On jumping in
January 10, 2008 – 4:31 pmOn Monday evening CJ started swimming lessons… His first group swimming lesson without mom.
As we walk from the locker room to the poolside, surrounded by chlorine steam and the screams and laughs of splashing children, CJ begins to shake.
“Mom, I’m cold,” he tells me. But these aren’t just shivers of coldness. No, these shivers racking his little body are shivers of fear. I’m a mom, I know these things.
I’m tempted to wrap my arms around my little quaking boy and hold him in a warm cocoon of snugness until his fears go away. But this is not what parents do. Instead, I walk with him, hand in hand, to the side of the pool.
I can see the conflict playing across his face. He wants to swim. He wants to go in the pool. But at the same time he very much DOESN’T want to do either of these things.
Finally the instructor and I cajole him into sitting on the side with his feet dangling in the water. I kneel beside him, trying to think of what to say to convince him to go in all the way. The thing about CJ is, he has to be convinced. There’s no threatening or bribing or “I’m the mom” when it comes to things like this. He has to decide.
“But mom, I’m scared,” he says to me, and gets up and moves determinedly away from the water.
Uh oh, we’re moving in the WRONG direction.
I pull him into a hug. “CJ, I know you’re scared. Sometimes, when we try new things, it’s scary. Like… remember how when you started preschool you were scared? But then you liked it? Or when you started gymnastics?” I pause, scanning his face for any sign that this is sinking in, “Sometimes you just have to do it even though you’re scared. Sometimes the most fun things are scary at first.”
He doesn’t say much, but seems to be listening. After a minute, he agrees to sit on the edge with his feet in the water again. Five minutes later, he’s in the pool.
I watch him for the remaining twenty minutes… splashing the instructor, kicking and jumping and bouncing and smiling… and I can tell he’s having the time of his life. The final part of the lesson is to jump from the side of the pool into the instructor’s arms… and CJ does it with flourish.
“But I want to keep swimming!” he yells when it’s time to leave.
“Next week,” I assure him, “you have another lesson next week.”
As we walk to the car, my heart is bursting with pride at this little boy who faced his fear and refused to let it stop him.
I can learn from this.
Yesterday morning, as I am helping CJ into his coat, he says to me, “Mom, what’s that you said about just doing things?”
In my hurry to get him ready and to the car, I don’t follow his line of thought. “I don’t know, CJ,” I say distractedly.
He stops and pushes my hands aside, turning to face me. Very seriously, he says, “NO mom, what you said, you know, AT SWIMMING LESSONS? That you just have to try things, even if they’re scary. Like gymnastics, and preschool…”
He is reciting my whole poolside speech.
Which can only mean one thing…
he heard me!
HALLELUJAH!
And sort of like the grinch, this mama’s heart grew three sizes that day.
***
Make my heart grew seventeen MORE sizes today by leaving me a comment. After all, it’s National Delurker Day (can’t wait to see that on a calendar!) and tomorrow is my 30th birthday. Besides, I’m ever-so-curious about WHO actually reads this thing. (Hi mom!)
***
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By Rachel on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Awwww, he listened. Congrats!!
And, great speech, I will have to make a mental note of that one for my kids. Might work better than “do it or else”.
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By Debbie on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
But Jenny, you already know I read your blog. But just for you I’ll officially leave a comment.
I like the advice you gave CJ about trying new things. I think I’ll have to remember that when my new things seem too scary. Maybe that’s when they are the very best things.
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By Damsel on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
You’re a great mom!!!
Happy birthday!
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By Deb - Mom of 3 Girls on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
It’s great to know that they do actually hear what we say, at least every now and then… :)
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By Not the Queen on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Now that you know he’s listening, you’ll have to be very careful what you say around him.
Good job getting him into the pool!
Let us know what 30 is like. I’m scared of 30!
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By WorldsGreatestMommy on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Isn’t it nice when they listen?
Seriously, Happy Birthday! I’m glad so many others are joining in my the joy of my 30s.
And sorry for the lurking, but I promise I’ve been reading!
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By Momma TaderDoodles on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
It is awesome when they show you that they do listen to more than just the “stuff that should not be repeated”
YEAH to CJ for getting back in the pool! and YEAH to mom for being heard!
Happy Early Birthday! 30 is fun!!! I’ve been 30 for almost three years now!
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By Summer on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Our little guys sound very much alike.
Happy 30th!!
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By Mandie on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
That is so sweet! I can’t wait until my child shows signs of listening to me…
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By Midwest Mommy on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
You are too funny!
Happy Birthday!
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By Krista on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Me! I read! And I think you’re stinkin’ hilarious! Plus you’re just over the mountains from me which makes me feel like we’re neighbors. But I’m sorry I don’t have any Hot Mama’s Tips for you because well, I’m not!
But I hope you have an awesome birthday! Yikes, only 2 years until I’m there!
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By bananasDH on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
I’m so proud of both of you! Great Mom and Brave son. I need to take your pep talk to heart too, as you know…
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By Trenches of Mommyhood on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
I’m Sarah. And I’m a new(ish) reader. Not sure why I didn’t discover you sooner!
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By Ashley Smith on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Oh gotta love it, I bet you’re bursting with pride. I can’t wait till I get that reassurance from my daughter.
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By Faith on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
hey that’s great….and that he listened when you WANTED him to…mine always hear when I DON’T want them to. HAHA. anyways, happy birthday and I tried to comment before and couldn’t find the comment section. Maybe I was just out of it that day. =)
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By MamaFeelgood on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
I’m here and I’m delurking. My journals are all hidden so I’ll just let you know who I am.
http://www.myspace.com/vashtij9 or http://catndhat.livejournal.com/
I’m Jeannine. I’m 34 and I’m in NC. I don’t recall how I found you but I know it was around the time of blogher.
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By Chrissy on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
I don’t know if I’m a lurker or not, I read your blog every day, and I’m sure I’ve commented once or twice, but either way, happy 30th.
My son is equally petrified of new things, but then once he tries it, he loves it. Now if I could just get him to skip the drama, that would be something.
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By Kirsten on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
As a general rule I don’t care for mommyblogs, but you just have a way of writing that is a joy to read.
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By Chilihead2 on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
My son is very similar. HE has to look at the options, weight the consequences, think about it, and then decide.
I’m so glad CJ took the chance (with some awesome coaching from Mom).
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By Amy on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Happy Happy Birthday!
I read every day! I *heart* Absolutely Bananas!
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By Alisa on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
I read your blog all the time. I think you are great and have sent other people your way. I am also a SAHM with three little boys so I can totally relate to your posts….times 3. Keep it comin’!
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By Life As I Know It on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Aw, what a boy! Don’t you love it when they actually listen?
Our fist experience with indoor pool swimming lessons went so drastically bad, it was what started me blogging.
Glad your’s went well!
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By gabes_mom on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
My son is 3.5 ish, we are just beginning to glimpse signs that, yes, he does listen ….. occasionally. Every day is an adventure.
Great advice you gave, I hope when I am presented with a similar situation I’ll be 1/2 as clever!
And….I am new to your blog! I just subscribed a few days ago, and I am really enjoying it. Happy Birthday, I’ll be joining you in the land of the 30s in July.
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By Beth on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Happy Birthday young lady!!!
My middle son got an art farm several (3? 4?) years ago but I never did mail in that coupon for the ants….
I really enjoy your blog. :)
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By carrie on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Amazing, isn’t it? That they actually listen sometimes!
Have a wonderful birthday! :)
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By Heidi (minnesotamom.wordpress.com) on Jan 10, 2008 | Reply
Listening = big points.
I’m Heidi, a wife and mom from MN. And if it’s really Delurker Day, I’ve got to use this information to my advantage…
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By the rabbi's wife on Jan 11, 2008 | Reply
I’m a lurker, I’ll admit it. But I love reading your blog. just lately it’s been about holidays and such that I don’t know much about.
I also just discovered your PI blog. I saw your picture and thought, “Hey! That’s Bananas!” and read the whole thing.
So, yeah. I’m a fan.
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By Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck on Jan 11, 2008 | Reply
Damn, I missed de-lurker day. But I always comment here anyway, so you know who I am. :) Your boy needs to give my daughter some listening lessons–is he available? :)
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By Anonymous on Jan 11, 2008 | Reply
It is truly wonderful when you get the “aha-I am getting through” moment with your kids! I read everyday, and love your blog! Happy Birthday-30 isn’t so bad. In fact, it is so wonderful, I have been 30 for four years running!
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By Kimmylyn on Jan 11, 2008 | Reply
I heart this post.. seriously.. the part where the grinch’s heart grew three times was a great way to close it out!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
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By ktjrdn on Jan 11, 2008 | Reply
I wish that speech had worked on my kids for getting her face wet at her swimming lessons.
Hi, I read. although not yesterday. i came by today though, that has to count for somehting, right?
http://ktjrdn.typepad.com (I hate blogger)
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By Smiling Mom on Jan 11, 2008 | Reply
sounds like Mom-1 CJ-1 :-)
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By Mommy Daisy on Jan 11, 2008 | Reply
This is a great story.
Not really de-lurking…more just letting you know I’m still here.
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By monkeysandmarbles on Jan 15, 2008 | Reply
oh my gosh…my heart skipped a beat reading this, thinking about when i will be doing/going through the same thing with Zander and Logan…i’m excited…but i can already feel their fear! aaahhhh!
great job…both you for your speech, and C.J. for listening and really hearing what you said…and for having the courage to jump in!
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