This morning I am sitting at my computer when I hear a knock on the door.
rap rap rap
I sit up straight in my chair, immediately tense. This is Seattle, where friends and neighbors do not drop in uninvited. The only people who knock on doors are,
- Delivery people
- Axe murderers
- Solicitors
- Drunk homeless people asking for money
(this one is not made up, I promise. And not only is it for real, it happened to us at midnight. HELLO, we are NOT REWARDING THIS BEHAVIOR!)
rap rap rap
The person knocks again, louder this time.
I grab the phone and run into our bedroom, where the mystery knocker can’t see me, and call Jay at work. He answers and in an urgent, hushed voice I ask, “did you schedule anyone to come do a bid on the house or anything?”
“Um, no…”
“Ok. Well, someone is knocking at the door, so, you know, I just wanted to check.”
“Yeah, no, I didn’t.”
I add, “because they’re knocking in a sort of demanding way.”
Jay asks, “what does the person look like?”
Well obviously I don’t know. “I’m in HIDING!” I inform him (although really, he should know that) “How would I know what they look like? If I look at them, they might SEE me!”
“Riiiiiight.” Through the phone line I can practically hear Jay rolling his eyes.
Well fine. He may not be afraid of solicitors, not to mention AXE MURDERERS, but I am.
So I stay hidden until the knocking subside and the SCARY KNOCKER goes away. Then, very carefully and only after peering through the window to ensure that the porch is empty, I slowly open the front door.
There on my door mat is a package.
It was the mailman!
Whew. I wipe my brow in relief.
I’ve survived another day.
Yep, it’s all adventure and intrigue up here in Seattle.
***
Don’t forget to get your tips ready for Hot Mamas Know on Monday, Jan 7!
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xo Jen
January 4, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I’m the same way, except it’s when I hear tires on the gravel in our driveway. And then I also tense because I have an idiot dog who likes to act like he’s going to kill visitors, even though he’s really just a big lump o’ love. And the barking usually wakes at least one kid, if not both and … tires on gravel is a bad sound in my house. Except today when it might herald the arrival of the software I ordered. :)
January 4, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Once again the blogosphere has provided me with more validation that I am not the only paranoid scaredy cat out there!
I do exactly.the.same.thing!
January 4, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Jenn,
You should move over here! Less stress. Knocking is usually the Jehovah witnesses, and that’s about it.
January 4, 2008 at 1:46 pm
We just moved to a new house and guess what??
Our doorbell doesn’t work!
And…
We haven’t shoveled the 3 feet of snow that is covering the walkway to the front door!
So even if someone could get to the door, they’d be ringing a silent doorbell.
Ignorance is bliss?
January 4, 2008 at 1:54 pm
That is hilarious! I’m surprised you didn’t call the bomb squad to inspect the package!
January 4, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Ha ha ha ha ha. I do this. And I make the kids freeze so that whoever is out there will not know we’re inside cowering. “Don’t move. Silence.” And they get all freaked out because WHO COULD BE OUT THERE. Oh, right, the neighbor with Christmas cookies. Scary stuff.
January 4, 2008 at 2:31 pm
My area was voted the safest metropolitan area in the country so I don’t fear intruders.
If my house is messy and I don’t know you? You can just keep knocking, yo.
January 4, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I’m the same way about phone calls late at night! They scare me like I’m in some big horror movie. But unfortunately my phone number is very similar to a night club in our area, so I’ve had to live with it.
January 4, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Heehee, mailmen CAN be scary sometimes. They have that wild ” I’ve been delivering mail for 35 years in the rain” look.
January 4, 2008 at 3:32 pm
you guys are totally cracking up with your comments on this one!
January 4, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I am the same way! My husband thinks I am nutso! But I don’t trust anyone.
January 4, 2008 at 4:05 pm
We also had a midnight knocker (only he was also jiggling the door knob and yelling at us to let him in!!!), so I can totally relate to your fears…in the day, I don’t usually open up for anyone but UPS and Mormons. :)
January 4, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I live in one of those 3 story townhouses. I once heard a very sharp and unexpected RAP RAP RAP which, you know, completely freaked me out. I left the baby in the crib and brought a steak knife with me to the door. It was the mailman. Who just wanted to make sure a certain package was for me. I felt SO BAD.
January 4, 2008 at 4:24 pm
You sound like me. If I hear someone knock on the door it takes everything I have not to grab my kids and go hide in the shower. There’s no good reason why I’m so paranoid but on the other hand, there’s no good reason not to be either.
January 4, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Don’t feel bad. That is so something I would do, and I live in the friendly South.
January 4, 2008 at 5:45 pm
My kids go running to the door to see who it is. I’ve taught them they can’t open it at least, but that was only after my 6 year old opened it to a complete stranger. Good thing we live in a pretty rural area.
Glad you survived the mail attack. It was probably a smart move on your part, you know, those mail men can go postal!
January 4, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I am the same way if I am home alone and I have trained my children to go downstairs so the “evil” visitor does not see or more importantly, hear them. It is probably not good that I am teaching my children to be as crazy…I mean safe…as me.
January 4, 2008 at 7:27 pm
I’m so so glad you posted this, because I do the same thing, and even have the boys trained to be really quiet and hide in my room, I lay on the floor in my room and use a mirrow to look out the bottom of my window to see whos on the porch.
I feel a hair less crazy reading this, or at least not alone.
January 4, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Oh totally feel you, except that I don’t live in Seattle. Whenever someone comes to my door I’m on guard. Trying to sell me cleaner or Church? I’ll show you, sucker. Oh well, better to be safe than sorry, right?
January 4, 2008 at 9:01 pm
ppens .. you always get what you never expect from your life . This is really a well written post !
January 4, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I tell the kids to be quiet, until I’ve identified the source of the knocking and deemed it safe or not (in the case of bible thumpers or solicitors or, I guess axe murderers).
January 4, 2008 at 9:54 pm
ok I know what you mean being from seattle and all. we helped this guy out a YEAR ago and he still comes back every now and again and really late at night all doped up on drugs. it is creepy so I’m with ya sista so i’m a little bit paranoid about it as a result because if we don’t help him out he gets a bit agro and it scares me..
January 4, 2008 at 11:23 pm
LOL. I get pretty paranoid too…except I live in North Hollywood, so polite rapists are up on that list too…
January 4, 2008 at 11:42 pm
haha. I love that I am not the only paranoid person on this planet as far as answering the door goes. :)
January 4, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Oh my goodness, I did the SAME thing tonight!! I do the same thing every day, actually…
I was hoping I’d abandon the behavior when we finally moved closer to Seattle, I don’t know why. I guess I’ll still always be scared of homocidal maniacs. *sigh*
January 5, 2008 at 11:31 am
They always catch me when I’m looking my best: Bedhead. No bra. Right out of the shower. Elbows deep in Tilex.
If it’s my day to go, I don’t want to leave looking at my yellow rubber gloves with bedhead.
January 5, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Heh I love surprise drop-ins. As a criminal lawyer I like to think I can smell BS a mile away. Most of the time we have nothing to fear but fear itself.
January 5, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Your safe once more, as long as the package wasn’t ticking….
;)
Just kidding. Wow, to be too scared to answer your own front door… what has become of the world??? Gladly I have never had a problem with this; we keep our door unlocked during the day and don’t think twice about answering it….
January 5, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Oh dear, have a cup of tea and calm yourself.
January 6, 2008 at 8:12 am
It’s the same thing here in Houston. Nothing good comes from a door knock without a warning call first.
January 6, 2008 at 10:23 am
Haha I’m the same way, especially if it’s 3pm and I’m still in my pj’s.. I have my dog stuck in the backroom hallway and I never let her out in the living room but when someone is knocking I let her out and let her bark her head off.. At least I’m not the only one =)
January 7, 2008 at 12:22 am
Oh, I never answer the door if I’m not expecting anyone. Never, never, never. I actually got home the other night about 11:30pm and before I went to bed and turned off all the lights someone knocked on the door! At 11:30pm!! WTF!? I did NOT check to see who it was, I just sat very quietly until they went away. shudder. It is NOT paranoid, it’s smart.
January 7, 2008 at 2:52 pm
It is always nice to find out that I am not as crazy as I think. I do this EVERY time someone knocks on the door!
January 9, 2008 at 11:23 am
Oh I’m exactly the same way. This is hysterical.