Little (beauty) shop of horrors
April 8, 2008 – 7:00 amMy niece and nephew are staying with us for a few days during their spring break. Tonight during that lovely time between dinner and bedtime the kids are looking for something FUN to do.
Mirna (my niece) finds a set of old makeup brushes in CJ’s costume bin. “Hey!” she says, “we should do a makeover!” She looks around and adds, “Now if only we had a dummy…”
Suddenly all eyes are on me.
“Oh fine,” I say, “You can put makeup on me.”
The upside to this gig, I think, is that I get to sit on the couch for an extended period of time while getting credit for “playing” with them.
I dig through my makeup bin, pulling out the oldest, cheapest, and most neutral colors.
How much damage can they do with mauves, pinks, and champagnes?
How much damage, INDEED.
The children are beside themselves with excitement.
CJ is leaping up and down shouting OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!
Henry races around the room five times before grabbing a brush and getting to work.
Mirna giggles feverishly and rubs her hands together.
I sit down, take a deep breath, and close my eyes.
Ever-so-gently they dab and brush and dot. It’s strangely relaxing, this makeover. I zone out and congratulate myself on my brilliance.
Meanwhile, the layer of makeup covering my face grows thicker and thicker.
“Mommy, you are looking BEAUTIFUL!” CJ tells me. 
“We’re making you into a lady,” Henry says, as he very carefully dabs a brush along my chin.
They are amazing, these children. In just 45 minutes they have managed to turn me into… well…
The truth is, I look like a burn victim.
They say that makeup can do amazing things. NOW I believe it.
Notice how my eyes appear even smaller and squintier.
Observe the splotchy glow of my skin, the angry red patch on my neck.
See my eyebrows? No? It’s because they’ve all but vanished along with any hope for eyelashes or lips.
“Auntie Jen, can we do you hair too?” they ask me, eagerly.
Why not?
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By SJSFalter+ on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
This is beyond hilarious! Im glad the kids had fun and well, it was at least relaxing for you. You are a very brave soul, me not so much.
By Assertagirl on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
haha! It does feel nice, doesn’t it? That’s why I let my nieces do this sometimes. Although I must say, they’ve never quite taken it this far…
By ktjrdn on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
I love getting makeovers from the kids. It’s soo relaxing. My nieces are too old for it now, an dmy kids aren’t quite old enough. I’m waiting though. They owe me some relazation.
By Melody on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
OMG! This is the funniest thing I have seen in ages! I must remind myself NEVER to let my boys do this to me! LOL! Really, I think it’s great that you let them do this! You’re a good sport.
By Melanie on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
You should have let them have other colors! I let my kids do a makeover on me once - one boy, one girl.
When they were done, they proudly proclaimed that I looked like “a rainbow alien”. LOLOL Personally, I think I was ready to hit the jungle for some serious recon.
By Kim on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
Too fun! I want to play next time!
By Kimmylyn on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
Okay, you had me laughing out loud with the burn victim comment.. 45 minutes of play though? I would totally let them do that to me too..:)
By MommyTime on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
This is fabulous! You are so lucky they are old enough to play with makeup so that they don’t try this with “washable” markers instead. I am laughing so hard, though honestly the joke’s on me, since I’ve never come up with such a great activity in which I could sit still with my eyes closed for 45 minutes and still get credit for playing with the kids. I bow to your genius!
By Chilihead on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
You are awesome. I think you may have found your new look.
By A Mom Two Boys on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
AND you got felt up, so double score!
How long did it take you to wash it all off?!
By Ali on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
this made my day. thanks. you look FIERCE!
By Mrs. F on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
This would have been a great Make Me Laugh Monday post, cause I am sitting here in tears I am laughing so hard. Um with you, not at you!
Good sport!
By Chrissy on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
Hilarious. I love that he thought he was making you into a lady. So funny!
By Christine @ Serenity How? on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
I loved that! I remember doing that to my aunt when I was a kid and blues and greens were so very “in” - she looked like a space alien when my sister and I were done.
My aunt went down in history as the coolest aunt ever. I’m sure you did the same with the kids.
Great job!
By Wendy on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
I know that LOVELY TIME! I like how the makeup artist is copping a feel! He’ll go far in the biz!
By Storm on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
How sweet you let the kids do this. I have to find the pic of me when the kids did my hair. Ugh! You created some great memories for them. Kudos to you.
By Maureen on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
Har! You are far braver than I.
By Queen of Shake-Shake on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
Oh, that’s funny!
By jennifer on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
I think they are budding makeup artistes! Such talent! You look gorgeous, dahling!
By Heather (A Mama's Blog) on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
How funny- sorry, but you do look like a burn victim, but amazing how creative the kids are and what a good time they had.
By Day Dreamer on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
LOL! Making you into a lady!!! This was great!
You look FABulous, dahling! Eyebrows are SO last year!!
By Lelaq on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
Hmm,I would have asked if the spa served drinks while tending to your beautification.
By missburrows on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
You lovely absolutely lovely!
By Gnightgirl on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
I can’t believe you didn’t save this for May’s “Hot Mama’s Know” post.
By Jenni on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
I guarantee the day I do this, I’ll fall asleep and the kids will get out the scissors!
By MamaGeek on Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
Dude. You are the SPORT of all SPORTS.
You are the Aunt EVERYONE wants, you know that right?!
By themommykelly on Apr 9, 2008 | Reply
Wow. You managed to milk 45 minutes out of that one?! Hell, I’d do it too for that kind of entertained child time! What fun.
By carrie on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply
Oh, you are the best Aunt ever!
By Heidi on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply
If you had shown the picture without the story, I would have thought you did it in Photoshop. That’s amazing. But kudos on scoring 45 minutes out of a quiet activity!