I’m not a girl not yet a grandma
July 31, 2007 – 7:00 amDo you remember that awful song that Britney Spears released a few years back… I’m not a girl not yet a woman? I think the time has come for me to write my own version.
It’s weird how you go through life, years flying by, but you don’t feel any older. Well, I mean of course you KNOW you’re older… after all you’ve been married for ten years and have a 4-year old child. You’re no preteen. And yet, when you see young women in the age range of 17-23, you identify with them. If you had to guess, you’d say they’re about your age… or maybe a little younger. But secretly you think you could pass for them… that anyone looking on would think you’re all together.
UNTIL you experience that one life-changing moment when your beliefs are crushed and your perspective on yourself and the world is forever altered… When, even if for only a second, you see yourself as others see you.
Now I have had my moment. My five second brush with the brutally honest mirror of reality.
It was Saturday night and the Navy Pier was full of life. Families, teenagers, even the elderly wandered around eating elephant ears and cotton candy and sipping Diet Coke, listening to live music and enjoying the snap, crackle, and pop of the fireworks display. We had just finished a guilty dinner of yummy I’ll-be-sorry-for-this-later gyros, and were standing in line for the Ferris wheel.
Maybe it was the cool evening air, or maybe the bright sparkling lights, or maybe it was the energy emitted by a crowd of happy people. Or maybe it was just the buzz of being away from home. Whatever the cause, we were girls again. Laughing, giggling, high on life.
There was a group in front of us– three teenage girls and a boy. I’d hardly noticed them, I was so caught up in our moment. But then I noticed that one of the girls was watching us, one eyebrow raised. And THEN I overheard her say to her friend in a sort of horrified tone, “That could be us in the future.”
In the future? WE could be them in the FUTURE???
Aren’t we all the same age here? Well ok, give or take a few years?
They looked at us as only the very young can look at those who are NOT young.
We laughed at the boldness of their statement. But our laughter was no longer the free-spirited guffaws of the young and carefree. Now it was the self-conscious laughter of obviously older women caught acting immature in the Ferris wheel line.
And after the uncomfortable laughter ended, we stood, temporarily silenced.
We aren’t girls.
We don’t look like girls.
People look at us, and they don’t see girls.
How many ways can I say it? And still it resonates like something deep and meaningful.
The thing is, after the initial sting of knowing how I appear has worn off, I am ok with this. I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in 29 years. I am confident, strong, important, and loved. I don’t need the approval of the people around me in line, the man on the corner, or the other women on the street.
I am not a girl. I am a woman.
And it is good.
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By kimberly on Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
I can totally relate to this…although I am only 25 and single…
I have friends who are in their mid-thirties, and they seem the same age as me. Most of my friends are a few years older than me, but we seem the same.
At the same time, I was floored last year at how much I could relate to my seniors. They were six or seven years younger than me, but they were so easy to interact with. It’s never like that with the juniors, and definitely not with the sophomores. I could see my sophomores saying something about me like “That could be us in ten years”, but not my seniors. My seniors and I, we got along really well.
I wonder what it is that makes things that way…
By Stephanie on Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
Preach it, sista. I’m a woman too, and while girl-hood was nice, there are distinct advantages to being a woman. Confidence. Wisdom (of sorts). The ability to use my influence for good.
By Mama Zen on Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
“Us in the future . . .”
Only if you’re lucky, little girl!
By Lisa on Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
I second Mama Zen… ONLY If those girls are lucky!
By andi on Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
“The future”? Ouch.
And once again, brilliant post title. You crack me up.
By carrie on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Teenage girls drive me nuts. We had to “mingle” with more than a few at our town’s little festival this weekend and all I could think was that they all looked like little clones: same blonde hair, same daisy dukes, same flip flops and same tank tops.
Like others said, they’d be lucky to end up like you!
Carrie
By Jas on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Surprise! I tagged you. Hope you don’t mind.
I like chatting with older people if that makes any sense to you. I find them easier to get along with and I don’t mind being considered an old fogey.
By TastesLikeCrazy on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Say it ain’t so!
I may be 25, married and with a daughter, but it still kills me to admit that I’m not a kid any longer.
My “moment” happened at Target.
The chick who was checking us out was incredibly incompetent and once we left the store I was complaining to Tucker.
My words exactly were: Can you believe the nerve of that little girl?!
The chick was probably 20 and yet I called her a little girl.
It was at that point that I felt ancient.
By Cathy on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
I had that moment, only I was pregnant at the time, walking through a restaurant, listening to some pert young thing tell her dinner partner how she never wanted kids, because of what would happen to her body, BUT if she did have them, she would do so while she was YOUNG.
Ouch.
By canape on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
There were times I felt pretty old this weekend . . .
By debbie on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Don’t let your new-found acceptance of “your age” stop you from those moments of abandon and sheer joy of life. That indeed will make you old. Of course this is from your friend that is 12 years older than you, has a nose piercing and still doesn’t quite know what she wants to do when she grows up.
By Jenn on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
29? 29? And you sound like you just turned 40 and just realized you got through your third decade.
Maybe those girls were admiring you guys and your zest for life.
By Smiling Mom on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Nice post! I have had those similar feelings around younger people. But the worst for me is when I see a picture of me at 22 or so and then I look in the mirror and see my skin, which is not uniform in color anymore, or I see my now dyed brown hair because I can’t keep up on my highlights, or I see the bags under my eyes.
It’s so weird to see my body aging as I continue to feel so young.
By summershine on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Ah, I’ve had that oh so sad realization occur as well.
Someone finally told me that a mother of three shouldn’t be going around wearing shirts with care bears or cookie monster on them anymore.
*sigh*
By Jennifer aka Binky Bitch on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Amen!!!
I would never want to be a teenager again! The confidence I FINALLY feel as an adult is worth the less than taut skin, saggy boobs, and ever-growing thighs!
By sam on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
What a great post! You had me smiling the whole way through!!
By Erika, Plain Jane Mom on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
HELL YEAH! They should be so lucky to have their future resemble yours.
I am 10 years older than you, by the way
I’ve been thinking about age myself, and I have a post coming this week about it. Just wait, we’ll form an alliance!
By Suburban Turmoil on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
UGH. What a buzzkill. I would’ve wanted to say loudly to MY friends, “Were WE ever that young and stupid?!”
By mcewen on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
And oh how much better it is!
Cheers
By Janine @ Moving Mama on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
I have these “moments” when the babysitter is over. Somehow I just keep thinking that I’m not really as old as I am… and then I talk to my babysitter and realize, yes, I am in my 30’s… And, honestly, I like it here
Great post!
By Mert on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Sing it from the rooftops sister!
I have had those moments, and yes initially the sting is almost too much to bear… Me with my gray hair and laugh lines. They are right, I;m no girl.
On the bright side, I bask in the knowledge that I have made something of myself and i am not dependent upon wondering if I’m wearing the right jeans or hair cut. I have experienced and learned so much in life… one thing being that I would never behave like that immature little girl who was so rude to you and your friends. Now I know better. Experience seals knowledge, as the saying goes.
I am so much more that the sum of my wardrobe and I am so happy to have made true friends in my lifetime who don’t judge me as such.
By Annie on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
It only gets better
Although, I will admit to having a similar problem, but almost in reverse - being overly aware of my 35-ness! I find myself asking while clothes shopping for example ‘am I too old for this’ and often I never know the answer - it’s very confusing, not to mention frustrating lol!
By Brillig on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
AWESOME post, Jenny! I’ve had these moments too–moments of, “wait a minute, aren’t I just like them?” and then, “no, I’m not–THANK GOODNESS!” This was perfectly written.
By Alex Elliot on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
I remember feeling awkward when I started introducing my husband as my “husband” instead of my boyfriend. I felt like an actress in a play. Same thing when I first became a mom. It still catches me off guard sometimes when I say that I have two kids. It was great meeting you!
By Worker Mommy on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
It’s funny to hear teenagers concept of what old is. I’m only 34…yet to my stepdaughters (14 & 12) that’s just ancient.
Everytime they say I’m old I say but yes, I make my own money and can buy what I want, I can go where I want, and basically do what I want . You can’t . Ha Ha…(I know i’m so mature)
By Seattle Mamacita on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
i loved this post because even though i feel like a girl at heart i would never want to go back to those awkward and self absorbed teenage years
By Shauna Loves Chocolate on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Yes, it’s good. Oh so good.
By shauna on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
I’ve had too many of those moments to count. So sad. I wouldn’t trade in everything that comes with being the age I am, although if I could have a side order of youth with that, I would take it.
By Maureen on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
They could only WISH to be as cool as you at that age…
Age isn’t a number after all.
By Shannon on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Holy cow, you totally hit on my feelings here. I get this way when I see photos of myself. And when I shop (you mean I can’t shop in the juniors section anymore?). Don’t you find yourself imagining what it will be like when we’re 70, 80 years old? We’ll still *feel* younger in our minds, yet we’ll have to face the realities of our aging bodies.
By An Ordinary Mom on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
I am 31 now, but I don’t feel it. High school only seems like a few years ago. I guess I am becoming too untrendy
!!
By Eve on Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
I was a little shocked when they said it. I think we all exuded youthfulness and light.
I guess that’s what you get for thinking.
I guess maybe I should stop shopping in the junior section as well. I’m just not quite ready to dress like my mommmy.
By nell on Aug 1, 2007 | Reply
Whenever I stop to think about this - and it is not infrequently - I wonder how I’ll feel when I’m eighty. Will I still feel forty? What kind of lag time is there really?
By Queen Heather on Aug 1, 2007 | Reply
Someone told me not too long ago that our cells regenerate within one year, so we’re never more than one year old. I haven’t researched it to see if it’s true but I thought it was damn interesting.
Time is such an illusion.
Great post!
By polliwog on Aug 2, 2007 | Reply
Beautiful writing. Great story.
Sometimes I feel 14 and sometimes I feel 84. It is weird for me because I have teenagers and most of my kids friends mothers are 10-15 years older than me. And I have a toddler too, and so sometimes interact with mothers 10-15 years younger! And then there are the women my age just now having kids. And on good days, when I look 10 years younger than I am, there is whispering that I either started having kids when I was 12 or that they aren’t mine. I give up!
By hamiam on Aug 2, 2007 | Reply
I totally agree with Jenn - but then I get that a lot too, and I’m a whopping 28. What is it with women bloggers and maturity?? Is it our observant and reflective natures?
I totally feel the same way at this point in my life. It’s a great place to be, no?
By Sandy on Aug 2, 2007 | Reply
I can so relate to this…When I figured it out was when I was 30 something and I was buying some wine coolers and I wasn’t carded. I was humiliated at the fact that I didn’t look “too young” to buy alcohol….Now I look at life this way… “I’m not a girl, I’m a mom and a new grandma”…
And for those young girls… They should hope that they are “like that” in the future. Where would us girls be without our girlfriends, laughing and letting our hair down?
By Christine on Aug 2, 2007 | Reply
Well, I was feelin’ it until I got to the part that YOU ARE 29!
I’m closing in on 42…if I had been at BlogHer (weep) you might have looked at me and thought, “That could be me in the future.”
But I might have spotted someone a decade and a half older than me, and then I would have been feeling all young and spry.
By Hasty on May 28, 2008 | Reply
I’m just on the brink of 30, and I tell my hockey teammates all the time that I’ll be lucky to be like them when I grow up!
My teammates range from 15-almost 60…there’s nothing like being taken to the boards by a “grandma”….then kicking back in the locker room afterwards for a coupla beers…
By Hasty on May 28, 2008 | Reply
I’m just on the brink of 30, and I tell my hockey teammates all the time that I’ll be lucky to be like them when I grow up!
My teammates range from 15-almost 60…there’s nothing like being taken to the boards by a “grandma”….then kicking back in the locker room afterwards for a coupla beers…