This is an abridged but horrifyingly TRUE transcript of the conversation that took place inside our car as we drove home from grandpa and grandma’s house on Dec 26th.
CJ: (at the top of his lungs) POOPY BUTT!
Me: CJ! We don’t say that.
CJ: POOPY BUTT POOPY BUTT POOPY BUTT POOPY BUTT!
Me: CJ! Stop!
CJ is silent for a few seconds. Then,
CJ: Mommy?
Me: What, CJ?
CJ: POOPY BUTT! (he laughs maniacally)
I roll my eyes at Jay and then turn around with my MOST stern expression.
Me: CJ, if I hear you say that ONE MORE TIME I will take away ALL your presents.
Silence.
CJ: Mommy?
Me: What?
CJ: What are LIGHTS made of?
Me: Filaments.
CJ: What are HOUSES made of?
Me: Umm, wood and stuff.
CJ: What is POOP made of?
Me: (weary sigh) Yuckiness.
CJ: OHHHH, Yuckiness, right. Hee hee (he giggles)
CJ: Mommy?
Me: What?
CJ: Do you know the DOE song?
Me: No…
CJ: It goes like this, DOE DEE DOE DEE DOE. Do you know that song?
Me: No, I haven’t heard it before.
CJ: Well I have.
Me: You mean, like you heard it in your head?
CJ: In my BRAIN.
Me: Right.
CJ: MY POOPY BRAIN.
Me: CJ!!!!!
CJ: I say that because it has a LINE. Like a BUTT.
I throw my hands over my eyes in despair and pretend that I didn’t hear him.
Me: Jay?
Jay: What?
Me: Are we there yet?
Silence…
CJ: Tree…poop.
CJ: House…poop.
CJ: Car…poop.
CJ: Mommy…poop.
Me: CJ STOP IT RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!
Oh how I wish it ended there. I’ll spare you the rest of the details. Let’s just say there was a whole lot more POOP and BUTT than I’d care to hear for the rest of my days.
I’ll start the parenting thing over next week. For now I’m too weary to compete with the sugar-and-presents-and-excitement-and-never-sleeping-until-dog-tired buzz.
How are you surviving the holiday aftermath?
***
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xo Jen
December 28, 2007 at 1:20 am
Coming off the sugar high, he most certainly was.
Oddly, no better over here — and the kids have already lost the wrist strap to the Wii, they blame the dog. Yeah, sure, the dog ate it.
I’m dealing with the aftermath by sending them east of the mountains with their father for a few days of boy time (and they’re bringing our puppy).
Cheers!
December 28, 2007 at 4:37 am
I can feel your pain! I have two girls who think “poop” and “butt” are the best topics of conversation!
They even do the whole “tree poop”, “car poop” etc… usually followed by “head”… as in “you a big tree boky tiki poopy butt head”…. (love that “own language they have going on)…
I’ve hidden all the m&m’s and cookies… It’s going to be broccoli and chicken for the next week!
December 28, 2007 at 8:24 am
Wow, were you ready to follow through on that threat to take the toys away? Ouch. That would’ve been hard to pull off.
My kids are fascinated with the poop words too. Their sense of humor just isn’t as sophisticated as ours yet.
I mean, LOLcat. That’s lofty stuff. :)
Angie (www.AllAdither.com)
December 28, 2007 at 9:01 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!
oh, sorry, let me pick myself up off the floor.
That is just hilarious. You know if you had another kid for CJ to torture, you would say, “just ignore him, dear.” Time to follow your own advice. :)
December 28, 2007 at 9:14 am
My first holiday without kids in my home, and I’m more exhausted and overextended than I’ve ever been. 2 more evenings of holiday obligations, and that will be 8 out of the last 9 that I’ve traveled, or not been home.
New Years Eve? Lord no, it’s pjs and tv for me.
Oh, and one more thing:
POOPY BUTT!
December 28, 2007 at 9:39 am
This reminds me of my favorite joke when I was a kid. I’m sure CJ would appreciate it:
It’s the first day of Kindergarten and the new teacher is trying to learn her students’ names. She comes to a fiesty girl in the front row.
Teacher: What’s your name, sweetie?
Girl: HAPPY BUTT!
Teacher: Excuse me??
Girl: HAPPY BUTT!
Teacher (looking at her seating chart): It says here that your name is Gladys.
Girl: That’s right. GLAD ASS, HAPPY BUTT . . . same thing!
OK, so maybe it’s not appropriate for your kid, but it sure made me laugh when I was in school. :-)
December 28, 2007 at 9:56 am
My Kid’s teacher said they are ALL talking that way at school. Nice. Lately, we’ve been too busy being a princess to have potty mouth, too! Christmas was all about princess stuff. Ugh. Sometimes I prefer poop.
December 28, 2007 at 11:57 am
Ummm, yes… my brother and I still have conversations like this to drive my mom bonkers at the dinner table or in the car. Of course we are 25 and 28. Nothing like saying poop to bring a smile to a mom’s face. But down to business, I’m here on behalf of the NY Kids Club. They have locations throughout Manhattan and gear their programs towards enriching children’s creativity by keeping kids minds and bodies active. I mean, I don’t know how much more creative you can get than saying that your brain is poopy because it has a line in it but I know it’s fun to find new activities to share with your kids. Let me know if you’d like any information about the clubs offerings you can check it out at: http://www.nykidsclub.com. Thanks for the laughs!
December 28, 2007 at 12:33 pm
I am surviving with alcohol and pills.
December 28, 2007 at 1:06 pm
At least there wasn’t actually any poop on his person (I thought that’s where the story was going ;) THAT would have been baaaaaad . . .
December 28, 2007 at 1:22 pm
OMG we must get CJ & my son B together at once.
Must be the age…
Any change B gets he says poop, butt, eyeball, poopy butt, poopy eyeball…well uh you get the gist.
December 28, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Before I had children, I always said no child of mine would ever use bathroom humor, or pick their nose, or think burping was funny.
Yeeeeeeeeah.
December 28, 2007 at 2:27 pm
What in the poop is that kid talking about?? Poop. I am poopily not suffering from too much holiday poop aftermath. Whew! Poop.
December 28, 2007 at 5:03 pm
And, how long was this car trip?
December 28, 2007 at 10:19 pm
In the house of men -POOP is used as anoun, verb & adjective. I’ve given up.
When the boys ask what’s for dinner, “Poopy Sandwiches!”
Sounds like he will have a successful career as a blogger with that sense of humor.
Do not, repeat do not, give him access to photoshop! ;)
Love to ya, Alli
December 28, 2007 at 10:53 pm
My kids are teens now. In our experience the poopy thing was just a stage. The less I paid attention, the quicker we got through the parts I didn’t like so much.
Potty humor does go away eventually. Or at least they get a little more sophisticated about it!
I wouldn’t make a big deal about it (for your own sanity!)
December 29, 2007 at 9:22 am
When I was in first grade, way back a VERY LONG TIME AGO, there was a little boy that for some reasons liked to say as if he were a game show host announcer, “Ladies and Poop Gentlemen”.
Well guess what, that has stuck with me and I am 48 years old. I made the mistake of sharing this little tidbit of information with my husband. I am not married to a 6 year old, but my husband insists on saying this phrase, randomly. The only good thing..it’s not at the top of his voice.
December 30, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Oh, dear.
After three children I still shudder at ALL things excrement. (I can’t even SAY the “P” word.)
In fact, I just prefer to pretend it doesn’t exist and that it is all a vast right-wing conspiracy.
December 30, 2007 at 9:18 pm
ROFLMAO – this is so my son right now. I hate poop, poopie, pee, and peas – with the obligatory add-on: the vegetable! in conversations right now….