CJ and I are sitting on the couch watching a show called “Growing up Wolf” on Animal Planet. The momma wolf is in labor (I guess when they say “growing up” they mean starting at the BEGINNING). Sure enough, 15 minutes into the show, the momma wolf starts popping out slimy pups right before our eyes.
oh dear
“Mommy?” CJ asks, “are they coming out her BUTT?”
“Mmm, yeah, sort of… they’re coming out of the bottom area,” I answer, being careful to keep my eyes straight ahead so as not to inspire further questions on this topic.
“Hmmph.” CJ thinks about this for a minute.
I keep my eyes glued to the screen willing him to not make the next jump of logic.
don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask
“Mommy?”
don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask don’t ask
“Mommy, did I come out of YOUR butt?”
so much for mind control.
I pause and then turn to face CJ. There’s no easy way out of this, and he has to find out sooner or later. And so I dive in.
“Mmm, well, it’s true that you came out of the bottom area.”
CJ’s mouth falls open in dismay. The expression on his face is one of pure, unadulterated horror.
“GROSS!!!!” he wails, and scoots away from me to the other end of the couch.
He is quiet for a moment and then says, “Mommy, let’s not talk about that any more.”
FINE BY ME!
This ends our conversation.
From now on, we’ll be staying FAR away from Animal Planet.
CJ and I both have had PLENTY of opportunities to talk about the birds and the bees. Frankly, I’m ready for some mindless drivel.
Thank goodness for Sponge Bob.
***
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March 5, 2008 at 7:07 pm
See, things like this make me glad to have had a c-section. I can honestly tell Ethan that he came out of my stomach :)
March 5, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Well with one of each the anatomy lessons abound.
Much hilarity about ‘chinas as they are called…short for ‘bahchina’
sigh
March 5, 2008 at 10:42 pm
OMGoodness!!! I am SO glad that I have not been there nor have we had that conversation yet. Good job on handling the situation. I’m impressed.
March 5, 2008 at 11:26 pm
BAHAHAHA! The laughing nearly gave me an asthma attack :)
March 6, 2008 at 1:36 am
These “put 2 and 2 together” moments are rare in life. Your son will always remember this. It was so much easier when storks brought babies. Why did they quit on us? I was delivered by stork and have led a very well adjusted life.
March 6, 2008 at 5:06 am
So much for educational tv! Spongbob rules!
March 6, 2008 at 8:40 am
C-section here also!
BUT….I now need try to keep the door locked to the bathroom because I am getting way too many questions about tampons….and a certain someone thinks they are used for the butt also!
March 6, 2008 at 8:45 am
That is hilarious! It took me back to one of our zoo visits. We were watching the giraffes and then WE WERE WATCHING THE GIRAFFES! OMG! The horror. I’m still scarred, but thankfully my kids thought it was piggy back ride.
March 6, 2008 at 9:07 am
Hahaha! It is hard to believe actually. Why shouldn’t a person be horrified by this news? I’m still sort of horrified by it and I’ve had 3 of my own.
March 6, 2008 at 9:16 am
This is one of the only reasons I’m glad for my two c-sections. Whenever the kids ask how they came out, I tell them the doctor took them out. Phew!
Loved your post, but sorry you had to go through it. Yikes! :-)
March 6, 2008 at 9:42 am
Unfortunately, we can’t always choose the perfect moment to start the “where did I come from” talk. Yeah, it’s difficult and a little embarassing, but if he’s old enough to start asking questions, he’s old enough to start hearing some very basic, honest facts. The “facts of life” talk doesn’t happen in one big conversation – it starts with open communcation and (hopefully) continues during childhood and adolesence. I am so thankful that my parents were open and frank about this issue and I could always go to them with any questions I had.
March 6, 2008 at 10:14 am
My older kids have watched their younger siblings being born, so they have always know about where the babies come out. But how they get in there is another story. The oldest is still trying to figure that one out.
March 6, 2008 at 10:49 am
That’s so funny. My son just the other day told me that babies come from the butt. Must be something going around at school.
March 6, 2008 at 10:50 am
Hahahahahahaha!
I so don’t want to go there. I really really hope he learns all about it from friends at school.
(Bwahahahaha – my word identification is: “bfawts”) You made it do that didn’t you?!
March 6, 2008 at 10:58 am
absolutely hilarious.
March 6, 2008 at 11:38 am
Two summers ago, Payton asked me how baby cows came out of mama cows. So I had to explain. It totally grossed him out and he hasn’t ventured close to that subject for any animal again. Though he does know how mammals give birth and all. Maybe he’s figured it out for himself and I’ll never have to explain further.
I can only hope.
March 6, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Heehee! Too cute, that’s definitely a story for his future fiance/wife ;)
March 6, 2008 at 12:21 pm
LOL! I’m an old pro at those conversations now. Man, I remember trying to get out of the first one, though, when my son asked me about the tampons in my bathroom. He would not accept my “They’re to help ladies stay clean” description. He needed every single detail.
March 6, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I had that conversation a year ago when #2 was born. #1 thought her sister had come out of my bellybutton, so I set her straight. She, of course, told anyone that would listen, “My sister came out of Mommy through a special hole!” Lovely!
March 6, 2008 at 12:32 pm
You should consider yourself lucky that you made it this far without the “vagina” conversation.
It’s coming friend, yes it is!
And I’m NOT trying to scare you . . . really.
March 6, 2008 at 1:16 pm
We were at the zoo when we saw two turtles “making babies.” Volcano asked “What are they doing?!” And I said, “She’s giving him a piggyback ride.”
I understand the need to delay that conversation as much as possible…
March 6, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Have I not told the story of how when our five year old found out how his little brother was “getting out?”
Ooooh, you may have just inspired a gooood post.
March 6, 2008 at 5:08 pm
I agree with Carrie – the c-section makes these conversations so much easier!
March 6, 2008 at 7:00 pm
My daughter asked if I “peed her out.”
(I wish!) It was more like the biggest poo ever.
Deb
sandiegomomma.com
March 6, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Hilarious! I know I’ll be having a similar conversation soon. I love the expression ‘bottom area’!!
March 7, 2008 at 10:07 am
Hysterical. I am soo not ready for this conversation.. Maybe I will fib and say I had a c-section to avoid this at all costs..LOL
March 7, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Heh heh.
I would have paid good money to have been a fly on that wall during that conversation…
March 9, 2008 at 5:21 pm
ROTFLMAO!
So totally agree with Carrie on this one!
Oh and so totally worth the laugh, but coming on the heels of pneumonia, I may never stop coughing at this point.
BEST. POST. EVER.
March 10, 2008 at 11:36 am
Just had the “but how will it get out” question last week … ugh. When I told him that “bottom area” would get bigger so the baby could come out, he wanted to know if that meant the pee and poop could come out even faster.
May 11, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Oh my word, you are HILARIOUS!!!!