Bananas gone bad and other nonsensical topics

Never mind that I had 101 topics at the tip of my tongue last time I was in the car. Or that I lay in bed awake last night thinking of THE ABSOLUTELY BEST AND MOST PERFECT POST EVER.

Ideas vanish like snowflakes in the warm glow of my computer screen and I am left with a big fat nothing.

This is why I love Google Analytics. After several minutes of desperately tapping my fingers on the keys and hoping that something will come, I start to find other ways to entertain myself. And what better than to explore the wild and wondrous ways that internet surfers happen onto this blog.

Giggle with me, won’t you…

I “heart” lard
Dude, who doesn’t?

how does gas-x work?
I’ll try to put this in plain language that we all can understand. See, first you have gas… and then you don’t. Pretty slick, really.

i want my head on someone else’s body
hmm. Sounds like a personal problem.

hot to photoshop your face
first you’ll want to learn hot to spell.

i don’t care i don’t even like jelly
I think this would be a great name for a band. Or a blog. It is sort of a weird search term though, don’t you think?

i trashed my living room with mud
CJ? is that you?

i will brush my teeth in just a few min. ok mom?
ok, sweetie.

i want to be a tollbooth attendant
a person’s gotta have dreams. Dream on, little one, dream on.

can i send an ambulance to someone’s house anonymously?
I sooo want to hear the story behind this one.

robot facial massager
hmph. Sounds sort of terrifying, actually.

air mattress blogs
interesting. I’ve never considered this an air mattress blog… but then it is awfully full of hot air and on the puffy bouncy side. This could be a whole new genre for me!

do ants like milk?
seriously? you’re googling this? GO TO BED!

Something I’ve learned since starting this blog is that a lot of people with some REALLY weird questions regarding bananas… questions that manifest in their google searches. Take these, for instance.

bananas for cleaning teeth
ewww!!! I don’t even want to know how your breath smells!

bananas gone bad that have red inside
throw them away. RIGHT NOW.

i wonder what gases turn bananas bad
From this day forward I’m going to start all my google searches with “i wonder.”

jealous bananas

ferocious bananas
I’m guessing this and “jealous bananas” fall into the BANANAS GONE BAD category that we saw just a bit earlier…

Then there’s your typical Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus marital type issues. I mean, who DOESN’T look for the answers to these questions on google?

my child is always falling off the couch while my wife is home
have you considered a nanny cam? or a new wife? or a japanese-style cushion-on-the-floor couch? or having your child wear a helmet?

stressed because husband never helps with housework
welcome to the club, ma’am, welcome to the club.

“ice cold feet” + “husband”
“kick him”

best wife award html code
aww, honey, you shouldn’t have!

And finally there’s the question of the ages. The one that EVERYBODY wants to know.

ARE BANANAS FATTENING???

You tell me.

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Don’t forget that this Friday (Feb 1st) is Hot Mamas Know time! I want your tips. I need your tips. Bring me your tips!!

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