My highly detailed and rigorous, pseudo-SCIENTIFIC and practically patented process for creating pseudonyms

April 10, 2008 – 7:00 am

As you may or may not know, I tend to use pseudonyms when I talk about people on my blog. It’s just my way of protecting the innocent… or the guilty as the case may be.

Anyhow, I have this highly detailed and rigorous pseudo-SCIENTIFIC and practically patented process for creating pseudonyms.

First, I always begin the pseudonym with the same letter as the person’s real name. Except for sometimes when I use a different letter.

Second, I try to make the pseudonym sound sort of similar to the person’s real name. Except sometimes when I make it sound not at all similar.

Thirdly, I do not allow feedback, requests, or suggestions by the REAL person or the REAL person’s mother. As Queen of the Universe and Director, CEO and Chief Doggity Dog of this blog, I maintain my rights of inventiveness and naming.

Ah yes, the Ultimate Cosmic Power! Bwah ha ha ha ha!

Anyhow, after the great babysitting-the-niece-and-nephew fiasco in which I realized that I love my niece and nephew to PIECES and yet I need to rethink my desire to have hoards of children… after that I found myself needing to create pseudonyms for my niece and nephew so that I could blog about them.

So I applied my highly detailed and rigorous, pseudo-SCIENTIFIC and practically patented process and came up with Myrna and Henry.

So my sister-in-law is reading my posts and suddenly she wrinkles her nose and scrunches up her eyes and looks at me and says, “MYRNA?!?!”

She scans the page, searching for her son, and then shouts in horror, “HENRY?!?!”

I giggle. “Don’t you like them?”

(I thought they were fine and dandy myself. Of course I did… I came up with them!)

“Oh I like them fine for OLD people in a NURSING HOME!” she says.

(obviously she didn’t get the memo about how old people names are all the rage.)

So this is my post-script, my FYI, my appeasing-of-the-sister-in-law.

My niece and nephew are NOT really named Henry and Mirna.

But they MIGHT be named Hergard, Horance, Hallmar, Hardy, or Hank; Mabel, Magali, Maconaquea*, or Magdala.

Then again, they might not.

I’ll certainly never tell.

*these are all real names, I PROMISE.

***
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12 Responses to “My highly detailed and rigorous, pseudo-SCIENTIFIC and practically patented process for creating pseudonyms”

  1. By Midwest Mommy on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    Too funny! I love faux names.

  2. By themommykelly on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    Yes, we must protect the innocent. All for that. But I can totally see your sister-in-law bawking at those names. Very cute.

    You are so right. Older name are all the rage. I’m actually considering naming our girl number three with the name of an older woman I was friends with in our old neighborhood!

  3. By Ali on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    i love your creating pseudonym methods! hahah!

  4. By Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy) on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    Henry..bahaha. I remember when I was younger and one of my good friend’s mother named her baby brother Henry. We laughed about it for days and still refer to him as the old man.

  5. By pinks & blues girls on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    How do you ever keep track of all the pseudonyms? I would totally lose my mind!

    Jane, Pinks & Blues

  6. By the planet of janet on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    your method makes PERFECT sense to me.

    and i would TOTALLY worry about THAT. i’m just sayin’

  7. By Worker Mommy on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    Scientific indeed. I had trouble thinking of pseudonyms when it came to my kids so because I am super original I simply use their first initials. Come to think of it I’m kinda scientific too.

  8. By Wendy on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    there’s definitely something to having an anonymous blog…. (not that I do, but I wish I DID)

  9. By Jen M. on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    I love the name Henry. Sigh.

  10. By Jenni on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply

    Ask her if she minds if I name this baby Maconaquea?

  11. By Lisa on Apr 11, 2008 | Reply

    Very scientif-y. But I’m with Jane. Don’t you need a chart of something to keep track of who the real people are versus their pseudonyms.

    (p.s. Really glad you used the word “pseudonyms” in your blog title so I could spell the word the correct way in your comment section. :-)

  12. By Dem Mom on Apr 15, 2008 | Reply

    I was wondering if her name was really Myrna. For some reason that I cannot remember, that was the nickname that a certain group of friends gave me at some point. Every once in a while I’ll be out, and I’ll hear, “Myrna!” And I know who it is coming up behind me. Go figure. But Henry’s not so bad. And I love old fashioned names. Both my girls have what I call “Old lady names!”

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