I am lying on the bed watching as CJ puts on a show of death and mayhem with his plastic dinosaurs.
“Mommy,” he orders, “Watch this! This one is going to hit this one with his tail Whapow! and now this one is dead.”
“Cool,” I say. Truth be told, I’m only pretending to watch while reading my magazine.
“Mommy! Girls don’t say ‘cool’!”
Did I hear him correctly?
“Um, what?” I ask.
“I said, Girls don’t say ‘cool’. They say pretty.”
I’m floored. Where in the world did he come up with THIS?
“Nuh-uh.” I shake my head vigorously. “Girls can say cool.”
“No they can’t.”
“Yes they can!”
“No they can’t.”
I don’t seem to be getting through to him.
“CJ, who told you that girls can’t say ‘cool’?”
“Henry.”
Aha! It’s that little cousin of his. Just WAIT until I get my hands on that budding chauvinist.
I take a deep breath. “Well, CJ,” I say (in my most reasonable tone), “Henry is wrong. Girls can say ‘cool’. Girls can say whatever they want.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Yes they CAN!”
All my years of schooling and working and hanging out with smart people and reading books and magazines and… all I can come up with is “Nuh-UH, yes they can!” in increasingly higher-pitched tones.
It’s a sad testament of the jelly-like mush that motherhood has made out of my mind.
“CJ!” my voice is getting louder as I grow more frustrated. Somehow, like in a bad dream, I am aware that I’m in a loop of pathetic repetition, yet I’m unable to escape it.
“CJ! GIRLS CAN SAY ‘COOL’!”
“No they can’t.”
“YES THEY CAN! THEY CAN! THEY CAN! GIRLS CAN SAY ‘COOL’!”
CJ tilts his head and studies me with a half smile. “Mom, why are you yelling at me about this?”
Wait just a minute. WHO is the adult here?!
“Because it makes me ANGRY! Girls CAN say ‘cool’ and I don’t like to hear you say that they can’t.”
“Well,” CJ pauses and then says with conviction, “I don’t think you’re cool OR pretty.”
My mouth drops open in a gaping stare.
CJ-1, Mommy-0.
I’m sending myself to bed.
***
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xo Jen
April 18, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Absolutely priceless!
April 18, 2008 at 10:47 pm
pwned on your birthday? That sucks.
April 19, 2008 at 5:30 am
Ouch!!! I think I would have cried …
April 19, 2008 at 7:14 am
Isn’t it crazy how they can bring us down to their level?
April 19, 2008 at 8:00 am
That little turkey. Cook him.
April 19, 2008 at 8:21 am
Ah, yes. We have these types of conversations all the time: “girls can’t be captains of pirates; only boys can,” “girls don’t like trucks; they like Barbies” (we have no Barbies in our house), and so on. I’m so sorry you have been declared not cool or pretty (btw, I disagree with him on both counts). At least he didn’t tell you “I don’t like you anymore Mama!” which is what I got the other day for disagreeing…
April 19, 2008 at 9:52 am
Ouch!
April 19, 2008 at 11:40 am
My niece informed me the other day in Old Navy that I could not buy her the blue outfit because blue is FOR BOYS.
I almost didn’t buy her anything, I was so angry. But, I am a sucker. So I bought the pink outfit.
April 19, 2008 at 12:01 pm
When my youngest was about 4 we had a similar exchange which ended with him saying (in a very calm, adult tone) “Well you don’t have to get so angry about it.” Grrrr. How do they have the power to humble us so?
Carry on, Jenny : )
April 19, 2008 at 4:34 pm
It is totally this age! I have noticed much generalizing about girls and boys from my almost five-year-old son, too. Usually while he is wearing pink.
Whatever you do — don’t get sucked in to their lawyerly ways!
I might say nothing or if I can’t resist, I’ll say, “Oh, you think girls can’t say cool.” Or “Girls say cool sometimes,” or something benign that might shift things but not directly engage the essential point. :)
My son is also very much into the wah-powing, too. Just this morning I was sitting on the couch wishing I could be playing girl games. Cool girl games.
April 19, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Mommy mush brain is contagious!
I just had almost the same conversation, except it involved Build-a-Bears and baby dolls being able to exchange clothing . . . ugh!
April 19, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Dang, he told you! :O
April 19, 2008 at 11:08 pm
LOL kids! They say the darndest things and have the strangest ideas too, as I often find out at school!
April 20, 2008 at 9:55 am
Gah! For the record, I think you’re both pretty and cool. But what do I know, I’m just a girl. :)
April 20, 2008 at 2:14 pm
That’s cool! Cool, cool, cool, and I’m a girl! Tell CJ!!
April 20, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Dude…CJ! Your mommy is both cool and pretty.
And I’m a mommy and a girl and I say cool all. the. time.
Don’t make me come take away those dinosaurs.
April 20, 2008 at 10:00 pm
That sounds like the convo I had with my son:
Me: Punkinhead, you do not say “poopoohead to people, especially the ones you like!”
Punkinhead: “Well Mommeeee….Sometime I wike you and sometime I don’t.”
Perfectly matter of fact = a kiddie bitchslap across mom’s face.
April 20, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Kids make sure your confidence level stays in check. No one with kids get big headed.
April 21, 2008 at 9:38 am
Augh. Right through the heart. Well, at least he realizes you’re a girl. My boys don’t see me as a girl. Just as a mom.
April 21, 2008 at 10:30 am
My 6 year old will occasionally come up with some of the most chauvinistic lines . . . and he doesn’t have a cousin! Hmmm goes to beat up Mr. Honeybell*
April 21, 2008 at 4:18 pm
CJ, that was not cool. And I am a girl. Cj 1, girlies 1. (And I’m a grown up too.)