The Absolutely Bananas Plan for Fitness, Health, and all-around beautification
September 14, 2007 – 4:38 pmMost days when I walk down the street, sashaying in my tight blue jeans and tube top, people stop me and ask,
HOW do you keep that girlish figure?
Well, finally someone asked in just the right way (with promise of FREE STUFF) and so I am ready to divulge my secrets. Hunker down, lean in close, and read quickly. This message WILL (probably) self-destruct in 30 seconds.
Introducing…
The Absolutely Bananas Plan for Fitness, Health, and all-around beautification
You too can look like Cindy Crawford! It’s not genetic… all you need is THE PLAN!
THE FINE PRINT: Consult your doctor before embarking on any workout scheme. Absolutely Bananas will not be liable if you put out your back, stub your toe, or find yourself in a fit of rage brought on by this workout plan. Following this plan may result in mental trauma leading to excess consumption of jelly donuts, Ho Hos, or Oreo cookies, which MAY result in weight gain, a new innertube round your waist, an extra chin or two, and the need for elastic-waist pants. Oh and, it actually IS genetic.
To begin, you’ll need a rather heavy child. I typically work with a 50-pounder, but any child in the 30-70 pound range will do.
Come on now!
LIFT 2, 3, 4
and SWING 2, 3, 4
and CHASE ‘EM ROUND THE ROOM 2, 3, 4
Now DODGE THAT FLYING LAMP 2, 3, 4
Feel that burn!!
JUMP TO CATCH THE DISH 2, 3, 4
and another CHASE ‘EM ROUND THE ROOM 2, 3, 4
Now BEND 2, 3, 4
PICK UP THE TINY LEGO’S 2, 3, 4
Ow! That’s right! WORK IT… WORK IT…
YANK ‘EM FROM THE CAR 2, 3, 4
Now HAUL THE CAR SEAT 2, 3, 4
and CHASE ‘EM ROUND THE ROOM 2, 3, 4
and LIFT 2, 3, 4
That’s right! Lookin’ good!
And repeat. Do approximately 5,000 reps each day.
And if that doesn’t work? Try my OTHER plan. You know, the fail-safe EASY way… with PHOTOSHOP.
Class dismissed.
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This is an entry into a contest hosted by Parent Bloggers Network and Ryka for some FREE SHOES! Go ahead and enter, but make sure you get your post up by end-of-day today!
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By Queen of Shake-Shake on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
I followed that plan well. Very well for a few years. Then I discovered the blogosphere and oh my gosh.
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By Kimberly on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
Does typing and mouse fanagling count as a workout?
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By Mert on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
^^^Yeah, what she said ;) How about lifting… the coffee cup?
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By Jessica on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
Oh, I follow this plan with a 30-lb daughter and a 25-lb son. Although as I read this I am eating angel food cake smeared with nutella…is that part of the plan?
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By WorksForMom on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
oh my, laughing out loud. again! you definitely hit the nail on the head…as i’m dropping crumbs over my keyboard.
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By Karen (Pediascribe) on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
Yeah, I walk around town in my tight blue jeans too and I’m NOT on your plan. What’s that? My jeans are tight because they are two sizes too small? Shhhh….don’t tell!
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By Carla on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
Dude, I so love your head photoshopped on everything, I mean everyone!! You are the wiener!
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By Sunny on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
I love the photo! I’m so off to photoshop all photos of myself in the last year!
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By kellypea on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
If I hadn’t been on THE PLAN with all three of my boys, I’d jump back on since my Phoodplan didn’t work so well… And dang your hair looks great in that shot. Bwah…
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By Procrastamom on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
See! That is why I’m fat. It’s all my kids’ fault because they’re older now and I no longer have to give chase.
At least now that I’ve decided to give up the “I’m fat because I just had a baby” excuse (he’s nine, I think it’s time) I can substitute it with “I’m fat because I have no toddlers left to chase around.”
And you look GOOD in that picture girl! Might I enquire as to where you purchased the lovely navy body suit or is that a secret?
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By Niqua on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
I prefer the Paint Shop Pro workout! I have smooth skin, less red eye, and more muscle in about an hour. Who needs kids?? :D
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By LikeAstaR on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
You should win.. .now can we convince CJ to wear the shoes?? I hope so! THey make the cutest!
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By carrie on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
YOU are a genius! I love this post!
The plan doesn’t work so well though when you take your kids out to Mexican food, have a pina colada and then follow it up with a trip to DQ! Hee, hee.
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By Worker Mommy on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
I know this plan…but mine always ends with lift (enter favorite fattening food here) from stress
2,3,4
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By cate on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
hey, that sounds like a great plan. i’m going to have to…hey, wait a second…you stole that routine from me!!! ;-)
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By Cathy on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
Your photoshop skills — brilliant, just brilliant!
But that plan? I follow it religiously. Doesn’t seem to be working for me…
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By WkSocMom on Sep 14, 2007 | Reply
Love it, that plan does not seem to be working for me either, hmmm… Just read though some other posts, excellent! Thanks for visiting (and sorry about the iPhone :(
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By Nadine on Sep 15, 2007 | Reply
Hahaha! Yep, doing that too. But being pregnant doesn’t help with staying slim ;)
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By Pinks & Blues on Sep 15, 2007 | Reply
YEAH!! You got it down girl!! I am in the midst of following this plan… I see my pre-pregancy jeans in sight! :)
- Audrey
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By shauna on Sep 15, 2007 | Reply
Sheesh! I should be totally thin and hot! What’s the deal? I need to buy me some photoshop…
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