Putting the crazy back in committed
August 16, 2007 – 2:39 pmI had visions of doing a poignant and amazingly tender post for our 10 year anniversary. But, I fear the stakes were too high. After all, what do you SAY about 10 years of marriage? How do you succinctly, meaningfully, and funnily sum up a DECADE of life? Maybe it was performance anxiety, but yesterday when I sat down at my laptop, all that filled my head were bad love songs from the early 80s. So, rather than fill your mind with strains of Nothin’s gonna stop us now, I refrained from posting.
I still find myself with mental block. My fingers itch to type out the words to a lame country song. It’s not that I can’t think of anything to say so much as there is SO MUCH to say. Our marriage has been full, complex… hairy…
The funny thing is, when I think about our evening last night, I think that it was typical of our relationship.
We hired a babysitter and headed out to Chez Shea, an intimate and fabulous little French restaurant just above Pike Place Market. Only the best for our anniversary! Plus they had an 8-course tasting menu that had us channeling Top Chef. For this night, WE are the judges.
Between the Ahi Tartare and seared Foie Gras, we laugh and reminisce. Jay makes a diligent effort NOT to play with his new iPhone while I make a diligent effort to LIKE the oysters (it doesn’t work). But the whole time, in the back of my mind, I am worried.
You see, when we left our house, our babysitter and CJ were on the back porch. What if, by some sick twist of fate, the door had gotten shut and they were locked out this very minute?! With her cell phone inside, how would she get a hold of us? She doesn’t know OUR cell phone numbers by heart! Where would they GO? What would they DO?
I try to push down these irrational fears, but they are there in the back of my head, taunting me.
Jay says, “I want to know what your Top Ten Moments in our marriage are.” Ooh! That’s a good one! Very romantic! I think about it.
“Umm… ok, but first I think maybe we should call Heather.” (that’s our babysitter) Jay looks confused. “See… I keep worrying that they somehow got locked out and don’t have any way to call us.”
“Well thanks for dropping that on me!”
So I scurry out into the lobby area to call Heather. She’s fine. CJ’s fine. They are NOT locked out.
Our evening of feasting and talking and laughing carries on. The food is divine. The sun sets and we watch from our spectacular viewpoint as the brilliant reds and oranges streak across the sky and water.
The cheese plate arrives and we start discussing our household. I have decided that our ten year anniversary is an appropriate time to GET SOME THINGS SETTLED in terms of how we can better divide chores, get things done, and reach the pinnacle of happy home life.
“I like our life.” Jay tries to interject, but I forge ahead, undeterred. “I do too. BUT I think there are some things that can be better.”
And so the list making begins. Because, for me, there’s really nothing so romantic as a good list.
“So, to conclude this meeting, I think we have a few action items.”
Jay groans. “To conclude this meeting?! Oh, if I had a blog I would TOTALLY be blogging that. And you say I’m not romantic?!”
But it’s all in good fun. And that’s what I love the most about our relationship. We don’t carry the illusions of what marriage should be; the unreachable fantasies created by Hollywood and Dr. Phil. We make marriage what it needs to be. A true partnership. Two people who aren’t afraid to laugh, be silly, talk about what matters, make fun of ourselves, and have a good time.
As we leave the restaurant, I inform Jay that I don’t want lilies at my funeral because I really can’t stand the way they smell. The smell might be even worse than pee. He looks at me like I’ve gone completely off my rocker.
The lights of the city twinkle, the sliver of moon is reflected on the water, and the sounds of the city at night lull us into quiet as we walk to our car.
When we get home, CJ is fast asleep. Jay picks up his guitar and strums a few notes, while I kick off my shoes and put my feet up on the couch. Another relaxed evening at home.When I pictured our 10 year anniversary, I had visions of hot air balloons, of Paris, of buckets of roses and French champagne. But from where I sit now, I can’t imagine a more perfect evening.
Happy 10th anniversary, Jay!
10 years behind us, a lifetime ahead.
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By magnolia mama on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary!
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By Jennifer aka Binky Bitch on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy anniversary!!! Great post. It sounds like you had a terrific evening!
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By Stephanie on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary! You did better than I did about a ten-year post…I got all anxious and writer’s blocked too, and so there was no post. Maybe next year!
Here’s to many more decades of dates and “meetings.”
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By Mary Alice on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary. Sounds like a lovely evening. For years we had talked about rafting the Grand Canyon for our tenth. When the time came, we were stationed in Hawaii. I remember that being a person who thrives and relies on plans, I expected to still raft the Grand Canyon and I was upset that we weren’t. My husband finally yelled “we ARE living in Hawaii, why would we go to Arizona? Can you never live in the moment?” Yeah our tenth was romantic too.
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By shaz on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
awww, lovely!
Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!
I know how you feel, next May we will also celebrate 10 years. Yesterday I caught up with a high school friend (on Facebook!!) and she called my almost 10 years of marriage an “achievement”, sadly I had never thought of it that way, but there you go. Congrats! :)
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By J on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy anniversary back!
It was a grand time– but I forgot to jot down my action items. :)
10 years of such quality time with my best friend. How cool is that.
You rock, Bananas
J
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By karrie on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s imagination goes into overdrive when I finally leave the house alone with my husband.
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By Summer on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary! Sound like a great time!
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By Annie on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary - such a lovely post - and a lovely hubs you have, too :)
This:
‘When we get home, CJ is fast asleep. Jay picks up his guitar and strums a few notes, while I kick off my shoes and put my feet up on the couch. Another relaxed evening at home.’
sound pretty nice and romantic to me :)
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By bellevelma on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
It all sounds very nice but DID YOU GET ANY BLING? 10 years requires BLING. Actually, every year requires bling. But 10 years, is BLING. And if not, then you are owed get bigger BLING next year. Or maybe I’m talking about myself…. Ahem…
Happy Anniversary!
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By nell on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Beautiful post. And a very Happy Anniversary to you and Jay! It sounds like you have a great partner - each of you.
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By deb on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Good anniversary post! I had our 10 year date anniversary yesterday… the kids and I went to Chickfila, end of story.
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By Heather on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary!
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By An Ordinary Mom on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy 10 year anniversary! What a simple and fun way to celebrate. Ours is coming up next May.
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By Mamma on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
That is an accomplishment!! Congrats!!
You’re evening sounds like just the way ours would go. Except when we got to dinner we would look at each other and not know what to say. I mean without anyone interrupting it’s hard to organize your thoughts.
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By Brillig on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Beautiful! And congratulations!
And… I think your hubby needs a blog. Hahaha. He totally sounds like he’s got blog-envy.
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By Believer in Balance on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary! It sounds like you two are a great pair! It also sounds like I should add Seattle to my list of places I want to visit. My hubby says the Pike Places Market is really cool.
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By pinks & blues girls on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy 10th anniversary!
Hey, maybe Paris and the hot air balloons will be for the 20th! :)
Jane, P&B Girls
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By www.nolanotes.com on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy anniversary!! Sounds like a nice evening.
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By Cathy on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy anniversary!
My husband and I once came home to find our babysitter — a good friend of ours — trying to squeeze underneath our garage door because she had locked herself out of the house. It was pouring, and she was soaked through. Meanwhile, our 8-month-old baby was safely tucked into her crib, snoozing.
(So you’re not crazy — it does happen!)
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By Eileen on Aug 16, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary! What a wonderful post. We celebrate 20 years on the 22, and I want to do/write something really special, but I too have a total block. Everything is about the girls, always.
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By carrie on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary you little lovebirds!
Carrie
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By Nadine on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
Happy anniversary! Beautiful and funny post!
I can so imagine your worries about CJ being locked out. I’m a bit like that too!
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By Liz on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
I believe the joys of Paris, balloons and buckets of champagne are highly overrated!
Okay, maybe not balloons - Happy Anniversary, Sweeties!
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By Rachel on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
A little late, but, Happy Anniversary!!
Great post by the way! Sounds like the perfect night!
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By iris on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
awww… call me a hopeless sap but i think Jay’s response was the icing on this post. Congrats on your decade of togetherness! You 2 rock. And CJ? He’s the earthquake that shakes and shifts the rock. :) Three cheers for your little family. I love ya all! ;)
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By Chris on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
Happy 10 year anniversary!
YEY!
I think you made it a perfect night :-)
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By OMSH on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
Well, of course, Happy Anniversary.
You are so right. This marriage arrangement is nothing like what I expected. I had parents with a great marriage, but still, marriage was not what I expected.
We’re not too far ahead of you in te years we’ve been married. Each year gets better. Less difficult relationally, but certainly our fair share of obstacles.
That you can laugh and understand each other is perfect. It is the richness.
Blessings.
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By Maureen on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
Happy Meeting, er Anniversary! Geez, it seems like yesterday we celebrated 10 years. Now we are past 27… time flies, all right!
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By shauna on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
I was going to say what a great post and then I read your hubby’s comment and got a titch weepy. Now it’s even better!!!
Happy Anniversary to the both of you!
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By Smiling Mom on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
Beautiful. I always say to Hubby that we will be the ones that last because our life is so boring… boring means no extreme highs and no extreme lows. I’m half way to where you are, five years and counting. Same age, well a year older than you really, but half the experience. :-)
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By Eve on Aug 17, 2007 | Reply
awwwww…I like J’s comment best! How sweet! I am thinking Kathy Peel got to you at BlogHer.
Crazy girl.
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By Mama Zen on Aug 18, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary!
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By Lorelai on Aug 18, 2007 | Reply
Cute post - but am I the only Mom here that does not have irrational thoughts once I leave the house without my kids. lol
FYI - HAD the babysitter been locked out of the house I’m sure she would have enough sense to walk somewhere to call for help. If not I would be hiring a different babysitter.
Too cute!! Happy 10th!
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By Jenn on Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
Happy Anniversary! Ten years is a long time, but really, it’s just the beginning. Hoping the next ten are just as wonderful, and hairy, and exciting and comfortable.
I’d push for Paris for the 20th.
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