Last night I stood on the sidewalk outside our house and chatted with a neighbor while our kids rode their bikes up and down the street. This neighbor is my favorite… on a street of introverts and certifiably crazy people, she is actually normal, friendly, and best of all she ALWAYS knows the gossip.
“Oh, did I mention the man who lives in the apartments on the corner?” she asked me.
“Noooo…”
Her 8-year old daughter was pedaling by, and slammed on her brakes when she heard what her mom was saying. “Mom! Mom! I want to tell it!”
My neighbor nodded a go-ahead and her daughter turned to me, words tumbling out of her mouth as fast as she could form them. “If he talks to my mom ever again, we have to run and get my dad. And we can’t be on the sidewalk by ourselves… and if we see him we’re supposed to RUN and SCREAM…”
I looked back at her mom, who elaborated. “He didn’t know I worked for the prosecutor’s office. So when he started telling me stories about getting arrested and the cops always picking on him, I looked him up. He would be a registered sex offender except he was declared mentally unfit. But he was locked up for 60 days. He’s constantly in trouble and in and out of jail. And he’s definitely mentally unsound. We won’t let the girls outside without one of us being there. Just thought you should know.”
Niiiiice.
We made a bit more small talk and I took CJ inside to get ready for bed. My mind was reeling.
I’ve always known that our street was sketchy. Which is ironic, because we live in an expensive and sought-after part of Seattle. But the sad fact is that some of the elements that make our neighborhood sought after also attract vagrants and other types of people who you don’t exactly want taking up residence on your front porch.
But to know FOR SURE that there’s someone like that living right down the street?
Can he be allowed to live there? Can’t we make him leave?
But even as the thoughts enter my mind, I dismiss them. Of course he can live there. And no, we can’t make him leave.
It’s really unsettling. It makes me slightly sick to my stomach.
But aside from picking up and moving, there’s not a whole lot I can do. And who’s to say we’d move anywhere better. Because you never really know who is living in the house down the street, or the one right next door. And so you’re careful. Vigilant. Hyper cautious. Overly protective.
It’s a hard world to parent in.
***
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xo Jen
August 22, 2007 at 9:41 am
At least you know now, and can make sure to keep CJ away from him. How scary.
August 22, 2007 at 10:00 am
Everyone is entitled to a home, even the sex offenders. I’m not defending them, but some people DO change, some dont.
August 22, 2007 at 10:01 am
As I always say, knowledge is power. I’m glad you have that neighbor!
August 22, 2007 at 10:36 am
My sister in law is a specialist in sex offender criminology and the stories she tells freak-me-out. I’m sad to say that it would be a very tiny minority of those people who change.
Knowledge is power – and at least you know he’s there. Sad fact is – only 5 % of sexual offenders are found and prosecuted – so it makes you wonder who else is there that has managed to skulk under the radar?
It is hard to parent around such issues – and vigilance is our best defense – I don’t think there is such a thing as being overprotective on this issue.
August 22, 2007 at 11:08 am
I check out Megan’s Law website all the time to see if any of my neighbors are there. It’s really scarey.
When my daughter was 13, we let her go to the grocery store alone (just 2 blocks away) and a man tried to convince her to go with him. Luckily, she’s a smart kid and raced right home and was able to tell the police exactly what happened. They checked out the store surveillance and he followed her all over the store and found out who he was.
August 22, 2007 at 11:33 am
Yes, it IS a difficult world to parent in. But its a good thing you know… Like Mamalee said… Knowledge is power.
August 22, 2007 at 12:21 pm
That is scary. Brush up on some kung fu.
August 22, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I know a neighborhood for you…
What’s a little move across country?
It is scary. And I feel bad for our kids. They should have the freedom we did.
August 22, 2007 at 1:15 pm
That is very scary. Unfortunately, there’s lots of unregistered pervs living amongst us. They’re everywhere. At least you know about this one.
August 22, 2007 at 2:07 pm
At least you know now. It’s still very upsetting though to know that someone like that is living so close to you. And I guess it’s true that even sex offenders need some place to live but as far as I’m concerned, I would be much happier if they were all living in a huge trailer park in the middle of a huge desert where my kids had no chance of coming in contact with them.
August 22, 2007 at 2:56 pm
It is hard and scary world to parent in.
August 22, 2007 at 5:42 pm
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
I think I saw this site on Oprah one day. I know not all of them can be on there because they don’t all register but it gives you a good snapshot of who’s living near you and what they did.
Now I know why my mother was such a worry wart!
August 22, 2007 at 7:44 pm
We’ve lived a lot of places (including south of you), and it is everywhere – doesn’t matter the town or how nice the neighborhood is…it’s good to educate your child on how to deal with strangers no matter what their age. Even role play so your (older) child knows what to do if a stranger approaches them.
August 23, 2007 at 2:31 am
Yikes! That’s really scary. Can you look him up and find out what he did?
August 23, 2007 at 9:00 am
At least you know now. And, you’re right, it doesn’t really matter where you live. Criminals are everywhere. We just have to be vigilant.
August 23, 2007 at 6:31 pm
We live in the city too, and there are plenty of sketchy characters around…I generally feel safe but I do keep my doors locked…when u have little ones especially, I don’t think you can be too careful!
August 23, 2007 at 7:14 pm
We’ve always lived in older parts of town where the cool old houses are, but that means that, as in most historic districts, the sketchy areas more or less surround you. I feel ya on that one.
As much as I hate stories like this one, I need to make myself read them because I am far too trusting. I want to believe that our neighborhoods are like they were when we were growing up, when the streetlights were the only thing that called you home while you were playing blocks away, totally unsupervised. I know better, but still.
August 23, 2007 at 7:31 pm
The same thing happened to us in our previous neighborhood. Our neighbor across the street who has a 2 year old daughter and seems happily married…was totally busted on our local news’ version of “To catch a predator”. He willingly showed up at a house to have intercourse with a girl whom he knew was in 8th grade.
I would have NEVER ever pegged this guy as offender. We lived in a nice neighborhood and were shocked. What shocked us even more was he was at his house within 24 hours like nothing had happened. We were never notified and if I hadn’t seen it on the news and new his name, I would have never known. And he had a daughter of his own which is totally sickening.
The point is..it doesn’t matter where you live you have to make sure you educate your kids on being safe. It is a shame and sickening that things like these happen….but you always have to try to be as prepared as you can be.
August 24, 2007 at 7:27 am
People can be required to register as a sex-offender for many things. Don’t automatically assume he’s a pedophile or a rapist. I know a couple of people who now have to register as sex offenders because they had sex with their girlfriends (one now ex-girlfriend). The “offender” was 20, the girlfriend 2 months away from 18. She got pissed at him. He got a statutory rape conviction and a sex offender tag that will follow him for life. Another one I know now has to register as a sex offender because he made the mistake of hitting on a girl he thought was 18. She had just turned 16. He lost his promising career as a Marine and is now limited to where he can work.
Most of the sex offender sites won’t tell you exactly what they were convicted of. But those are all open records and you can find out if you really want to know.
August 26, 2007 at 10:31 pm
I wish I could think of something intelligent or/and reassuring to say. I grew up in L.A. My mom was constantly worried about kidnappers and others out to harm me. I grew up with the idea that the world isn’t safe. And now it seems it’s even less so.
Good communication with the neighbors does seem to be key. We have a neighbor on our street who invites everyone over two blocks up and down to her house for a cookie party at holiday time. She started doing this after 911. She wanted us all to be less isolated.
I also know someone whose entire neighborhood subscribes to a yahoo group where they can check in about crime issues, but also share tips on parenting, schools, vacations, shopping, etc. That’s nice too.
(By the way — thanks for stopping by my site with the good wishes!)