The things I never even knew I was bad at
September 20, 2007 – 2:42 pmLast evening we were sitting ’round the dinner table with a selection of our favorite children’s music playing in the background.
A Ralph’s World song comes on where Ralph sings each child’s name really really REALLY fast.
Like this:
Fiona fiona fionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionafionAH!
“Wow,” I say, “That guy can sing FAST.”
Jay shrugs, “It’s easy.” And just like that, he’s singing FIONAfionafionafionafiona… with gusto. Pretty darn impressive.
“You try it,” he tells me.
If HE can do it, I certainly can.
I straighten in my seat, set down my fork, throw back my shoulders, and take a deep breath of air. Opening my mouth I belt out,
Fiona Fiona Feeona Feeeeeona Feeeeeeooooonnnna Feeeeeeee OHHHHHH NNNNNA…
Here’s the weird thing. The more times I said Fiona, the SLOWER I went. It was like my mouth was working in reverse.
“Fiona is kind of a hard name,” Jay says, trying to make me feel slightly better about my miserable failure.
Ok, maybe Fiona is a hard name, so I’ll try something easier.
Jenny Jenny Jenny Jennnnnny Jennnnyyyyy JEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNYYY…
It happens AGAIN. My tongue turns into mud in my mouth, moving slower and slower until it freezes against the roof of my mouth in complete paralysis.
With each attempt, Jay laughs harder.
“You are REALLY bad at this.” he tells me.
Gee thanks, honey.
“Try my name.” he says, and I do.
And I fail.
“Try CJ.” And I do (I don’t always learn so quickly as you might expect)
And I fail.
Shocker.
At last I am ready to admit that this, in fact, is something that I am bad at.
Twenty minutes ago I didn’t even know it was A THING, and now it not only is A THING, but it’s A THING THAT I CAN’T DO.
How big of a bummer is THAT?
At least it’s not like a major life skill or anything.
***
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By Deb - Mom of 3 Girls on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
The things we beat ourselves up about, huh! For the record, I stink at singing really fast too. :)
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By Queen of Shake-Shake on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Yes but can you wipe a butt as you change a diaper, avoid getting poop on you, sing a song, make silly faces, AND avoid the directional pee of male infants?
Because that IS a real life skill and far more valuable than singing names really fast.
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By Erin on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Who needs TV with entertainment like that?!
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By Mamma on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
No see it’s just that you are genetically predisposed to being able to yell your child’s names loudly and clearly.
It needs to come out
CEEEEEEEEEEE JAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY
and he probably still won’t answer (at least after the age of 8).
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By Midwest Mommy on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
I have to laugh because I sat here saying the names trying to do it too.
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By Kimberly on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Does being creative, hilarious, witty, and adorable make up for your fast singing deficiency?
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By Worker Mommy on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Well you can’t be perfect at everything right ? I mean with stellar writing skillz, superior photshop skillz,being funny fabulous and all that jazz. This is small potatos right ? ;)
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By Lela on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Just thinking about doing that makes my tongue tie itself in knots, lol. Don’t feel so bad, it’s projection that counts in the long run.
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By Jo Beaufoix on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Hee hee.
I tried this and I was rubbish too.
But I’m good at lots of other stuff so that’s ok.
LOL.
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By Jen M. on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
I was trying to do it as I read your post. Now I’ll be muttering Fiona the rest of the day. Thanks - enough people think I’m crazy as it is ;)
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By cate on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
i agree with Queen Heather…sure, it would be cool to have that skill…but really, does it make your day any easier?
you’ve got the skills that you need to get through the day as a mom…and don’t forget your mad Photoshop skillz!
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By New Diva on the Blog on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
At least you didn’t try “absolutely bananas” with this game! You may actually have sprained something!
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By ReesePie on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
I think the key to this game is to deconstruct the name, so try saying “oh na fee” really fast over and over and then you’ll be saying “fiona” quickly without thinking about it…
yeah, I’m a dork.
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By Niqua on Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Oh no… Now I have to try it, LOL! I can’t let a challenge like that slide by.
Yah, I can’t do it either. We’re all still cool though!
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By Liz on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
Don’t worry…I can’t do it - but, then again, this may not make you feel any better, either ;o(
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By Carla on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
jenjenbobenbananafana
fofenfeefimomenjen-stick with that. My offspring are always impressed.
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By beta mom on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
If it works for Barry White, baby…
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By WorksForMom on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
considering how talented you are creatively (especially with this photoshop addiction we all feed on) - it really doesn’t matter. :)
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By Cathy on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
OK, if I were your husband, I’d be tempted to make that nightly entertainment.
(and now you have me trying this myself, only at i’m at work and it’s not easy to do this discreetly.)
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By Rachel on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
Just so you know, it took alot for me to stop myself from trying this while I am sitting at my desk at work!
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By Dana on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
If it makes you feel better, I saw Fiona and immediately started signing it to the tune of Figaro in my head!
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By Queeny on Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
Can’t sing Fiona? Just hum a few bars — or go to a few. Whatever floats your boat.
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By kellyo75 on Sep 22, 2007 | Reply
Well, maybe you can’t sing the names over and over and over, but the guy on the CD couldn’t hang doing half the crap you do on a daily basis!
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By shauna on Sep 22, 2007 | Reply
Can I just say, you two are just too cute.
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