Last week I took CJ to see Santa.
Since this was my first taking-a-small-child-to-see-Santa-Claus experience, I wasn’t sure what I’d be in for.
I mean, obviously there’s the lap-sitting… and the whispering in his ear what you deeply desire… and the picture taking.
What I didn’t expect was the crying. And screaming. And the hiccuping teary-eyed fearfulness.
We get to Santa’s “house” in our local open-air mall only to find a little sign out front that reads “Santa feeds his reindeer from 2 to 3pm”.
So we wait. And wait. And WAIT.
And FINALLY Santa shows up (in a minivan, disappointingly enough).
By this time a line has formed behind us filled with little children in their holiday best. At the sight of Mr. Claus in his red-suited wonder, the little children’s eyes grow large. Their mouths fall open. They clamor and climb their parents in a desperate attempt to ESCAPE this gigantic red man.
It seems that Santa scares the living daylights out of all the little children.
I start to wonder if this was really such a good idea after all.
“MOMMY!” CJ whispers (he has scaled me like a seasoned climber and is hanging off my front with his head buried in my shoulder). “MOMMY I DON’T WANT TO GO IN THERE!”
I look around nervously, unsure what to do.
If I give in too fast, CJ will change his mind and we’ll have to re-enter the line at the END.
If I force him inside against his will, surely I’m a MEAN and VERY BAD mother.
Oh, the moral dilemmas that are thrust upon a poor parent at this time of year!
The elf lady is beckoning for us to come inside. The people behind are waiting not-so-patiently for us to get a move on.
Oh the PRESSURE!
“Let’s just go inside the little house, CJ. If you don’t like it we can leave.”
A young mother behind me is fed up with the three seconds of waiting that we’ve put her through. “Excuse me,” she says with some urgency, “I need to get my baby IN OUT OF THE COLD.”
Riiiiiight.
So I gesture for her to go ahead, and CJ and I step in behind her. Well, to be quite honest, I step in, sort of dragging a reluctant CJ.
The other woman holds her baby out to Santa…
…and the baby SCREEEEEEAMS a scream of sheer and utter terror.
This is when Santa chooses to speak.
(A VERY bad idea.)
Santa talks in a creepy, sing-song voice with an accent that I’m SURE I’ve never heard before, but that send shivers up my spine. NOT in a good way.
They couldn’t have gotten a regular jolly old guy for $20 a picture? Come ON!
Still I hang onto that last vestige of hope that CJ will somehow turn a corner and ENJOY this experience.
Irrational, yes, but a quitter I AM NOT!
CJ looks at me with wild eyes. “Mommy, let’s GO!” he hisses.
“But CJ,” I say, “Don’t you want to tell Santa what you want for Christmas?”
I’m not sure if he hears me over the screaming.
“I DO NOT WANT TO SEE SANTA!” he tells me.
But he can’t really mean it… surely he’s just nervous. Once he gets over there, once the process gets started, he’ll be GLAD he’s here.
And so I drag CJ over to Santa, while he clings desperately to my leg.
I try to pry CJ off and Santa holds out a candy cane.
Um, no. Nice gesture, but that is SO not happening.
So Santa says (in his totally creepy voice), “Maybe it would help if mommy sits on my lap first?”
I give him a look of thinly-disguised horror.
Seriously? ME sit in his lap?
Not a CHANCE, fat man.
Somehow we escape that place without tears and WITH a fairly crappy $20 picture that I will not be displaying with pride.
As we leave, the next children in line are starting up with the crying and fearfulness. “Noooo mommy, I don’t WANT to sit on his lap!”
Can you FEEL the holiday joy?
And now, after all is said and done, I just HAVE to ask,
WHAT is the point of this tradition?
The pictures are NOT cute!
The process is NOT fun!
It’s expensive!
You have to wait in LINE! In the cold! With obnoxious and impatient other people! In a MALL!
I am hereby banning our family from visits to Santa Claus, from now and into perpetuity. It’s just stupid.
(Which means we’ll probably go again next year.)
I guess the fat man usually gets the last laugh, doesn’t he?
HO HO HO.
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xo Jen
December 13, 2007 at 11:13 pm
Yeah I can’t understand the whole pictures with Santa thing either. We never did it as kids and frankly most of the kids I see with Santa looked freaked out. Skip it and take ‘em out to breakfast instead I say.
December 14, 2007 at 12:55 am
We’ve decided not to do Santa pictures, thinking it would alleviate a lot of tearful screaming, among other things.
That is not the case.
My son sees a red hat and goes berserk. :/ Jolly old men can’t help but want to talk to curly haired babies, I guess. I don’t think Caesar will ever recover fully.
December 14, 2007 at 2:30 am
Miss M is a bit wary of Santa. We’re going to take E and M this weekend.
I’m a bit scared…
Do you still do the sitting on Santa’s knee thing there?
They don’t do it over here now, you normally sit on a chair next to him and he puts his arm around you.
That might help as sitting on strange mens knees is just weird. I try not to do it too often. ;D
December 14, 2007 at 6:28 am
The pic did come out cute. He looks so grown up!
I usually check out several surrounding malls in the area until I find a Santa I am comfortable with. We usually drive 45 minutes away even though there is a Santa 5 minutes from our house because the other mall always has THE best Santa!
December 14, 2007 at 6:58 am
I took Tyler to visit Santa his first Christmas, but only because we were in PA visiting Grammy and Grampy. We haven’t gone since. I had a thought the other day that I should probably take Emily this year (its her second Christmas, but she was born only 4 days before last Christmas)… but I probably won’t. Never really understood it either.
Thanks for the giggle this morning!
Oh… the picture isn’t THAT bad!
December 14, 2007 at 7:14 am
You know this year was the first time the kids enjoyed their visit to Santa. They went right up to him and sat on his lap and wouldn’t stop talking about what they wanted.
And then the picture with all three of them and Santa is the best picture I’ve gotten of all 3 kids together in a while.
Maybe next year CJ won’t be so terrified.
December 14, 2007 at 7:20 am
LOL, it sounds like your local Santa was a candidate to get including in this gallery:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/entertainment/holiday/sfl-scaredofsanta-ugc,0,7181908.ugcphotogallery
December 14, 2007 at 7:23 am
I HATED sitting in Santa’s lap as a child. HATED. IT. So I totally understand the crying on the kids part.
December 14, 2007 at 7:43 am
We go to see Santa, we always go. If I could make my 19 year old still go I would. Some years there is terror and tears, and some years they are really excited and tell him all their wishes and it’s just wonderful. Shark loved it last year and I think he will this year too.
But oh the crying, the lines, the cost of the snapshot! Yes, Christmas misery is part of the process.
December 14, 2007 at 7:44 am
It does get better as the kids get older, I’ve noticed. My older girls couldn’t wait to see Santa this year and tell him what they wanted for Christmas. My youngest was still terrified though and we got a quick picture of Daddy holding her somewhat near Santa while she was desperately trying to squirm away.
Give it a year or two, and he’ll probably be begging you to wait in the horrendous line… :)
December 14, 2007 at 8:17 am
I think the kids need to be at least 3 or 4 to enjoy the idea of a real, tangible Santa at all.
Angie
(www.AllAdither.com)
December 14, 2007 at 8:32 am
Yeah, we avoid the mall Santas like the plague.
Instead, we attend an annual holiday party hosted by friends of ours. One of his Hubby’s buddies dresses up as Santa, comes in with a big sack of gifts (we all bring wrapped gifts for our own child) and calls the children up one by one to sit on his lap. It’s very cute. And so not stressful.
December 14, 2007 at 8:45 am
My son used to LOVE going to see Santa until one year when my grandma convinced us to come to this local VFW holiday brunch she was helping with. Santa was drunk at 11:00 in the morning and he kept falling asleep. During his brief periods of lucidity he would wander around complaining that he wanted a smoke and them grab sausage patties off the steam table with his bare hands. Every so often he would shout out “HO HO HO!” and scare the bejesus out of everyone in the room. Yes, my son used to love visiting Santa but now none of us do. VFW Santa killed the magic for us all.
Oh, and the picture of CJ turned out cute I think!
And my word verification word is “vygyn”. I think that’s what the cool kids are calling vaginas these days.
December 14, 2007 at 9:26 am
We used to go to Frederick and Nelson’s downtown the day after Thanksgiving. We waited outside in the cold for at least two hours. Kids were screaming, parents were yelling, the homeless were panhandling, or peeing off the curb.
Ahh! Good memories!
December 14, 2007 at 10:00 am
I could never get any of my boys to sit with Santa. We tried once or twice with each of them and they were just too creeped out by the whole thing. Now, the Easter Bunny suit that my mother-in-law rented a few years and forced my brother-in-law to wear was a complete hit. I guess giant bunnies aren’t a threat. Who knew?
December 14, 2007 at 10:41 am
I don’t get it either, but damn if I don’t take my kids every year.
December 14, 2007 at 1:46 pm
OMG, that brings back memories. All my younguns had a tough time the first time they saw Santa (well, not as infants, but once they were old enough to know better).
Now, though, they get right down to business. And we don’t bother with the crappy, overpriced photo packages. This year, I just used my camera phone.
Hope CJ won’t give up on the big guy.
December 14, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Still working out my Santa’s lap story in therapy…….Never have taken the bigs or the littles to see Santa. They would probably scream at the top of their lungs that, “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SANTA!” They would ruin all of the other kidlings terrifying time.
December 14, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Oh my gosh. That was funny! We visit tomorrow. BC will talk Santa’s ear off, and eClaire will scream with terror, as she did last year and will, I’m sure for years to come.
I look at these pictures as great ammo for when the first boyfriend comes around!
Smiling Mom
December 14, 2007 at 10:57 pm
we have decided that we won’t be even entertaining the thought of the whole Santa-photo thing until the boys are older….much older! and even then, we’ll ask and see if they want to do it. i used to think it was a cute idea, but then i started hearing all the horror stories. my kids are traumatized enough! ;-)
December 15, 2007 at 7:45 am
Is that the picture?? It is not bad at all. What a cute kid! I have seen so much worse of children who are obviously terrified!! At least CJ plays the part well. Maybe he’ll be an actor?? I know this situation all too well, though. My kids have all been frightened of Santa at one time or another! Good thing you didn’t sit on his lap….what a perv!
December 15, 2007 at 10:53 am
Oh…my son is TERRIFIED of Santa. Even if we mention him he gets nervous and looks around like he’s going to jump out from behind the curtains. SO, I’ve also decided we’re skipping this tradition. I’m not even going to TRY to take him this year because it’s not worth the torture. I don’t want to ruin it forever!
The baby, however, doesn’t even know better, so you KNOW I’ll have his little butt all bundled up and sitting on Creepy Santa’s lap next week. Until he’s old enough to know better!
December 15, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Yeah, that about sums it up.
I swear, my mom puts our Santa pictures out every year, and every year my poor brother relives – through the photos – his fear of Santa Claus. It is so sad.
December 15, 2007 at 11:04 pm
I so needed that laugh tonight! Very funny post.
I’m writing about the horror of Santa tomorrow — my 2-year-old apparently share’s your son’s qualms.
December 16, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Over fourty years ago, and I still remember it like it was yestarday. Fat, creepy guy I was supposed to sit on for some strange reason, and all I wanted to do was get away QUICK! The first of many things I learned not to like about Christmas. Yup, it should be banned.
December 16, 2007 at 6:14 pm
OOOHHHH…not a good day. I stopped going to the mall a while back. Santa comes to our house on the firetruck now!! It’s easier for the kids, cause they can hide under the table.
December 16, 2007 at 8:11 pm
I’d say from the pic you should consider yourself very lucky : )
That Santa is very scary.
December 18, 2007 at 7:49 pm
My kids are terrified of Santa anyway – the whole, coming into the house in the middle of the night and eating our snacks – THING has pretty much soured them on Mr. Claus. So we’ve never tried the picture thingie. I try not to make them scream more than they already do.
Loved the post.
December 19, 2007 at 8:52 am
My son doesn’t like to talk to or go near Santa either. He doesn’t mind looking at him from a distance; however, NO WAY can we go anywhere near him! My son’s explanation is, “mommy, I’m shy”. I didn’t even attempt the pictures this year. I think it is more disappointing for me than it ever will be for him.
December 20, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Are you serious? The Santa asked you to sit in his lap? I think that’s harassment, and I’d report it if I were you. But then, I’m something of a jerk. I’m actually wondering where you went, and where I want to avoid, and I’d ask (except that my kids don’t do Santa, so it’s not necessary for my own wellbeing).