There’s no easy way to say it
March 6, 2008 – 12:27 amCJ and I are sitting on the couch watching a show called “Growing up Wolf” on Animal Planet. The momma wolf is in labor (I guess when they say “growing up” they mean starting at the BEGINNING). Sure enough, 15 minutes into the show, the momma wolf starts popping out slimy pups right before our eyes.
oh dear
“Mommy?” CJ asks, “are they coming out her BUTT?”
“Mmm, yeah, sort of… they’re coming out of the bottom area,” I answer, being careful to keep my eyes straight ahead so as not to inspire further questions on this topic.
“Hmmph.” CJ thinks about this for a minute.
I keep my eyes glued to the screen willing him to not make the next jump of logic.
don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask
“Mommy?”
don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask
“Mommy, did I come out of YOUR butt?”
so much for mind control.
I pause and then turn to face CJ. There’s no easy way out of this, and he has to find out sooner or later. And so I dive in.
“Mmm, well, it’s true that you came out of the bottom area.”
CJ’s mouth falls open in dismay. The expression on his face is one of pure, unadulterated horror.
“GROSS!!!!” he wails, and scoots away from me to the other end of the couch.
He is quiet for a moment and then says, “Mommy, let’s not talk about that any more.”
FINE BY ME!
This ends our conversation.
From now on, we’ll be staying FAR away from Animal Planet.
CJ and I both have had PLENTY of opportunities to talk about the birds and the bees. Frankly, I’m ready for some mindless drivel.
Thank goodness for Sponge Bob.
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Carrie on Mar 5, 2008 | Reply
See, things like this make me glad to have had a c-section. I can honestly tell Ethan that he came out of my stomach :)
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By crunchycarpets on Mar 5, 2008 | Reply
Well with one of each the anatomy lessons abound.
Much hilarity about ‘chinas as they are called…short for ‘bahchina’
sigh
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By AFRo on Mar 5, 2008 | Reply
OMGoodness!!! I am SO glad that I have not been there nor have we had that conversation yet. Good job on handling the situation. I’m impressed.
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By mommypie on Mar 5, 2008 | Reply
BAHAHAHA! The laughing nearly gave me an asthma attack :)
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By BusyDad on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
These “put 2 and 2 together” moments are rare in life. Your son will always remember this. It was so much easier when storks brought babies. Why did they quit on us? I was delivered by stork and have led a very well adjusted life.
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By Mrs. Schmitty on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
So much for educational tv! Spongbob rules!
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By Val on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
C-section here also!
BUT….I now need try to keep the door locked to the bathroom because I am getting way too many questions about tampons….and a certain someone thinks they are used for the butt also!
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By We are THAT family on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
That is hilarious! It took me back to one of our zoo visits. We were watching the giraffes and then WE WERE WATCHING THE GIRAFFES! OMG! The horror. I’m still scarred, but thankfully my kids thought it was piggy back ride.
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By Amy on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
Hahaha! It is hard to believe actually. Why shouldn’t a person be horrified by this news? I’m still sort of horrified by it and I’ve had 3 of my own.
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By Christine on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
This is one of the only reasons I’m glad for my two c-sections. Whenever the kids ask how they came out, I tell them the doctor took them out. Phew!
Loved your post, but sorry you had to go through it. Yikes! :-)
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By Anonymous on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
Unfortunately, we can’t always choose the perfect moment to start the “where did I come from” talk. Yeah, it’s difficult and a little embarassing, but if he’s old enough to start asking questions, he’s old enough to start hearing some very basic, honest facts. The “facts of life” talk doesn’t happen in one big conversation - it starts with open communcation and (hopefully) continues during childhood and adolesence. I am so thankful that my parents were open and frank about this issue and I could always go to them with any questions I had.
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By Jenni on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
My older kids have watched their younger siblings being born, so they have always know about where the babies come out. But how they get in there is another story. The oldest is still trying to figure that one out.
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By Heather on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
That’s so funny. My son just the other day told me that babies come from the butt. Must be something going around at school.
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By sam on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
Hahahahahahaha!
I so don’t want to go there. I really really hope he learns all about it from friends at school.
(Bwahahahaha - my word identification is: “bfawts”) You made it do that didn’t you?!
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By janet on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
absolutely hilarious.
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By Queen of Shake-Shake on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
Two summers ago, Payton asked me how baby cows came out of mama cows. So I had to explain. It totally grossed him out and he hasn’t ventured close to that subject for any animal again. Though he does know how mammals give birth and all. Maybe he’s figured it out for himself and I’ll never have to explain further.
I can only hope.
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By Mert on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
Heehee! Too cute, that’s definitely a story for his future fiance/wife ;)
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By Groovy Mom on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
LOL! I’m an old pro at those conversations now. Man, I remember trying to get out of the first one, though, when my son asked me about the tampons in my bathroom. He would not accept my “They’re to help ladies stay clean” description. He needed every single detail.
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By Not the Queen on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
I had that conversation a year ago when #2 was born. #1 thought her sister had come out of my bellybutton, so I set her straight. She, of course, told anyone that would listen, “My sister came out of Mommy through a special hole!” Lovely!
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By carrie on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
You should consider yourself lucky that you made it this far without the “vagina” conversation.
It’s coming friend, yes it is!
And I’m NOT trying to scare you . . . really.
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By pixie on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
We were at the zoo when we saw two turtles “making babies.” Volcano asked “What are they doing?!” And I said, “She’s giving him a piggyback ride.”
I understand the need to delay that conversation as much as possible…
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By Mamma on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
Have I not told the story of how when our five year old found out how his little brother was “getting out?”
Ooooh, you may have just inspired a gooood post.
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By Jerseygirl89 on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
I agree with Carrie - the c-section makes these conversations so much easier!
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By Deb on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
My daughter asked if I “peed her out.”
(I wish!) It was more like the biggest poo ever.
Deb
sandiegomomma.com
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By Rosie on Mar 6, 2008 | Reply
Hilarious! I know I’ll be having a similar conversation soon. I love the expression ‘bottom area’!!
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By Kimmylyn on Mar 7, 2008 | Reply
Hysterical. I am soo not ready for this conversation.. Maybe I will fib and say I had a c-section to avoid this at all costs..LOL
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By Redneck Mommy on Mar 7, 2008 | Reply
Heh heh.
I would have paid good money to have been a fly on that wall during that conversation…
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By Auds on Mar 9, 2008 | Reply
ROTFLMAO!
So totally agree with Carrie on this one!
Oh and so totally worth the laugh, but coming on the heels of pneumonia, I may never stop coughing at this point.
BEST. POST. EVER.
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By tulipmom on Mar 10, 2008 | Reply
Just had the “but how will it get out” question last week … ugh. When I told him that “bottom area” would get bigger so the baby could come out, he wanted to know if that meant the pee and poop could come out even faster.
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By The (Almost) Amazing Mammarino on May 11, 2008 | Reply
Oh my word, you are HILARIOUS!!!!
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