He gets a kick out of flying
April 3, 2008 – 4:00 pmWe’re waiting for the airplane to take off. CJ is beside himself with excitement, wiggling and shifting and asking every five seconds, “Mommy WHEN is the airplane going to take off? WHEN?”
At last we feel the engines pushing us backward into our seats and we are airborne.
CJ looks out the window at the rapidly shrinking cars and houses and exclaims, “Mommy, I can see the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!”
It’s only a 2½ hour plane ride, but it quickly begins to feel like an eternity. Even the movie that Jay has downloaded to his iPhone is insufficient to keep CJ’s attention. “ARE we there yet? But mommy WHEN? Are we there NOW? HOW MUCH LONGER MOMMY?!” and I am ready to rip my hair out and use it as a makeshift gag.
WE ARE NOT THERE YET!!!
It’s a funny thing about little boys, how the length of their legs is exactly as long as the distance between their seat-back and the seat in front of them. Those of you with little boys must know what I’m talking about… how their knees bend in just the wrong place and the only natural thing for them to do is KICK the seat in front of them with resounding force.
WHAM WHAM WHAM!
With each blow the woman in front of CJ whirls around to give us a withering glare.
“CJ! Don’t kick the seat!” Jay and I exclaim in unison, but we might as well tell him to recite the exact number of pi. He has to kick the seat. It’s physics or geometry or some other irrefutable law of nature.
WHAM!
Another withering glare.
“CJ!” I hiss, “Stop kicking!”
WHAM!
I sink into my seat and check my watch. 2 more hours.
The woman whirls around yet again. She’s going to have a sore neck tomorrow, this woman. The thought makes me oddly satisfied.
I decide that I don’t like this woman. I resent the withering glares. Surely she’s overreacting.
YES! I KNOW YOUR SEAT IS BEING KICKED! WHAT A HORRIBLE TRAGEDY FOR YOU!
I contemplate kicking her seat myself. If she’s going to glare at me, at least I should be doing something wrong!
Somehow we make it through the flight and I find myself walking across the tarmac through the shimmering heat towards the tiny Palm Springs airport.
Now that I am free from the confines of our airplane, I decide that we were both in the wrong, that woman and I. She was wrong for not showing us the slightest bit of tolerance. For not acknowledging our efforts to stop the kicking. For the repeated (and unnecessary) glares. And I was in the wrong for… well, it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?
***
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By themommykelly on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
Funny, I have a certain intolerance for people who lack tolerance for children and their parents who are trying damn hard to teach them to behave.
Her glares would only have been justified had you NOT corrected your child!
I probably WOULD have kicked her seat myself or at least been compelled to glare back!!!! Ha! I am such a bitch!
By Jo Beaufoix on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
The one time have flown with a child, Miss E was 19 months old. As we lined up for check in this really arsey middle class bloke looked us up and down and muttered something to his posh lady friend.
We sat behind him on the flight and Miss E cried most of the way. And part of me was so glad, the part that didn’t want to smother her. ;D
By Baby Mamma (Tamra) on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
You could have offered her the option of him sitting on her LAP. Then she would have been happy to only have the back of her seat bumped. Ha!
By Jen on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
As someone who once had their seat kicked for an entire 7 hour flight, I woud like to slap you. As someone who once had their child kick the back of someone elses seat for 4 hours despite my very best efforts to stop him, I would like to offer you a hug of sympathy. Enjoy your virtual slap-hug! (I’m just kidding of course. Mostly. Or am I? I can’t decide.)
By MCmommy on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
I’ve flown several times with the kids. I have a suggestion for all airline…parents with children should sit towards the front in a special section. We should be the last ones on the plane (so we don’t use up our bag of tricks and treats before we even leave the gate!) and we should be the first ones off the plane…because by that point, our kids can’t take one more single second on the plane.
And if they sat us all together, no one would care if our seats are being kicked, etc. WE ARE ALL PARENTS…we understand!!!
By carrie on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
Maybe she “got it” when she realized just how sore her neck was from turning around and glaring at you . . .
By Wendy on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
That’s when my spouse would be ordering drinks for us and her!
By Annie on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
Any tips for me then - I have to take both my kids on a 9 hour flight from Orland to Dublin in June? The kicking thing is something I worry about a lot.
I’ve been on a plane 2.5 hours to New Jersey where Miss E kicked the seat in front - she was two and a half - th lady in front bitched at me that there was a ‘baby’ sleeping in the seat - I apologised but when I saw how old the ‘baby’ was (at least 4) I loudly bitched to my husband about how a mother with two kids of her own that have obviously gone through the stage Miss E was at would understand how hard it is to get them to sit still all the time.
Some people are just asses - that’s the only way I can look at it and stay sane.
By Mamma on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
You mean you were wrong because you didn’t slap that look off her face?
I kid.
Next time try a little benadryl. My mom (a nurse) swore by giving us a teaspoon before any bit of long-distance travel. Nice mom, huh? Drugged her kids. Explains a lot.
By Molly on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
This exact situation happened to us a couple of years ago. My son’s feet were jammed up against the seat in front of him, he was 18 months old, and he could not help but kick it. We did everything we could to stop him but seriously, where were his feet supposed to go? It was either kick or scream his head off for an hour and annoy the entire plane as opposed to one person. The man in the seat was a total jerk and made a huge deal about moving seats and his wife was a bitch too. It was horrible. I vowed then never to fly again until my kids were much, much older.
By ReesePie on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
somehow I always end up in front of CJ.
By Kim on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
My son was 18 months when we flew to Orlando and he loved it. He spent the whole time looking out the window and peeking at the lady behind us.
The couple in front of us was annoyed and he wasn’t even misbehaving.
Sometimes adults have worse behavior than kids. I would have kicked her seat…and maybe pulled her hair too just for fun!
By Trenches of Mommyhood on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Imagine the kicking x3. That’s my life with 3 boyz. Needless to say, we’ve only ever flown ONCE with all of them.
And it was, not surprisingly, HELL.
By Queen of Shake-Shake on Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Yes, the kicking. I LURVE it in the car.
Why, I can’t imagine what a road trip would be without it!
By HRH on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
As a mom of 3 boys I can confirm your hypothesis of the leg length equalling the seat distance.
By Heidi on Apr 10, 2008 | Reply
“I have a suggestion for all airline…parents with children should sit towards the front in a special section. We should be the last ones on the plane…and we should be the first ones off the plane…”
This is brilliant! Too bad the airlines will never go for it.
When my son was a year old or so, we were eating at Perkins, and he started banging his cup. I looked around to see if anyone cared, and this woman who looked like she hadn’t smiled in 70 years said very snippily, “Well take it away from him then!” So I told him to stop, and he did. Then the woman said to her husband, “I’m so glad we never had kids.” And I thought, “For their sake, so am I.”
I get my comfort from the fact that while I can escape such people eventually, they have to live with themselves all the time.