Putting the fartsy back into artsy OR "you’ll never feel my wiener"
April 4, 2008 – 3:00 pmLast night Jay and I went on a date night. I had the brilliant idea that we should do something different… something cultured and interesting and sort of high-falutin’ that didn’t involve eating or spending massive amounts of money.
So we get all dolled up and head downtown for the First Thursday Gallery Walk to look at art and pretend to be civilized.
The First Thursday Gallery Walk, by the way, SHOULD be called the First Thursday drive-around-and-around-forever-looking-for-a-parking-space-and-then-maybe-catch-a-gallery-if-you’re-lucky walk. But I suppose that’d be hard to fit on a placard.
While driving round and round we spot this one gallery that is absolutely overflowing with the young, the hip, and the beautiful. It looks more like a party than a gallery with music and wine and ENERGY.
“Let’s go check that one out,” I said to Jay, “it looks hopping.”
So we cross the street and weave through the masses of people to get inside where it is nearly impossible to move. People are packed elbow to elbow, jostling and shouting and laughing and glittering. They all seem to know each other. They are all so GLAMOROUS.
I begin to feel ill.
We push our way to the nearest wall to see what’s on display. And can hardly believe our eyes.
Is this a joke?
There on the wall is an immaculately framed and matted square of white paper, on which the artist has typed:
It’s listed at $3,500.
I look sideways at Jay and try not to snicker. His mouth has fallen open. “Thirty five HUNDRED dollars!” he gasps, “can you believe it?”
No. I CANNOT believe it.
I look around. It’s going to take a massive effort on our part to get in further to where we can view more art. And who am I kidding? This is SO not our scene. “Let’s get out of here,” I say and Jay immediately starts for the door.
As we walk through the dark streets toward Pioneer Square (where we’ll spend our time at less exciting but much more comfortable galleries), Jay says, “it’s settled then. I’m going to buy a ratty old typewriter and start whipping those out. 5 minutes to make and $3,500 a pop… think of the MONEY!”
I snicker, “Yeah. But instead of ‘you’ll never feel my breath’ I think yours should say ‘you’ll never feel my WIENER’. Because, you know, it would be edgy and you could probably sell them for double.”
(also the word WIENER makes me giggle)
High-falutin’ we are not.
But then, you already knew that, didn’t you?
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Jo Beaufoix on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Snort, that is hilarious. And really, who would buy that? The breath one, not the wiener one. I would totally buy the wiener one.
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By Nancy on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
lol…the wiener one would sell for sure.
art? go figure.
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By A Mom Two Boys on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Isn’t it sad what people spend money on? I mean, I’m sad that I don’t have an extra $3,500 lying around that I could spend on some stupid piece of art. I need to start playing the lottery.
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By LikeAstaR on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
No matter what year it is or how grown up you are.. that IS funny.. and so if MY husband getting upset everytime he sees a contorted hunk of metal that is a “sculpture”
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By Fussy on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
You said wiener!
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By themommykelly on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
My only response would be… you’ll never see my money!
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By Sara on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
THats amazing, I wish I had enough money I could buy someones tiped 5 word sentence to hang on my wall, for a freakin 3,500!!! Insain
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By Carla on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
OMS! The word wiener makes me laugh. every. time.
Artsy fartsy. My toddlers could start crankin out some fine pieces too. Best get started.
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By Maureen on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Just think of all the keyword searches you’ll get now that “weiner” has appeared so much on this post… there’ll be some doozies, I expect.
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By debawriter on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Does Jay eat a lot of hot dogs?
Because then that wiener thing would make sense.
Otherwise, I don’t get it?
:)
Deb
sandiegomomma.com
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By Ali on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
makes me giggle too. because i am 12. :)
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By Chilihead on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
That? Is AWESOME.
And can I get an e-mail please? About BlogHer? Please? Do NOT make me stalk you.
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By Day Dreamer on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
LMAO! I remember when the Atlanta airport was new and the artwork they put in it looked like someone threw up paint on a canvas. Um…I’m no art critic…but…ew.
I’m soooo with you there. High falutin’ we ain’t, either. Weiner is about as uppity as we get ’round these parts!!
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By pixie on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Typing a sentence on a piece of paper and selling it for $3500.
Now why didn’t I think of that?
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By Christine @ Serenity How? on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
That is just crazy! I want to be a pretentious artist and make craploads of money but I think my standards are too high.
Maybe I need to work on that LOL!
When you make your weiner art be sure to include a weiner dog. Or something like that.
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By All Adither on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Holy cow. That is ridiculous.
I’ve done that art walk. I found it really inspiring creatively. But I never came across anything quite that stupid. Quite.
Angie (from AllAdither.com)
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By Irene on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
That is SO funny. I was never an artsy person. Some of that stuff makes no sense whatsoever. I am sure it makes sense to someone…just not me.
But hey, if all I need is an old typewriter to make that kind money? I am digging mine out of my basement right now!
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By Rima on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
“You’ll never feel my weiner.”
That is freakin’ BRILLIANT, and worth well over thirty five hundred dollars, alright.
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By carrie on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
The First Thursdays can be so much more fun. My brother is in a gallery down there and his parties are cool.
And there is music and wine.
And the art is actually good.
And the people are friendly!
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By Queen of Shake-Shake on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
I’d totally buy one!
Can Jay make me one that says “You’ll never feel my left nipple”?
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By The Daring One on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
mxzThis “SHOULD be called the First Thursday drive-around-and-around-forever-looking-for-a-parking-space-and-then-maybe-catch-a-gallery-if-you’re-lucky walk. But I suppose that’d be hard to fit on a placard.” is hilarious!
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By Chelsea on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Mine would say, “I wasted $3500 and all I got was this crappy saying.”
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By mommypie on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
You’ll never feel my breath.
Indeed.
How ’bout you’ll never feel my $3,500?
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By Soliloquy on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Ummmmm….. didn’t anyone tell you to drink before you went into the gallery? It would have given you a whole new appreciation for simplistic inspiration.
Phhhht!
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By Velveteen Mind Megan on Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
I was expecting you to suggest:
You’ll never hear my fart.
I think you set me up with your title.
BTW, I would buy that one for my husband.
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By Mommy Cracked on Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
OMG, THAT is hysterical!!
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By jennifer on Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
You guys should hang out with Tate and I!
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By 1stopmom on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
Love your site. So i figured since I am blog hopping, i will also tag you from my debt blog. frugal1stopmom.wordpress.com
Have fun
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By Mrs. Schmitty on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
I never understood what some people see as “ART”.
I think you and hubs should open your own gallery….you’d make a mint! LOL
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By Lela on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
Hahaha! You should make one that says “You’ll Never See My Boobies!” Hehehe. I love being mature….
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By HRH on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
That would be worth WAY more.
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By Ann(ie) on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
Ha. I love your blog. I’m in the Seattle area, too. Found you via worker mommy and Carrie @ Third Times a Charm. weiner makes me laugh, too. ;) I think you’re on to something…..
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By Amanda on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
You could do a whole series of weiner art. The next could say, “weiners R cool.”
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By Believer in Balance on Apr 7, 2008 | Reply
I’m in the wrong business! $3,500! I know art is subjective, but that’s ridiculous! Of course, wiener is funny. I can’t say the planet Uranus without giggling.
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