Sometimes it’s hard to be four

Tonight, like every other night, I went into CJ’s room to kiss him goodnight.

He was lying on his side facing the wall. I reached my arm around to squeeze him and he said softly, “Mom? I don’t want to be me.”

“What? You don’t want to be you?”

“No. I don’t want to be me.”

I leaned down to kiss his cheek. It was damp. He was crying? Because he didn’t want to be him?

I felt my heart break a little bit.

“Oh CJ,” I said. “Why don’t you want to be you?”

He was quiet. And then he said, “I just want to be human.“

I couldn’t help it. I know I shouldn’t but I laughed… just a little.

“Oh honey, you ARE human.” I said, relieved to be able to put his mind at ease. “People are humans.”

“No they’re not.” he said with conviction.

“What do you think humans are?”

“Humans are bad guys.” he said.

And once again, I found myself speechless.

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