One day last week I picked CJ up from preschool and decided to do something different. So we headed for a local park that we rarely visit. It doesn’t have a playground, but it DOES have a vast amount of hilly, wooded forest perfect for romping.
I parked the car and we got out and pulled on our coats. It was the quintessential Fall day… cool, crisp, with a beautiful blue sky framed by vividly colored trees.
There was only one other car in the lot. The park was empty… ours for the roaming.
We hiked through the trees, the brittle leaves crunching beneath our feet.
CJ picked up a long gnarled stick for him, and a stout shorter one for me. “Mommy, we’re looking for WOLVES.” he told me.
There! By that tree!Stop… do you hear that?
Behind us!
It was a glorious afternoon. The setting couldn’t have been more perfect for our imaginations to go wild.
Perhaps that is why, as we tromped through our forested playground, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy.
It was too empty.
Too forested.
Too removed from the rest of the city.
Who was the driver of that other car in the parking lot? That old, rusted, decrepit car?
Where was the driver of that other car in the parking lot? That sort of creepy, suspicious looking car?
CJ was still looking for wolves. But I had begun keeping an eye out for beasts of a different and much SCARIER sort.
CJ was having the time of his life. But I was looking at my watch, trying to think of an excuse to leave so soon after having arrived.
Suddenly the beauty of the forest seemed less joyful, more sinister. The colors too bright, the shadows too long, the woods too deserted.
The stories that I’ve heard in the news fill my mind.
“They were alone in a local park when…”
“It was broad daylight but no one was around…”
If we were to meet someone here, someone with sinister intentions, what would we do? There’s no one around to hear us. No one to see us. No one to rescue us.
My heart started racing. I walked quickly, looking all around… ahead, behind.
In front of us was a clearing with a circle of picnic tables. Atop the nearest table sat a man in a beige coat. Just sitting… staring.
Panic began to settle in. I grabbed CJ’s hand and tried to keep my voice steady.
“CJ, come on! Come with me!” I pulled him in the direction of the car.
“No mommy, the wolves are this way.” CJ pulled his hand from mine and started back in the other direction!
“NO! This WAY!” my voice cracked as I frantically pulled at CJ’s arm.
Five minutes later we drove away from the beautiful, empty park. Me, happy to be safe in my car. CJ, decidedly less happy.
A beautiful afternoon, ruined.
As I drove away, I couldn’t help but wonder. Was it irrational of me to leave?
Not having stayed, I suppose I’ll never know.
A few days later, I was sitting in the kitchen (CJ safely away at preschool), when I heard a knock on the door.
I wasn’t expecting anyone so I decided not to answer it.
But the knocking continued, and got more… aggressive.
That’s strange, I thought, maybe it’s one of the neighbors.
So I tip-toed into the living room to peek out the window at whoever was, by this time, POUNDING on my door. It was a large man in a flannel jacket wearing ear muffs and holding some raggedy papers. I definitely did NOT know him.
I ducked out of the living room as the pounding continued, and proceeded to race through the house checking door locks as the pounding created a rhythm for my frantic pace.
Finally, after about 5 minutes, it stopped.
My heart had picked up the pounding where the man left off, and I found I couldn’t sit still. I was nervous to go into the living room. Afraid in my own home.
I really need a dog, I thought, something big and fierce.
But another voice inside my head was telling me that what I REALLY needed was to grow a spine.
What did this man so urgently want from me? Likely it was innocent… political support, a magazine subscription… but there’s always that what if that lurks in the back of my head.
I hate the way the media bombards us with the tragic stories that happen to the few. Reading them, we start to believe that they are common-place… That the world is filled with bad, evil, creeping people who are waiting in the shadows for a moment when we’re alone when they will get us.
My comfort zone seems to be shrinking. Everything seems fraught with risk and hidden danger.
The world feels big and scary.
Am I being prudent? Cautious? Carefully and wisely avoiding risk?
Or am I living in fear of shadows?
***
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November 9, 2007 at 10:07 am
What a beautiful description of such a powerful parental fear! I don’t have any good answers – just empathy. I always struggle with how to keep safe, yet stay rational, all the while raising children who are street smart but not terrified of the world around them.
What a follow up to lip gloss!
November 9, 2007 at 10:18 am
I feel you did the right thing in both situations. It’s better to be alert of your surroundings than oblivious to the possibility of danger. So don’t be too hard on yourself, we all feel like that from time to time. I was held at gunpoint while walking down a street by a man who said he was going to throw me over the bridge and into the water below. I just dropped my purse and ran (fearing the whole time that I might get shot in the back), but luckily he disappered. Always better safe than sorry.
November 9, 2007 at 10:44 am
Well Ya-Ya, it’s hard to say. We have to trust that inner guidance that KNOWS when something is off.
But then, it’s hard to know when it’s inner guidance/gut/whatever talking to us or outside fears, such as ones we learn from the sorry excuse they all News now.
I’ve totally stopped watching the news because I’m tired of being scared by them. And I’ve been able to trust my gut more than I did in the past.
November 9, 2007 at 11:33 am
I am the same way. Hubby doesn’t understand why I won’t answer the door when I am home alone unless I know someone is coming. I just don’t trust anyone anymore. If I need a repair man or cable guy I tell my husband that if he doesn’t hear from me after an or so he should be worried. I would have done the same thing in the park. I am glad you didn’t stick around to see what would have happened.
November 9, 2007 at 11:38 am
Always, always trust your gut.
I never answer the door unless I’m expecting someone (and no that has nothing to do with the frequency with which door knockers might find me in my pjs at midday!)
I’ve been in a playground and had that same eerie feeling – and hightailed it out of there when a jogger on her cell phone was calling in a report about some guy around the corner jerking off on the hood of his truck.
Weirdo’s are everywhere – and you do right to protect yourself and your baby from them.
November 9, 2007 at 11:39 am
That of course should read ‘weirdos’ – sorry – brain not engaged after a morning helping out at preschool – I think it numbed my mind completely ha ha!
November 9, 2007 at 11:40 am
I’ve stopped watching the news too. It’s never good. It scares me and makes me paranoid or it’s too heartbreaking.
I’ve done this kind of thing before, just as you describe. I’d love to take Shark hiking once in a while after school, but the thought of being alone with the kids in the woods of our very safe park creeps me out.
November 9, 2007 at 11:46 am
I have the same attitude as you, and I would have done the exact same thing in both situations.
Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer for you because I’m also struggling to find a balance between being cautious while not missing out on life.
OK, maybe the answer is mace. Take it with you wherever you go?
November 9, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I feel like this too. I would have done the same things in those situations.
You just can’t be too carfeul.
November 9, 2007 at 12:42 pm
I say always trust your instincts. My sister and I once abruptly quit a hike after bumping into a man on the trail who just seemed … off.
Took us about 30 seconds to make that unspoken decision.
And if I’d had my kids with me, I’d have made that same decision in only 15.
November 9, 2007 at 12:44 pm
I’m sure I tend to be over-trusting. People are, for the most part, good and just wanting to go on with their lives like the rest of us, I figure. But that sure could get me into trouble some day. Stories like yours make me want to let my DH get the concealed carry permit he so desires. Easier to enjoy your hike when you know you have some recourse against the Big Scary Dude.
I also think there is something to be said for living in an apartment – buzzer entry, and NOT seeing how scary the guy beating at the door looks before finding out what it is he wants. :\
Take some deep breaths, and maybe a self-defense course or two.
November 9, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Cautious. You are being cautious and I am the same way. Alone in a park is creepy. I don’t answer the door for unknown men.
You’re normal.
November 9, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Was it Discovery Park? If so, I’m glad you left. That place can be a freaky. And I’ve heard stories about weirdos hanging out in there.
As for the knock on the door, I am also a paranoid freak. We’ve had several daytime break-ins in our neighborhood and I lock my door at all times now. Better safe than sorry is my motto.
November 9, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Go with your gut. I’d rather be a scaredy cat and play it safe than brave and dead or worse. I left a fabulous, huge, new park just last week because the only people there were the men cleaning up the grounds who I pegged for Work Release prisoners. Sorry, but when it comes to my kids’ safety, I DO judge a book by its cover.
November 9, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Nothing wrong with a little healthy paranoia… I say..
November 9, 2007 at 7:52 pm
You absolutely did the right thing. My best friend was adjucted at gunpoint in 1995, so those news stories happen to real people, real friends, in real live situations. There is no flipping way I’d ever open my door to some man pounding on it. I might have even called 911.
November 9, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Unfortunately, you can’t be too careful anymore. I guess I’d just make sure I have my cell phone with me at all times. He might have just been out enjoying the day, but on the other hand, he could have been a psychopath hanging out waiting for kids to show up. *sigh*
I definitely wouldn’t answer the door though, unless someone is expected or I recognize them. I’d have actually gone as far as to grab my cordless and have something heavy close by. You know, in case I had to whack someone.
November 9, 2007 at 8:24 pm
When hubby and I got married, he refused to pay for an alarm, so we got a dog! Best freaking idea! This dog has a bark for people we know, strangers, other animals, and whines for us! Its amazing!
I highly recommend labs! They are great all around!
November 10, 2007 at 12:10 am
I think I have been living somewhat in the shadows, too … too much news watching.
November 10, 2007 at 7:31 am
It’s so sad that we can’t have fun with our children without having to worry about dangers lurking. But always better to be safe than sorry. I remember coming home from work one day, and found a total stranger vacuuming my floor! I asked who he was, and he said he was selling vacuums and was demonstrating what his could do. My husband walked in and said yes, he had let him in. Our baby daughter was upstairs sleeping in her crib. I was SO MAD!!! He had let a stranger into our home with our baby and didn’t even ask for any ID! All kind of scenarios went through my mind–what if he had shot my husband and ran off with our baby? I could have killed him myself. Needless to say, we had a good, long talk after I finally got the man to leave. My husband thought I was too paranoid. I thought he was too naive! The only good thing to come of this was the salesman left one of those little portable vacuums in our house and never came back to get it! It could have been worse.
November 10, 2007 at 7:37 am
I still wouldn’t have answered the door and we HAVE a ginormous Doofus-dog.
Yep – we’re parents, all right – looks what become of us.
November 10, 2007 at 7:41 am
I am right there with you. I frequently make similar decisions that I worry are irrational, but I know there’s violent crime in our big city and there’s a sex offender in our neighborhood. All we can do is the best we know how. Our motherly instincts have been given to us for a reason — it’s best to trust that nature-gifted talent when it speaks.
November 10, 2007 at 8:28 am
I think its interesting that every commenter agrees with you. I am not being critical, I understand where you are coming from but, I just believe life isnt worth it if you go around scared all the time. What the heck is the point if you cant enjoy a great time at the park! Dont let all the stupid fear mongering media rob you of the simple joys in life!!! That man in the park was enjoying the beautiful crisp fall day and the guy at your door wanted you to give them money for environmental causes. Ok ok, so I might not have answered that either, for other reasons! hehe.
November 10, 2007 at 11:06 am
I’m so glad dragonbec made her comment before me, I was starting to feel reckless!
I completely understand the paranoia and of course the desire to protect one’s children, I freak myself out all the time thinking of worst case scenarios, but I still agree with dragonbec, most people are good if you give them a chance. Steve disagrees with me on this point, but I’m not willing to give up believing in people. Besides, I’m super practical, so I’m always thinking about the odds, and you said it yourself, the bad stuff does happen to only a few, and then those few stories are highlighted and sensationalized by the media. That said, if I get that feeling in my gut that something is wrong, I don’t hesitate to do whatever I need to do to remove myself or my children from the situation.
It probably helps that I don’t have TV. :)
November 10, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Thanks for this posting. I have two young boys and have struggled with the very same thing. I almost feel like you were reading my mind. While I don’t wish that feeling–that concern–on anyone, it is nice to know I’m not alone.
Things do seem different now. I can’t figure out it it’s because the world is a crazier, scarier place or if it’s because the news is on 24/7 & they simply have to have stuff to report. So they fill the time with horrid stories.
I’d like to find a balance between protecting my kids, being street smart, and making sure that I don’t hide in the shadows. Regardless of anything, though, you did what you thought was right and wanted to protect your kid. That’s the best you can do!
November 10, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Prudent is good. I was flashed by a nekkid dude in a secluded park once when I was in highschool. ewwwwww. Nowadays, you can’t bet on anything when it’s your safety.
November 10, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Although I do believe that the media has skewed our perceptions of the actual risk and danger out there, you have to follow your gut. Mother’s instinct is rarely wrong.
November 11, 2007 at 8:51 am
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November 11, 2007 at 10:03 am
I will say that I sleep much better when Hubby is out of town now that we have a Lab mix roaming the house bellowing at anyone who walks by on the sidewalk.
November 11, 2007 at 7:52 pm
i probably would have done the same thing. i’ve never opened the door when i was alone, but now with all of the horror stories in the news…i’m uber aware of all the big bad things that can happen to me, to the boys…it’s scary. i think i’m probably on the over-cautious side for the most part…but that’s the only way i feel comfortable. after all, i grew up way out in the boonies of a town with a population of 3500 people, and now i’m living in a city of 1 million.
November 11, 2007 at 8:56 pm
I totally got creeped out reading that! I would’ve done the same thing. It’s sad we have to worry about those things, but we do.
November 12, 2007 at 6:33 am
It’s not like you’re refusing to go into a grocery store or anything like that because someone looks strange. You’re your child’s protector and advocate and you need to do what’s best for him because no one else is going to do it. I personally would err on the side of caution like you did. Also, really there is no reason why you should have to answer your door. If it’s that important, someone will follow up with a phone call.
November 12, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Have you ever read the book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker? He speaks of trusting your gut, listening to your instincts. You definitely did the right thing.
Scary world we live in.
November 13, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I feel the same as you. It’s just one of those things where YOU JUST NEVER KNOW. I myself prefer to err on the side of caution.
November 14, 2007 at 10:56 am
It is always better to be safe than sorry.
Unfortunately, where I live, it is common.
December 6, 2007 at 10:10 am
I think part of the solution is to refuse to watch the news. Seriously. If something important happens that you really do need to know about, someone will tell you. Or you’ll see a headline online or in a newspaper (because anything that important generates headlines for days).
And I agree with everyone else who said to trust your gut. And I hope you soon find a beautiful park that doesn’t scare you.