Orphaned No More; the one where I get all deep and contemplative
October 11, 2007 – 7:32 pmI was making CJ’s lunch this morning when I had one of those flash-of-brilliance, lightbulb-over-the-head, AHA! moments. I actually SAW my actions, as if for the first time.
I carefully prepare a chicken sandwich JUST the way he likes it;
I fill his aluminum thermos with water (no plastic thermos for CJ! nasty leeching chemicals in those plastic thermoses!)
I consider adding a juice box, but decide against it. I’ve read all the literature about the high-sugar content in juice and I know he’ll expect dessert. Plus, drinking water is a good, healthy habit. I’m all about starting good, healthy habits!
I pause, considering dessert. Should I put in one cookie or two? He really doesn’t need two… and I know he’ll want one this afternoon. Ok, one then.
Can’t forget the fruits and veggies! I carefully bag apple slices and carrots and add them to the lunchbox.
But it wasn’t these actions per-se that struck me.
It was this;
I realized the amount of time that I put into my child’s life, education, health, and happiness. REALLY realized it.
It’s almost all-consuming. From the moment CJ wakes up to the time he goes to sleep, I’m thinking twice or sometimes even three times about what that boy eats, sees, plays with, and feels. Is he warm enough? Too warm? Comfortable? Does he need to pee? Is he hungry? Is this snack healthy enough? Or if I’m NOT thinking about it then I’m feeling guilty because I should be.
So what! You’re probably thinking, that’s what being a mom is all about. We want the very best for our children.
Well sure. I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the thing.
I am a good mom. An amazing mom. The BEST mom. To my child.
While I am taking such excellent care of CJ, who’s taking care of ME?
Nobody. That’s who.
You know what I realized? Not that long ago, I was the little child. Little Jenny. She was carefully nurtured and protected, loved and cared for. My mom was the mom that I am now… carefully packing lunches, thinking about my development, planning my days. Her whole world (well, most of it anyway) centered around ME.
And then, one day, I waltzed out the door and into the big wide world and put up a firm NO THANK YOU to all her future attempts at nurturing.
I was on my own.
Independent.
An ADULT.
I don’t need nurturing. I don’t need my mom. I don’t need anyone to tell me what to eat or what to do or how to be. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!
Independence is glorious. Until it isn’t… until I realize that I’m almost 30 years old with not-so-great eating habits and not enough exercise and what about my DREAMS? There are so many things wrong with me that I don’t know where to begin.
So I get mad. At my body. At my lack of willpower. Why can’t I just get to the gym every day? Why do I always have to take the 3rd cookie? Why can’t I just follow through on all those things I plan to do? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?! I’m so mad I feel like slapping myself.
My mother would be horrified.
This isn’t how she wants her child treated. This goes against all the nurturing and caring and loving that she put so much energy into.
I orphaned little Jenny.
Poor little Jenny.
And so I say, ENOUGH already!
It’s time to acknowledge that I am responsible for taking care of myself.
Think about it for a minute- how amazing would it be if we could apply the same thought, care, and (yes) love to our own lives as we do to the lives of our children?
If we put as much thought into what we feed ourselves? As much energy into making sure we’re happy? As much care to letting ourselves know that we’re loved?
The potential is limitless.
Ladies, we are worth it. Don’t believe me? Just ask your mom.
We MUST take care of ourselves.
You and I both know that we’re the best ones for the job.
Watch out, world, Little Jenny is an orphan no more. My inner mother has ARRIVED!
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Thanks to Chris for awarding this post the Perfect Post award!
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Queen of Shake-Shake on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
So very true. And something I don’t do for myself.
Great post Jenny!
By So Blessed To Be Matthews Mom on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
I just have to say that I have never laughed so hard, and identified so much with a post. Although my mom passed away and due to a serious illness growing up, I had to make my own voice even then..I had to be the mom then and now.
Keep posting! You’re writing is brilliant.
By Smiling Mom on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
Speak it sister!! Good for you. I’ve been working out a lot lately because I’ve come to a similar conclusion about my life.
A healthy mom is a happier mom!
By hello insomnia on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
It’s a hard-knock life, indeed.
By Amy on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
This is SO true! Of course, by the time you have kid number three they can juggle knives and you don’t notice, but they are still nurtured and cared for more than we do for ourselves.
I can’t wait to hear what you’re going to do about it. Maybe I’ll copy it, if there’s time, after the kids are in bed…
By Mamma on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
Okay and now I’m feeling guilty because I haven’t been worrying about my kids diets as much as I apparently need to.
But you’re right on. I let myself get away with things I would never allow for my children. Crap. This is going to be hard work.
By Midwest Mommy on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
So very true! I don’t understand why I second guess baby girl having a chicken nugget or fry from mcdonalds but I have no problem ordering a meal for myself.
By Summer on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
An important topic but you still made it very funny!
By Mommy Daisy on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
How true. Hmm, now I’m thinking about I can do for myself. Thanks for being so inspiring and thoughtful and kind and funny.
By Jill on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
Great post and well said. Thanks for the reminder. I will get my behind to the gym tomorrow in honor of you.
By Not the Queen on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
AMEN!!
By Jessica on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
It’s so true…I watch every little morsel that goes into my kids mouths, then when they are in bed, I eat half a bag of Mint Milanos. So tonight, no Milanos…I am having an apple. Thanks for the pep talk!
By Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
Sorry, don’t know what happened there…deleted my own comment. Basically, you’re right, and I need to take care of me too. Sigh…hard work, this mothering stuff.
By Maureen on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
Good for you!
I wonder if our mothers ever thought the same thing? Or perhaps they just didn’t know they COULD take better care of themselves without sacrificing what they gave to their families.
It’s a delicate balancing act, for sure.
By Kristi O on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
I just found your blog and I am hooked! Although I don’t make some kids lunch, I dole out cash I do think all the time about what they are doing, etc. ….. okay. enough rambling. I am with ya.
By Worker Mommy on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
Right the hell on , Jenny! You said it.
I can’t wait to be in the presence of such brilliance.;)
By WorksForMom on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
This was an excellent post that I really identify with. I so need to work on myself. And the graphic, once again - priceless. Have you thought about running for president?
By magnolia mama on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
Awesome post! And so true. Maybe I’ll start taking care of myself next week.
By tulipmom on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
My mom is always telling me not to make the same mistake she did (ie… putting herself last). Maybe one of these days I’ll listen to her.
Great post!
By shaz on Oct 11, 2007 | Reply
great reminder! and you do sound totally like a mom - my mom to be exact - every single day! :)h
By Damsel on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
So very true. In fact, it was my mom who, just two months ago, looked me in the face like I was crazy and told me that it was absolutely okay for me to budget money for someone to come clean my house every other week. That it was a completely acceptable budget expense since I am teaching full-time.
Your post puts a fabulous spin on that conversation I had with my mom. Thanks for bringing to light the fact that she STILL loves me just as much as I love my son, if not more, since she’s had 30 years to build more love.
By Chris on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
This.Post.Is.Amazing!
So so so true.
I truly think this is something every mom can relate with.
I was even beating myself up about not working out, being more on top of things.
Thank you:-)
By Beth on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
Thanks for a great post… I will use it as a wake up call. I keep expecting someone to take care of me like I take care of my family and then it dawned on me that I am the one for the job. Nice to know others are going through the same thing.
By Jen on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
That was lovely. It’s a wonderful way of looking at things. That Little Orphan Jenny pic does creep me out just a tiny bit though.
By carrie on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
Awesome.
I want my mommy.
By hamiam on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
I so agree.
But…
Many parents out there orphan their children the same way we do ourselves as young adults, long before they are ready. I was one of them. And it’s part of the reason why I try to instill that little mother in my child - so that she can nurture her friends who may be orphaned, as well as herself.
By Deborah on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
So very true!
Your photoshop skills kill me!
By Rachel on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
What a great post!! And funny at the same time!!
It is all so true. No one is taking care of me, especially me. This has got to change.
By cate on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
it’s funny…it’s such an obvious thing…but we never think about it! we neglect ourselves a lot, don’t we?
By Marie Green on Oct 12, 2007 | Reply
Good point. Very good point. Here I’m carefully planning lunches for the kids while I snarf down whatever is easiest/tastiest.
We DO need to care for ourselves too. Like that whole concept of “fitting your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.
I like your deep thoughts!
By Mert on Oct 15, 2007 | Reply
Good for you! You rock Big Jen!
By Jo Beaufoix on Oct 15, 2007 | Reply
I love this post AB.
And you’re so right.
We are worth it, even I saying it sounds like a hair care ad.
I am hugging me now and tomorrow I might take me shopping.
Hooray.
By Marcie on Nov 1, 2007 | Reply
Excellent post.