Yesterday CJ and I were at the grocery store. He is seated in the cart facing me as I push him around the store and load up our cart.
Somewhere between the pasta and the canned goods he reaches out and grabs my left breast.
Ack!
I try to hide my dismay (it’s never good to let them know when they’ve ruffled you, lest they do it again and again and AGAIN). Calmly and quietly I say, “CJ, that is NOT OK.”
A very naughty smile spreads across his face.
“What’s in there mommy?” he asks me with feigned innocence.
I try to ignore him.
“What’s IN THERE?” he says, louder this time, and he points directly at my breast in case I’m confused about what he’s referring to.
Surreptitiously I scan the aisle. Several feet away is a 20-something man huddled over a can of soup. Can he really be that enthralled with soup selection, or is he pretending not to hear us?
“WHAT’S IN THERE MOMMY?!” CJ shouts at me.
Must shut him up…
“Um, well, you know… SKIN and tissue and… stuff,” I say.
He looks at my slyly, “And MILK?” he asks, loud enough for the whole aisle to hear. “There’s MILK in there, right mommy?” he reaches out and gives my boob a good grab for emphasis.
I’m sure my face is as red as the tomato soup that is in danger of being dropped by my now-obviously-laughing friend.
“Um no, no milk in there right now!” I stutter, and frantically push the cart around the corner and into the next aisle.
Must. escape. the. knowing. smiles…
These are the moments that define motherhood, don’t you think?
***
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xo Jen
January 16, 2008 at 11:18 am
Oh gosh. I hear ya! When Sugarplum was about 4 years old I was getting a philosophy degree. One day on campus I was speaking with a classmate. A male one. She pipes up with “Mommy is wearing her PRETTY PINK UNDERWEAR today!!” My face still turns pink thinking about it.
Gah!
January 16, 2008 at 11:44 am
This is why we have kids, right? Because high school wasnt humiliating enough for us?
:)
January 16, 2008 at 11:54 am
Motherhood=public humiliation. From the very beginnings, for me. Like when pregnant me went into a local hospital to check it out and the young receptionist said, “if you don’t mind my asking, how old ARE you? (I, stunned/stupid, answered) OH, so you really decided to wait!”
January 16, 2008 at 11:56 am
OMG, I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair! Maybe I’m glad mine can’t talk yet!
January 16, 2008 at 12:02 pm
You haven’t earned your striped until you’re felt up in public by a little kid.
HEE.
Hideously embarrassing yet so freaking funny.
January 16, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Very, very funny! But, only because it happened to you, not me ;)
January 16, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Wait until he shouts out, “Mom farted!”
That is a defining moment in a mother’s life.
January 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm
My Em, age 3, enjoys playing gender identification games at the store by shouting at me who has a “gina” and how has a penis as we pass them in our cart.
Yeah, I don’t take her out much.
January 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm
This is like the third post in as many days that I’ve read where a child in some form “groped” the mama in public and/or said something embarrassing! It must be the season…
My son isn’t old enough to do that yet, but when I was little I announced to the whole store when my mother turned 40. ;)
January 16, 2008 at 12:33 pm
LMAO! Oh yes, definitely the moments that define mother hood :-) You handled it well though ;-D
January 16, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Haha! Aren’t you so glad that blogging was invented so that you have a venue in which to share these gems!?
Jane, Pinks & Blues
January 16, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Nice!
My daughter recently unzipped my shirt and yelled out, “I see your boobs!” Luckily, the only audience was my husband and the baby.
-andi
January 16, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Nice! My oldest told everyone she saw about where babies come out of right after her sister was born. She also still informs everyone that her sister drink milk from mommy’s boobies. Everyone. Everywhere we go. Every time we’re out.
January 16, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I once had my two-year-old and newborn in a department store dressing room with me when my daughter loudly (and clearly) yelled, “Mommy has two nipples!” I could hear giggles up and down that hallway.
January 16, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Too bad you weren’t in the dairy section.
You could have pointed to the cartons and said “Yes, CJ, THAT’s milk!”
and proceeded on your way…
January 16, 2008 at 5:46 pm
oh yes…parenting sure can be fun, eh?
January 16, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I had a boob-moment with my daughter today too, but at least we were home in the privacy of our living room. Yikes!!!
January 16, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Been there. My daughter will just walk up to me and pat mine sometimes. Just like a dog’s head. I’m usually having a conversation with someone, it’s SO embarrassing!
January 16, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I’ve got nearly 10 years of humiliation under my belt. The good thing is my kids are getting to the age where I can return the favor.
January 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm
That was so funny. My son also has a knack for public embarrassment. Recently he was curious about the anatomy of a store manequin. He checked out her breasts and then lifted up the skirt. I know he was curious, but, that’s enough of that, lets move along!
January 16, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I can’t be any funnier than your boy, so I won’t even try!
Laughing so hard.
January 16, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Oh dear god. He. Did. Not.
I have so been there, just not for a long time. :)
January 17, 2008 at 7:03 am
That is HILARIOUS! My daughter (18months who I am trying unsuccessfully to wean) lifted up my shirt a few weekends ago when we were enjoying a weekend coffee shop brunch and tried to get into my bra for her “drinks”. For me most of my embarrassment about nursing was when I was 12 and my mom was nursing my baby brother. For some reason I remember being HORRIFIED when she would nurse him at the park, etc. So now I just relax and laugh it off. And if my daughter needs to hug and pat my boob’s in the grocery store I smile and tell her those are her drinks and give her a hug back. Other people seem less embarrassed when I handle it like it’s no big deal…but I’ll see if I can still manage that when she’s three! Thanks for sharing that adorable moment!
January 17, 2008 at 10:53 am
Well, I am probably the by-stander who is giggling and honored to see a sweet mommy-child moment.
January 17, 2008 at 11:17 am
Motherhood Defined. Heelarious!! Thanks!
January 17, 2008 at 11:39 am
Absolutely a defining motherhood moment! My kids do that crap all the time. So much fun!
January 17, 2008 at 6:30 pm
A defining moment indeed. I recently had to scold my 7-year-old daughter because she knowingly palmed both of my breasts just for the hell of it.
January 17, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Oh Lordy. I thought it was bad when my Sacha started sticking his hand down my shirt to look for a soother!
January 18, 2008 at 8:38 am
HaHaHa! I was quite used to my two year old son grabbing my breasts in public and yelling “Boobies!” but alas, my darling mother was not. She quickly learned his favorite game when she took him shopping after his baby sister was born. She swears she will never return to that Target.
January 18, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I really shouldn’t laugh since Alyssa feels it is necessary to pull down any shirt that I have on and show the world my boobs, but I cannot help it! That’s hilarious!
January 18, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Oh absolutely. You are not a mom until you’ve been thoroughly humiliated by your child in front of a hot 20-something!
January 18, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Motherhood!!! My little one kept calling them my belly. Since I am not small on top I didn’t take that as a compliment!
Debbie aka The Real World Martha(S)
http://realworldmartha.wordpress.com
January 18, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Little Magoo likes to give mine a little curious love squeeze or poke from time to time too, just to see if they’re still squishy.
January 18, 2008 at 11:49 pm
My feeds weren’t updating, so I missed this until today. So, so, so funny. I have a few similar tales, as I’m sure every mom does.
January 20, 2008 at 7:11 pm
That is a funny story…thanks for sharing!
January 20, 2008 at 9:49 pm
You should have said, “No sweets, those are just for show now.” heehee.
A while ago, Seth tried to tell the cashier at Best Buy that I had “boobie hair.” Oy
Like Wendy said, motherhood=public humiliation.
January 21, 2008 at 12:12 am
Hilarious!
January 21, 2008 at 9:44 am
that’s hi-frickin’-larious! kids…you really can’t make this stuff up, can you?
January 22, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Oh my gosh! This cracks me up! Oh the wonderful and embarrassing things I have to look forward to when my son can talk (he’s 9 months now, so we’re safe for the time being).