finally relenting to drive one, right?
Cute shoes. You can NEVER wear comfortable shoes again. Ever.
Sorry.
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By Maureen on Jun 1, 2008 | Reply
Ha! My first encounter with a GPS was in 2005 when a bunch of online friends/coworkers were visiting San Francisco together. The fellow from the UK brought his GPS and it was a life saver; but it had an English accent!
It was cool to be bossed around by her.
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By jennifer on Jun 1, 2008 | Reply
I have a love/hate relationship with my GPS. It’s takes me the most convoluted routes sometimes!
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By Stacie on Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
hahaha, I think I would fight with my GPS lady too.
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By Shamelessly Sassy on Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
I love to yell at, talk back to, and get sassy with my technology. I spend a lot of time chewing out the feature on my phone where it calls the person after I say their name. I would have a good time talking to my GPS.
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