On jumping in

On Monday evening CJ started swimming lessons… His first group swimming lesson without mom.

As we walk from the locker room to the poolside, surrounded by chlorine steam and the screams and laughs of splashing children, CJ begins to shake.

“Mom, I’m cold,” he tells me. But these aren’t just shivers of coldness. No, these shivers racking his little body are shivers of fear. I’m a mom, I know these things.

I’m tempted to wrap my arms around my little quaking boy and hold him in a warm cocoon of snugness until his fears go away. But this is not what parents do. Instead, I walk with him, hand in hand, to the side of the pool.

I can see the conflict playing across his face. He wants to swim. He wants to go in the pool. But at the same time he very much DOESN’T want to do either of these things.

Finally the instructor and I cajole him into sitting on the side with his feet dangling in the water. I kneel beside him, trying to think of what to say to convince him to go in all the way. The thing about CJ is, he has to be convinced. There’s no threatening or bribing or “I’m the mom” when it comes to things like this. He has to decide.

“But mom, I’m scared,” he says to me, and gets up and moves determinedly away from the water.

Uh oh, we’re moving in the WRONG direction.

I pull him into a hug. “CJ, I know you’re scared. Sometimes, when we try new things, it’s scary. Like… remember how when you started preschool you were scared? But then you liked it? Or when you started gymnastics?” I pause, scanning his face for any sign that this is sinking in, “Sometimes you just have to do it even though you’re scared. Sometimes the most fun things are scary at first.”

He doesn’t say much, but seems to be listening. After a minute, he agrees to sit on the edge with his feet in the water again. Five minutes later, he’s in the pool.

I watch him for the remaining twenty minutes… splashing the instructor, kicking and jumping and bouncing and smiling… and I can tell he’s having the time of his life. The final part of the lesson is to jump from the side of the pool into the instructor’s arms… and CJ does it with flourish.

“But I want to keep swimming!” he yells when it’s time to leave.

“Next week,” I assure him, “you have another lesson next week.”

As we walk to the car, my heart is bursting with pride at this little boy who faced his fear and refused to let it stop him.

I can learn from this.

Yesterday morning, as I am helping CJ into his coat, he says to me, “Mom, what’s that you said about just doing things?”

In my hurry to get him ready and to the car, I don’t follow his line of thought. “I don’t know, CJ,” I say distractedly.

He stops and pushes my hands aside, turning to face me. Very seriously, he says, “NO mom, what you said, you know, AT SWIMMING LESSONS? That you just have to try things, even if they’re scary. Like gymnastics, and preschool…”

He is reciting my whole poolside speech.

Which can only mean one thing…

he heard me!

HALLELUJAH!

And sort of like the grinch, this mama’s heart grew three sizes that day.

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Make my heart grew seventeen MORE sizes today by leaving me a comment. After all, it’s National Delurker Day (can’t wait to see that on a calendar!) and tomorrow is my 30th birthday. Besides, I’m ever-so-curious about WHO actually reads this thing. (Hi mom!)

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