Halloween, now here’s a holiday I can DO.

CJ is totally and completely into Halloween.

Every second of every day is filled with monsters and ghosts and DRACULA and Frankenstein. He’s obsessed, wide-eyed and open-mouthed in his excitement over the VERY SCARY and VERY THRILLING Halloween possibilities.

“Mommy, we should decorate our house for Halloween!” he tells me.

Um, I thought I did. I guess my four tasteful candle-holders just aren’t cutting it.

When I pick CJ up at preschool, I see why. Cobwebs! Batty banners! Huge paper jack-o-lanterns! Ghosts! Goblins! A bat cave made out of a refrigerator box!

So this afternoon I drive to Target to buy some more Halloween decorations. Plus the construction paper and art supplies to make our own.

We get home, and I find myself stretching fake cobwebs across windows and door frames. And I think, wow, Halloween is a holiday I can really get behind.

Here’s a holiday where the WHOLE POINT is to turn your house into a spooky, scary place full of cobwebs and dust that looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in YEARS!

I can DO that.

In fact, I should be a Halloween decor consultant!

I’ll turn your house into a nightmarish place of horror and uncleanliness that only ghosts dare to enter. Just give me 2 weeks. I use ALL ORGANIC products! No artificial decor! 100% REAL cobwebs and spiders!

I think I’ve found my calling.

And then there’s the dressing up.

“Mommy, what are YOU going to be for Halloween?” CJ keeps asking. After several lame attempts, I realize that I can’t evade the question any longer.

“Umm, I think I’m going to be a mommy.” I tell him.

“A mummy?”

“No, a MOMMY.”

“NOOOOO!!!” He howls in disgust. “NOT A MOMMY!”

“What do you think I should be?” I ask him.

“A witch!” he announces. “Or… Storm.”

(You know, Storm from X-Men… the one who’s played by Halle Berry. And no, CJ hasn’t actually SEEN the movie X-Men. But somehow he knows who Storm is.)

I tell a friend about this exchange and she says, “Well, Storm’s not bad. At least she’s hot.” Which is true.

So I’m just getting excited about being Storm for Halloween when CJ changes his mind.

“No, you’re going to be a WITCH.” He announces. And this is not up for debate.

I’m disappointed at first, until I realize, I can DO this. I can be a witch for Halloween. I can be a GREAT witch. And it doesn’t have to cost me a dime! In fact, I’ll SAVE time and money!

All I have to do is stop moisturizing (oooh the cracking, scaly skin!) and wearing foundation (OH MY the pimples, zits and blemishes!), leave my hair for a few days without showering or brushing so that it goes au-natural (AYEE the split ends, oil and grime!)… and VOILA! I’ll be the scariest witch this side of Wisteria Lane!

BOO!

Scared ya, didn’t I?

***
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