The things I never even knew I was bad at

Last evening we were sitting ’round the dinner table with a selection of our favorite children’s music playing in the background.

A Ralph’s World song comes on where Ralph sings each child’s name really really REALLY fast.

Like this:

Fiona fiona fionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionAH!

“Wow,” I say, “That guy can sing FAST.”

Jay shrugs, “It’s easy.” And just like that, he’s singing FIONAfionafionafionafiona… with gusto. Pretty darn impressive.

“You try it,” he tells me.

If HE can do it, I certainly can.

I straighten in my seat, set down my fork, throw back my shoulders, and take a deep breath of air. Opening my mouth I belt out,

Fiona Fiona Feeona Feeeeeona Feeeeeeooooonnnna Feeeeeeee OHHHHHH NNNNNA…

Here’s the weird thing. The more times I said Fiona, the SLOWER I went. It was like my mouth was working in reverse.

“Fiona is kind of a hard name,” Jay says, trying to make me feel slightly better about my miserable failure.

Ok, maybe Fiona is a hard name, so I’ll try something easier.

Jenny Jenny Jenny Jennnnnny Jennnnyyyyy JEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNYYY…

It happens AGAIN. My tongue turns into mud in my mouth, moving slower and slower until it freezes against the roof of my mouth in complete paralysis.

With each attempt, Jay laughs harder.

“You are REALLY bad at this.” he tells me.

Gee thanks, honey.

“Try my name.” he says, and I do.

And I fail.

“Try CJ.” And I do (I don’t always learn so quickly as you might expect)

And I fail.

Shocker.

At last I am ready to admit that this, in fact, is something that I am bad at.

Twenty minutes ago I didn’t even know it was A THING, and now it not only is A THING, but it’s A THING THAT I CAN’T DO.

How big of a bummer is THAT?

At least it’s not like a major life skill or anything.

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