Mamma said there’ll be days like this
March 19, 2008 – 7:00 amMy body hates spring. I sneeze and snort and wheeze and cough and my eyes turn into itchy, scratchy balls of irritation. I storm around the house doing my worst to ensure that EVERYONE shares my misery.
Then yesterday I noticed this little BUMP had formed on my left eyeball.
No matter how I googled it, an eyeball bump wasn’t sounding good, so I made an appointment to see my eye doctor.
This morning I go in for the appointment. But before I can see the DOCTOR, I have to get by the NURSE.
She takes me into a little room where we’re sitting on opposite sides of a table. Then she says, “Ok, let me have a look.”
She leans forward and peers at me from across the table.
“Where is it again?”
“My left eye. Just… there.” I point at the offending spot.
She squints and wrinkles her nose. I can tell she sees nothing. I’m not even sure if she sees my EYE.
“I’m not seeing anything…”
I try to open my eye wider. I feel… stupid.
“Is it on your eyeLID?” she asks.
“No, my eyeball. Just there, outside the colored area. It’s a little spot… sort of yellow in the middle…”
“Hmmm… still not seeing anything. Let me come closer.” She stands up and moves around the table so we are nose-to-nose.
I hold my breath. If she doesn’t see it now I’m not sure what I’ll do… because it’s definitely there. At least it was fifteen minutes ago when I checked it in the rear-view mirror.
“Is it on the eyeLID?”
“No, The eyeball. On the white part.”
“Oh, the white part. You mean outside the pupil?”
“Yes! The pupil! Just outside the pupil!” (so that’s what the stupid thing is called)
“I see it!”
I heave a big sigh of relief. “Whew! I’m not crazy after all! I mean, of course I’m crazy, but not in THAT way. You know.”
At last we have established that there IS IN FACT A BUMP. I answer a kabillion questions and she passes me through to see the doctor. He squirt things in my eye and peers at it through various contraptions. Then he steps back, turns on the light, and announces,
“You have a pinguecula.”
“A pinguecu-HUH?”
“A pinguecula. It’s where your eyeball builds up tissue to protect itself from an irritant. In this case it’s probably allergy induced… and it may or may not go away.”
I request that the doctor write out “PINGUECULA” on a sticky note because there is no way I am going to remember that. And that is something I need to remember.
Next he tells me that I have a condition called ALLERGY-INDUCED CONJUNCTIVITIS.
Which is basically pink eye without the contagious.
Or, as I like to call it, junk-in-yer-eye-tis,
or if-this-blasted-itching-doesn’t-stop-I’m-gonna-use-an-ice-pick-on-my-eye-tis.
Now you may be thinking that these dire prognosis are BAD NEWS INDEED. But the fact is, every time I go to the doctor I have a sneaking feeling that they will declare me to be FIT and SOUND and HEALTHY AS A DEER and then I’ll feel like a moron for wasting their time.
So I am relieved and overjoyed to have something wrong with me. Officially.
I call Jay on my cell phone as I exit the building. “I have a pinguecula!” I shout when he answers, checking my sticky note to make sure I’m saying it right, “Also, I have ALLERGY-INDUCED CONJUCTIVITIS. It needs a prescription.“
If he thinks it odd that I am so upbeat, he doesn’t say so.
***
Oh, you thought that was all?
THAT IS NOT ALL!
So I go about my day (I’m not the type of girl to let a little old pinguecula stop me) when I get a call from Jay. I can tell immediately that something is wrong.
“I need you to come pick me up,” he says, “I’m throwing-up sick and I don’t think I can manage the bus.”
So I whip my car around and point it towards downtown. Only, for some odd reason, HALF OF SEATTLE has also decided to journey in that direction at three o’clock in the afternoon, and I5 is gridlocked. CJ and I sit and sit until finally we arrive.
Jay stumbles into the car. His face is white except for where it’s green. He does NOT look good.
All the morons in the city of Seattle are in front of me and next to me and crossing against lights and riding bikes around me. It’s a wonder we make it home at all. As it is it takes us three times as long as it SHOULD.
I peel into the driveway and Jay dashes inside to puke in the toilet. The PLUGGED toilet. I was going to unplug it only plugged toilets are gross and also I couldn’t find the plunger.
Ok so I won’t go on and on and ON although I could and I have to admit I’m TEMPTED.
Suffice it to say that dear Jay is very, horribly ill.
Our house smells vaguely of vomit.
And I had to cancel my plans to go see the opening night of Mamma Mia with Kathryn, Eve, and Isabel. An evening that I was REALLY looking forward to.
Also, did I mention the pinguecula?
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By amanda on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
I’m frightened by the idea of pinguecula. I hope it can’t spread through the computer screen. I think I’d freak out if I noticed a little bump on my eyeball.
By Mamma on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Pinguecula!
I mean if you’re going to have something, it mind as well have an amazing name like that.
Hope you both feel better soon.
By jennifer on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
I’m glad you were diagnosed so as not to waste a trip to the doctor…I’m the same way. Sorry about your hubs, especially sorry you had to cancel a night out. I think he owes you! Once he’s better, of course.
By Baby Mamma aka Tamra on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Eww. Helpful tip: Be sure that whenever your hubby is losing his stomach contents, you complain loudly about your eyeball bump. That should really help him feel better. I mean, your eye thingy is much more cooler than simple vomiting. *grin*
By kirida on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Now you can call yourself Left Eye Lopez!
By MommyTime on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Sending much sympathy. Except for the part about actually having an identifiable THING wrong with you. Especially a thing with a cool name. My prescription (bearing in mind that I’m not an MD of any kind) is Zyrtec, now available over the counter. I get those eye crumbles all the time, little bumps on the underside of my eyelids, always during allergy season. As soon as I started zyrtec, all the other allergy symptoms went away immediately, and the pink-calligula went away a few days later. Good luck!
By Midwest Mommy on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Ok, you have just made my eyes start itching just thinking about all of this.
By A Whole Lot of Nothing on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
As Mary from Jack’s Big Music Show would say, “Whaaaaaat a day…..”
I often quote preschool shows.
By Jen on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
I’m vaugley aware that there’s something wrong with your husband and your toilet and the drivers in your state but honestly I kind of half blacked out after you mentioned that bump on your eye. (shudder) Feel better soon!
By McMama on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
aww, it’s like a little pearl in your eye, just for you. *shudder*
Also, the black part is the pupil, the colored part is the iris… Silly nurse.
Also, FEEL BETTER!
By Annie on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Get the Lysol out girl - hope you all don’t come down with Jay’s bug! I can’t imagine what bout of puking would do to your pingu-whatis-stuff?!
By carrie on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Yikes, I have never even heard of that . . . hope it gets better soon. I’m sorry you had to cancel the show!
No more puking for ANYBODY, m’kay?
By Ali on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
dude…a vomit-smelling house AND pinguecula??! methinks you need some oreo cakesters. right away.
By janet on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
i just have one word for you:
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
there. now don’t you feel better?
By seven on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Wow… sounds like your day sort of sucked. I hope you and your husband feel better soon!
By mommypie on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
I haven’t been able to watch all my TLC reality emergency room gore shows lately. Thanks for the fix.
By Wendy on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
So you get a prescription for the allergy conjunctivitis? I found some drops at the drug store, but I want to know what your doctor prescribed?! I may want that too!
By Zenmomma on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Two words: Um, ewwww!
By Groovy Mom on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
I had to go look at my eyeballs immediately after reading this. I didn’t find any bumps, but thought maybe I would since I have allergic conjunctivitis on a regular basis (like almost always.) Sorry your husband is sick. REALLY glad for you that he was able to wait till he got home to puke.
By Believer in Balance on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
I have the same fear that if I go to the doctor they’re going to think I’m a hypochondriac! I’m so phobic about it that I too am relieved when they actually find something and embarrassed when they don’t. See, there really is something wrong with me!
By We are THAT family on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Now THAT is a horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad day. And I KNOW bad days.
By Rayven on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
I am so sorry you’ve had such a lousy day. And I did have to laugh at the “plugged toilet”….sounds like something I would do…
When you do get to go see Mamma Mia, you’re going to love it! Buy the soundtrack. My 6 yr daughter and 8 yr son are addicted to it. Not sure how many other 8 yr old boys sing “Super Trooper” by heart.
By Day Dreamer on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Shoot, I’m so sorry you missed your evening out….and that Mr Bananas is greenish sick and that you have a pinguecula-thangy.
I hate going to the doctor and discovering there is nothing very wrong. If I go and cough up the cash to see him stare down my throat….I want a diagnosis! And a prescription! And a Poor BABY!
So…..Poor BABY!!! Hope it all gets better soon!
By debawriter on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
Pinguecula sounds like the substance formed in your plugged toilet after Jay puked in it.
Or, the tongue soup you get in taco shops in San Diego.
Either way: sorry you have it!
Deb
sandiegomomma.com
By Sara on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply
wow, poor you, poor JAY! I hate to vomit.
By BusyDad on Mar 20, 2008 | Reply
As far as medical affliction names go, Pinguecula is kinda cute. Sounds like a vampire you can fit in your shirt pocket and take to the mall with you. (I do hope you and hubby are feeling better tho!)
By Mrs. Schmitty on Mar 20, 2008 | Reply
Don’t you hate when you go to the doctor and they say you are fine? They look at you like you made it up! I’m not glad something is wrong with you, but I understand your happiness in finding out that there is. Feel better soon! And Jay too!
By Mom of 5 on Mar 20, 2008 | Reply
I wonder if this is what I have? I have a bump on my eyeball that has prevented me from wearing contacts for awhile. I’ve been too busy (lazy) to go have it checked out. I knew it doesn’t hurt when I’m wearing glasses, so I’m just wearing glasses, ignoring it and hoping it goes away.
I also suffer from allergies. And I get conjuntivitis from it. The non contagious kind. But see, my work doesn’t have to know it’s not contagious. I can get a day off for it. Gotta use whatever you can sometimes.
Bummer about having to cancel your night out. I think that deserves a big pout or two.
By psychmom on Mar 20, 2008 | Reply
Bananas, you are way too funny. I’m one of those people who doesn’t usually laugh out loud with sitcoms and I was laughing histerically while reading your post today. Just so you feel better, my husband has two pinguecula’s, one on each eye, and I constantly laugh about it because the word resembles the word for a male’s private parts in Spanish. Even funnier, ha?
By Rosie on Mar 20, 2008 | Reply
Oh my God! Are you alright? Is Jay alright? I’m absent from the blogosphere for two days and return to major dramas! Hope you are both feeling better soon, and CJ is coping.