Mommy is very, very unhappy

April 30, 2008 – 12:15 am

The first thing that hits me is the smell. Waves of strongly-scented MAN perfume emanate from the bathroom.

Nervously I approach the doorway and peer inside. Blue gel whirls around the white marble, swooping and clumping and creating dramatic lines. Then I spy the can of gel shaving cream precariously perched on the side of the tub.

“CJ!!!!!” I shout.

He sidles in, a half-smile on his face. “What mom?” He asks, feigning innocence.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” I gesture my arm toward the blue mess. “You KNOW you’re not supposed to do this with daddy’s shaving cream,” I add. (This is not the first time).

He looks at me smugly. “Well, you should have put it up HIGHER.” he informs me.

Riiiight.

I finish cleaning up the shaving cream (gak it reeks!) and move on to laundry. I pile dirty clothes into the laundry basket and head downstairs.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Pools of neon color form sticky patterns on our light Berber carpet.

Orange and green and red and pink… in splotches and speckles and big muddled messes.. across the entire family room and onto our couch.

What IS this stuff?

Then I notice the brightly colored wrapper of a Push-up Popsicle lying on its side, a pool of melted goo coming from its open end.

“CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”

He sits on the couch swinging his legs and watching me as I scrub the at the carpet, cursing under my breath.

He knows better than to even try to get up. Mommy is very, very unhappy.

And the truth is, mommy is more than just unhappy. I feel like laughing hysterically, screaming maniacally, and sobbing all at once. On days like these all I know is that I don’t know how to be the mom to this child.

***
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26 Responses to “Mommy is very, very unhappy”

  1. By WorldsGreatestMommy on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Oh, gosh! I hate those days. Yesterday was one! I hid in my room for about thirty minutes until the five year old slipped a note under the door that said, “Sorry, I made hard work for you.”

    I’m not sure if he was really sorry, but it’s a nice thought.

  2. By mommastantrum on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    I feel you sister!! (Although ours is mostly his homicidal screaming for no apparent reason.) Adding that to the whole potty training “regression” and I am about due to head to the nearest sanitorium, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

    Wait, I don’t think that a visit there would be a bad thing, medicine, you can eat the checkers, someone else cooks and cleans….

  3. By Shannon on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    This is my daughter. One mess after a-frickin-nother. She is an alien to me sometimes.

  4. By The Daring One on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Oooo! Buddy will be lucky to live. Both at the same time!? Has he seemed depressed lately? It sounds like he has some kind of death wish.

  5. By JaniceNW on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    There’s a reason several of my pals and I called this the F’ing Fours. I just wanted to tie my boys up and lock them in an empty, sounded proofed closet!

  6. By Mrs. G. on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Two words: midday drinking. Hope tomorrow is better.

  7. By Jen on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Oh no! I hope you took pictures. Some day you’ll look back on this and laugh. At least that’s what I tell myself to keep from going crazy when I have days like that.

  8. By Lela on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    We need to keep CJ and Slobber far, far away from each other. It’s quite scare to imagine the mayhem those two could cause when combining forces!

  9. By Mrs. Schmitty on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Days like that can be SO hard! Kudos to you for keeping your cool!

  10. By debawriter on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    That’s bad.

    But not as bad as when I thought strongly-scented man perfume was something else entirely…

    Deb
    sandiegomomma.com

  11. By Chelsea on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    At least it was all clean-uppable. Once my toddler daughter found a bottle of red glitter glue and proceeded to “decorate” the green couches with it. I cried for days.

  12. By 365 Mommy on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    There is never a dull moment when mothering boys. Mine are 9 & 7 and I’ll just tell ya, it doesn’t really get any easier.

  13. By Feener on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    so real and raw…thanks

  14. By Amy on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Oh honey. I just know how that feels. I hope that Push Up comes out. Our last light carpet / dark mess was a giant glob of grape jelly in the middle of the family room. Fun.

  15. By andi on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Ugh. I’m sorry you had such a rough day. I second the midday drinking suggestion. Cheers to you - and here’s hoping for a better day today. :)

  16. By themommykelly on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Wait. How old is he again? My three year old girl gets in just as much trouble! About an hour ago she dumped half a box of tissues in the toilet. I want to scream!

  17. By A Mom Two Boys on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Oh, dear. Been there. That’s precisely why we’re switching to wood floors and handcuffs for the children.

    Hope you’re feeling better today!

  18. By princessofsomething on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    yeesh. I hope today is better!

  19. By Val on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Those days are awful!

    Going crazy seems like a good alternative…at least then you would get a break for a while in an institution!

  20. By carrie on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    And that’s when I hide in the closet with a bottle of wine.

    Hang in there!

  21. By carrie on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Oh, and believe it or not, I have never heard of what JaniceNW calls the “F-ing Fours.”

    It ALL makes sense now!

  22. By Annie on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    It is because of days just like yours that I now dream of hardwood floors - our latest carpet disaster was a full bottle of honey dumped on it :(

    Hope you have a better day today.

  23. By Debbie on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Oh Jen, I know it’s sooooo hard.

    But seriously, why are you cleaning it up while he watches? He should be cleaning it up while you sit and watch. That’s what we do. It definitely cuts down on that kind of thing if they know they have to clean it up to your standards. (seriously that really clean it to my standards, I usually have to finish, but it does give them a darn good idea how difficult it is to clean up.)

  24. By Maureen on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    Orange crush.

    Beige carpet.

    Guests’ child did that… about 15 years ago and the stain’s still there.

    Praying for hardwood floors.

  25. By the planet of janet on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    repeat after me:

    this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass …

  26. By Stacy on May 4, 2008 | Reply

    Hey Jen — just read this and am feeling for you!

    I have had so many days like that, I can’t even tell you!

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