I’m so much more than a head in a jar who types with her nose

March 29, 2008 – 6:27 pm

A whopping 49% of you guessed that I’m pregnant.

But, as someone ANONYMOUS said,

“If you’re pregnant, why in the world would you go out and buy 7 shopping bags of new clothes???”

To which I have to wholeheartedly agree.

Sorry, but 49% of you were DEAD WRONG.

I deeply wish I was forward-thinking enough to have planned this whole thing to coincide with April Fool’s Day… wouldn’t that be smart? But the truth is I totally forgot about April Fool’s Day.

I NEVER feel guilty and I didn’t take the clothes back. I really did go to Target although it’s true that not ALL SEVEN bags were full of clothes for me (only one bag of chocolate, promise)… but the ones I bought do fit and are HIGHLY DECENT. Well, unless you think of blinding white legs as indecent, in which case… my whole life is indecent. And, last I checked, my camera isn’t broken.

Some of you are much more creative. Unfortunately all of you were wrong too.

I’m not a man NOR am I a transvestite of any height!

I still have both my legs. Yep, I’ve somehow kept them safe from being gnawed off by sharks AND from threshing incidents.

My boobs have not gotten any larger (and I wouldn’t WANT them to!) but if I DID get a boob job, I’d surely pay more than $500!

My hair is isn’t black with red OR pink, I haven’t turned yellow, and I regret to tell you that I don’t have a new nose ring. As for the leather pants? Come ON!

I don’t live in a van by the river and I only pretend that I’m famous… I don’t model for Target or anyone else for that matter.

My cat didn’t eat them and I’ve never even SEEN a dingo, and I surely didn’t give my new clothes to my sister.

And you should know by now that I’m so much more than a head in a jar who types with her nose…

So what have we established?

1) NO ONE GUESSED my secret.

2) This is a VERY FUN GAME!

and…

wait for it…

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18 Responses to “I’m so much more than a head in a jar who types with her nose”

  1. By ReesePie on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    ooh you’re mean.

    let’s see… you had lasik and the flash from the camera would hurt?

    You recently lost an eye when CJ flung a Hot Wheels at you accidentally and now you wear an eye-patch?

    You are a siamese-twin?

    Or, even better, you have an undeveloped siamese-twin-head growing out of the side of your neck?

    I give up.

  2. By Mrs. F on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    I get it. You think that we are all going to go out and copy your look, don’t you? We might, but just show us anyways.

    PLEASE!!!!

    The suspense is killing me!

  3. By Zaya on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    Well torture us some more why don’t you… :P

  4. By Midwest Mommy on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    Ok, I have never checked your site so much in my life. Secrets do get to me I guess!!!! Do tell and share that chocolate :-)

  5. By selfmademom on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    Did you get a new job?

  6. By Christine on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    Let’s see…you bought the clothes two sizes too small (or too big) as impetus to lose (gain) weight. The new you will be unveiled at BlogHer (or your new blog hosted somewhere else)!

    Am I even CLOSE?

  7. By Mrs. Fussypants on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    No Fussy Lovin?

    ;)

  8. By Christine @ Serenity How? on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    Ooh, ooh, I know what it is now. You’ve been bitten by a vampire (hence the bad mood - those bites hurt) and you can’t see your reflection in a mirror OR be photographed. I’m right, I just know it (snort!)

    That would also explain the evil torture-your-readers tactics. :P

    It’s either that or you’ve sold the copyright to any images of yourself and posting any new pictures would cost a fortune.

    Come out with it already…pretty please???

  9. By Ali on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    must. know. now.

    :)

  10. By MamaFeelgood on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    Your husband dressed up in your clothes, stretched them all out, and got clown make up all over them??

  11. By Carla on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    You have lost weight and bought clothes in a whole new size! Wouldja photoshop your head in a jar please?

  12. By Amanda on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    Okay, I’m curious now. very curious.

  13. By Chrissy on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    I was certain you were pregnant.

    Lets see…maybe they’re Target uniforms? Because you’re going to work at Target? And you don’t want to do laundry so you got seven uniforms?

    That’s reaching, I know.

  14. By carrie on Mar 29, 2008 | Reply

    You’re a redhead.

    I knew it! ;)

  15. By mamikaze on Mar 30, 2008 | Reply

    I suck at guessing games.
    All I can come up with is you got a job a guest host on the Today Show. No, you wouldn’t shop at Target for talk show hosting attire.
    You and CJ are heading out as travelling circus performers?

  16. By Day Dreamer on Mar 30, 2008 | Reply

    Well, wouldn’t you want new maternity clothes if you were preggers??? Some like variety when they’re preggers…and Target has some hideously low clearance prices!!!

    Let’s see…you didn’t really buy skirts? The What Not To Wear really wouldn’t approve and they really ARE all Mickey Mouse T-Shirts!!???

  17. By Mrs. Flinger on Mar 30, 2008 | Reply

    Great. So let’s go grab a drink. ;-)

  18. By HRH on Apr 3, 2008 | Reply

    You are really Oprah and faked the whole “I am white” and “I write a mommy blog” thing?

    You live in a castle in England…a big one with a whole staff and made up the Seattle thing to be streetwise with your peeps?

    You married George Clooney in a simple ceremony in Palm Springs last weekend?

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