Grown-ups need rules too
April 23, 2008 – 7:00 amWe’ve gotten into this routine, Jay and I.
He gets home from work, walks into the house, pulls out his laptop, sets it up on the dining room table, and logs on.
“Hello!” I holler at him, “Are you on your computer ALREADY?” Then I heave a big sigh of irritation and stomp around the house slamming things to show my disapproval.
But the truth is that I too am sitting down at my laptop approximately four hundred times a night, incessantly checking email and comments and… stuff.
We’re gathered round the dinner table when I hear my email alert softly ding and it takes ALL MY WILL POWER to keep my butt glued to the chair for the duration of the meal. Is dinner over yet? Can I go check my email now?
You have to wonder just what exactly I think I’m going to find in my inbox. It’s like I know I’m about to win the lottery and I’m just waiting for the notification.
Only I haven’t won the lottery and the majority of my inbox is made up of sales pitches for penis enlargements and fake pleas from made-up princes in the Middle East. Yet still I feel the burning need to CHECK my email. NOW!
For two obsessive people who really like technology and have a tendency to get, you know, obsessed, laptops are the gateway drug.
Now Jay and I find ourselves more likely to communicate via instant messenger from adjoining rooms than to have a conversation IRL (that’s In Real Life, in case you didn’t know).
The things I love most about our little family… the easy banter as we’re cooking dinner, the bumping into each other as we pick up the house, the sharing mundane things about our day… the singing along to music, the BEING SILLY… the games and conversation…
All of these things seem to be collateral damage.
This is not a good thing.
Last night as we lie in bed, Jay tells me that he is stressed. Overwhelmed. Tired and weary.
I feel the same way. I’m so busy, but I never seem to get anything done.
And I realize something. When you’re a grown-up, it’s all too easy to fall into bad habits and behaviors that are unhealthy but easy. After all, there’s no one hounding you to go to bed, no one reminding your to pick up your room, no one forcing you to finish your peas before you have that slice of cake.
And, if you’re not careful, before you realize it you’ve turned out fat and lazy and completely not the person you want to be.
(Not to say that there’s anything WRONG with being fat and lazy. Except I’d rather not be, if you know what I mean.)
There’s no way around it. Grown-ups need rules too.
The hard thing is, we have to set the rules. And enforce them. And live by them.
But it’s worth it. It has to be.
Which is why I have enacted and am now enforcing a technology curfew. ABSOLUTELY no laptops between the hours of 5 and 9pm. Ever.
Well, except for times when I need to look up how to convert skim milk and cream into whole milk. (like tonight).
And while I’m googling, I might as well check my email. I mean, it’s right there.
You never know, I might have won the lottery.
(this is going to be harder than I thought)
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By jenny from mommin' it up! on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Wow, I could’ve written this post myself! I’m glad I am not the only one! I am hopelessly obsessed with the comment-checking and email-dinging myself. And I have my messy house to show for it. Ack!
By M on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
I’m happy to know that I am not the only Pavlov dog out there who jumps when her little email bell rings!! Try having a husband that is NOT into technology and doesn’t know how to turn the computer on, oooo so NOT cool!! Love your blog, thanks for writing.
By girlymom on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
I need those grown-up rules too. I knew it was bad when my kids were actually in their beds waiting on ME to come tell them goodnight. I’m new to the whole blogging thing which I’m really excited about. But it’s making it harder to put limits on the computer time. Thanks for the reminder!
By Sarah Kimmel on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
YES! I often refer to the email “ding” as “The Siren Call of a New Message” I am powerless to refuse it! I mute my laptop to avoid it, and then I just find myself glancing over at the laptop to see if anything new has come in. It’s an illness I’m sure.
By Kim on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Hang in there, Girl! You are doing the right thing! Your husband and children and making memories are more important than us, internets!
By Chelsea on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
When my computer was in the shop in January I got all jittery and tense. Computer detox is not a pretty sight. (Now we have two computers.)
By Amy on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
So true! If you weren’t already falling on the wagon, I’d suggest you post all us addicts a 12-step process.
By Laural on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
We have a rule that my husband isn’t allowed to be on the computer until after our daughter goes to bed. So that her only memories of her father aren’t of his face lit up from the glow of the monitor (while he saves the world on Conan the Barbarian).
But that means I never get any home computer time, ’cause I’m busy with, oh, STUFF, like raising our daughter and feeding everyone, until she goes to bed.
I’m desperate for a laptop to call my own. But maybe it’s better to not hear that email ding? I’ll have to give it a teeny tiny bit more thought. Sigh.
By Carrie on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Amen, sister. We’ve been dealing with this for a while now. We make the “no computer after 8 PM” rule, but then break it. And make it again. And then break it. We really need to figure out something soon.
By Heather on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Good rule. And good luck. I’m thinking of just muting my computer. Then when I get an email, I won’t even know it unless I’m sitting at my computer.
By Scout's Honor on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
We do the same thing in our family.
You could have described me at the dinnner table–except for the spam. I even go get my laptop before saying good morning to my husband in the morning when I wake up.
Good luck with your curfew. I haven’t been able to make it two hours when I’ve tried it in the past. I need my schedule in outlook and then, while I’m there, I “multi-task..”
Yep, I get sucked in yet again. Addictive.
By Krista on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Can you come and implement those rules in our house? Heck, my hubby does the EXACT SAME THING and we’re to the point where I’m trying to even get us sit down and eat dinner together without being on the computers… ugh!
By the planet of janet on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
ohhhhh…. this is SOOO my life.
are you sure you weren’t peeking through the window of my house??
By Maureen on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Oh yeah. On the weekend I was sitting on my deck, surveying the wonderful weeding job I had just completed on my flower garden when I thought “Hey, I could bring my laptop out here and check my blog.”
Yup. Hard to part with that thang.
By princessofsomething on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
I would probably pass out if someone told me no computer between five and nine. That’s just not nice.
By Genny on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
uuThanks for the laugh!
By debawriter on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
I SO know that e-mail ding feeling and forcing myself to stay put…
I get way too excited about being on my laptop, it’s replaced all former pleasurable hobbies…
I know, sad.
Deb
sandiegomomma.com
By Day Dreamer on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Good luck with the curtailing. It’s so hard to back away a little.
I took off the month of December and September from everything blog and email except for work. I don’t know how everyone does it!
By carrie on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
You are absolutely right!
Unless you need a recipe, of course!
By thediaperdiaries on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Wow, kudos to you. The hubby and I have the same problem at night, but that is kind of the only time I can get on. Computer curfew…best of luck!
By Mrs. G. on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
I so get this post. I have strict laptop hours. You’re right. We all need rules.
By jennyonthespot on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
You are so. right. So. right. so. right…. Ope… I better go check my email for the billionth time tonight. Yep, you make a good point…
Seriously.
By creative-type dad on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
The rule in my house is no laptops out until our daughter has gone to bed- usually around 8.
By Jen on Apr 24, 2008 | Reply
Glad to hear I’m not the only one out there. I really do try to keep the computer off during the hours when my kids come home from school until bedtime. But come 8:30, I’m jonesing for my next fix. Oh yeah, I should be on the next Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.
By My Life My Life My Life on Apr 24, 2008 | Reply
You are a brave soul!! I have a hard time getting through the night without logging on. considering I am on a computer ALL day at work, recieve texts all day..soon as I get a free moment, I’m logging on. My computer has hibernation mode and I dont believe its ever done it!
By Nora Bee on Apr 24, 2008 | Reply
Wow, this is just like my house! What is it about email, I too always think there will be something NEW and EXCITING. I admire your resolve! (looking up cooking tips doesn’t count)
By Missy on Apr 24, 2008 | Reply
I am always being told in emails that I have won the lottery. The day I actually I do, I will probably delete it as spam.
The promise of reading blogs is my ultimate motivator to make myself do work. That and chocolate.
By Soliloquy on Apr 25, 2008 | Reply
DANG girl. It’s an addiction, isn’t it?
But it FEELS. SOOOOO. GOOD.
I hear ya’. Got my own draft in the works on a similar strain of the same disease. Must be contagious.
By Redneck Mommy on Apr 26, 2008 | Reply
I’m a techno geek myself. So is my son. So we struggle with this issue as well.
Luckily for me, both of my kids are in school all day long so I’m able to indulge in my tech cravings while they are at school.
Still, I find it difficult not to blog or check my mail while the kids are home.
So we cut a deal. I don’t blog while they are home and they don’t play on the computer while they are home.
All bets are off on the weekends though.
Heh.
By Audrey on Apr 26, 2008 | Reply
I wonder how many thousands of others can relate to sitting at the dinner table and hearing that we have mail. My kids will even say “mom I’m certain it’s an offer for Viagra” but me, I just have to check. What if…..or maybe…. too too funny…we all want to check but there’s never much there LOL.
By missburrows on Apr 28, 2008 | Reply
how do i sign up to get spam from princes that need to be rescued? that has got to be better than the stuff I am getting.